My Danny Boy Is Gone, post about my cat Danny's death Options

[Gretta's Mom]

Hi Danny's mom

It was a privilege to read about you and Danny-cat. I underestand what you mean about the last image being seared into your memory. After I relinquished Gretta's limp form from my arms and the very gentle vet and vet tech put her back into the little red wagon in which they'd wheeled her into the "grief room" and covered her with a blanket (I didn't watch any of that), I asked if I could see her face one more time. I lost it big time and that last image was seared on my memory - just like yours is. I had to consciously stop myself from "seeing" that image for MONTHS - almost a year - until the red-hot iron no longer burned my heart to a crisp.

This site has been a godsend for me - asking for help, getting help, and giving what help I can to others. Not a day goes by that I do not shed at least a tear or two for my baby. They're not exactly "good" tears, but they're bearable and they're a sign of my love for Gretta. And they are permanent - something HAS shifted.

Blessings and peace to you, my friend.

Gretta (and Rufus's) mom

[DannysMom]

My dear, sweet Danny boy, today it is 6 months since you went from me. I cannot believe that I actually made it through these past six months without you by my side. You were my sweet and gentle boy cat, always so cheerful and loving. I so miss rubbing your soft, fluffy tummy. You always enjoyed your tummy rubs so much. The house finches haven't come back this year to nest here, as if they know you aren't here to watch them. They always greeted you, and you enjoyed watching them and listening to them. I'm sure you are listening to all the beautiful birds in heaven singing their songs. My sweet Danny, thinking of you still brings tears to my eyes, and right now I miss you so much. Your sweet voice still echoes in my mind, and sometimes I think any minute you're going to come walking in, greeting me in your usual cheerful way. I love you so much, Danny. Please take good care of Tina.

[moon_beam]

Hi, DannysMom, thank you so much for sharing your and your beloved Danny's 6 month angel-versary with us. The 6 month angel-versary can be a special challenge as it is a milestone of how much time has progressed since your beloved Danny joined the angels. During the deep grief the hours and days continue on in their 24 hour mark of time, but our hearts are frozen in time to the moment when our beloved companions joined the angels. We endure through the painful hours, days, and weeks on "automatic pilot". When the 6 month angel-versary arrives it is a two-sided coin: One side is the continued sorrow that fills our hearts because we no longer have our companion physically with us, while the other side is our beloved companion's comforting reassurance that we can continue on with our earthly journey with their sweet Living Spirit always with us. Your beloved Danny is so very proud of you, DannysMom, for your courage to endure through the deepest sorrow you will know on this side of eternity and for opening your heart to embrace two new companions who need the love and care only you can give.

I hope today is treating you, your precious Mindy and baby girl Shelley kindly, my friend, and that you and your precious girls will have a very peaceful, blissful, and cozy evening. I thank you for the blessing of your friendship, DannysMom, and of your precious Mindy and baby girl Shelley. Please know you and your precious girls are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I always look forward to sharing your news and your treasured memories of your beloved Danny.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[DannysMom]

Thanks, moon_beam. You just always seem to find the right words. It seems nobody else much cares about my losses. I'm sort of disappointed as I'm simply not getting the level of support here in this forum that I need. I try to post in other people's topics when I can, but sometimes it is just too painful and I don't know what to say. It doesn't mean that I don't care. I've had to work through this by myself, without the support of my family. I feel that sometimes I'm just talking to a wall here. Where are all the caring people? The bottom line is: I'm hurting. Danny was very special.

[John P]

Danny's Mom, Sorry to hear the 6 month time has been hard for you. I *really* appreciate the comments you've left on the threads about my Gracie and Buddy. Your Danny reminds me a lot of our J J, who has much of the same black and white, and who has a very sweet disposition. It is hard enough to simply express yourself in these times of grief, and harder still to offer support for others... you have stepped up many times and I thank you.

[DannysMom]

John P, thanks for caring and thanks for taking the time to write. I am hurting real bad. I live alone, and I don't have children, but I had Tina and Danny. They were my dearest and sweetest friends and they loved me, which is more than I can say for the members of my immediate family who treat me with indifference and haven't got a clue. It HURTS when your own mother says you shouldn't make such a fuss about a dead cat, after all I have two 'new' ones. SHE WASN"T "JUST A CAT"! Tina was my dearest friend and more of a 'mother' to me than you have ever been!!!

[Gretta's Mom]

Oh danny's mom

I am SO sorry that you feel like you're talking to a wall here. The title of your thread pierces my heart. My father is very Irish and Danny Boy is his favorite song. I dread the day when it is sung at his funeral.

Now we know that there is a Danny Boy in heaven. Your Danny Boy. Our lives are very similar. I, too, live alone - except of course for Rufus, my funny half black lab-half Newfie. He's quite a change after Gretta - she is a gentle girl, he is a BIG goofy boy (one time he went after a concrete STATUE of a rabbit!). Never, ever, EVER listen to the words of a person, no matter who it is who says, "It's only a cat (dog, bunny, fish, ferret, bird or any other of God's beloved creatures). As Moonbeam says, people who say things like this are, at a minimum, most misfortunate never to have shared the love of a spirit-animal - some people call them soul-mates. That's you and Mr Danny Boy! Every word you write shows it.

Soul-mates are just that - we carry a piece of each other's soul. Sort of like a puzzle piece. These amazing beings search the universe over to find their one-and-only, the one person whose soul-piece they carry and who carries theirs. Then, even more amazingly, they puts themselves in our paths so that we will find them in this huge world. The rush of instant, overwhelming love confirms it. The miracle is on!

There is NO love like the love of two halves of one being. You know that, because you are one being with Danny Boy. Unless someone has experienced this union, they cannot possibly understand it. And that means they cannot understand the searing pain we feel when our soul-mates changes form and goes back to the Perfect World from which he or she came - and where we will one day be reunited never again to part.

Danny Boy, my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) has been there for almost 15 months and I'm still crying. I'm sorry you felt so alone on one of your special angel-versaries. Six months, half a year. That MEANS something and you deserve to have us LSers to lean on and to support and care for you. Can I have another chance?

What happens, at least what has happened to me, is that the initial excruciating, heart-searing pain lessesn to about 75% of it initial level and then stays there - I think maybe forever. I read a review of a new book called UNSAID, written by the husband of a vet, including a section about when he and his wife had to send their dog over the rainbow. To spare her the pain having to push yet another does of medicine into a beloved animal, especially her own, he pushed the medicine in himself. And then, in his words, "something deep inside my heart and soul shifted." I think that is a perfect expression of what happens when our spirit-animal becomes a pure spirit again. Something inside us shifts. We're never the same. We can never hear about a fur-baby who leaves this earthly life without weeping tears - even if they're silent. With the exquisite love we share with our spirit-animals come this shift, the never having a perfectly happy moment. How could we? Part of ourselves is missing. We will experience another, wonderful, permanent shift when we join them in the perfect World, never to be separated again.

Oh, Danny Boy's mom, you came here in pain, asking for help and comfort and we let you down. I felt this way for a while, too. After the initial flurry of back-and-forth responses, they tapered off awfully fast - except for two or three people who have really become good, caring friends. May I be one of those for you? I'd be honored. Let's let "Danny Boy" be the song that both breaks our hearts and unites us.

I care, Danny Boy's mom. I really do.

Gretta (and Rufus's) mom

[DannysMom]

Dear Gretta's Mom, thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming to my aid to apply healing balm to my hurting heart. This has been such a rough day for me as I have been so hurt by the members of my immediate family who were so rude and heartless and basically told me not to make such a fuss (they used a different word) over a dead cat. I was shocked, and it felt like someone had just cut my heart into pieces.

I was smiling when I read that Danny boy is your father's favorite song. I don't know if Danny has an Irish ancestry in him, but green sure was always his color. He was buried in a casket lined with an emerald green pillow. Thank you for being so understanding and for comforting me. If those words had been said by a stranger maybe I would not care so much, but it hurts tremendously when one is not understood by one's own family. My feelings aren't being validated. They are telling me to get 'over' it and to move on. My heart is broken. How do you move on from there? Thank you for caring. It is deeply appreciated. You may certainly be a caring friend. I have stayed on this board because I want to offer what little support I can give to others who are hurting. Sometimes I don't know what to say and other times it is simply to painful for me to post in someone's topic, because I can see their heartbreak and it touches me. I know what it means to lose a beloved friend.

Your Gretta sounds so sweet. Maybe Rufus was sent to you, because you needed a 'goofy' friend, someone to make you smile. I think our animal companions teach us lessons in love.

Thank you again, Gretta's Mom, for caring, and for taking the time to write.

