Probably Have To Let My Little Boy Go Options

[Berlin]

I haven't been on this site since my old dog, Vienna, died almost exactly 4 years ago. Now I'm facing probably having to put the dog I got after a Vienna died, Raskal, to sleep next week. He was 10 years old when I got him. So I knew I wouldn't have a lot of years with him. But I love him so much that I can't imagine living without him. I know my life will go on. But I'm so sad already that I almost can't function. He hasn't been willing to eat much for several weeks and I'm now having to feed him by syringe. He perks up sometimes. But he's mainly asleep. The vet is trying several options to treat immune-involved hemolytic anemia. But she said she may not have "gotten in front of it." I feel bad being pessimistic when he might still have a chance of turning around. But he's 14, so whether it's now or next year,this is really going to hurt. I don't want to put him down if he might still have a chance. But I really think I'll have to make this horrible decision next week after the vet tries one more option. I have two other dogs that I love very much. But Raskal's my special buddy. He's always been my favorite since I got him. I know I have to do what's best for him. But I hate it. And the rollercoaster I've been on since he stopped eating - crying when he isn't doing well, being super happy when he perks up and eats something - is exhausting. I don't really have anyone to talk to who understands how important he is to me...or they're uncomfortable with me being sad. So I appreciate having this opportunity to just get these feelings out. I'm just going to miss my little Raskal so much!

[moon_beam]

Hi, Berlin, please permit me to offer you my sincerest condolences in the diagnosis of hemolytic anemia of your precious Raskal. The Anticipatory Grief journey is as equally devastating as the grief journey we travel after our companions transition from this earthly realm. Sadly so many times we are faced with the excruciatingly painful decision of helping our companions in their transition journey through the last gift of love we can give them at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Berlin, as you know so very well this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. From what you share with us there is no doubt that you are doing everything in your human and humane power to give your precious Raskal every chance to recover from his illness. It's hard to keep hope in our hearts when we see our precious companion's health falter - - when the good days don't outnumber the not so good ones. I hope your veterinary care provider is offering you competent and compassionate counsel regarding your precious Raskal's health status so that you can make what you feel is the best decision for him.

One of the most important things you need to remember is that you are not alone in this time of great turmoil in your heart and on your mind. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Berlin - - in whatever path you and your precious Raskal must travel.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your precious Raskal with us, and this wonderful picture of your handsome boy. Please know you and your precious Raskal are in my thoughts and prayers, Berlin, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Berlin]

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful words. I just can't get past thinking about anything in the future in terms of Raskal not being here. As I watch tv and shows list dates of their premiere, I think " my sweet Raskal won't be here then." I don't want to schedule meetings at work because I'm not sure I'll be able to hold it together once he's gone. And it doesn't seem like 'lol be able to enjoy anything. I'm just so scared that I won't be able to handle the loss. I just don't know what to do to get through the day as it is. It'll be even worse when he's gone - whether it happens next week or next year. The evenings are the worst. I think I'm almost having panic attacks because I don't know how I can take losing him. And I'm a psychologist! I think I'm going to make an appointment with a therapist to try to help with this and the loss I've felt since my mom had a stroke. She's relatively ok...but not able to do the things we used to do and also more easily upset. So I've kind of lost her as a friend and source of support. When I lost my Vienna 4 years ago, I could call her and she'd just come sit with me so I didn't feel so alone. But I don't have anyone to do that anymore. Anyway, raskal's still here, sleeping beside me. So I'm lucky in that respect. But it's tearing me apart to think he may be gone soon.

I certainly don't expect anyone to have solutions to make everything ok. But just expressing how painful this is helps.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Berlin, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. A loss - - whatever it is - - presents its own individual grief journey. I can certainly empathize with how you're feeling about your mom, as I experienced a similar situation with my mom during her long recovery from the treatment for cancer and treatment induced stroke. Not being able to have your mom's support at this time adds to your grief about the prospects of the physical loss of your precious Raskal. Just because you are a professional psychologist does not mean you relinquish your natural human feelings. I hope you're able to find a therapist who can help you both during this time of Anticipatory Grief as well as whenever your precious Raskal is no longer physically with you - - in addition to knowing that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Raskal kindly, Berlin. Please know you and your precious boy are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you and your precious Raskal are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[LittleGirl's...]

Hi Berlin,

I hadn't had a chance to write to you to add my support and empathy to your heart-breaking anticipatory grief. Was the vet able to try the other option? How are things now? Will await word from you. Sending prayers!
-Kathy

[Berlin]

Hi Kathy -
So sorry i didn't see your kind message until now. Unfortunately, I had to say goodbye to my little Raskal on Sept. 21. I got the new medicine and he started on it on Sept. 20. But he went downhill so quickly and couldn't even stand on his own by the end of the day, that I couldn't let him suffer in hopes that the medicine would start to,work. I loved him so much. It was very hard to let him go but it would've been worse to watch him suffer any longer. I can't believe he's gone. He was such a happy little character and always right in front of me wanting attention.But I've actually been doing pretty well since then. I was home sick with bronchitis for the last week of his life and had spent a lot of time with him in the previous few weeks. So I feel like I gave him about as much attention and love in his last month as I could. Of course I still wish I'd have petted him more for the years I had him. But he was a happy boy and he's no longer suffering.

Thanks again for checking. It's tough but it was the only thing I could do to show him the kind of love he deserved.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Berlin, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies on the physical loss of your beloved Raskal. Please know your beloved Raskal is thankful to you for easing his transition from this earthly realm to the loving care of the angels. Your beloved Raskal is now no longer in pain, and is keeping a loving vigil over you until you are reunited in eternal joy. His sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Raskal with us, Berlin, and for letting us know how you're doing. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[LittleGirl's...]

Hi Berlin,

My heartfelt sympathies on the physical loss of your precious boy!

What a gift you gave him---all the years of his life, and spending so much time with him during his illness, and then releasing him from any suffering.

Feel free to check back in any time.

Take good care of yourself! Raskal wants the absolute best for you!

Kathy
P.S. You'll be reunited in time! And in the meantime he is in pure bliss.

Hi Kathy -
So sorry i didn't see your kind message until now. Unfortunately, I had to say goodbye to my little Raskal on Sept. 21. I got the new medicine and he started on it on Sept. 20. But he went downhill so quickly and couldn't even stand on his own by the end of the day, that I couldn't let him suffer in hopes that the medicine would start to,work. I loved him so much. It was very hard to let him go but it would've been worse to watch him suffer any longer. I can't believe he's gone. He was such a happy little character and always right in front of me wanting attention.But I've actually been doing pretty well since then. I was home sick with bronchitis for the last week of his life and had spent a lot of time with him in the previous few weeks. So I feel like I gave him about as much attention and love in his last month as I could. Of course I still wish I'd have petted him more for the years I had him. But he was a happy boy and he's no longer suffering.

Thanks again for checking. It's tough but it was the only thing I could do to show him the kind of love he deserved.