Feels Like He Was Never Here Options

[My heart Cooper]

Today was 8 weeks since we lost Coop. 56 days have gone by since I've touched and kissed him. I keep trying to picture him and the things he did but sometimes it feels like he was never even here. Five years went by so quickly that it seems like it was just a flash in time that didn't really happen. I hate the feeling.

[sapphireluna]

I'm very sorry...
It's hard, I know. Try to remember all the fun things you did together. Remember he is always with you in your heart.

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi My Heart Cooper
I'm sorry that you're feeling so sad - and I really don't know what to say to make you feel better. Like you, I counted the days -- (I still count the weeks even though it's been over 7 months now). I wish I could take away your pain -- I know how awful it feels and I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace.
Sharon

[Brutus]

Cooper is there with you now, like he always was.

I'm sorry you are hurting, take care of yourself, I am thinking of you.

Hugs,
Sonya

[smokey/lady/max]

I too am so sorry that the pain is so deep. You said it right sometimes it feels like they were never here. I feel that way also 7 years went by way to fast for me. I always have been a person who dont want to know what the future holds but in this case I wish I had of had a crytal ball so that I could have made atleast 10 years out of 7. I would have held them more kissed them more slept with them more I would have done everything more. So I know how exactly you feel. I guess now we have to hold them in our heart even more so that their memory never ever fades. Thinking of you

Hugs
Anna and my Angels
xoxo

[Cheryl83]

Tiffany,

I know how you feel. I feel that way too sometimes. Sometimes looking at photo's isn't enough, but I find that watching videos of Daisy REALLY helps. That way you get to see all the little expressions that you're terrified of forgetting. I have a routine every night of looking at every photograph and watching every video I have of her, before I go to sleep. That way I'll never forget. It also helps to write down all your favourite memories and all the things you miss. I recently did a post in my thread about everything I miss about Daisy - a few people have commented and said they could really relate to it. Maybe you should do this too?

Hope this helps.

Cheryl xx

[janika]

I am so sorry that you are hurting so much, and having these thoughts, but as others have said, focus on all the wonderful times you shared. I'm sure that this is one of the awful phases that we go through in our grief. I know I felt the same, but then the memories come flooding back, and hopefully in a way that will in time make you smile again when thinking about your darling Cooper.
Thinking of you and sending hugs.
Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

[moon_beam]

Hi, My Heart Cooper, some days are harder than others to get through this grief journey, aren't they? Our grief can do so many curious and hurtful things to our minds - - one of them making us feel as though the time we shared with our beloved companions was a "dream" - - making us wonder "did it really happen."

There is a saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and I know that is true for me with each of my furkids who are now in heaven's perfect garden. It doesn't mean that I love Noah less - - it just means that my heart knows there are other precious furkids who are temporarily physically separated from me but are forever a part of me, my heart, and memories.

My Heart Cooper, please know we are here for you every step of this painful grief journey. I hope and pray that somehow you will find comfort and encouragement as you read through the heartfelt responses from everyone in this Forum. One day at a time, My Heart Cooper, and please know you are never alone.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[My heart Cooper]

It was nine weeks today. I keep looking at Cooper's picture on my desk and saying to myself "Cooper is dead". I still feel like I need to convince myself it's real. He's not coming home. He's not out there somewhere. Sometimes it just feels like he's away for a little while, living with someone else. I just can't make myself believe it 100%.

[Myszka]

Cooper I have a picture of my Myszka I sleep with and I still feel that way too but I also feel like she was not here which saddens me. These emotions are foreign to me. I can totally understand

[moon_beam]

Hi, My Heart Cooper, just letting you know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. For me the memories are now more focused on "this time last year" - - and the reality of time now is vastly different then it was "this time last year." Life experiences can really "make" or "break" our world, can't they? Sometimes I really feel a LOT older than my chronological years.

My Heart Cooper, the only comfort I can offer you is my friendship and eassurance that your precious Cooper is truly always a part of you - - is truly always always always with you.

My Heart Cooper, I hope you can feel me reaching out to you across the cyber miles. I truly do know how you're feeling.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[My heart Cooper]

I know what you mean about focusing on "last year". Every time I see a date, I think, wow, that was when life was normal and I was happy and whole. I had to write my previous address on something Sunday, and I couldn't help but think, I wish I was back in that crappy place because my baby was there.

[tahoeden]

Hey,

All the little anniversary dates are overwhelming. On July 14, it was 16 years ago to the day that I got Kota. I remember every moment of every thought and feeling that day. I am now down in Los Angeles, visiting relatives, and having a bummer, being here for the first time in 16 years without her by my side. I feel lost, out of place and disconnected from life down here. In an earlier posting you said, I think it was about 56 days (July13) without your sweet Cooper. At about 2 months (I'm only about a week and a half different in my lost date of Kota compared to when you had to say goodbye to the Coop), a level of denial peeled away and I really started hurting knowing and thinking that Kota is really, really gone. I spend a lot of my time on this site (in fact, I'm at my brother's house right now, and he asked "Are you on that pet site again?"), though I don't always respond. Stories and remembrances and thoughts like yours, really hit me hard. Just letting you know I feel your sadness and know and understand your undying love for Cooper.