[DannysMom]

Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flow'rs are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh, Danny boy, oh, Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, and all the flowers are dying
If I am dead, as dead as well may be
I pray you'll find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, though soft you tread above me
And all my grave will warm and sweeter be
And then you'll kneel and whisper that you love me
And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me.

or I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

or And I shall rest in peace until you come to me.

or Oh, Danny boy, oh, Danny boy, I love you so

[Gretta's Mom]

Hi Danny's mom

Thank you for being a friend. I felt SO bad that you have come here - which is one of the best support groups on the net - and not getting the caring and support you need. Family can be very very hurtful (I know I don't have to tell you that). I have a mentally ill (but functional) sister whom I have had to put on "no contact" for the last six months and, except for a few twinges wondering how she was doing and really wanting to show her some love, it's been very peaceful. One time when i was a child I read in an Ann Landers column (yup, showing my age!) that if someone says something outrageous to you, just look at them like they've said something in, say, Swahili, and you're really trying to figure out what they said. It's really a drop-dead look! And what's the deal about holidays? Brings out the best in all "kinds" of family members.

Danny's mom, I know the pain that is in your heart. It's in mine, too. And it's in the heearts of everyone here, whether they post or not. I have been trying to answer the posts of the newly-bereaved (crying every time) and have kind of forgotten about the rest of us "old-sters". But just because a little time has passed doesn't make our hearts hurt any less. As the author said, something has shifted. I think we have to keep reassuring ourselves that our loving animals, our spirit-mates, are NOT gone and that we WILL be together again one day.

Wherever we live in the USA< it's HOT - and this AM I have had an A/C disaster (and as a solo you know how THAT goes!). It's just water so it'll dry - but it's a LOT of water where it doesn't belong. Ho hum! One thing we do know: where Danny and Gretta are living it's always 68 degress and sunny with plenty of cool water and shade.

Have the coolest day possible - and if it doesn't break you heart, hum "Danny Boy" (don't if it starts to break your heart. We have enough of that without adding to it ourselves).

Your friend

Gretta's mom

[xxForeverxx]

DannysMom

I feel like I have not been here enough. Your the first persons posts I look at and reply to when I come on here as I feel as it was around the same time we both first posted and I feel a connection on here. There are reasons I am not on here as much as I use to be. I will not bring them up on here as this is dedicated to your Danny.

Your Danny who was a beautiful boy. A clever boy no doubt by some of the things you say he did. 6 months has gone quickly but not once have you ever showed you love him any less now he is gone. Of course you would not as you love him too much. He was special and will be remembered for ever.

I found this poem and well thought it was a lovely one and would like to share it with you.

I'm Still Here

Friend, please don't mourn for me,

I'm still here, though you don't see.

I'm right by your side each night and day,

And within your heart I long to stay.


My body is gone but I'm always near,

I'm everything you feel, see or hear.

My spirit is free, but I'll never depart,

As long as you keep me alive in your heart.


I'll never wander out of your sight.

I'm the brightest star on a summer night.

I'll never be beyond your reach.

I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.


I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around,

And the pure white snow that blankets the ground.

I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,

The clear cool water in a quiet pond.


I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,

The first warm raindrop that April will bring.

I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,

And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.


When you start thinking there's no one to love you,

You can talk to me through the Lord above you.

I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,

And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.


I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep,

And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.

I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.

Just look for me, friend, I'm everyplace!


Isn't it just a wonderful poem? I especially love the part about the brightest star on a summers night as I always look for the brightest in the sky at night to find my Chewy.

xxForeverxx

[moon_beam]

Hi, DannysMom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. As I shared with you in your topic of Tina, please let me repeat it here:

Please let me try to reassure you, DannysMom, that you are never alone in your grief journey. Even though people do read our posts sometimes - - for whatever reason - - they do not know what to share from their hearts. So instead of adding a post they lift us up in prayer.

I know this past weekend was espcially difficult for you, and this will intensify the grief you are feeling in the physical loss of your beloved Danny and Tina. This is your first angel-versary birthday without their precious physical presence with you, and I know how devastating this "first birthday without" is for you. Even though you are blessed with two new precious furkids in your heart and life does not diminish the painful feelings of emptiness in the physical absence of your beloved Danny and Tina.

I hope today is treating you, your precious Mindy and baby girl Shelley kindly, my friend, and that you and your precious girls will have a very peaceful and pleasant evening. I thank you, DannysMom, for your friendship, and of your precious girls. Please know you and your precious furkids are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I always look forward to sharing how you're doing and your treasured memories fo your beloved Danny.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[DannysMom]

Gretta's Mom -- thank you for your comforting words. I have decided it is time to put my brother on the no contact list. He always seems annoyed when I call anyway. My brother has always been very brash and rude. He will give you his opinion whether you want to hear it or not. He has a quick temper and is very critical. For him to tell me that I shouldn't have gotten so attached to my cats and that I should have prepared myself for their deaths is so outrageous. How in the world does one prepare one's self for such a loss?! You can't. It hurts, no matter what.


xxForeverxx -- that is such a wonderful poem indeed! Thank you for posting it. I have read it several times and plan to print it out so that I can read it when I need comfort. Please don't feel bad for not coming here more often. I was just so angry at my brother and crying out for help in my pain. Thank you for coming to my aid!


moon_beam -- you are the 'mother' of us all. I think we all panicked a little when your power outage robbed us of your comforting posts and your presence here. I am so thankful for your posts as they have helped me so much during the past six months.

