Help,scared,depressed And Lost......, &%^ sac adenocarcinoma...again Options

[Kyadog]

Hi group,
I am new here. I have a 10.9 yr old German Shepherd dog named Kya. In Sept 2014 Kya was found to have an &%^ sac tumor. I took her to a soft tissue surgeon who did the surgery but couldnt get clean margins. We also put her on chemo(Melphalan) she did well the 1st month of treatment but had a severe GI blowout the 2nd month and needed hospitalization. She refused to eat for 4 days. Luckily,she bounced back from that and we took her home and discontinued the chemo. On 12/1,I saw a recurrence of the tumor at her rectum,it had returned w/a vengeance. This time,I found a surgical oncologist and he did a revision surgery on 12/5 and was able to get clean margins. Kya had been doing fine ever since. Strong,eats well and is playful and happy. However,lately Ive noticed her rectum area swelling and looking chaffed and inflamed. I took her back to the oncologist on 3/10/15 for exam and while we were there we did chest x-rays. The Dr noticed that the lymph node behind her right leg was swollen and so he biopsied that and a piece of the rectum. I got the news back that radiology reviewed her x-rays and her lungs were clear. The next day the bad news arrived, Kyas tumor was "mobilizing and trying to spread" and that pathology found evidence of "metastatic adenocarcinoma."......I took her back in on Saturday 3/14 for baseline blood work and we immediately put her on Palladia. The surgeon was frank with me and said this cancer will eventually kill her. I am devastated. I have had her since she was 8 weeks old. Its been basically just her and I for a very long time. She is my best friend,my heart and soul. I dont know how I will get beyond this. he also is my 1st dog as an adult. As well,the palladia cost one thousands dollars per month. Kya is a big girl,@ 115 lbs. I cannot afford to keep that up very long,who could? I am disabled.retired and on a fixed income. Ive spent nearly all my life savings so far. There isnt much left but what can I do? I have to buy her time,if I can. I am truly becoming despondent and Im beginning to think that if she goes,Ill go too. I know thats crazy but thats where my mind is now. I hope and pray the drug helps to keep this cancer at bay for a while. Although it has basically only been her and I,we have lived a good life. She is very much loved and knows it. But she also has shown me complete unconditional love thru the years and the many hard times and lonliness during those years. I dont know what Im going to without her. I cant type anymore,I cant see thru the tears,Ive been crying for days and I just cant seem to get a hold of myself. If anyone here has had similar experiences please reply. Thank You, Paul M