Dennis

[My heart Cooper]

Thank you Dennis. It's just so hard to know I'll never see him again. He was so beautiful and perfect to me. I didn't realize it then, but now I do - he brought me such inner peace. No matter what happened, he was with me and I was ok. But now, I feel like no matter how good of a mood I'm in, I'm not at peace. That is gone and I'm afraid I'll never feel that again.

[Baden]

It is so hard, I know. I have the same feeling. I am moving to an island and will be selling my car to buy one there. As I was searching for a car I thought to myself that whatever car I was looking at wouldnt be suitable for my dog. Geez....I know. Its so hard to accept. They were our babies, with us everyday through thick and thin. Like you, I went through life's rollercoasters but Baden's big grounding blacklabness always kept me grounded. The line I keep hearing people say who have been through this loss say, 'you never get over it but it does get easier.' I guess easier is all I can ask for. I dont expect to get over it, nor do I really want to. Its not something to get over because unlike a bad relationship that you DO get over, these little creatures gave us nothing but love. That love I will not ever ever get over. Im just trying to 'hang in there' and find some things in life that may inspire me. Its tough but I try to think of what my dog would want me to do at this time, if he were living in and through me. Its been 5 weeks for me tomorrow and its still painful, its hard, its heartbreaking and I wish it could be different. I wish it could be different for all of us. I just know in my heart that somehow, somewhere these little guys are looking down on us and smiling, with a knowingness about the mystery that connects us all. This pain will turn into love again and we will be reunited. The bond will not break, the energy still exists and that connection is still there. Until we meet again......

Prayers to you....
Amy

[My heart Cooper]

Thank you Amy. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It does sound like you have good things ahead of you - moving to an island sounds very exciting. I know what you mean by not wanting to get over it. I want to miss him forever, and expect that I will. He was my special friend. But I also do not want to feel this sadness forever, though I don't know how I won't. We was such a special little guy. I guess I just feel really sorry for him. He was only five and was so happy and lively and didn't deserve this. I'm just sorry for him. I just keep thinking, he could've never expected this would happen, even though I'm sure dogs don't think in that way. I'm just afraid that if there is a heaven, then he knows this happened to him and I hate that thought.

[ladywolf]

Hi hon--

You said, "I do not want to feel this sadness forever, though I don't know how I won't." The truth is, you may feel the sadness forever, but it will not be so acute--it will be way softened down by the passage of time. And you will miss Cooper forever, but it won't run your life the way it does in the first few weeks and months after a passing, especially after a sudden, accidental passing like Cooper's.

If Cooper is up in heaven, then don't you think that he's totally happy and not worried about anything? That's the picture that's always painted of heaven, anyway. He won't care that he only spent five years here--he'll be happy where he is! (I don't know if I believe in heaven either, that's why I'm saying "if"...)

Keep on truckin'--you're doing fine, all things considered.

Big big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Sir Leopold

[Baden]

Hi-
I was thinking about you and your situation. Its so hard because life has a way of delivering what it wants to, despite us not being ready for it. This incident was simply out of your control. It was not your fault. You did the absolute best for your Cooper and he knows that. I know you didnt spend enough time with him, but nor did I with my 15 yr old lab. Its so hard looking back wishing that you could have done something different. Before my Baden left I was involved in some serious drama that was consuming all of my time and energy. I got so worked up over it, and then suddenly he became sick. I was still with him everyday and giving him love, yet I wish I did more. I think that is the nature of our hearts-we always wish we did more. I feel guilty about not giving him 150% of my energy. So, even though he was older and lived a good life, I think we all experience the torment, the pain and the guilt. I am not one to point fingers and I have not read every single post so excuse me if this question was already answered, but have you thought of filing a lawsuit? I am a medical professional myself and I find it inexcusable what happened. You put your dog in the hands of a 'professional.' I know it was an 'accident', but accidents with anesthesia are fatal and its NOT okay. I worked with an anesthesiologist and he was telling me the dangers of it, especially with animals as there is not a specific anesthesiologist on duty as there are with people. I dont know where you are at with all that and if it would help, but just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through and the anger and pain that you must feel.

All I can say is there must be a greater plan from above. I have to think that things happen for a reason, as horrible as this experience is. Cooper is in a good place and you shared so much love while here and at the end of the day, love rules all. Credit should be given to the good, kind and caring Mom that you are!
Take Care...
Thinking of You..
Amy

[My heart Cooper]

Amy,

I'm actually an attorney. So I definitely looked into suing but in most states, including mine, animals are considered personal property. That means, even if we won, which we probably would, we would only get the current market value of Cooper. Unless you have a show dog or rescue dog, the amount is what someone would pay for a five year old, mixed breed dog. Probably not much. To me, he was worth absolutely anything in this world so I couldn't bear hearing someone say his value is $100 or something. We'd spend more in costs than we'd get. We did file complaints with our state vet board and the AAHA so hopefully they take some action. I don't want this ti happen to someone else's animal.

[ladywolf]

Awww, that's sad, my heart. That your precious dog would be reduced to "personal property," like a television or a computer. How dare they? What about mental anguish?

I'm sure that you've looked into every loophole, and it sounds like there aren't any. Again, I say, how sad. That's criminal. But good for you for taking the actions that you did. A friend went through a lawsuit recently with a purebred dog and a wayward UPS truck, and he isn't getting much satisfaction out of it either.

That's unforgiveable, that there aren't more avenues to pursue. I'm so sorry.

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Sir Leopold