Trying To Help Kids Through This Options

[Crayzfurball]

We had to put our greyhound, Bear, down two nights ago. He was almost 11 and had osteosarcoma in his neck. I adopted his mother when she was pregnant and he was a bottle raised baby. He was my heart dog.

This is hard enough if it was just me. I think I'm doing ok for awhile then some random song, memory, anything hits me like a truck and I'm sobbing. But on top of it all I've got two kids, one of which is taking it very hard. It's near impossible to be strong when you feel like you've been evicerated.

J spent most of the day crying off and on today. She's 5, so a limited understanding of it all. We pulled out all of the photos we had of him and she picked a favorite that I put in a frame to carry around the house. The clinic gave me a kids book, "Dog Heaven" which I think helped a lot. Earlier today she painted him a portrait then we burned it so the ashes would "go up the chimney to heaven".

Other than time, any other suggestions or thoughts?

Dani

[LS Support]

check out our blog post here: http://lightning-strike.com/blogs/index.ph...children?blog=2

[moon_beam]

Hi, Dani, please permit me to offer you and your children my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Bear. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Dani, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you and your children will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time for each of you are now on a journey thiat is filled with all the first withouts and memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

Clinical professionals now recognize that children grieve differently from adults but this does not diminish their sorrow. They also recognize that for some children the physical loss of a beloved companion is their first experience with loss which will help to form their abilities to cope with losses of any nature in the future. One of the ways you can help your children is to allow them to openly grieve for their beloved Bear as they need to, and to allow them to ask questions about physical loss. It's okay if you don't have the answers - - and whatever answer you give just be honest with them and let them know you will be there for them to help them sort through THEIR beliefs. Most of all it is important that you reassure them that YOU are not going to leave them, for the physical loss of a beloved companion can raise fears in children that they will also lose a loved human family member.

It is also helpful to reassure them, as I reassure you, that love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. As long as we carry our loved ones in our hearts and memories - - whoever the life form - - the love bond you and your children share with your beloved Bear will always be a part of you as you continue your earthly journey.

I am not a professional counselor, but I have worked in a hospice office and have read several books and articles on coping with loss. Fortunately now the professional counseling field recognizes that children are not "little adults" which was not the case when I was growing up so many decades ago. All these many years later I still remember how I felt when my beloved feline companion Willie transitioned home to the angels, and how unsympathetic my family members were to me in my sorrow. Their attitude was "he's gone, get over it" - - while my heart broke with sorrow. I felt totally isolated in my sorrow. As I got older my mom finally understood my sorrow when my beloved companions' earthly journey ended, and tried to comfort me - - but I was older then and she could "relate" to my sorrow from one adult to another. But even now my siblings continue to scoff me. So I am thankful for this wonderful forum where we can come to share what is in our hearts with those who truly understand the sorrow of losinig a beloved companion.

I have also learned in my experiences that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. The good news is that eventually the deep grief eases which restores our ability to continue our earthly journey holding fast to the many treasured memories we share with those who precede us to the angels - - whoever the life form. I hope the words I share with you will offer you and your children some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as each of you travel your individual grief adjustment journeys.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Bear with us, Dani. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your children are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam