Can't Get Past The Guilt Options

[Moosie'smom]

Moose was not the first dog that I have lost. But definately the hardest. He died on Oct 9 and I still haven't been able to pick up his bowls. My German Shepard died, on her own, no decisions required by me. My ex husband took the next one when it was time. But now being divorced, the decision was all mine. Moose was my buddy. He was a real Mama's boy. He was with me thru the divorce, and was the only dog my kids really knew. He would go back to bed when I left for work, and not come down till I got home, no matter who else was here. Like I said..a real Mama's boy! He never, not once in 11 yrs had an accident in the house..not even while on heavy duty diuretics at the end. He was not scared of thunder storms or fireworks. His only flaw was in trying to trim his nails...wow...let's not even go there! Ok, so now the guilt. I had worked for vets when I was younger, and part of my job was to hold an animal while they were put to sleep. Though I have never had to hold one of my own, I thought I knew what to expect. So when I took Moose, I assumed I would be holding him..to be with him till his last moments. To calm his fears. Then the vet suggested I might not want to be there because his body was holding so much fluid (he had pretty bad heart disease..) Let's just say the vet said it's not the way I would want to remember him. She and her assistant assured me that they would do it emediately after I left. They had him on a soft comforter on the floor (he weighed about 95 lbs) and were feeding him cookies. I did feel I left him in good careing hands, but I am having a very hard time with the fact that I left. I didn't hold him at the end, to comfort him, to calm his fears. I got his ashes back today and it's helping a little, but has anyone else felt this kind of guilt?
Thanks for listening..and my heart goes out to all of you who have lost your own buddy.
Cindy

[missy]

Cindy I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet doggie.
I think that no matter what, we all feel guilt at the time of the loss of our precious babies. Everyone here has felt guilt, it seems to go with the package.
Be certain that your dog knew how much you loved him. You gave him such a wonderful life. We can not focus on the last moments without balancing it out with all the love you gave him over the years. I am sure the vet took very special care of him.
I too am going through a lot of pain from the loss of my cat, even though it was almost 8 months ago now. I wish I knew what to say....I'm not very good at this. I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand how you feel and that we are all here for you.
You gave your dog a wonderful life and you allowed him to die peacefully and not suffer. That is compassion and he knows how much you loved him.

[LostInDespair]

I feel your pain too. My heart goes out to you.

[janika]

Thinking of you Moosie'smom. I send my heartfelft sympathy. I can so relate to what you are feeling. Please know that you and your dear Moosie are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

[moon_beam]

Hi, Cindy, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved companion, Moose. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. And it doesn't matter if it's our first or fiftieth loss - - each one is very painful due to the individual circumstances and bond that we have shared during our companion's earthly journey with us, and the circumstances that are, and have been, in our life.

Unfortunately guilt is one of the hardest emotions of this grief journey to reconcile. Cindy, there are no "wrong" decisions when it comes to our final moments with our beloved companions. Your vet was right to be concerned about the "final" memory you would have of your precious Moose, in this case with the release of the collected bodily fluids that would be released. Your vet, and especially your precious Moose, would want you to remember Moose without that "final" image in your mind. So, please, don't feel guilty for not staying with your precious Moose through the procedure. You were physically there in the hospital, your loving spirit was there in the room with your precious Moose - - he felt your presence with him, comforting him on his journey to the angels.

When I was a much younger adult I had to make the "decision" about a precious companion I had. It was the first decision of this nature in my life, which has been followed by many more through the years. But for this "first" decision, my mom went with me to the vet's office. She and I went in to the exam room to spend some time with my kitty before the procedure. When it was time, my mom could not stay - - she just could not bear to be there in the room, so she went back to the waiting room. Me - - I had to stay, I wanted to stay, I needed to stay. So, you see, Cindy, there is no "wrong" way in dealing with the final moments of the "decision."

Cindy, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. I hope and pray that one day you will come to know in your heart what each of us know from your post - - that you love Moose with all your heart and would never abandon him, particularly when he needed you. You did not abandon your precious Moose, Cindy.

Thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Moose. Perhaps in time you will feel up to posting a picture of him to share with us, as well as some of your many memories of his earthly journey with you. Hopefully in time you will come to know that Moose's sweet Living Spirit is always with you in your heart and memories. The love bond we share with our beloved companions is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space - - it is eternal, so our love continues on.

Cindy, please know each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Each of us do understand what you are going through - - you are among friends here. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Cindy, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam