I'm Lost For Words Options

[Barronk]

About a year ago, I wrote on this forum when we lost our 18 year old Boston Terrier. I thank everyone that took the time to respond, send messages of hope and comfort. I can tell you with no doubt, that my wife and I were touched at the compassion
and the caring of everyone on this forum.

After Abby died we were left with our Dobie and my other Boston Terrier. Now, it appears that our Dobie, who is only 5 years old might have just met that dragon called cancer. She fractured her leg
2 months ago after she was chasing a rabbit. She screamed in pain so I scooped her up and took her directly to the vet. They took xrays, and it was fractured, but otherwise no big deal. They put
her in a splint and then we took her home. After 2 months we took her back to be x-rayed again to see if we could take the cast off. Everything looked good and then the cast was taken off, we took her
home, excited at the prospect of taking her out into the fields so we could throw those magical green tennis balls she loves so much.

Once the cast was taken off she was still really swollen. I was concerned but I was told this was normal and it could take 6 to 12 months for the swelling from the injury to disappear quickly. So we didn't worry
so much. And then, for some reason, my wife seemed to think the swelling was increasing. We figured it was a minor infection from all the rubbing that occurred while in the cast. They asked us to
come back in and for some reason they decided to x-ray again. The bone is growing in weird ways and we suddenly were told that she may have osteosarcoma. A deadly cancer that she won't survive.

I am at a loss for words at this moment. My Dobie is only 5 years old, and through multiple x-rays while every specialist we have seen suspects cancer none can make a diagnosis. Now we have to risk
a bone biopsy, which could result in further injury and possible amputation of her leg. She is so young and has so much life left to live. To think that I only have another 7 to 12 months with her at best
has destroyed me. I weep as I write this and since we have received the news I have condemned her to death already. I am so depressed and don't know what to do. I hope for good news but I know
that no good news is coming.

She is 5 and while it pains us to do it we have decided, if we get a cancer diagnosis, we are fighting the good fight. I feel I owe it to her to do everything in my power to give her the best life possible.
The only ray of sunshine that we keep trying to grab too, is that osteosarcoma is very painful, and she isn't in any pain, she won't use the foot but we were told that is not surprising since she
has not used it in 2 months and a lot of her muscle has atrophied. I take her up hills as part of her at home therapy and she uses the foot fine. She dosnt whine or show any indication of being in
pain.

I am praying for another explanation. If there isn't one then Sadie may not have long. And I don't know how to cope with this type of diagnosis.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and giving me an outlet for my depression.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, please permit me to offer you my sincerest condolences in this time of great concern with your precious Sadie's medical crisis. From first hand experience with my beloved companions who have endured the "good fight" with cancer, I so do understand how heartbroken you are with Sadie's long-term health prospects.

Just as a thought - - have you looked into physical hydro therapy to help with your precious Sadie's recovery from her broken leg? This may also assist her in whatever treatment she may have for the cancer. You may want to talk to Sadie's veterinary care provider about this therapy option.

Having had beloved companions with cancers, I know the only way a decisive diagnosis can be done is with a biopsy. I truly empathize with you about the risks and concerns of the procedure - - and the potential outcome of your precious Sadie possibly having to have her leg amputated. The question remains: What would be the benefit of her having an amputation in terms of quality - - and quantity - - of life as opposed to not having her endure the recovery from this major life-changing surgery. While many companions thrive with amputated limbs, the question still remains if and how far the cancer has progressed in the rest of her body. Only you can decide what is best for your precious Sadie, Kevin, and please know we are here for you.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your precious Sadie's health crisis. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of her with us. The most important thing right now is to get as much information as you can from her doctors - - to have your specific questions answered to your satisfaction - - so that you can make decisions in the best interest of your precious Sadie. Please know you and your precious Sadie are in my thoughts and prayers, Kevin, and please let us know how your precious Sadie, and you, are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[LittleGirl's...]

Oh Kevin, I am so very sorry about your precious Sadie's medical crisis !

Sending prayers to Sadie, and to you and your wife and your other sweet Boston Terrier. You will get through this together, each step of the way, as you confront each decision together. Through all this, Sadie knows she has the best Dad and Mom anyone could want, and she's got so much love.

Moon_beam, with her experience with cancers, and her deep compassion, shared some really good points.

Please keep us posted on anything else you find out... decisions you make ... anything you feel like sharing.

Thinking of you!!

Kathy

[Barronk]

Thank you both for your kind words.

I would love to share a picture but I can't seem to get one that falls under the forum requirements of 400kb. Maybe someone can share with me how to do this?

