Goodbye To Joe And Steve Options

[CritzyJ]

I'm so glad to have found this website and the opportunity to grieve along side others. Two days ago, I said goodbye to my two cats, Steve and Joe. Steve was 15 years old and had been diagnosed with kidney failure in April. Despite all our efforts with food, medication, and sub-Q fluids, his systems continued to shut down and his health was failing. Joe was 20 years old and had been diagnosed in June with a large cancerous mass in his chest that was pushing on his trachea, making it hard for him to breathe. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to drag out their lives to the point of extreme suffering and wanted to let them go when they were still in moderate, but declining health. Even still, the decision was agonizing. I wanted them to tell me when they were ready and though their bodies were telling me, they themselves were not. They still socialized and wanted to eat, so I just wasn't sure how to make the decision. Then on Wednesday, they both told me they were ready. It was clear that the time had come, so I let them go.

I thought the letting go part was going to be the hardest, but now two days later, I realize that the real pain comes in the unfolding of memories and the absence of them which seems to scream it's presence throughout the house. My heart is absolutely broken. Yesterday I ordered some garden stones engraved with their names and four little paw print stones to put in the flower garden where they loved to sleep. When I clicked to confirm the order, it was like being punched in the chest. So final.

As I look through photo albums of the last 20 years, I find pictures of them sprinkled throughout the memories of our marriage and it occurred to me that that sprinkling was like they really were in our lives. Cats are kind of elusive and do their own thing and their presence is sprinkled throughout each day, each week, each passing year. In their older years, they were more home bodies and hung out with us and the dogs. Last night I cried so hard I could barely breathe and while I know the pain will eventually lessen, it's hard to believe it ever could. A part of me almost doesn't want it to lesson as that signifies a greater depth of letting go and I never want to let go.

So, I'm rambling and I'm going to stop now, but it feels good just to say it. Thank you for listening.

Jennifer

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical losses of your beloved companions Steve and Joe. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Losing two, or more, companions at the same time or within a short period of time intensifies the grief.

CritzyJ, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both physically and emotionally, yes - - still very normal. This grief journey is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

This grief journey is not one of "getting over" or "moving on" or finding "closure" to the physical loss of our beloved companion but rather is a journey of "adjustment to" their physical absence - - and it is a very painful adjustment to make - - for you are now enduring all the "first withouts" and the continual reminders of "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" that right now are very painful and only seem to intensify the deep grief that is in your heart. It is a journey filled with the heartbreaking task of having to "re-invent" the routines of our daily lives that no longer includes the physical needs of our beloved companion - - and during the very deep grief it feels like every minute of every hour of every day is a painful reminder of this sorrowful "reality."

But I promise you, CritzyJ, that it will not always be this way. One day - - very probably when you least expect it - - you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Steve and Joe and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will once again feel the warmth of your treasured memories. And slowly but surely you will feel your beloved Steve and Joe reassuring you that it is okay to once again enjoy your continued earthly journey - - for your happiness is always their greatest delight. But it will take time for you to come to this point in your grief adjustment journey - - one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. But this journey is one that you do not travel alone, CritzyJ. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

The good news in the midst of all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Steve and Joe share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey as they always have and always will, CritzyJ - - for they are always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep sorrow that there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in our heart. Still, I hope and pray the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Steve and Joe with us, CritzyJ. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing pictures of them with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, CritzyJ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[CritzyJ]

Thank you, moon_beam, for your kind and comforting words. It means a lot to me. Here is a picture of my boys.

Jennifer

Hi, CritzyJ, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical losses of your beloved companions Steve and Joe. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Losing two, or more, companions at the same time or within a short period of time intensifies the grief.

