My Abby Girl Passed Away Options

[Barronk]

5 years ago I was blessed to meet, my now wife, Leslie who, when I met her, had two Boston Terriers. Baxter and Abby. Abby was already 14 when I was first introduced to her. Having lost my other dog several years earlier I was nervous about getting to know anymore. To make an extremely long story short, Abby soon won my heart. She hated me at first but we learned to love each other.

She loved attention, to give kisses and generally just sniff around. She was abused before my wife received her so she never knew what a toy was and never played with anything. She was content just getting the love that we had to offer. These days only lasted 2 years. She slowly started to decline, as all of us do, in her old age. Soon the kisses stopped, she stopped greeting us at the door, but still she persisted in life and loved our attention. She beat cancer, tooth abscesses, and numerous eye problems. There was no amount of money that we wouldn't spend to keep her happy and healthy.

On Abby's 18th birthday she had become a shell of her former self. She still moved, happily ate, drank, peed, pooped, and did all that she used to do. She was healthy, but we were slowly watching our Abby slip away from us. We spent so many years fearing the day she would leave us that I feel we missed out on good moments. In August of last year we moved to Saint Louis and she came with us. She adapted well and thrived in her new environment.

This past Monday she had a seizure that came out of no where. We took her to the vet and the vet didn't seem to worry so much. Abby recovered, slowly, but not completely throughout the day. She was having trouble walking and she would fall over. Despite this, she ate, drank, pooped, peed, and did everything that Abby always did. Then a couple days later, she declined, what seemed by the minute. My wife and I said we would take her to the vet, and we would have to let her go on Thursday. The night before, we bought her a steak dinner and spent the rest of the night with her. She died that night, in my arms while we slept.

My wife had a baby last October. When Caleb came into the world I became Abby's caregiver. She slept with me, I fed her, comforted her, and did all that my wife could not do while she had the baby. Now that she is gone, I feel useless. She was so important to me, in ways I never gave her credit for while she was alive. We have two other dogs but they never could give me comfort like Abby could. She slept next to me, while I worked she sat next to me on the couch, while I watched TV she sat next to me as well. When I sit down now, I still leave room for her, when I go to bed I feel empty because I no longer have my Abby to take to bed with me. I still reach out at night to see if she is ok and when I realize she isn't there all I can do is cry.

My life feels empty. I can't eat, I can hardly sleep, and I no longer enjoy life without my Abby there waiting for me when I get home. I especially worry about my wife. With the baby she has no time to grieve. Even with the two other dogs the house feels so empty without her. The pit she has left is so huge I can't see it ever shrinking. I can't see living life without her. I am still early in my grief walk. I want to be there for my wife, it was her dog, but I find it difficult to manage my own feelings. I took care of her for so long I feel that I have no purpose anymore. That dog was my life and when she left, my life went with her.

I know the forum rules say no religious talk but its applicable to my life. I apologize if I offend anyone. I am religious and am currently studying to be a Pastor. This is one topic where religion cannot comfort me. I have no where to turn. Expect to you on this forum. I appreciate this site for letting me tell my story. If love could have kept her alive she never would have died.

[LittleGirl's...]

Barronk, I am so sorry for the physical loss of Abby. There is nothing like this kind of grief! It's an emotionally tough journey to navigate, and so I am glad you found this site. We are here for you. This journey WILL become more manageable. It's very raw right now.

To think that Abby lived to 18--wow. It's as though she couldn't get enough of this wonderful life, filled with love, that you gave her.

By the way, I very much relate to your comment that "We spent so many years fearing the day she would leave us that I feel we missed out on good moments." ... I am doing that now.

I have to add that with you as a Pastor, the world will be a better place! You will touch and influence many people's lives with your spirit of compassion that extends to non-human animals. You are the kind of person who truly belongs in the ministry. I am sure Abby is smiling about this.

I hope you can spend some time here and will let us know how you are doing!

Sending you heartfelt prayers of comfort.

Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Barronk, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Abby. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

As our forum friend Kathy has already comfortingly shared with you, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. Clinical professionals now recognize that the grief adjustment journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief, Barronk, when you share with us: "My life feels empty. I can't eat, I can hardly sleep, and I no longer enjoy life without my Abby there waiting for me when I get home. I especially worry about my wife. With the baby she has no time to grieve. Even with the two other dogs the house feels so empty without her. The pit she has left is so huge I can't see it ever shrinking. I can't see living life without her. I am still early in my grief walk. I want to be there for my wife, it was her dog, but I find it difficult to manage my own feelings. I took care of her for so long I feel that I have no purpose anymore. That dog was my life and when she left, my life went with her."

Some people think that if they suppress their grief that it will make the grief journey less painful. Grieving is both physical and emotional, and as such, there are clinical effects on the body and mind as a result. Clinical studies prove that suppressed grief only extends the grief adjustment journey and the stress associated with it which could lead to medical problems at some point in time that may need professional intervention. It is vitally important that you give yourself the opportunities you need to release your deep sorrow which will release both the physical and emotional stress in your body that is part of the physical effects of grieving.

There is no doubt from what you share with us that your beloved Abby KNOWS you and your wife did everything in your human and humane power to give your beloved Abby a happy and healthy earthly journey. I do so understand from first hand experience how you feel when you share with us "If love could have kept her alive she never would have died."

We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. When our companions come into our lives they literally become the center of our universe because they are totally dependent upon us for their every need physically, emotionally, medically. When they precede us to the angels, our lives are changed again for we are faced with the tremendous agonizingly painful task of "re-inventing" our lives that no longer includes the physical needs of our beloved companion. Unfortunately, our beloved companion's physical bodies - - as our human bodies - - are not designed for immortality on this side of eternity.

The good news in the midst of all this pain is that love is eternal - - the love bond you and your beloved Abby share is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Abby's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Barronk - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still, I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Abby with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Barronk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[SoSad]

Dear Barronk, my heart goes out to you and I'm so sorry about the loss of your beloved Abby. I can relate to everything you have said. I lost my beautiful little dog, Lilly, on 12 March and miss her so very, very much. Like you, I feel her all around me, everywhere in the house, she used to sleep beside me too, the house feels so empty without her. I hope you take comfort in moon_beams words that love is eternal and the love bond between you and beautiful Abby will always be here. Sending you a big hug and blessings to your beloved Abby.

[Barronk]

Thank you all so much for your love and support during this difficult time. Abby is being returned to us sometime this week and we plan on making a memorial fitting to the dog that gave us so much happiness for the past 12 1/2 years of my wife's life and 5 of mine. The queen of the house may have moved on but we will never leave her behind until we are called home as well.

Again I can't thank you enough for the support that you have shown us.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Barronk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Getting the remains back of our beloved companions can be a two sided coin: on the one side it can be comforting having them back home with us where they belong, yet the other side of the coin it is yet another "reality check" they are no longer with us in the physical form our hearts and arms long for them to be. Many people on this forum, including myself, find it helpful to find a way to honor our companions which helps to bring comfort during the grief adjustment journey. I hope you and your wife will find comfort in your memorial of your beloved Abby.

I hope today is treating you and your family kindly, Barronk, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[LittleGirl's...]

Barronk,

I am sure your memorial will be perfect for your sweet Abby !

Drop by here anytime to let us know how you all are doing.

All the best to you and your family!

Kathy

[Stormycloud]

Hello Barronk,

I am so sorry for your loss - I completely understand the loss of your little Abby, it's absolutely gut-wrenching. I lost my dog in 2010, he was 14 and like your dog, he wasn't doing too well. Nothing, however, could have prepared me for losing Storm. He was an amazing dog and I cried for days after - the house was 'empty'. I even drove by my husband's and my first house, where we had Storm as a puppy - it was so unbelievably sad driving by that house, remembering him as a pup bouncing around the yard. Devastating is the only word I can describe it as, simply devastating.

Their sweet little faces, how much they adore you and give to you is just unreal. I had never had a dog before Storm, and it was an amazing journey we went through. From young and single couple to parents of 3 children, all of whom loved him so much. It left a huge hole in my heart.

Anyway, I do understand how much of a hole they leave in our lives, and as I said, I was not prepared for the grief. Please try to remember how much you gave to this poor dog who had been abused before you and your wife gave her such a wonderful life, because to me, it sounds like she had it made!! She had a dream life from what I gathered from your post - always remember that!

Thinking of you, it's so hard to go through the house and live day to day without our little friends at our feet. I do think they give us so much more than we give to them.

[Barronk]

Hello Barronk,

I am so sorry for your loss - I completely understand the loss of your little Abby, it's absolutely gut-wrenching. I lost my dog in 2010, he was 14 and like your dog, he wasn't doing too well. Nothing, however, could have prepared me for losing Storm. He was an amazing dog and I cried for days after - the house was 'empty'. I even drove by my husband's and my first house, where we had Storm as a puppy - it was so unbelievably sad driving by that house, remembering him as a pup bouncing around the yard. Devastating is the only word I can describe it as, simply devastating.

Their sweet little faces, how much they adore you and give to you is just unreal. I had never had a dog before Storm, and it was an amazing journey we went through. From young and single couple to parents of 3 children, all of whom loved him so much. It left a huge hole in my heart.

