Story Of The Last 11 Years With My Beloved Dog Options

[Kaya]

In 2002 when I was 34, after I purchased a small condo and met my future wife, I went to the humane society to fulfill my lifelong desire to obtain a dog. My wife and I were very active at the time and she fully supported getting a dog. A week later, a perfect match for us was found, a 9 month golden retriever mix. She was my first pet that I had. She was not house trained and full of energy, even for a golden retriever puppy. I am a fairly patient person and though it was difficult to house break her, I did not become overly frustrated with the process. I recall the enjoyment of running and biking with her everyday after work to release her pent up energy. My girlfriend and I would take frequent trips up and down the CA coast with her.

This lifestyle did not lat too long but we averaged a trip or two a year with her with at least one of us taking her on an excursion at least 3 or 4 times a month. My favorite thing to do was to go on a 5 mile bike ride up a small mountain near our condo. She would lead the way going up and I would race her down the mountain. After a few years passed, I routinely beat her down the mountain (alas, "puppy" energy does not last forever, which is a good thing I suppose). The years went by, we became engaged and married, jobs came and went, we battled various minor psychological ailments. I remained fairly active on my bike for most of the time and continued to take her on these bike rides for both of our family's sanity. We took her to the vet as directed. She had a food allergy which we mitigated with proper food choice. She also had a constant ear infection which we were OK (not perfect) at alleviating through ear wash and steroids. Other than that, she was generally in great shape and health throughout her life.

Later on, our first child was born. My wife went back to work a few months after that. Any time spent devoted to Kaya would have to be by me. I was also struggling with computer game addiction. Yet, I still spent time with her frequently biking up our hill mostly with a few local beach trips hear and there. No where near the amount of time we used to spend with her We bought a fixer upper house in the same neighborhood. Later on I was laid off from my job I had all this time due to the recession. I sunk further into a funk but managed to get another temp assignment and later on a new job. My wife left her job a year and a half after the baby was born. Later on we welcomed our 2nd and final child, a daughter into our lives. By this time, even the bike rides were few and far between. Yet, she would still beat me up the mountain. She was still so full of life.

In April of 2012 we took her in for a routine vet appointment. Her blood work came back with alarmingly high numbers which suggested cancer. She also needed to go under for dental work (we were never good about brushing her teeth), ear wash and removal of eye cyst. We did the last three to improve her comfort and did as the vet urged us to do to image her pancreas. No tumor was found. They recommended more testing. About this time we learned my wife was suffering from a debilitating condition which would require brain surgery in June (she later has almost fully recovered). Kaya's quality of life seemed to be good after the dental, eye and ear work. Since that was expensive and the initial imaging was negative, we let the matter of her health drop. I learned after that in October that I suffered from a rare neurothopy which limited my walking and running (the reason I stopped doing it I guess). With the kids being at 4 and 1 years old, we treated Kaya little better than a house plant during the last months of 2012. She still seemed so full of life for a 11 year old golden retriever.

In early January I brought her to the vet because she was having trouble walking and seemed to be easily winded. They did some blood work and it showed the hemocryte level of 19%...it was 40% in April. She got an iron injection and was rechecked 2 weeks later (Tuesday, Jan 22). Her hemocryte level was at 8%... supposedly at 15%, organs start shutting down. They assumed there was a bloody mass resulting in internal bleeding. She was still eating, still tried to go on walks, still so happy to see everybody. Friday, I took her to the beach, she could only walk 25 yards. I carried her back to a bench to watch the sunset. On Friday night, she through up all her (undigested) food. Saturday she continued to get worse. We took another trip to the beach...she was still eager to go. She was only drinking water with a little bits of food. We made an appointment to discuss euthanizing her on Sunday, the 27th, at 2:20. She had a rough night, she did not even drink or eat on Sunday. My sister and her family came over to say goodbye. She show some interest...she loved people. 15 minutes later, she passed away on our couch, 2 hours before the vet appointment. I guess I could never imagine her running out of energy and life. After we left her body at the vet for cremation, I took my last bike ride with her, in my heart, on our mountain. I tried to say goodbye and apolgize for my failing her when she needed me the most.

I don't blame myself for not shelling out more money in April last year, obviously, my wife's health took precedence. I was glad to make life more comfortable instead of doing more diagnosis searching for a tumor which may or may not have been found (or may or may not have been there even). Sure, people's lives change and they spend differing amounts of time with their pets at any given period of life. But she was dying of cancer the last months of 2012 and we did not even acknowledge it. It was no way to treat our canine companion who was with us all these years while we built our family and lives. I have not slept more than 3 hours at a time since Tuesday, I am so besieged with guilt.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kaya's dad, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Kaya. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. It is indeed a blessing that your beloved Kaya's transition home to the angels happened in the place she loves the most - - her home surrounded by the scents, sounds, and people she loves the most.

Kaya's dad, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that will not be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

It is obvious from what you share with us that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Kaya a happy, healthy earthly journey. Your beloved Kaya KNOWS that you did the very best you could for her at all times and all circumstances. You did not "trade" her health for your wife's by not submitting her to all the invasive tests and treatments available now in veterinary medicine. You did NOT fail her. Our companions are very adept at disguising how they are feeling until they can no longer hide what is happening to them - - it is a survival genetic trait they inherit from their wild cousins. Unfortunately this is of little comfort to us as their human caregivers, because by the time they begin to exhibit overt symptoms the effects of the illness / injury have already begun to take a toll on their health. Sometimes veterinary medicine can help restore a good quality of life for our companions, and sometimes the only thing we can do is try to provide comfort measures to them as they begin their transition journey home to the angels. YOU did the best for you beloved Kaya by doing what you could when you could to help her enjoy the remaining time you and your beloved Kaya had together, and I hope someday this will be able to bring comfort to you in your heart.

Kaya's dad, it is not necessary to "acknowledge" your beloved Kaya's illness. Rather, it IS important that you try to find a way, or ways, that you can honor her life with you. Some people make a donation to their veterinary care provider or the local shelter in honor of their beloved companion. Some people keep a journal of their memories. Some people make a memorial scrapbook that can be shared with the entire family. Some people make memorial videos and share them with family members and friends. Some people find a place in their home where they put pictures and special mementoes of their beloved companion. Some people plant flowers in their yard and place a name plate of their beloved companion. Your beloved Kaya is always an integral part of your family - - I promise you she is soo happy to have you and your wife for her Forever Dad and Mom. You and your wife will be able to find a way, or ways, that you can honor your beloved Kaya's earthly journey.

The good news in the midst of all the deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your beloved Kaya share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Kaya's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and your memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope and pray that the words I share with you will somehow be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Kaya with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture(s) of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kaya's dad, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam