My First Dog - My Love Left Us 12/7/09 Options

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hey Sammy
Today was another tough day without you. I was cleaning the house after work and I moved the little footstool with the skirt around it and I found one of your chew bones that you must have hidden there. Baby girl, that brought me to my knees. I've been crying off and on ever since. I miss you so much. I don't know what to do to make myself feel any better. Why can't you come back to me? I love you.
Momma

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hey Sammy
Missing you like crazy -- it seems like it's getting worse instead of better. I love you my angel.

[ladywolf]

Hey Sammy
Missing you like crazy -- it seems like it's getting worse instead of better. I love you my angel.

Sharon--

I hear you and feel you, but it only gets worse temporarily--believe me. We have our peaks and and our valleys, and you're apparently in a valley right now. It will all get easier again if you keep the faith--whatever your faith is!

I'm sorry you're hurting so much--

Margi and Lady

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Sammy -- Here's the picture I took of you last year -- our last Christmas card of you. You were always such a sport and let me take pictures of you. I miss you and love you.

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Sammy
I'm finding that so many things -- little things are making me miss you more and more -- the fact that it's lighter in the house in the morning makes me think of you and not having to leave a light on for you -- seeing the water dishes we kept in the garage for you or the little blanket you laid on out there when we were sitting around outside makes me so sad -- no more Sammy to be out there with us. I try not to dwell on the fact that you're not here anymore -- but I just miss you more and more every day. I had cut a few locks of your fur before we took you to the vet that last time and I was looking at it tonight -- it's so soft. I miss petting you. I'll have to go back to your favorite walking place to see if the jingle bell that daddy put some of your fur in is still hanging in that tree. We took that walk that day after you were gone and put it over there so a part of you would always be at your favorite walking place. You were a small dog - -but you were larger than life itself -- I miss you baby -- I hope you're safe and warm and happy.
Love you always.

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Sammy
Missing you like crazy again today. The house is so empty and quiet without you. Wish you were here again.
Love you
Momma

[janika]

Oh Sharon , that picture of Sammy is so adorable. I'm sorry you are feeling so sad. I'm thinking of you and sending hugs.

Love Jan xx

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Sammy
I'm home alone again -- wishing you were still here. But that isn't to be. I miss you but I know you're in a better place -- you're safe and warm and happy. Now I just need to figure out how to make myself happy again. I guess time will heal -- but it's been over 12 weeks now and some days it feels like you've been gone forever and then the next minute it still feels like yesterday. I hope you truly understand that I was only trying to help you get well --I never thought you'd leave us that soon. I'm going to put together a photo album of all your pictures we took over the years -- but right now I'm not up to it -- it's too sad to look at those right now.
I love you
Momma

[ladywolf]

Hi Sammy
I'm home alone again -- wishing you were still here. But that isn't to be. I miss you but I know you're in a better place -- you're safe and warm and happy. Now I just need to figure out how to make myself happy again. I guess time will heal -- but it's been over 12 weeks now and some days it feels like you've been gone forever and then the next minute it still feels like yesterday. I hope you truly understand that I was only trying to help you get well --I never thought you'd leave us that soon. I'm going to put together a photo album of all your pictures we took over the years -- but right now I'm not up to it -- it's too sad to look at those right now.
I love you
Momma

Hi Sharon--

That pic of Sammy is SO adorable, and what a cooperative little guy he must have been! I miss him too, and I never knew him!

Just wanted to check in and say hi and see how you're doing?

Hugs--Margi and Ladywolf

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Sammy
Missing you so much -- wish you were still here.

Momma

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Sammy
Today was an exceptionally hard emotional day. We drove to Fargo and the last time I was there was when I took you to that vet in October. I was remembering how happy I was that day when I was again told that you most likely didn't have cancer. Little did I know that in two short months you would be gone. We bought a different vehicle too and I feel so guilty -- I know that's stupid -- you really didn't like to be in the car much anyway -- but I feel like you won't know this one -- you won't be in this one, I don't even feel like I'm thinking logically about this at all. But I just feel like everything that had to do with you is all slowly slipping away. I wish I could wake up and this would all just be a bad dream and that you would be back. I love you and always will.

[janika]

Dear Sharon

So sorry that you are having such hard days. It really is so dreadfully heartbreaking when we miss our fur babies so much. Hopefully soon the 'Happy memories' will start taking over your thoughts and make your days worthwhile again. Sammy will want his mummy to be happy and not suffering.
I am sending my love and hugs.

Thinking of you and your Angel Sammy.

Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

[tanbuck]

Sharon, I just read your story about Sammy and I'm sorry you have this pain. We lost our sweet cat, Frasier, last August to complications due to megacolon and we are now in the same boat that you were in with Frasier's brother, Niles. Like you, I am convinced that he has cancer even though nothing shows at the time. We do know he is in kidney failure, has non-regenerative anemia, and severe IBD. Your story touched me because of the similarities. I am hand feeding him now and his weight is terribly low. I'm praying for a sign for anything. Just anything, you know? Good or bad. If he can't rally then I want him to go peacefully.
What was Sammy like just before he vomited blood? I'm so scared that I'll miss my sign that it's time and I'll let him go too far. I'm so scared of the middle of the night crisis. Our emergency vet is very far away. With Frasier we were so fortunate that the vet was able to tell us that it would be hours before he would be in a crisis state so we put him to sleep right away to avoid that for him and for us. When you were nursing Sammy, were you obsessed with it? Listening for every little thing? Did you get terrible sleep, if any? Did you feel like you shouldn't go out and enjoy or do anything while he was there probably dying? I feel like a prisoner because it hasn't been long since I went through all of this with Frasier. I don't want him to go but I feel like I'm wrapped in a wet blanket of sadness all the time. I'm in a fog at work and in a slump at home.
Do you have any words to comfort me?
Also, I completely know what you mean about the new car. I was that way after Frasier died. I didn't want there to be anything he didn't know. I just felt so sorry for him that he didn't get to be with us and Niles and our dog, Buck.
Anyway, if you can help, I would appreciate it. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I do hope it gets better for you.
Donna

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Jan and Donna
thanks for you words of comfort - it does help. I just seem to be in a really low, low place where the death of Sammy is concerned. I hope I can climb out of it soon.

Donna-Sammy wasn't eating well for the last 6 months of her life -- I hand fed her a can of dog food everyday -- we were also told she had severe IBD -- but in the end the vet suspected it was cancer that was intradermal -- small cells that didn't show up on all the xrays. She just kept losing weight. Most days she still wanted to go for a walk -- but the night she vomited blood she also had the shivers which I believe can indicate pain in an animal. She also had a high temp so we took her to the vet who gave her fluids and a shot of prednisone. That night she just got worse -- she vomited even her water. She also wanted to go away and hide from me -- which is also something she never did. We took her outside that evening at about midnight to go potty -- the snow was pretty deep and it was so very cold -- but she just kept walking away from our house. We called her name and she stopped and turned and looked at us --it was like she was trying to tell me to let her go. Like she just wanted to go away and lay down in the snow and die.
I brought her back in the house and sat up with her all night long -- she didn't want to be petted much and tried to hide behind our living room chairs. I put her on a blanket on the sofa and that is where she stayed until we took her to the vet the next morning at 8 am. She was gone before 9 am. I know it was the right thing to do - she was the best dog in the world and she didn't deserve to suffer at all. I sometimes wonder if I did wrong by her by handfeeding her for so many months. But I was just trying to keep her alive -- I should have known it was more than IBD because she didn't gain weight at all. I just hope she understands that I was only trying to help her. I am sorry you're going through the same thing with Niles - when I think back to the last 6 months of Sammy's life - I realize how stressful that was. I didn't sleep much and watched her like a hawk for any sign of something different. I only went to work and then stayed home with her all rest of the time. I became obsessed with trying to get 500 calories in her each day hoping she would gain weight. If the calorie content wasn't on the treats I bought - I called the companies to find out and most of the time she wouldn't eat them anyway. It was a horrible time for us - but being without her is even more horrible -- even though I wouldn't want her back in the condition she was in -I couldn't wish her back being as sick as she was. I guess I want my Sammy back healthy and know that this isn't to be. I'll keep you in my prayers -- I know how exhausting caring for a sick pet can be.
Take care
Sharon

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Sammy
Missing you like crazy again. I'm home alone and it's so sad without you. I love you always.

[CharliesMom]

Sharon, your description of Sammy's behavior in her last days could so easily have been me describing Charlie. He, too, kept going off by himself. In fact, less than an hour before his fatal seizure, he went outdoors for awhile and when he didn't come back right away, my mother went looking for him. She found him huddled behind a trash can, and looking so pitiful it just about broke her heart. A day earlier he had actually crawled under the deck and there and there were several other occasions when I had to search for him, invariably finding him in some cramped, remote hiding place. Maybe it's a terrier thing, them wanting to go off by themselves to die but I'll always be glad that I was with him at the end. Believe me, I know how hard such memories can be, but I truly believe that one day we'll be reunited with our sweet Westies and in the meantime they're having a grand old time on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. Maybe Sammy and Charlie have met over there and are off chasing squirrels together. I'd like to think so.

Barbara

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Barbara
I sounds like Charlie and Sammy were alot alike - especially their last few days. I like that idea that they've met up at Rainbow bridge and are chasing squirrels together. Maybe they're coordinating their efforts and finally Sammy can corner one! She certainly always gave it her all here on earth. I ordered a copy of that book someone else had mentioned -- The Last Will and Testament of an Extremely Distinguished Dog -- it came in the mail yesterday and what a beautiful - short read. Eugene O'Neil wrote it in the early 1940's about his well-loved dog -- but it could have easily been written by any of us today. Makes me realize that I do want another Wesite in my life in the near future. I'm kind of having another bad spell without Sammy again today -- it seems like when I'm home alone and have to much time to think about her --- I miss her so much it hurts. I hope you're having a better day.
Sharon

[Westiesam/Sharon]

I've been watching "The Other Side of the Mountain" the true story about Olympic hopeful skier Jill Kinmont who becamse a quadraplegic afater she had a skiing accident. At the end of the movie she recalls what her fiancee (who died in a plane crash at age 27) said to her the last time she saw him:


"How lucky I am to have found someone and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful."[size="5"][/size]


I guess that makes me lucky to have found my Sammy --to have had the pleasure of sharing her life --however long it was.

Have a peaceful day everyone.

Sharon

[CharliesMom]

I'm kind of having another bad spell without Sammy again today -- it seems like when I'm home alone and have to much time to think about her --- I miss her so much it hurts. I hope you're having a better day.
Sharon

I'm so sorry you've had such a bad day. I never really know when one of those will hit. I did pretty well on Wednesday, but Thursday was awful. I thought today would be horrible because it was Charlie's birthday and he didn't live to see it, but my family all came over this afternoon and we had kind of a 'wake' for Charlie which was really beautiful. But tomorrow might be another bad day. It's hard to know when one of those waves will wash over you.

I'm glad to know, however, that you're starting to think about getting another Westie. My own inclination is to start all over again with a puppy, but I do have Belle to think of and I'm not sure how she'd take to a puppy. She'll be 9 herself in September and a pup might well drive her nuts. I need to give it some time, I think, and lots of thought. I'll see how I feel in a month.

I, too, ordered the Eugene O'Neill book and loved it! As you say, it's a short read, but it really makes you think. I have to agree with 'Blemie' that it's a tribute to your old dog to realize you can't live without one. I adore Belle, but really miss having a Westie in my life. I'll never replace Charlie. He was surely one of a kind, but so many of the things I loved about him are, in fact, characteristic of the breed. As I said, though, I need a little time. It's only been a little over a week since I lost Charlie. It was three months after my last dog died before I found Charlie and I couldn't even bring him home for another two months as he was only 3 days old at the time (and so adorable - all puppies are cute but Westie puppies are too adorable to be allowed). At any rate, I hope you have a better day tomorrow. And as you fall asleep tonight, think of Charlie & Sammy playing together beyond the Rainbow Bridge. Isn't that an appealing image? Definitely something to dream about.

Barbara

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Barbara
I'm glad you were able to have your wake for Charlie -- I had a glass of Merlot last night and had a toast for him too. I am going to remember to think about Charlie and Sammy playing together at Rainbow bridge. I'm sure they are already fast friends! It's so true -- you never know when those hard horrible moments are going to hit. For you - it is all still so very new. I was complete basket case the first month that Sammy was gone. I also can't believe I'm thinking about getting another Westie. Sammy was such a good dog!
I think I need to heal some more before we actually get another one though -- I don't know if I'd be too paranoid about every little thing that they did - wondering if this new pup was sick already. I need some space between all these fears.
I'm glad you have Belle there by your side. And I agree -older dogs sometimes just don't like puppies that much. I know Sammy never really warmed up to the new puppies in our neighborhood the last years of her life. It seemed that they totally annoyed her! She give them looks that I swore said - hey - little fur puff -- I have no time for you!!

have a good day
Sharon