CritzyJ, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both physically and emotionally, yes - - still very normal. This grief journey is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

This grief journey is not one of "getting over" or "moving on" or finding "closure" to the physical loss of our beloved companion but rather is a journey of "adjustment to" their physical absence - - and it is a very painful adjustment to make - - for you are now enduring all the "first withouts" and the continual reminders of "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" that right now are very painful and only seem to intensify the deep grief that is in your heart. It is a journey filled with the heartbreaking task of having to "re-invent" the routines of our daily lives that no longer includes the physical needs of our beloved companion - - and during the very deep grief it feels like every minute of every hour of every day is a painful reminder of this sorrowful "reality."

But I promise you, CritzyJ, that it will not always be this way. One day - - very probably when you least expect it - - you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Steve and Joe and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will once again feel the warmth of your treasured memories. And slowly but surely you will feel your beloved Steve and Joe reassuring you that it is okay to once again enjoy your continued earthly journey - - for your happiness is always their greatest delight. But it will take time for you to come to this point in your grief adjustment journey - - one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. But this journey is one that you do not travel alone, CritzyJ. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

The good news in the midst of all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Steve and Joe share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey as they always have and always will, CritzyJ - - for they are always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep sorrow that there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in our heart. Still, I hope and pray the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Steve and Joe with us, CritzyJ. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing pictures of them with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, CritzyJ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[CritzyJ]

I saw a sign today with a quote from the Winnie the Pooh book. It was especially touching and comforting to me since I had a bad night of crying last night. It was like my little kitties were speaking it to me:

If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.

Thank you, Joe and Steve. I miss you.

[Gretta's Mom]

Dear Critzy]

What dear and darling kitties! You can hardly tell where one ends and the other begins! And theres a reason for that: they are soulmates. Each carries a part of the others soul. And the best news is that YOU are their soulmate too. All of you carry parts of all of the others souls. Thats been so from the beginning of the world and will be so until its end. These amazing kitties seearched all over the unverse to find the one and only being who carried the piece of their souls - until they found ... YOU! Then they put themselves in your pathway so you would meet. And the rest is the most wonderful, loving time of any of your lives. It can never be "un-so". You are joined forever.

Now your kitties have gone back to where they came from: the Perfect World. Where there is only happiness, health, warmth, good food, warm sunshine, cool rain, millions of friends. Only one thing is missing .... YOU ... but just for a time. Someday, when you cross the bridge to the perfect World, they will rush to meet you and you will never again be parted.

As MoonBeam says, we humans live in a sensory world. if we dont see, hear, or touch something, we say its not there. But thats not true. Joey and Stevie are right where thye ever were: right beside you. But theyre there in spirit form. They can see you but you cannot see them. Sometimes you can sense them - maybe just for a fleeting moment. They are still on their job - watching over you, keeping you from harms, and most important of all, loving you.

For the first weeks or maybe months, youre in what I call the shock and awe period. Your heart feels like its been shot to pieces with a high powered rifle and is shattered. Thats right - it has. But the heart cant sustain this kind of pain, so the razor edge will dim a little - leaving you with an ache that I don't think ever passes. Some people say - and for them its probably right - that the pain is replaced with good memories. But I haven't found that to be true. The aches for my Gretta and my Rufus is just below the surface all the time and I shed tears for them easily - like now. But would I have given up the wonderful years I had with them .... NEVER.

Winnie the Pooh is one of my favorites, too. Just keep in mind that Joey and Stevie are always just a breath away and theyre sending down love and strength rays to you all the time. And someday you WILL be together again.

One hour at a time ....

Gretta and Rufuss mom (this site and my computer dont like apostrophes!)

[CritzyJ]

Thank you Gretta and Rufus's mom,

Your words are comforting and I believe they're true. In the past days, I have felt my kitties near me, thought I heard scratching around in the litter box that is no longer there, and felt "phantom" kitty feet at the end of my bed where Joe slept every night of his life.

They are not the first pets I've lost, nor will they be the last (I have 13 and 10 year old dogs). And while the pain of losing them is so gut-wrenching, it's somewhat comforting in a weird way because it's a constant reminder that they were here. They left imprints on our lives and they will always be with us. What a gift!

Thank you again!

[CritzyJ]

There's a song I listened to after the death of my beloved cat, Jake, 13 years ago. I found it on utube today (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjespGPhoMw) and decided to torture myself with it. It's beautiful. And while, I believe I WILL see my kitties again (unlike what the lyrics say), I dedicate this song now to Joe and Steve. Here are the lyrics:

Goodbye My Friend
Oh we never know where life will take us
We know it's just a ride on the wheel
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel

So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the time together through all the years
Will take away these tears
It's O.K. now
Goodbye my friend

I'd see a lot of things that made me crazy
And I guess I held on to you
You could've run away and left, well maybe
But it wasn't time and we both knew

So goodbye my friend
I know I'll never see you again
But the love you gave me through all the years
Will take away my tears
I'm O.K. now
Goodbye my friend

A life so fragile, a love so pure
We can't hold on but we try
We watch how quickly it disappears
And we'll never know why

But I'm O.K. now
Goodbye my friend
You can go now
Goodbye my friend

[CritzyJ]

There's another sad song I love by Beth Nielsen Chapman called Say Goodnight (Not Goodbye). It's on utube, too (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjR2vk1jzC4) and it fits so well with the photo I posted of my sleeping kitties. I don't mean to torture everyone with sad songs, but for me there's something healing and comforting about embracing the grief. This one is written like our sweet babies are singing to us about how they will always be with us. Here are the lyrics to that one. --CritzyJ

Say goodnight not good-bye
You will never leave my heart behind
Like the path of a star
I'll be anywhere you are

In the spark that lies beneath the coals
In the secret place inside your soul
Keep my light in your eyes
Say goodnight not good-bye

Don't you fear when you dream
Waking up is never what it seems
Like a jewel buried deep
Like a promise meant to keep

You are everything you want to be
So just let your heart reach out to me
I'll be right by your side
Say goodnight not good-bye

You are everything you want to be
So just let your heart reach out to me
Keep my light in your eyes
Say goodnight not good-bye

[Tom's Dad]

Hello CritzyJ

Please allow me to add my deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved Steve and Joe. And to comment what a handsome pair they are indeed; obviously the best of friends. It's never easy letting go of our companions regardless of how long we are blessed with their physical presence.

I too experienced signs of visitations after Sir Thomas passed in December 2010. The litter box, the flapping blinds to the sliding doors, and the phantom paws. These visits can be very comforting and I'm glad they are making their presence known to you. You are correct about the sad songs being cathartic and healing, so please feel free to post as much as you like. We are all here for you. Take care.

TTT

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for the wonderful pictures of your beloved Steve and Joe. What sweet kitties they are, and that they are so content is a real testimony to the loving home you gave them during their earthly journey with you. They are forever blessed to have you as their Forever Mom.

Winnie the Pooh was one of my favorites so many years ago in my much younger years, and the lessons learned from the simple wisdom expressed way back then are still valid today. Thank you so much for sharing the quote with us, CritzyJ.

It is very normal that you may sometimes hear or feel or see your beloved Steve's and Joe's Living Spirits with you, for these are ways they find to let you know they are still close to you and continuing to share your earthly journey as they always have and always will.

It really doesn't matter if our grief journey is our first experience or our thousandth - - each grief journey is uniquely painful because each relationship we have with each of our companions during their earthly journey is uniquely individual. Grieving can make us feel alone, isolated, and abandoned. Please know you are always among friends here for as long and as often as you need us, CritzyJ - - you will never have to travel your grief adjustment journey alone.

I hope today is treating you kindly, CritzyJ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[CritzyJ]

Thank you, Tom's Dad. I love to hear that others have felt the presence of their babies after their passing.

[CritzyJ]

So I'm interested in what others have to say about how their surviving pets handle the death of a companion. I have two Boston Terriers (Vanessa--12 and Chloe--10). They didn't all absolutely adore each other all the time, but Vanessa and Joe loved each other as did Chloe and Steve. And, of course, Vanessa and Chloe never knew a day in our house without those cats.

