Glaring Differences Options

[Gingerella72]

Still having trouble adjusting to the new normal. I know it takes time, but gracious this hurts so much!

We're still learning Sasha and her ways, each day it seems she reveals a little more of herself to us. Up until last night she showed absolutely no interest in toys or playing, or even just plain old chewing.

We think it might have been restlessness because we could only get her on one walk yesterday, but last night she started chewing on the couch. I immediately grabbed Ginger's rope toy and put it over the part Sasha was chewing on so she would chew on it instead. She seemed to instantly "get it" and grabbed the rope with both front paws and just went to town chewing. Seeing her chew Ginger's rope made me cry again and I wanted to yank it back away from her but I didn't.

Is it wrong of me to not want Sasha to use Ginger's things? I shouldn't be attaching so much emotion to inanimate objects, I mean they're just things right? It would be silly, impractical and a waste of money to buy new things when there is nothing wrong with what we already have. I don't know why I'm having such an intense emotional response over this, but there it is. And this was just the rope toy, I can't imagine how I'd react if she showed any interest in the other ones.

Also, the more Sasha reveals herself to us, the more glaring it is how different she is from Ginger but instead of embracing those differences, I'm finding myself resenting them once again and it just makes me upset all over again that I'm having to go through this while I'm still grieving Ginger so badly. In many ways I'm glad Sasha is here but it only takes one minor thing to happen and then I feel I don't want to have anything to do with her, period. Because she's not Ginger.

Now I feel like a whining child complaining about petty things but I can't seem to help feeling this way. I hate this roller coaster ride of grief. And to think we'll have to go through it with each of our four cats in the future, as well as Sasha. I don't think I can stand it. I understand now why some people never get another pet again after having one die, it's just too painful and I don't know if the joy of our brief years together outweighs the pain of them dying. I can recognize right now that this is my pain talking, I'm still too close to it as it hasn't even been a month yet since Ginger died. I can look back at my Panther now without tears and the ache, but it took me 4 years to do it. Will it take that long for each pet, too? I'm desperately trying to remember that it's all a cycle, everything dies and is reborn again, no one lives forever. I just wish the acute pain would ease and that the tears weren't so close to the surface all the time.

I don't know if having a new dog in the house has helped or made things worse. Having no "dog noises" in the house at all....would that be an even more painful, glaring reminder that Ginger is gone? Or does having dog clicky-toes across the floor, sneezes and sighs and ear flaps....the usual "dog noises" help, even though they're not coming from Ginger? I just don't know. For a few days I was trying to console myself by thinking that Ginger was here in spirit, whispering things in Sasha's ear on what to do and not do, like she was teaching Sasha. That daydream can only take me so far though before I dissolve into sobs again.

Just needed to vent to those who understand. Thank you for listening and being here.