Two Strikes In One Month., Too much to handle alone. Options

[catmantwo]

I want to begin by letting you all know how touched I am by what I have been reading in this forum. My name is Tim.
Early last January my sweet princess kitty named emma 14 nearly died of complications from a respritory infection. With intraveneouse fluids, special food and strong antibiotics Emma made a rapid and remarkable recovery. We were a happy little family again. there was me, my wife Judy, our wonderful cat Bob "Bobba Bear" Emma "Princess" and our latest feline friend exuberant Ernie"Ernie Bug" [Ernie is his own independant being that stops by twice a day for a pat and some kibble]. Then one day late in January Judy went to the store for groceries and never came home. She had a massive heart attack while driving. she hit a barrier and died. I know that this is a forum about pet grief not human grief. But there is something to note about pets grieving their departed human companions. I have been dealing with my grief over my wife's death in other supportive ways. I do feel strongly that Judy's death in some ways had a hand in first my princess Emma's passing four weeks ago and my dear buddy Bob following Emma's passing with his own death last saturday. Though I think the real reason they got sick and chose to pass on was becouse of lonliness and having broken little hearts that I could not heal. Through my own grief over my wife even though they were all I had to live for I could not be there for them like Judy always was. This tore me up, but I had to go to work. I had to take care of so much stuff outside the home. They were stuck in a sad, silent often dark house many hours every day. And even though I gave them as much attention as I could, I knew they were getting short changed. My own grief was so huge I could do little to deal with theirs. When Emma suddenly stopped eating and started rapidly losing weight I tried everthing but sensed that the end was near. At the vet they simply told me it was time. When I got home with Emma's body in the carrier I set it down outside while I got a shovel out of the garage. I saw out the window that Bob had discovered the carrier. He sat down looking inside at her body. Then he did an incredible thing, he crouched on his haunches next to her and placed his face flat against the earth as if he were praying or crying. I knew he was saying good bye and I wept. I bawled like the big baby I am. That was a horrible day, yet I was comforted by waves of intense love and the sense that Emma was dancing on my shoulders and bonking my head as she often did when she had a physical body. I got the impression that she was extremely happy. After that Bob was not himself. He became withdrawn and afraid to be in any room in the house except the kitchen next to his food and water. I tried carrying him to bed but he ran as fast as possible back to the kitchen. I took him to the vet to see if they could help. They were alarmed by the sound of his lungs. They did blood work and called me late that afternoon. They wanted him back first thing in the morning for xrays. That night He slept with me very close. I talked to him a long time. He purred and gave me one of his rare kisses. The next day at the vet they showed me xrays. His lungs were rapidly filling with fluid. I could see that his breathing had quickly become very labored in a short time . They told me that he was suffering and they could not help him. I told them to go ahead and do it. I was in total shock. I could not believe he was gone just like that, I still can't. I miss them both so much. I love them both so much. After Judy's passing I was certain I had cried all the tears one man could possibly cry. But the tears are back. I have never felt so alone. It hurts so much. Yet in spite of it all I have never felt so loved. I was given two magical little beings to share my life with. I am blessed.

Thank you for providing me a place to get this out. Writing this feels good even if no one reads it. Thank You again.