In either case, we went to go see a surgeon about what is going on. Again, they are suspicious of cancer but claim the x-rays don't show a picture that gives them the ability to diagnosis with any
degree of certainty. The surgeon recommended that the leg be amputated, not only because it could be bone cancer, but because the rapid growth of bone has destroyed her joint and is more than
likely causing her discomfort. Amputation would solve the problem of pain. She doesn't use the leg now, so amputation would likely not cause a huge problem since she has been using only three legs
for a few months.

Even if it was cancer, she is not a good candidate for limb sparing surgery. Because of the joint damage that has already occurred there is no saving the leg or getting it back to even partially functioning.
They wouldn't of considered even doing the amputation but they did an x-ray of her lungs and it came back clean (God be praised for that). Because of that the cancer, if it is cancer, has not spread
enough that they wouldn't consider doing the surgery.

The ray of hope we have here is the surgeon told us this is not looking like a common case of osteosarcoma. Because of that it is likely something else, cancer or not, if it isn't osteosarcoma her chance
of long term survival goes through the roof as opposed to having osteosarcoma where we may have a year left if that.

Despite all of this my wife and I are still struggling to come to terms with what we have just decided. To amputate a leg seems like such a drastic measure. But doing nothing, if she does have cancer,
could take her away from us in as little as 1 to 2 months. I have noticed that she is not the same Dobie that I have had for years. There is something off, she no longer comes and begs while we are
eating at the table, but when I take her to the park she is still the same loveable Dobie that I have always remembered.

It's been tough for my wife and I. I hope we are making the right decision and I hope she forgives us for what we are about to do to her. But it is with the best of intentions. She is only 5 years old,
and I don't feel that her life is to be gambled with. I have to trust the doctors and pray that all comes out ok.

Attached image(s)

 

[LittleGirl's...]

Aww I see you were able to attach pictures. What a sweet, beautiful girl she is !

Your decision on amputation makes SO much sense---not only because, if it's cancer, that should stop it, but, there is no saving that leg, and it is most likely causing her pain/discomfort. I have heard of good outcomes on this type of decision in terms of adaptability, and as surrounded by love as she is, she is likely to do very well.

Yes---thank God that it is not looking like osteosarcoma, and that her lungs look to be clear of cancer!! Those are true blessings.

When do you anticipate having this procedure done? You will be uppermost in my prayers!

Keep us posted,

Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, thank you so much for sharing with us how your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, are doing. I do so understand the agonizing decision you and your wife are making in amputating your precious Sadie's leg. The surgeon sounds like he has answered your questions to the point where you and your wife feel confident in the decision you have made on behalf of your precious Sadie. Many companions who have an injured limb that is not useful to them can actually feel quite relieved to no longer have them to deal with. And - - if appropriate for your precious Sadie - - there are many options now for companion animals to be fitted with artificial limbs that you might be able to consider for your precious Sadie.

Kevin, thank you so much for sharing this wonderful picture of your precious Sadie with us. Doberman's have a very sweet nature, and from this picture there is no doubt from the expression on her face and in her eyes that she knows she is loved. Please know your precious Sadie, and your and your wife, are in my thoughts and prayers, Kevin, and please let us know when the surgery is scheduled.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Barronk]

Moon_Beam,

Her surgery is scheduled for this Wednesday. I have decided that, if they will let me, I am going to stay in the hospital until they tell me that she is OK. I always feel terrible when I have to leave her with
the doctors and I can't be there as she drifts off to sleep. She will be hospitalized for up to 2 days depending on how well she recovers. It makes me sick to think that she will think that I left her
there alone and that I may never come back.

I always tell her that I will never leave her and that I always come back to get her no matter what. I just hope that she knows. She has had so many doctors appointments lately that she won't get in the
car anymore. I took her to the park yesterday to show her that we always don't go to bad places. It doesn't work. She is way to smart.

We are holding out for a miracle. She deserves it and God knows that, I pray that he allows her to adapt and live.

I will write back once the surgery is over to let you know how it goes.

Thanks so much you all!

-K

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, thank you so much for sharing with us how your precious Sadie, and you, are doing. Indeed, just like we become apprehensive having to go to the doctor our companions can also have the same feelings. Your precious Sadie is so blessed to have you and your wife to love and comfort her. Please know your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, are in my thoughts and prayers that the surgeon's hands will be Divinely and compassionately guided to help restore your precious Sadie's health, and we look forward to knowing how things go whenever you are able to share the news with us.