The day the boys died, Vanessa knew something was different. She started jumping around and was making deep guttural noises. I only very slowly began to remove the cats' things because I didn't want to upset her, so even the litter boxes stayed for a few days. The second day, the dogs didn't seem to react at all. Then we had company for the weekend and they were distracted. When Monday came, they seemed to start moping and had no appetite. Vanessa even went to a place where Joe used to sleep on the carpet beside a chair and she laid her head down on that spot and then started licking the carpet.

Today, no enthusiasm about eating (although they ate eventually) and Chloe often sits with her teeth chattering. I know it's normal for pets to grieve, but is there anything I should be doing besides loving on them? I've upload a few photos. Joe and Vanessa sleeping in the sun. Chloe and Steve doing what we called "kiss a kitty." They both loved it and Steve would end up soaking wet.

By the way, there were noises in the non-existent cat box again last night. Happened twice.

CritzyJ

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe are doing. Please let me try to reassure you that it is perfectly normal for companions who remain in the home to grieve for their housemates who have joined the angels.

From my personal experience the best thing you can do is what you are already doing - - comforting them, spending more quailty time with them, talking to them, and sharing their grief journey with them. They, too, experience the physical symptoms of stress of grieving as evidenced in their lack of appetite, vocalizations, lack of interest in normal activities. It is okay to encourage them to eat if they show no interest and to try to engage them in some of their activities. As long as they are eating fairly regularly, drinking water normally, and being able to take care of their personal needs properly the best thing you can do is offer them loving encouragement, comfort, and patience as they adjust to the physical absence of their beloved housemates Steve and Joe.

How long does their grieving last? Like with us so it is with our companions - - their grief journey is a personal experience. My precious Noah grieved deeply for his big adopted kitty brother Eli who joined the angels in December 2006 from end stage Lymphoma. Even though my precious Noah still had his beauitful baby sister Abbygayle with him who he adored and doted on in a loving brotherly way, it took him close to 2 years to stop sleeping on the comforter that Eli had slept on during his final weeks and days, and to stop going around the house crying and looking for his beloved brother. It broke my heart to see my precious Noah grieving so deeply, so as frequently as I could each and every day I told him how much I love him and how proud of him I am for being the best little kitty brother Eli could ever have wanted.

You will want to keep your precious Vanessa and Chloe under observation to make sure their grieving is not causing them physical harm. If you suspect they are not eating properly or are losing interest in their daily routines despite your best efforts to comfort and encourage them, then you may want to take them to their veterinary care provider for a check up. As with humans, the physical effects of the stress of grief may / can require some temporary medical intervention.

I hope what I have shared with you will be of some help to you, CritzyJ. Thank you so much for sharing these wonderful pictures of your beloved Steve and Joe with Vanessa and Chloe. They are truly precious, and I know you cherish these memories with all your heart. Thank you so much for honoring us by sharing them with us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe kindly, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious companions are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[CritzyJ]

It's breaking my heart to watch my dogs grieve for their kitties. In particular, Vanessa seems so sad without Joe.

[CritzyJ]

I title this post "Open Doors."

I've lived with cats for almost my whole life. Over the years I learned never to completely close closet doors or pantry doors. You never know when you're going to unknowingly close a cat inside. When I married my husband 17 years ago, he would say, "Why do you always leave doors cracked open? Can't you just shut the pantry door?" My response? Of course not. There might be a cat inside. Then he's say, "there's no cat in there." "Did you check behind everything? Because you never know," I'd say.

Since saying goodbye to Joe and Steve a week ago today, I've had an interesting "relationship" with doors. Sometimes I close them just to remind myself they're gone and to get myself to accept this reality. But sometimes, on purpose, I leave them cracked open. Just to remember them. Just in case their little spirits want to sneak into a closet and then come out again.

Boy, I miss them. I cry everyday. I can hardly focus on anything else, but them and the sadness my dogs feel without them. They were old and had to die of something at some point, but it sure doesn't make it any easier.

