He's Home Again Options

[jenga01]

I lost my cat George last week. We had to make the decision to let him go. He was 17 1/2.
On Saturday the animal hospital called and said they had his ashes and they could be
picked up anytime. My husband went to get them for me as I couldn't bear to do it.
He came home with what looked like a little gift bag with a small mahogony box
inside. It was my George. I have him on my bureau for now as I haven't decided
what to do next. Sometimes it really bothers me that he is there and other times
I almost feel comfort. Does that make any sense at all? Other times, I just get
one glimpse of the box and all I can do is cry.......I miss him terribly.

[kurt_t]

Yes, it makes sense. I have Flo on the mantle over the fireplace with her mom, who died three years ago. It's hard for me to look at the box.

[wchamilton]

I think it makes perfect sense. We lost our dog Winston on Sunday and he's buried in our back yard, with a small picket fence around his grave and a headstone we made for him and it's very hard for me to look at it. Granted, it's only been a couple of days but the thought that my friend Winston who was such a wonderful dog is now lying in that grave is very upsetting, but I also know that I wanted his resting place to be home.

With time, I'm sure, it will get easier for me.

[ladywolf]

I've had eleven dogs and as many cats, and some have been buried and some cremated, and I've found that both are hard. I'm sorry you're feeling such ambivalence, but it's perfectly normal.

Ladywolf is buried now in a friend's yard, and I haven't been but once to visit her grave--it's too painful. But I haven't kept the ashes of pets around very long either, for the same reason--I have scattered them and/or buried them in wonderful places. For me, it just hasn't been right to keep a little container on the mantle, but that's just me.

I know the feeling of comfort that the ashes can bring, but I also know the sadness. So you're right "on schedule," Jenga...

I'm so very sorry for your loss of George.

hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Bold

[jenga01]

Thank you all so much for your understanding and support. It has been very comforting and helps me validate my feelings knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way.

[Baden]

Jenga,
Its so hard. The ashes made me feel better at first then would freak me out. I started sleeping with them at night and one night woke up and felt like they were cold next to me. That freaked me out. I drove across the country and put the ashes in a box and put them in the middle console. I tried to act as if my dog were there with me. I have come to a place of peace with them (I think), but I cannot be sure, as I have different levels of insanity pop out over this. For me its best to just let myself go through the emotions and let it come out. Its not going to feel good and all we want are our little beloved pets back. I wish I could wave a magic wand on the ashes and bring him back. I think we will figure out individually what to do with the ashes in time. I am going to make a piece of jewelery with them and also a tattoo when the time is right. I have a little ritual that I am trying to complete with the 5 elements of nature. But, each person has their own way of doing whatever feels good to them.
You take care-each day it will get a bit easier. You are not alone in this...we are all here.

Amy

[John S]

The day we got Nikita's ashes back was a very strange bittersweet day. It was good to have them back; there was a delay of a week and I was afraid they would be lost so I was relieved to get them but it also triggered a very bad day and it was the terrible third week. I got a picture box and put a picture of her on the lid; inside I put the little box with her ashes, various pictures of her through her life, a couple of her favorite toys and a lock of her fur I had clipped while she was alive. Sometimes I look at the things and tell her I miss her or just tell her goodnight. I couldn't bury her where we live so I am so glad I had her cremated; it's not her but she was so special t me it is good to have this special memorial to her

[Loci]

I too have had a hard time with getting Cleo's ashes back. It's so difficult to visualize my beautiful baby in a bag, especially when I find a hair of hers somewhere. It's like I have a physical momento of her that I cannot get from the ashes. Moreover, it was even more difficult when the other day, I opened a piece of mail from the vet and it was Cleo's paw prints that they had taken after she passed. Right now, Cleo's ashes are comforted by her favorite blanket and tucked away in a drawer next to my bed. I try not to think of her in that state, but rather imagine her playing and swimming and doing the things she loved, pain free. I bought a head stone to commemorate Cleo for our backyard. It sits underneath a tree and over looks the foothills near our house. I like to think when she comes "home" for a visit, she is a peace there.

[catmomof4]

I was asked if I wanted Habibi's ashes and I declined. It has been bad enough finding his play mice or his hair as a reminder that he is gone. I don't think I could bear seeing a box with his ashes in it. Instead, I opted to have him cremated and have his ashes scattered in a pet cemetery garden, just a 20 minute drive from my home. I can go visit him whenever I wish. It really is a beautiful service that my vet's office offers.

I will create a special memorial garden for my little guy as a tribute to his love and loyal companionship for 8 years. I miss him more than I though possible.

[wchamilton]

When Winston died we buried him in our back yard but in hindsight I wish I'd continued to the vet and had him cremated. The thought of my buddy in a grave is bothersome to me, even though I know that what's buried in my back yard is just the shell that held his wonderful spirit.

In the future, my animals will be cremated and I'll bury the cremains in the back yard in what it looks like is becoming our pet cemetery. We'll place a stone marker over the site and that will be that. But it's really up to personal preference and what brings you the most comfort. As much as it hurts to think this way, your pet is gone and what you have left is just the shell, so whatever feels right for you is what you should do, be it burying them, scattering them or keeping them.

My thoughts are with you during this hard time.