I hope today is treating your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, kindly.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, checking in with you to let you know that your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, are in my thoughts and prayers that Sadie came through the surgery okay yesterday and is now well on the road to a successful recovery and rehab. I know you are focused on being with Sadie during her post-op recovery in the hospital, and will need to be focused on her care when she gets home. We look forward to knowing how she is doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Barronk]

Moon_Beam,

Thank you for checking in. I wanted to wait until we had some progress in information before I posted again.

So we suddenly called off the amputation. My wife was having an extremely hard time cooping with the thought of amputating her leg without first knowing what was going on.
We took her to another hospital and had a biopsy done. And today the results came in. It is osteosarcoma

I was at a place of acceptance with her diagnosis, but that was before we actually got it. I have sunk back into my depression. We now have to amputate her leg and start chemotherapy just for a 50% chance
of having her for another year. We have the means to do it, and the oncologist was understanding of our concerns. He assured us that dogs, actually, tolerate chemotherapy very well.
All we can do is hope for the best, and hope that she responds well to the treatment and that we are blessed with her company for as long as possible.

This was my dog. I have only owned two dogs my entire life before I met my wife. Rusty and Sadie. Rusty died after I had him for 7 weeks because of a bleeding tumor, and now Sadie's life will
be cut short because of cancer as well. I am starting to think that I shouldn't own dogs anymore. This black cloud won't leave me.

In any case, I refuse to count her out until the end actually comes. And that isn't today. And for that I am thankful.

Thank you for checking in on us. I plan on keeping everyone updated as we start down this bumpy road.

-Kevin

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, thank you so much for sharing with us how your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, are doing. I'm so very glad you decided for a biopsy first, and getting a second opinion is ALWAYS a good idea particularly when dealing with a serious illness. At least you and your wife can now proceed with Sadie's medical care with a clear mind - - as clear as it can be under the stress - - knowing that you are doing everything in your power to give your precious Sadie a happy and reasonably comfortable earthly journey.

I do understand your concerns, Kevin. Please let me try to reassure you and your wife that there are no "wrong" choices in making decisions for your precious Sadie. The bottom line is you and your wife must feel comfortable with the decisions you are making on behalf of your precious Sadie. You have no control over what happens beyond that. And whatever happens, Kevin, please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your precious Sadie's, and your and your wife's, journey.

Do you have a surgical date yet, and will the surgeon who did the biopsy be doing the surgery? Please know your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[LittleGirl's...]

Kevin, I am so sorry to hear about Sadie's diagnosis! This has got to be difficult beyond imaginable.

Sadie has the best parents any dog could ever have, so she has strength, love, and good medical care on her side. And prayers. You will definitely be in my prayers!

Check in whenever you are able. You are doing everything right!

Thinking of you,
Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, just checking in with you to see how your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, are doing. Perhaps by now your precious Sadie has had her surgery and is well on the way to recovering and preparing for her chemotherapy treatments. Please know your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Barronk]

Moon_Beam, All,

Sorry for taking so long to check in. School is beating me down, the quarter is ending and things have been moving along here. But I finally have a moment to come up for air and to report on what has
been happening around here.

So the last time I wrote, I think I mentioned that we have a positive diagnosis of osteosarcoma. So there is no other choice but to go with standard care or to allow the cancer to make its progress. With
the possibility of only having a month, maybe two, left with Sadie was too painful. It's something that I could come to terms with. At only 5 years old, I made a commitment to her and I want to give
her the best that I can for as long as I can. So we decided to go with standard of care.

We did some research and found out that the University of Missouri is doing a clinical study in dogs that have osteosarcoma. We wanted to see if she was qualified for the study, to do so they were going
to do an array of tests that would determine if she was qualified for the study. The scary one was the chest x-ray. With the extended amount of time she sat in a cast and the cancer went undetected
the doctors were not confident that it would still be microscopic. So they did a chest x-ray, an abdominal ultrasound and a complete body xray to see if it had spread to other bones. If any of these
were positive, she would not qualify for the study and, most likely, be left with no treatment so the cancer could finish its course.

God is good, and all her tests came back clean. She was enrolled in the study and we have begun treatment. The benefits for us are numerous. First, money was never a issue, but all of her chemotherapy
and her amputation is on the study. We have to do numerous blood tests but other than that, the only thing we have to do is get her to the University of Missouri, its two hours away but well worth the
drive. The biggest, and honestly the only important benefit that I cared about, is she is getting gold star treatment. The chemotherapy she is receiving is the best on the market, and the top vets in the
state are looking after her.