Anyway, I do understand how much of a hole they leave in our lives, and as I said, I was not prepared for the grief. Please try to remember how much you gave to this poor dog who had been abused before you and your wife gave her such a wonderful life, because to me, it sounds like she had it made!! She had a dream life from what I gathered from your post - always remember that!

Thinking of you, it's so hard to go through the house and live day to day without our little friends at our feet. I do think they give us so much more than we give to them.

Stormycloud,

Thank you so much for your words of comfort. You hit the nail on the head when you say its hard to go through the house. Cooking isn't the same, when I come home from work it isn't the same, even washing the dishes is less fun with her not in the kitchen with me.

My grief walk has been hard and I miss her terribly. Through all this I have come to a good place with some things. I am glad that I was able to be there for her when she needed me, she was always there for us, so I was simply paying back all the love she gave to us. I loss my temper with her from time to time, she got really difficult sometimes, but I always made up with her when my voice got too loud or when I picked her up with a little more force then she deserved.

We didn't deserve her. But I am glad that I was able to be there for her, care for her, clean her, feed her, and sleep with her for the last remaining moments on this earth. God cares for his creation through us and directly. I know God is caring for her now still. I am confident that I will see her again.

We are getting her ashes back tomorrow. While it will be a physical reminder that she is no longer with us, I am glad that we will have something to memorialize. My wife picked out a really great memorial and we can get her picture etched into a marble box. It will be fitting for the dog that gave so much to us.

While the tears still flow my fond memories of her are beginning to become more numerous. I will miss her forever, but no one can take my memories. I loved her and will continue to love her until im called home as well.

You will remain in my prayers, Thank you for sharing your story about Stormy. We have such little time here, and while we have painful moments the good moments out weigh those bad ones. I grip on to that.

[Stormycloud]

Hello Barronk,

Hope you are doing okay today - I think you were getting little Abby's ashes back? I have my three pets (the 3 my husband and I first got when we got married and in our first house) all on the mantle right now, it's somehow a huge comfort.

Just hoping you are having an 'okay' day today.

Moira

[Hermy's Mommy]

Dear Barronk,

I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife today as you get your Abby's ashes back. You and Stormycloud describe exactly how it feels to be doing things around the house without my Albus. The little things seem to have so much meaning and are the ones I miss the most.

Wishing you a peaceful and restful evening as you continue to grieve and heal,

Hermy and Albus's Mommy

[Barronk]

Hello Barronk,

Hope you are doing okay today - I think you were getting little Abby's ashes back? I have my three pets (the 3 my husband and I first got when we got married and in our first house) all on the mantle right now, it's somehow a huge comfort.

Just hoping you are having an 'okay' day today.

Moira

Stormycloud,

We did get her ashes back today. The company we used was very caring. They called to let us know that they were coming and they told my wife that "they were bringing her baby back home". These words struck a certain cord that caused the flood gate of tears to open but getting her back and having what remains is a huge comfort to us. Once the memorial is bought we can honor her in a way that can show how much she meant to us.

I thank you for your kind words. I am writing this at 0232, a week ago today she passed away in my arms. I can't believe its already been a week, time moves so quick.

[Barronk]

Dear Barronk,

I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife today as you get your Abby's ashes back. You and Stormycloud describe exactly how it feels to be doing things around the house without my Albus. The little things seem to have so much meaning and are the ones I miss the most.

Wishing you a peaceful and restful evening as you continue to grieve and heal,

Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Hermy's mommy,

I know what you mean, I used to do the dishes and she would weave in between my legs. I miss her so much. We got her ashes back today, and in a weird way, it is comforting to know that what is left is home and safe with us.

You will remain in my prayers and I hope for peace and comfort for you as well. May the healing process be kind to you. Albus was a lucky rabbit to have you and you were equally lucky to have him.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Barronk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your wife are doing. It never ceases to amaze me how time continues to move forward when our lives have come to a "screaching halt" due to the experience of a major loss. Chores get done, jobs are done, bills are paid, routines continue but not with the enthusiasm that was once enjoyed because we are doing what needs to be done on what I call "automatic pilot." And we can find ourselves having great difficulty "holding ourselves together" when we are in public settings having to put on the "public face" that everything is okay while our heart is breaking inside from deep sorrow. During the deep grief it seems like every minute of every hour of every day is a screaming constant reminder that our lives are changed and we have a "new normal" to adjust to.

The physical loss of a beloved companion can arouse painful memories of other deep sorrowful losses in our lives, which is yet another reason why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful both emotionally and physically. This is yet another reason among many why it is so very important for you, and your wife, to know you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you and your family kindly, Barronk, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Hisae Y]

Hi, Barronk

I am so sorry for your loss. Words cannot express how hurt you must feel over the passing of Abby.

