His Name Was Milo (lhasa Apso), Our Best Friend Died on December 21, 2012 Options

[JiminBrooklyn]

Milo was a ten year old rescue Lhasa Apso that the rescuer drove halfway from Cleveland to Chicago to rescue him in 2004. We adopted him to replace another Lhasa who had died suddenly in 2003. Milo was a year old when we got him and his birthday was the same as mine. Like all Lhaso's, he was headstrong and protective, but very affectionate and capable of endless unconditional love, which he heaped upon us over the years. We live in a gated apartment complex that allows dogs and Milo loved it here. I'm retired from the fire department and my girlfriend is a former ER nurse recovering from a stroke that left her wheelchair bound. Milo recognized her limitations and modified his behavior so that he did not get in her way, but always stayed near her side to protect her and love her. When Kathy sat in the dining room reading a book, Milo laid at her feet, always facing the front door so that no one could get past his sentry.

In the evening, he nestled under my computer desk as I checked the news or the race results. Every evening at EXACTLY nine o'clock, he would come to the computer room door and sit and stare at me until I took him out for his final evening walk. He always slept in the bed with us and when he thought we were late going to bed, he would wander down the hallway to the bedroom and let out one singular bark that let us know he wanted to be lifted into bed even if we were not ready to go to bed. Milo had dozens of little routines he carried out over the years, from stealing my shoes out of the closet to waiting outside my shower because he knew he would get a walk after I got my shower. I could not relax in our recliner, without him jumping into it with me and laying his head on the armrest. When he got rock salt or ice melt on his paw, he would stop walking and hold up one paw with this really pitiful look on his face that said "help me daddy." So I always carried a clean wiping rag to keep his paws clean. He loved to jump in the snow but he would not leave the patio area if it was raining.

On November 28, 2012, Milo got his booster shots from his regular vet. Exactly two weeks later, he manifested his first symptom of an illness when his read legs collapsed and he subsequently lost bladder control on the living room floor. We took him to the vet and the vet said after a brief visual inspection that Milo must have a brain tumor and that we should watch and wait until he manifested more symptoms. Unhappy with that assessment, we took Milo to a second vet, who immediately diagnosed him with non-regenerative red blood cell anemia by the color of his gums and his eyes. A blood test confirmed the diagnosis. He was begun on a regimen of steroids to suppress his immune system and antibiotics to fight off any infections. But he vomited everything up and it is unlikely that much of the meds got into his system. Each day he grew weaker as more of his red blood cells died and his tissues received little oxygen to keep the little guy going. His last two days of life, I slept with him on the living room floor, trying to calm his fears and praying that he would get better. The look of fear and puzzlement on his face as this terrible disease sucked the life out of him is a look that I will never forget. He was scared and he wanted me to help him. He trusted me to help him. But the disease had progressed too quickly and Friday afternoon, December 21, I had him euthanized by the second vet who had correctly diagnosed him. She agreed that he would not recover and if it was her dog she would be doing the same thing I did.

Since then, I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. I cry constantly. I have researched this disease until I'm sick of reading about it. The mortality rate is as high as 70% even in the dogs that are diagnosed early and have extraordinary care. Milo would have needed a blood transfusion to get an extra 21 days of life and maybe later, a bone marrow transplant. But Milo was beyond any of those possible treatments. Everyone says that all dogs go to heaven, but my mom died on November 7 and my dog died on December 21 and I am not sure there is a heaven. I was prepared for my mom's death from brain cancer at age 87. I was not prepared to lose my best friend on December 21. I wish I knew that Milo knows that I put him to sleep to spare him any more fear and pain, not because I was tired of taking care of him. He was my best friend. I miss him every moment of the day.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Jimin, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Milo. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Jimin, please let me try to reassure you that what you are experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very painful. There is no way in heaven or on earth that we can ever prepare ourselves for the physical separation from our companions - - for we will always want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime with them. An eternity with them is never long enough.

This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. Please let me try to reassure you that the symptoms you are feeling - - lack of appetite, insomnia, lack of emotional control - - are all very normal during your deep grief. Clinical professionals now recognize that the grief journey for a beloved companion is the same as and as painful, if not more so, as the physical loss of a loved human family member or friend. It is important that you allow yourself to release your deep sorrow, for the tears you cry are literally healing tears for they are scientifically proven to literally wash the toxins that build up in the body from the stress of grief. As your deep grief eases, you will also find that the symptoms you are now experiencing will also ease.

