In Shock And Heartbroken Options

[Aviendha131]

My heart is breaking and I can hardly breathe from shock and guilt. This morning, I found out that my beloved cat, Bear, passed away last night or early this morning at his vet's office. He has been at the vets since Thursday morning due recurring urethral blockage. The vet suspected that he may have had a bladder tumor that was causing the blocks.

I had the option of taking him home on Saturday morning knowing there was a risk of having him block again over Labor Day weekend and having to send him to the emergency vet OR leaving him at my vet's office where he would stay on IV fluids and keep his catheter in to help flush his bladder and keep him hydrated. I chose to leave him at my vets because he had already reblocked once when the catheter was removed.

I got a call from my vet this morning saying that Bear had died sometime either last night or early this morning. My vet had removed his catheter on Monday morning because he had been urinating freely over the weekend and his urine was clear. As of the last check on Monday evening, Bear was using the litter box and seemed to be doing well. They found he had passed when they came into the office this morning.

All I can think about is Bear dying alone and in pain. This condition is extremely painful, and I know the end was not pleasant for him. I am sick with the thought that he felt he had been abandoned by me, especially since I hadn't seen him since Thursday morning.

I feel so much guilt that I did not take him home. I am 100% sure he would have blocked again over the weekend. The outcome may have been the same if he had blocked while I was sleeping during the night. But, at least he would have been at home, known that he was loved and not abandoned, and we would have been able to spend some time with him.

I am feeling so, so sick with this guilt on top of the shock of losing him so suddenly. Don't know how to cope right now.