Fractured By Dispair, Losing my Squiggy Options

[lammy]

LostInDespair,
I am so sorry. I read what you wrote and it made me cry. When Bunny was in the hospital with a blood clot my mind was racing to find solutions for him. I even thought maybe they could just amputate his legs where the blood clot was and we could get him some kind of special wheel thing to attach to him or something. I was willing to do anything to save him -even at his own cost. Then I began to realize the fact that he might end up suffering so greatly with no cure for him and I had to face the idea of putting him to sleep. It was terrifying. On the third day in the hospital another blood clot formed and went straight to his heart and he died so I didn't have to make the choice. But I would have. What you did was selfless and shows the depths of your love for Squigggy.

much much love,
lammy

[greenbeagle]

Lost,

I am so sorry to hear that you lost Squigs. And the picture of him was adorable. What a precious little pup he is.

I, too, still miss my kitty, Little Bit, and the outside of my house is still like a black hole. I lost him on 9/2/2010 (Thursday a little past 7:00p). He thought he was a dog and would always run to me when I called his name. This time for some unknown reason a car was flying up my otherwise calm residential street. I can still see and hear his little body getting fractured by that car.

And even though I live alone (human wise anyway), I was fortunate to at least have people that would listen to me, plus I had this site. And even though it is a lonely trek, I am sorry to hear you do not have support in your house. It is a truly rough road to walk, and it feels horrible inside, there is no getting over that.

And even though I still cry, I am not crying uncontrollably anymore; however, I still have a HUGE hole inside my belly and chest, I still go over that fateful day with the "what if's", and there is not a day or night that I don't talk to him (out loud) and tell him how much I miss him, love him, and how sorry I am that I called him to me. I don't go through a day without missing him something terrible, wishing life had a Rewind button.

People here tell me it will "get better", and I guess the pain has subsided a teeny bit, but man oh man, it still makes me cry and I still ache for that little goober so much.

I say all that to say, "I understand...," I can't "feel your pain" because it is yours, but I have felt mine and so understand what you are progressing through. There is not a Milli-second that goes by that we don't miss them. I always hated to wake up and for those few seconds between sleep and awake, Little Bit was still alive, just waiting for me to go out and call him..., then I woke up and my stomach fell and my chest hurt because I realized he was no longer here. I believe I will see him again - all my animals for that matter - but I want to have him NOW.

Again, I am so sorry... Keep coming here and posting, no matter how many times, or if it is the same thing you posted an hour ago. There are a lot wiser people here than me and they can certainly help you through this horrible, horrible loss.

[LostInDespair]

^ thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry for your little one too. I still forget myself and talk to him. I miss my Squigman.
Good night

[Aaron]

^ thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry for your little one too. I still forget myself and talk to him. I miss my Squigman.
Good night

I just wanted to say that I am sorry for the loss of your Squigman and am sorry you are not able to find as much support as you truly deserve. I think we are blessed to have a site like this to help others through these difficult times. While it does not make the pain go away, it helps to know that there are others out there who feel the same way you do and that over time the pain will begin to ease. We'll never stop loving, remembering or thinking about our special friends, but someday we can think about them and smile and laugh.

[Aaron]

Just letting you know that we are thinking of you and here for you if you need us. I know you are still hurting. If you are able to, please share some more stories with us of Squiggy's wonderful life, we'd love to hear more about your little man.

[LostInDespair]

Hi Aaron, I hope today was ok for you. Today was especially bad for me. I looked at Squiggy's Xmas stocking. I just lost it. It will not be full of squeaks this year. He will not be rubbing his butt up against my tree. He will not be sitting next to me as we wrapped presents. His jowls will not be flapping with happiness over his new toys as he aggressively attacked the squeaker. He will not be in his xmas eve Santa outfit, or his xmas day antlers. I miss hearing him tap dance on my hardwood. I miss his crazy Peke smile and his crooked teeth. I miss his floppy ears-- he was a bit Farengi in his love of ear rubs. (sorry, inner dork emerging)
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di

[Aaron]

Hi Aaron, I hope today was ok for you. Today was especially bad for me. I looked at Squiggy's Xmas stocking. I just lost it. It will not be full of squeaks this year. He will not be rubbing his butt up against my tree. He will not be sitting next to me as we wrapped presents. His jowls will not be flapping with happiness over his new toys as he aggressively attacked the squeaker. He will not be in his xmas eve Santa outfit, or his xmas day antlers. I miss hearing him tap dance on my hardwood. I miss his crazy Peke smile and his crooked teeth. I miss his floppy ears-- he was a bit Farengi in his love of ear rubs. (sorry, inner dork emerging)
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di

Hey Di, I am sorry to hear that you are still hurting like you are, although that is the tough part of the process of losing such a special friend. You can't rush the healing process, no matter how much you want to.