Please hang in there - please take a comfort in that many of us here in this site have experienced this gut-wrenching loss of a beloved companion (or companions), and in this forum, we hope to find some solace - we are all here for you.

Much love,

Hisae Y.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Barronk, thought I would stop by to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as you continue to adjust to the physical absence of your beloved Abby. I hope today, and every day, is treating you and your family kindly, and please know we are here for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Barronk]

Moon_Beam and all,

I decided to wait a bit to reply back but now seems like a good time. We have reached just past a month that we lost our Abby. We got her ashes back but have decided not to do anything with them at this time. It seems too painful to transfer them to something more final, but I know the day will come, and when it does it will be OK. Life took a sudden turn for us, and the other two dogs, Baxter and Sadie, have grieved as we did and seem to be doing better.

While life moves on, partly because we have no choice, I rejoice in the fact that I was able to take care of her for as long as I did. Not all dogs make it to 19 and our Abby did. I know she is probably wondering what all the fuss is about down here, because where she is there isn't anything to worry about anymore.

We walk into the future confident but with a hole that can't be filled. We have come to terms with the fact that Abby was one of a kind, and we wouldn't want that hole filled with anything but her. Knowing that we can't have our animal companions forever, I will have to wait until I see her again, but I gladly wait for that moment with great anticipation to see that Boston Terrier running at me again.

Thank you very much for this forum.

God's Blessings to you

-Kevin

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kevin, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your family are doing. Getting our beloved companion's ashes back can be a two sided coin: on the one side it can be comforting having them home with us again where they belong yet the other side is another "reality check" that they are no longer with us in the physical form that our hearts and arms long for them to be - - another part of the grief adjustment journey. One of the many ways we honor our beloved companions is to continue our earthly journey in the way they want for us: to be happy - - as they brought joy into our lives during their earthly journey - - and knowing they are forever with us in our hearts and memories - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to us.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you and your family kindly, Kevin, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Sophiesmommy]

Hello Barronk, I won't even try to say I know how you feel. I lost my Boston terrier Sophie on the 21st of April so it has only been 8 days for me. She had a huge mass cell tumor that spread all over and was declining fastly as well. I Found that going about my day just as if Sophie was right behind my every step has helped me tremendously. I still talk to her everyday, kiss her pictures, check on her at night and get up in the mornings and see to her just as I normally would and my other three Boston terriers. On the night before we decided to take her to the vet to be put to rest Sophie and I took one last walk together in the yard. On the one week anniversary of her passing I took her leash and I walked through the yard talking to her and had lit a candle in her honor that night. I know it is extremely hard right now, but remember Abby had a bond and unmeasurable amount of love for you that was mutual that can never be lost. She is beside of you right now as you read this, But is confused because she doesn't understand why her daddy is crying, because she doesn't know she has left. I'm a religious person as well and I think going through something this traumatic is a journey of figuring out what helps your soul to heal. A verse in the bible that helps me is Revelation 21:4. I read this over and over until the crying stops no matter how long it takes. I truly want to help you with your grief anyway I can. I'm also a councelor so if there is something you want to ask me please do so. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Please stick to your daily routine with Abby because she is right there and still very much a part of your life. Take care, Sandy

[Barronk]

Hello Barronk, I won't even try to say I know how you feel. I lost my Boston terrier Sophie on the 21st of April so it has only been 8 days for me. She had a huge mass cell tumor that spread all over and was declining fastly as well. I Found that going about my day just as if Sophie was right behind my every step has helped me tremendously. I still talk to her everyday, kiss her pictures, check on her at night and get up in the mornings and see to her just as I normally would and my other three Boston terriers. On the night before we decided to take her to the vet to be put to rest Sophie and I took one last walk together in the yard. On the one week anniversary of her passing I took her leash and I walked through the yard talking to her and had lit a candle in her honor that night. I know it is extremely hard right now, but remember Abby had a bond and unmeasurable amount of love for you that was mutual that can never be lost. She is beside of you right now as you read this, But is confused because she doesn't understand why her daddy is crying, because she doesn't know she has left. I'm a religious person as well and I think going through something this traumatic is a journey of figuring out what helps your soul to heal. A verse in the bible that helps me is Revelation 21:4. I read this over and over until the crying stops no matter how long it takes. I truly want to help you with your grief anyway I can. I'm also a councelor so if there is something you want to ask me please do so. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Please stick to your daily routine with Abby because she is right there and still very much a part of your life. Take care, Sandy

Thank you so much for your support. I am sorry it has taken me so long to write back. The events of today had me thinking about this forum as today would have been Abby's 19th birthday. I miss her every day. I look forward to the day I get to see her again.