CritzyJ

[moon_beam]

Hi, CrtizyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe are doing. I am smiling with you about leaving the closet and pantry doors cracked open "just in case" there might be a kitty inside. It really is okay to continue this ritual because as you so aptly noted you just never know if / when your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits might be visiting.

Yes, during the deep grief it is very hard to concentrate on anything for any prolonged period of time as the waves of sorrow are always so close to the surface. I promise you, CritzyJ, it will not always like this - - but it will take time for you begin to feel like you have regained some control over your deep sorrow. It really doesn't matter how long we are blessed with the privilege of our companion's physical presence - - it is NEVER long enough - - for we will always want one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime with them. The good news is that we are forever blessed to be the heir of their legacy of eternal love which nothing in heaven or on earth can ever take away from us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe kindly, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious companions are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[CritzyJ]

Guilt, Regret, and Candle Conversations...

So when I said goodbye to Joe and Steve 8 days ago, I felt I had no regrets and I told them so in conversations I had with each of them on their last day. I took good care of them. They lived long, happy lives. I gave them lots of care for their illnesses in the end. So, while I was shattered inside to let them go, I had no guilt, no regrets. Until today. I was doing pretty well this morning. No tears. Then I was slammed. I should have noticed something earlier than I did with Steve. Maybe if I had noticed something that would have told me he was in kidney failure, I could have treated him sooner. Maybe I wasn't giving him fluids often enough. Maybe Joe would have been breathing easier months ago if I had known what was happening to him and could have started him on steroids sooner. Tears, tears, tears.

So, since Monday, I've been having candle conversations with my boys. Everyday at 4:00 I fed wet food to them. They would saunter downstairs to let me know when it was time. I'd put two salad plates on the dining room table and let them eat up there so the dogs wouldn't steal their food. So, all week at 4:00, I have been putting out two salad plates, but instead of food, I put a candle on each plate and I sit and talk to them. (My husband would think I'm insane.) I feel like it's a sort of portal and maybe they are looking at me from the other side of the flame somewhere. I tell them I miss them and that I'm sorry if I didn't do enough. I ask them to visit me in my dreams. And I ask them to visit Chloe and Vanessa in their dreams so they can explain why they're not coming home and where they are and that they, too, will join them some day. It's comforting somehow.

Gosh, I sure miss them.

CritzyJ

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Your candle conversations with your beloved Steve and Joe are sooooo very special - - what a WONDERFUL way to share your dedicated time with them. Thank you sooo much for sharing this special time with your beloved Steve and Joe with us.

Unfortunately guilt / remorse are a part of the many emotions we ALL experience at some point in time during our grief adjustment journey, CritzyJ, so please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is a very normal part of this grief journey. Hopefully in time you will once again have comfort in your heart that you did everything that is in your human and humane power to give your beloved Steve and Joe happy and healthy lives. Unfortunately our companions are very adept at disguising how they are feeling until they can no longer do it - - it is a genetic inherited trait they still receive from their wild cousins - - any sign of illness, injury, weakness is interpreted as making them vulnerable and easy prey. Unfortunately this is of little comfort to us - - their human caregivers. So please let your heart be at peace, CritzyJ - - you ALWAYS did the best you could for your beloved Steve and Joe.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe kindly, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious companions are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[CritzyJ]

Memorializing my Kitties...

I ordered a necklace to memorialize my kitties and noticed that they featured my necklace with Joe and Steve's names on it on their website. I would much rather have my cats than a stupid necklace to remember them by, but at least I can where it and keep it near my heart. Thought others might be interested in ordering some kind of memorial for their beloved pets. The website is remembermegiftboutique.com and you click on Pet Memorial Gifts and then on Pet Memorial Jewelry. Here's what mine looks like:

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your beautiful necklace that you can wear in loving honor of your beloved Steve and Joe. Sadly, no, the necklace is no "substitute" to having your beloved companions, - - but it is a loving reminder for you that they are always and forever close to you in your heart and memories.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe kindly, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious companions are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you and your precious Vanessa and Chloe are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam