My Heart Dog, Chico Options

[JohnG]

Berta,

I know how difficult this must be for you right now. I know also that you will cherish every moment you have left with your dear Chico. Stay strong for him. He knows how much you love him.

We are all here for you.

Take care and be well,
John

[tahoeden]

Berta,

I know it seems so surreal, like you want to shake your head and open your eyes and this was all a bad dream. You are with Chico now, giving her the same love she has deserved and gotten from you throughout your lives together. This is the hardest night you'll ever go thru. Be strong for Chico...and being strong means being honest with your feelings and emotions. Comfort her, she's not scared, she's still in the moment with you. Blessings to both of you

Dennis

[MishasMom]

Praying for you during this time.

[madi]

Thinking of you Berta and sending my prayers and love xx

madi xx

[ladywolf]

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you too, Berta, and sending loads of love. Do write when you can--but I also understand when the pain is to great to be able to post at all...

Big big hugs--

Margi and Spiritwolf

[MishasMom]

Still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Berta. When you are able let us know how you are doing. hugs

[Berta]

Thanks for all the thoughts, love and prayers for me and Chico from you all. The support has meant so much to me and has really helped more than you know.
Chico's transition was very peaceful and he died in my arms hearing my voice comforting and loving him. I am so thankful for that. My boy was so sick. The timing was right. He was having a hard time breathing when we got to the vet's. I asked the vet to give him a sedative first and he gently went to sleep in my arms. I really think it was the sedative that released him. Chico's edema in his legs was so bad that the vet couldn't get the solution in a vein, it went under the skin. But Chico passed before he could try another vein. It was time. I just didn't realize how close to death and how very tired he was and it breaks my heart that I didn't see that. Bless his tough little heart! I must have been in denial not to see how sick and tired he was.
That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Now comes the worst part. The emptiness and the absense of this little guy is overwhelming. It's almost unbearable. I can't believe all this has happened since I posted the other day about my heart dog. Now he's just gone. I will have to reprogram my whole life and thought process. Everything in my life has revolved around Chico for so very long. It's a sad and different world without him.

[ladywolf]

Oh, Berta, I am so very sorry for your loss of Chico. But glad to hear that he went so peacefully and lovingly. I'm sure he is thanking you for allowing him to be released from his pain and discomfort...

Yes, you do have to reprogram your whole life and thought process, and it's really really hard. Tonight I was at a friend's house, and when it got to be almost seven, I said to her, "Oh goodness, I have to go home to Ladywolf and give her dinner and her insulin..." And then realized that I didn't have to go home to anyone at all, for any reason... Yes, it is indeed a "sad and different world."

Almost everyone here has experienced what you are going through now, and we know how hard it is. Bless this Forum for existing, and being filled with warm-hearted, compassionate, wise people who are willing to share of themselves in so many ways. I'm glad that it has been of help to you and know that it will continue to be...

My heart goes out to you in this challenging, painful time!

Big hugs from Margi and Spiritwolf

[MishasMom]

Berta, I'm so sorry about Chico. You gave him great comfort and love being there with him. You loved him enough to let him go and be free from pain. Life will be an adjustment. It is very hard after they leave us. Just know that we are here for you.

Each of us just have to take one day at a time. I'm sure for many of us we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves if we didn't have this forum to reach out to.

Karen - Mishasmom

[MissingHolly]

Dear Berta:

I know what a difficult time you are going through. I went through the same thing not even a week ago with my Shih Tzu Holly. Losing a family member is the hardest thing you'll ever go through. I still find myself having to stop my normal motions of filling up my dog's bowl in the morning when she's not here to enjoy it, but I am comforted by my family and the other pets that remain. After having my dog for sixteen years and having her die in my arms I was unsure of how or if I should just keep going, but I found the strength because I know that she is happy and no longer in pain. Putting her to sleep was the most kind thing I'd ever done for her, I think, because she was suffering a slow death. Know that, while it is difficult, you did your little guy a great kindness and he loves you all the more for it. He's with you in spirit and he'll never leave your side, no matter what.

I don't know if you considered it, but I had Holly cremated and, with her ashes here, I feel more at ease with my decision than before. The vet had her privately cremated the very next day by someone he knows very well, so I didn't have to wait for the SPCA to get around to it (down here they take weeks to cremate our beloved pets and I was dreading that that was what was going to happen to Holly). I'm not sure if you wanted Chico cremated or if you wanted him buried, but you have options.

Know that everyone here understands and feels your pain. I'm praying for you and Chico, but I imagine he is enjoying himself with the many other dogs and cats that are on Rainbow Bridge. Perhaps he's even running around with Holly, probably wanting to play with her favorite socks.

I have you both in my prayers and I am willing to be a cyber shoulder should you need someone to talk to or rant at.

Kat

[tahoeden]

Dear Berta,

I agree what everyone before me has just stated. I'm so sorry you have to go thru this. I, like others though, are relieved that your beloved Chico is out of pain. Chico was a trooper to the very end. And yes, it's so hard to have to reinvent your life, all the things you do now are "firsts" with Chico. Keep writing here, expressing your feelings, check out the chat room. Now is the time where it's hard to believe that Chico is gone, kind of like being in shock. After over a month, I still try to "will" my Kota to come back to me. But I know it can't happen. It's the saddest thing there is to lose a lifelong love, friend and companion as you have just gone through. Thinking of you and sending good thoughts to Chico.

Dennis

[janika]

Dear Berta

I send my heartfelt sympathies to you on the loss of your beloved Chico. What a blessing that he went peacefully in his mummys arms, being comforted.
You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Please come back and post when you can, we are all here for you.

Hugs
Jan and My Angels and Pixie xx

[JohnG]

Dear Berta,

As with everyone else here I want to express my deepest sympathies for your loss. Although it was a terribly difficult decision to make, you can find comfort in that your Chico is no longer in pain and that he was so very loved. I know how difficult it is, almost too much to take. Trying to go on with even the simplest daily tasks can be a monumental effort. But this community, as I've recently discovered after losing my own sweet Gabby, is a wonderful place to express your pain and seek comfort from caring, like-minded souls going through very similar ordeals. So many wonderful people have helped me keep going when I just wanted to give up and I hope we can do the same for you.

Be well,

John

[mom2stew]

Dear Berta,
I'm so familiar with what you're feeling right now. It was 8 weeks ago today that I had to let go of my own sick boy, Stew, who had heart failure. I want you to know that it's a slow process trying to get on with life. I broke down today for no particular reason at all except that I miss him so much. Do continue to come back here to talk, there is so much support here, so much more than the people in my day-to-day life were able to offer me. I hope you know that you did exactly what you had to do for him. I still question my decision even though I know that's silly, but when you're grieving it's hard to think straight.
I'm thinking of you and Chico, for what it's worth...you're not alone in your sadness.

Kelly

[Berta]

First I want to tell each of you how very sorry I am for your losses of your precious furbabies. My heart goes out to every single person on this forum. We are all suffering such painful losses of our beloved pets who just loved us, totally and completely, and it's heartwrenching.

I am going through the anger stage of grief today. I am blaming everyone starting with my neighbor who bitched last summer about Chico pooping in her yard and resulted in his not being able to run around free anymore and got less exercize. Then there's the idiot vet we used who did nothing but give him meds and tell me he was sorry there was nothing else to do. Then especially there is me, who listened to him and let it get out of hand. Since it is over and Chico is gone, I can see in retrospect how sick he was and I let it go too far. Why couldn't I see it before? I had friends hint to me months ago that maybe it was time to let him go, but I ignored it. Of course Chico put up a brave front to me, but I should have known better. And this vet was telling me that Chico wasn't ready to go. I knew in my heart that he was. I hope he forgives me for being so stupid and hanging on too long and allowing him to suffer.