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello Danny's mom

Here's hoping there is some heart-soothing for you today. Know that Danny-Cat and the whole LS pack is right there by the love-ray station all sending down love rays to their mommies and daddies and their LS friends .... and to everyone who is sad because a fur baby they love so dearly, they cannot see. Let's remember they are somewhere where it's always 68 degress and sunny with plenty of cool water and shade to sleep in and MILLIONS of friends to hang out with while at the same time they are right here by our sides.

Have a good 4th.

Gretta's mom

[DannysMom]

Gretta's mom, thank you for your well wishes. It helps me to forget those hurtful words that were spoken by my brother.
It has been six months and 1 week since my Danny passed on. I still remember it so clearly. It was like everything just stopped. I could not believe that he was no longer with me. My sweet boy, how could he just be gone? I was so all alone in my pain and grief. I had never felt so much pain before. I came home, and everywhere I looked I expected to still see him. I felt so disoriented. It has gotten easier with the passing of time, but I still miss Danny so much. His presence always gave me so much joy and comfort. Every time I looked at his sweet face I just felt so much love and I just had to smile. Danny was like a ray of sunshine.

[John P]

Danny's Mom, those with families who support them no matter what are very lucky... it seems everyone else has a choice: to have a life defined the old mindset or strike out and find new families. It's a lonely journey sometimes but the kindred spirits you meet along the way make it worth while. I doubt if I'm saying anything you don't already know. Your Danny is one of those spirits -- accepting you for who you are. Cherish his memory. As much as you can, keep your eyes open for the others already in your life or those you haven't yet met.

[moon_beam]

Hi, DannysMom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. John has so superbly shared with you what is in my heart about human family dynamics. Caring for someone also includes recognizing that being together, sharing personal thoughts, may not be appropriate - - even though the person is genetically related. I have had to come to this realization through the years with my own human family members. My furkids have been, and always will be, my true family, along with my cherished friends here on this wonderful forum. This does not mean I have forsaken my human family members - - it just means that I am very discreet about what I share with them.

I hope today is treating you, your precious Mindy and baby girl Shelley kindly, my friend, and that you and your precious girls will have a very peaceful and pleasant evening. I thank you, DannysMom, for your friendship, and of your precious girls. Please know you and your precious furkids are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I always look forward to sharing how you're doing and your treasured memories fo your beloved Danny.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[DannysMom]

John P: Thanks so much for stopping by and for your comforting words. I hope life is treating you kindly today. You haven't posted in a while, and I hope you are okay.

Moon_beam, thanks for your words of comfort and advice. Unfortunately, me and some of my family members are worlds apart. I don't know what planet they live on, but it isn't mine. They're the kinds of people who will never let you forget it if you mess up in any way just even once. Shining example is my brother. To say he's not the forgiving kind is the understatement of the year. I remember years ago he used to pick me up from work in the afternoon. I was late once, just a few minutes, but that was it. He never picked me up again after that.
I have received more support and comfort from friends and complete strangers. And you're right about not sharing everything. But my goodness, what kind of a family life is that when you can't share your hurts and your pain with them?

It's so unfortunate that my brother doesn't like cats. My Danny was such a gentle soul. He radiated peace and love, and he was beautiful inside and out. When I needed some comfort all I had to do was to gaze at Danny's sweet face. He had a look that would make my heart melt and such soulful, green eyes. Yesterday I stopped by his grave. His little body is resting in such a peaceful place. I still cry when I stop at his grave. I can't believe it has been 6 months and 2 weeks. My sweet boy, I miss you so.

[DannysMom]

I'm remembering you today, my sweet Danny boy. Next Saturday it will be 7 months since you passed on. I still find it hard not to cry when I think of you or look at your photos and remember your sweet face and your soft fur. I told Mindy how we used to take naps together, and she rested her head against my hand and looked at me as if she understood. Sometimes I still think you'll come walking in here, cheerfully meowing and announcing your presence. I remember how you used to crinkle you little nose when sniffing the fresh air every time I let you go out on the balcony. And how every little noise used to scare you back inside. You were always so scared of thunderstorms and hid under my bed. I miss you, my sweet Danny boy.

[DannysMom]

Thinking of you right now, my sweet friend.