Her leg was amputated two weeks ago and we have seen her through the recovery process. She went, today, to get her staples removed and to receive her first chemotherapy treatment. My wife took
her for this appointment as I had class and my son to watch over today. When they got home, my heart leaped with joy to see my dog running around the yard, chasing after the tennis ball I had
waiting for her, and back to her old spunky self. The doctor called me and was happy to report that her blood work was "unremarkable" and that she handled the chemotherapy like a champ. They
were pleased with the results and hope that this continues, they are also confident that any unpleasant side effects from the chemotherapy will be easily thwarted with standard medications.

It has been a long road to where we are. But I am happy that we are in the position to give her the best that we possibly can. Its been tough at times, but I would do anything for my Sadie. She is
my best friend, and I love her. I hope to report that she continues to do well, and ultimately when it comes time, to express my grief to you all on this forum. I thank you all for being so invested in
my story, for being there when it appears no one else is, and for allowing me the avenue to express my problems and my frustrations.

Thank you, and I hope to write back soon.

-Kevin

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, thank you sooooooooo very much for sharing with us how your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, are doing. I'm soooooo THRILLED to share your news that your precious girl qualified for a study at the Unversity of Missouri, and that she is doing so well post-op and with her chemo treatments so far. I can sooooo imagine how your heart leaped with joy to see her running and chasing her ball - - happy again - - feeling good again. Please know we are here for you to share the good days, the not so bad days, and the days when it feels like your heart is breaking under the burden of knowing that "sometime" your precious Sadie will no longer be physically with you. Just take one day at a time and treasure every moment you have together in the NOW.

I hope today is treating your precious Sadie, and you and your wife and family, kindly. Please know your precious Sadie, and you and your wife and family, are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how your precious girl is doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, just checking in with you to see how your precious Sadie, and you and your wife, are doing. I'm hoping that she is continuing to do well with the chemotherapy treatments, and still enjoying her new found mobility. Look forward to sharing your news whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Barronk]

It has been a long time since I have provided an update. Between moving half way across the country and settling into a new home there is much to share, however, I admit that this is mostly going to
be a rant at the end. I appear to be at my wits end with some people.

So Sadie has finished her Chemo appointments. She did this with no side effects. She received her last cancer check in July, and so far nothing has been noted. We are very lucky to have her around
still. After her chemo she was selected to go on a drug called Rapamycin. Experimental to see its effects on being able to stop cancer. We got the drug and headed east to our new home, she was not
due to get the drug for a few days after we were actually given the drug. We started her on the rapamycin on a Monday. On Thursday of that week Sadie suddenly got very sick, and it was very sudden.
We thought maybe she had ingested a toxin, but this would be unlike her as she has never done anything like this for the 5 years she has been alive. I took her to the Vet that we took her to when she
was brand new, they know her and I trust them. Her temp was 106 and she had to be hospitalized. They checked for cancer, which was negative, and kept her for 2 days. She normalized with
antibiotic treatment but we left with no diagnosis. The doctor advised me that the rapamycin could have caused the problem but they couldn't know for sure. Sadie came back home on a Sunday.
We then had to make a hard decision. Would we continue in the trial, and risk this happening again if it was caused by the drug, or do we pull her (which is our right to do), and give her what time she
has left. My wife and I discussed it and with the heavy antibiotics they had her on, we didn't see the point in continuing with the trial. If my dog is going to die, then I don't want her in and out of the
hospital, I don't want her to suffer for the sake of science, even though we want to help other dogs that get this terrible cancer. I had to come to terms that every decision I was making was based on
her and what we felt was best for her. That and the hospital charged 1500 dollars for 2 nights, I cannot afford to continue to do that especially when the trial was so jhonny on the spot to point out that
the drug could not have caused her symptoms, and therefore, negated them from any responsibility.

In either case, once she was off the drug she is doing quite well, she is chasing squirrels ensuring that they do not take over the house or the yard. I am happy to report that she is doing quite well, and
we pray that this continues and that she continues to do well, but now only time will tell.

It has been difficult to say the least, to wonder if I have done enough to help her. If I did the right thing by taking her off the drug that could possibly save her life, or possibly do nothing or possibly
kill her. I don't know, and now I never will. It's hard to wonder though. It is also hard waiting for her to turn that corner, the corner that will ultimately tell me that her life is about to end and I am
powerless to stop it.....warning here come the rant.

but I am more disgusted by my fellow humans lately that ever. I own a Doberman, she is more important to me than most people are. She has given me so much, taught me so much, and continues
to give even with only 3 legs now. Since she was a puppy I have been defending her, defending her breed from those who know nothing. Just the other day I was out on my back porch with her
and around the corner comes a landscaper, I had no clue he was even there, and boom there she goes towards him. Excited to see another human she runs full speed toward him, not listening to me
to tell her to heel, stop, and don't rush. She jumps with joy, stops at the man's feet, looks at him, circles around him, gives him a friendly nose up the butt to say hello and then runs back towards me.
Barking and jumping with glee she runs inside, knowing that I was upset with her. But I wasn't. I was not upset with her, I was upset because I knew what was coming. I walk over to the man and
apologize, stating that I didn't know he was there. What do you think were the next words out of his mouth? She bite me.