It will truly be very hard to adjust to life without him. My first waking thought is to listen for his breathing. I have been doing that automatically for 9 months. Grocery shopping is about him and what he eats, when I do occasionally eat out I order something Chico likes so I can bring him home some food. Days are planned around him. I never go anywhere except to work, then come home a couple of times to check on him, etc. My life has revolved around my little dog. I'm sure you all know what I mean. I put my job at risk last month because I refused to go to a 3 day meeting. There's no way I could leave my dog. It was out of the question. He always came first in my life, before my job, my husband or even my daughter and grandkids.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent tonight. I am just consumed with grief right now and needed to rant some.

[tahoeden]

Berta,

Everything you wrote makes perfect sense. You loved Chico, and I think you honored Chico by not going to your 3 day meeting. I did the same thing with fast food. Near the end, Kota was a picky eater but always scarfed down a Taco Bell taco. I had a fridge full of them. I haven't been able to eat at Taco Bell since she passed. I know exactly, and I mean down to the teardrop, how consumed with grief you are over your loss. Today is 6 weeks to the day that I lost my little girl, and today I feel just as heartbroken as the day she passed. This is not to say that this'll be your timetable for grief. It's good that you are able to let out your anger. I haven't really had the anger but more of the disbelief and bargaining for her to be back again. Please try not to be hard on yourself or second guess that maybe you kept Chico too long. How does one let go of a love so precious? Of course he came first in your life...both of your hearts beat as one. Losing our best friend is such a tragedy. I've been ranting all day, to no one in particular, just in my mind. Wishing you some peace that Chico is now at peace.

Dennis

[ladywolf]

Hi Berta--

I am so sorry that you are having to go through the cycle of grieving that all of us have experienced. Anger is often one of the more energizing stages of grief--at least it wakes us up! Anger at anything, reasonable or unreasonable, is to be expected and is accepted. I can't believe the directions my anger took after the death of one of my beloveds--but at least it kept me functioning-- in a dysfinctional way! By now you are probably out of anger and into some other stage anyway...

I am just so sorry for your loss. Comfort yourself with the fact that Chico went very peacefully and probably very gratefully. Getting used to not having them around is a very long, drawn-out process. Months after my last dog, Poppers, left, I was still looking for her on walks that we all three might have taken together, me, Ladywolf, and Poppers. She was always...missing.

I don't have a lot of add that others haven't already said. Be gentle on yourself, remember to keep breathing, and try to do nice things for yourself.

Much love from Margi and Spiritwolf

[mom2stew]

I agree with what others have said. I read somewhere that when you're in the process of grieving, you should "indulge in simple pleasures." I did this, and I think it helped me. It helped distract me, and helped clear my head to think more clearly about the decisions I made around Stew's death. So whether it's a dessert, manicure, bath, trashy book or magazine, whatever...if it's at all appealing to you right now, indulge.

[MishasMom]

Berta,

It's natural to feel anger. I think we all have. I was kind of feeling the same thing you were that same day. I was angry at why I couldn't see my kitty anymore. I was angry at people that had cats. I was angry at why we have to go through this pain and heartache. I'm having a better day today. I hope you are too.

I agree that we should try to do things to distract ourselves for a little while from our grief. It doesn't dishonor our love for them.

[ladywolf]

It seems to me that the more you try to engage in other activities, like indulging yourself, spending time with friends, etc., the easier the grieving process is going to be. For example, you can't really laugh out loud and grieve in the same moment. I have one friend who is very very funny, and I am spending the most time that I can with her right now--it's very therapeutic when the two of us get going on something ridiculous!

Anger is one of the five "defined" stages of grieving (I put that in quotes, because there seem to be more than five after all.) Anger can be very powerful and energizing--at least you're not lying around feeling sorry for yourself. When Ladywolf was diagnosed with cancer, I got REALLY angry at the cancer and went to war against it--and I KNOW that that's why she lived many months longer than she was "supposed to." So roll with the anger when it comes up--it's actually GOOD for you!

So sorry, again, Berta, for your loss...

Big Hugs--Margi and Spiritwolf