On Sunday when I had a "moment", my wife and I were talking about how we are not sure we want to put up any stockings this year. We had a stocking for each of us, including Reggie. My wife's sister, while good intentioned, suggested we hang stockings for just the two of us. But we can't exclude Kylah like that, she is a part of our family. So we know EXACTLY how you feel. Squiggy was a family member, plain and simple. Things like not having a stocking up for him are going to be difficult to adjust to.

I know it does not make the hurt go away, but we all know the pain you are feeling now. Just like Squiggy was a constant in your life and was always there, our beloved pets were always there for us. You are still adjusting to him not being there physically, as we are still adjusting to Reggie not being in his chair or on the couch or on the bed. But everything you are sharing with us are joyous memories and hopefully those will someday allow you to smile. Never let go of those memories as the enrichment and happiness he brought into your life will never be overshadowed by the pain you are feeling right now.

Take care.

[LostInDespair]

Thanks Aaron. It's nice to not be alone. Outside of here, only two friends mourn with me. My husband never understood nor does now.
Night is worst for me, I just try to get through.
Ugh.

[Aaron]

Thanks Aaron. It's nice to not be alone. Outside of here, only two friends mourn with me. My husband never understood nor does now.
Night is worst for me, I just try to get through.
Ugh.

I know it must be tough, but always remember that you have your friends here to support you. I am sorry your husband is not being more supportive, I couldn't imagine not being there for my wife or vice versa through this difficult time. I am reading a book on coping with the loss of a pet, so we'll see how that goes. We just have to seek out support in any way we can.

Mornings and nights are about the same for me. We are slowly adjusting to Reggie not being with us physically. It's tough though. We go through the daily motions just to pass the time and I am grateful when I get busy at work as it takes my mind off Reggie. The bus rides into work are the worst, as it's just 45 minutes of sitting there with not much to do. I try to pass time by reading emails or the internet on my phone.

Please let us know how you are doing, as we truly care about you and know how you feel. Hang in there, your Squiggy would want you to continue healing from his loss.

[LostInDespair]

Nights are unbearable. I want to put my hand down to him and he's not there. I need him to kiss my nose. I miss his silky Peke fur.
Good night friends. See you tomorrow night.
-Di

[Cheryl83]

Hi Aaron, I hope today was ok for you. Today was especially bad for me. I looked at Squiggy's Xmas stocking. I just lost it. It will not be full of squeaks this year. He will not be rubbing his butt up against my tree. He will not be sitting next to me as we wrapped presents. His jowls will not be flapping with happiness over his new toys as he aggressively attacked the squeaker. He will not be in his xmas eve Santa outfit, or his xmas day antlers. I miss hearing him tap dance on my hardwood. I miss his crazy Peke smile and his crooked teeth. I miss his floppy ears-- he was a bit Farengi in his love of ear rubs. (sorry, inner dork emerging)
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di

I can completely relate to this. I had to run out of a store the other week when I saw the little bunny stocking that I got my Daisy every year. We used to hang it above her bed, along with some little decorations, and other gifts that we'd gotten her. Part of the joy of Christmas for me was watching Daisy 'unwrap' her presents, and usually ending up taking more interest in trying to eat the paper!! Christmas is going to be so difficult for us all on here. At least we have this site to help each other through.

Hang in there and take care,
Cheryl xx

[LostInDespair]

It has been 40 days and nights. Midas well been yesterday. I miss seeing his little face. I miss his growl when he played with his toys. I miss the tilt of his head and the way his ears would perk up when I said eggs or chicken. I miss his kisses on my nose and his furry head on my cheek. I miss his crooked teeth. I want him back.
Good nite dear friends, may we get through another day.
-Di