Of course I saw the whole thing, and my dog did not bite her. He didn't do anything, he didn't call the police, and a little more than a week has passed with no animal control visits, just a letter to my
landlord who came and asked me about this "incident" in which I told him there was no incident. I was not aware the grass was cut by a company and that information and their schedule would have
been helpful to me to know when to keep her inside.

I don't keep her inside to protect others, I keep her inside to protect her. My dog suffers because of the ignorance of others. The money grubbing retards who would rather see every Doberman and
pitbull wiped from the face of the earth. But as long as they are here why not collect on it. I am tired to defending my dog. The dog that I trust to be around my children. The dog that has suffered
the abuse of a 2 year old doing things that a 2 year old does to a dog. This doesn't matter to anyone. I am tired of seeing the eyes roll when I tell them she has never bitten anyone, I am tired of seeing
the eyes roll when I tell them you don't judge a dog by the breed but by the dog itself.

Sadie is doing well, but it seems that others want her to die quicker than what the cancer is able to accomplish on its own. Someone who is so important to me is hated by most just because of her
breed. And it isn't fair, not for her anyway. And she is what is important to me. Not the feelings of others. But I cannot fight the world on my own. I am bound to lose eventually.

[LittleGirl's...]

Thank you for the update, Kevin, on your precious Sadie.

Very pleased to know she is still there with you! And wow, what a decision to have had to make, whether to withdraw from the trial. I feel I would have done exactly what you did!!

And I'm continually disgusted by how this world views animals---I could go into a 10-page rant. Sorry you've had to endure it when it comes to your own dogs!

Check in again when you can.

Prayers your way for Sadie's wellbeing,

Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, thank you so very much for sharing with us how your precious Sadie, and you, are doing. Like our forum friend Kathy I too am so very glad your precious girl is doing well post-treatment. When it comes to quality of life decisions, I also totally agree with your and your wife's decision to withdraw your precious Sadie from the drug trial. Just because a treatment is available - - in whatever form or fashion it may be offered - - does not mean that it is appropriate to be given to every single individual - - be it our precious companions or ourselves. It is obvious from what you share with us that the Rapamycin is indeed "suspect" in causing an adverse reaction - - and since the drug is still in trial stages you were right to report this event - - and have it acknowledged. This is what drug trials are for. The fact that the officials conducting the trial chose to disregard what happened with your precious Sadie is an indication to me that their drug trial is suspicious. In the end the drug may make it into the drug market, but not at the potential risk to your precious Sadie - - and that is the most important thing.

I also totally agree with you about not condemning a breed - - which is comparable to profiling a human's ethnicity. Unfortunately because certain breeds have been labeled "dangerous" by communities and insurance companies - - who pay the litigation settlements (it always comes down to money) - - people like you are forced to defend your precious Sadie. No, it isn't "right" - - it is however a reality of the litigious society we live in. Your precious Sadie has no better defender than you, Kevin - - and she is so blessed to have you and your wife for her Forever Dad and Mom.

I truly am sooooo thrilled to share your news that your precious Sadie is doing well. I hope today, and every day, is treating your precious Sadie, and you and your wife and family, kindly. Please know your precious Sadie, and you and your wife and family, are in my thoughts and prayers, Kevin, and please let us know how your precious girl is doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Barronk]

Hey everyone,

I come with sad news. Sadie has been doing so well, we thought maybe we would be the 1% and get a full cure out of her chemo. But I was snuggling with her on the couch last night I felt a huge lump in her neck that had
escaped my notice. It's hard as rock, it falls within the time line. We have an appointment with the vet on Monday but I already know what the answer is going to be. That cancer has spread to another bone and now
it's in her neck and there probably won't be anything that can be done about it.

I cried so often after her original diagnosis that I have been spared thus far. But the depression creeped in quickly. All I can think about is the holidays and this will be the last thanksgiving and possibly Christmas I will
ever have with her. I knew this day was coming but I wasn't ready for it. I love this dog, she is my security, my best friend. I am not ready to let her go yet.