The good news in the midst of all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Milo share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Milo's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will -- for he is always and forever a part of you, Jimin - - he is always and forever in your heart and your memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

When we are in the midst of a traumatic event - - and enduring the physical loss of your beloved Milo qualifies as a traumatic event - - we can find ourselves questionning our beliefs. Even those who profess an unshakable faith can find their faith sorely tested when faced with a traumatic event. Even though you may not believe in a "heaven" I hope you will be able to find comfort in thinking of your beloved Milo's Living Spirit transitioning to a different dimension where everything is peaceful and joyful - - and that this place is one that you hope you will be reunited with your beloved Milo when it is your appropriate time. It can be hard to believe this when your heart is filled with the deepest sorrow you will know on this side of eternity - - and this is why trying to find something to hope for is important to help with coping with the deep sorrow during your grief adjustment journey.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart, Jimin. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Milo with us, Jimin. He is a sweet little boy, and he is so blessed to have you for his Forever Dad. You and your friend Kathy are so very blessed to be the sole heirs of his eternal love. I hope today is treating you and Kathy kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Milo's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughs and prayers, Jimin, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[LoveMyMickey]

Dear JiminBrooklyn,

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Milo. He reminds me so much of our Mickey (Maltese/Pekingese) who passed away Feb 2011. Mickey got that same kind of immune system anemia in 2009. First the vet gave him some kind of med that didn't agree with him, then she gave him a too low dose of Predlisone. A few days later he bled from his mouth, blood very pale. We rushed him to a different vet and she gave him liquid antibiotics and strong doses of Predlisone. She also gave him a Vit. K. shot. Thank the Good Lord, he got well within a few weeks. After that I always checked his ears to make sure they were pink inside, pale meant anemia.

I believe the vaccinations that pets are given cause problems in some.

Again, Jim, I am so sorry for your loss and that Milo had to suffer from that problem. He is a handsome doggie.

God Bless,

LoveMyMickey

[JiminBrooklyn]

Woke up this morning crying at 4 o'clock. It is raining in Cleveland. Milo hated the rain and would not go out into it. I always loved the rain, but now I hate it too. It's been three weeks since he died and I still see the fear and uncertainy in his eyes as he laid in his doggy bed the last few days and I know he expected me to save him and to protect him from whatever was attacking his little body. But the meds were not working fast enough and his tissues/organs were not getting enough oxygen to sustain his life much longer. I cry every day that I could not save him and I worry that he thinks I gave up on him. I would have traded my life for his.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Jimin, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to offer you some words of comfort.

Jimin, your beloved Milo knows that you did everything in your power to give him a happy, healthy earthly journey. Sadly our beloved companions' sweet physical bodies are like ours - - they are not designed for immortality on this side of eternity. As their guardians there comes a time when we must make the decision to ease their journey home to the angels. This is a decision that is made out of the most unselfish love we have for them even though our hearts break under the overwhelming deepest sorrow we will know on this side of eternity. Your beloved Milo is smiling down on you from his heavenly home and is softly reassuring you that you gave him exactly what he needed: freedom from his failing, frail physical body so that he can once again be restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels. He also understand how broken your heart is, and is so glad you are among others here on this forum who truly do understand what you are going through and are here for you, with you, and beside you as you travel your grief adjustment journey for as long and as often as you need us.

Unfortunately during the deep grief the days, nights, weeks, and months will seem unbearable. For what will seem an eternity nothing will make sense, nothing will seem to have a purpose - - everything will seem meaningless. Routines that previously included the physical presence of your beloved Milo will seem unbearable to do now because they will feel empty. This grief adjustment journey is a very painful journey both emotionally and physically. But I promise you, Jimin, it will not always be this way. One day when you least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Milo and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and the burden of deep sorrow in your heart will not be so heavy. But until this time comes for you, Jimin, please know you are not alone in your grief journey.

Jimin, I hope today is treating you and Kathy kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Milo's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughs and prayers, Jimin, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam