I Miss My Girl., Horrible grief over decision to put to sleep. Options

[Lindsey]

I had my Penny girl put to sleep last Thursday. I am profoundly grieving for her. Much more than I ever thought I would be. Her health started declining at the beginning of August and it went so quickly. The first diagnosis was a Vestibular Event and then a few days later she had a seizure. She was then diagnosed with Canine Cognitive Disorder and a probable brain tumor. Due to her age, we opted not to do an MRI. We put her on Anipryl and saw some positive results. I woke up at 5:30 that day and found her in the middle of a horrible seizure. I don't know when it started but it continued for 30 minutes after I got in the floor with her. She was not able to get up after it like she had the others. I woke up my husband and told him it was time. We took her in about an hour later. Our vet made me step back when he was proceeding to give her the medicine (I think more for my sake) because I really thought I was going to try and grab her off the table. It happened so fast. Once he got it in I was able to hold her and within seconds she was gone. I stayed with her for a few minutes afterward and she looked so peaceful - better than I had seen her look in weeks.

I'm grateful that I had a few weeks to really love on her and tell her how much she meant to me. I feel like I will never be able to move past the guilt that I killed her