My First Dog - My Love Left Us 12/7/09 Options

[lynette]

Morning to everyone here. I'm so sorry for your losses.

I know how awful you all feel at losing the loves of your life. I know many of you won't believe me, but it will get easier. You will probably never forget the guilt that you feel or the pain that you're feeling, but you will learn to live with it and the good memories will start to push those terrible feelings aside. I know.

I lost Lily June 24, 2008. She was only eight and she died suddenly and unexpectedly. We aren't sure what happened, I think she choked. And we watched helplessly as the life slipped away from her eyes. That is a sight I will NEVER forget. We tried to save her, but were unable. I've had a few dogs during my life and each and every one of them hurt really bad. When Lily left, it hurt worse than all the others I think. Then we found out a few days later that our other dog Hunny had cancer. She fought a tough battle, but we had to let her go April 4 last year. She was also eight. (Eight seems to be our unlucky number. We lost two cats last year also, both eight too.) That was hard, but at least we had eight months to make sure we had no regrets with her. I cried so many tears for her because I knew her time would be coming soon. I have guilt. Lots of it for both of them. And I've beat myself up of course. It's natural. I hope that they will forgive me one day.

I know you are all hurting right now. This is a great place to come. I've spent a lot of time here. I found it days before I had to let Hunny go. I wish I had found it when I lost Lily.

I still miss my babies so much. I don't cry as much anymore. If people knew I talked to them each night before I fall asleep they would probably think I was really crazy. But, I don't care. I've been doing this every day since I lost my first dog Mitzy back in 1980. Every one of my dogs has been my best friend. I now have 4 dogs. Three of them are rescues. I know the pain of losing them is really hard and unbearable, but just think of all the years that they've brought joy to your lives. I would not give that up for anything. I've loved and lost. And I know I will do it again and again. There are so many animals out there that need a home. So many animals that need love and so many that want nothing more than to just love someone. That's what keeps me coming back for the pain. But it's worth it. People who have never had a pet - have no idea what love is.

I know I'm rambling, but this is a great place. Unfortunately, the reason we're here is because we're in so much pain.

Please, just know, that it does get easier. Life goes on. And, hopefully, in time, you'll come to want another baby. I wish they would live forever too. I have piece of mind, believing that Hunny and Lily are together again. I know Hunny really missed Lily.

Take care everyone.

Lynette.

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Lynette
Thanks for "rambling" as you put it. It does help me tremendously to know that it will get better. Sometimes I think I'm doing okay and then something happens - a memory or driving someplace and remembering that this is where we once walked together and it brings me to my knees. I can't think of the happy times yet because for some reason that makes me miss Sammy more - crazy I know, but I have to recall how sick she was in order to realize that we had no choice but to let her go. I hope someday to be able to love another furbaby - because I do know that the joy they give one far outweighs this pain that I'm feeling - but right now I just can't go there.
I appreciate your thoughts and it has been a comfort. Thanks again
Sharon

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hey Sammy
Tomorrow it will be six weeks since you're gone -- hard to believe -- I still wake up in the middle of the night and then I realize it's true and that sickening feeling overcomes me again. I'm trying really hard to be happy again - because I know that's what you would want - but it isn't easy baby -- I miss you and Love you.
Momma

[janika]

Lynette, what wonderful (and very wise) words you posted . Says it all and very well and caringly put. Thankyou so much.

Sharon I'm thinking of you and your darling Angel Sammy, sending hugs.

Love Jan and my Angels

[ladywolf]

Sneding many blessings to you and your beautiful Sammy, Sharon.

Lynette--thank you for defining so clearly the reason that we put ourselves through all this pain. I've thought at times that I could never bear it again, and then along has come some four-legged who needed me, and I've done it all over again! Ladywolf made no contract with me that she would live as long as I do--I know that. Now that she's got terminal cancer, I'm fighting it with food and supplements, but I know in my heart that I don't have too much time left with her when I get realistic. I look ahead to the inevitable pain, and I wouldn't have traded all these years of joy for anything, certainly not for an absence of pain. The absence of pain is a "nothing"--and four-legged love is a really really big something!

Thanks again for posting such wise words.

Margi and Her Wolf

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Margi
I hope you and Ladywolf are doing fine tonight. I have to agree with you - Lynette put some great words out there for all of us to read. And you bet - the joy they give us is way worth all of this horrible pain. It is getting better - I truly thought I would die that first week. But here I am 6 weeks later and I'm still breathing. I wish you and Ladywolf the best and Ladywolf -- keep on fighting as long as you can- you have a great momma that loves you to pieces! Have a great night.
Sharon

[smokey/lady/max]

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Hi Mommy,
I am your beautiful little angel

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Sending you lots of kisses from heaven
Your little Sammy forever
xoxoxoxo

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Anna
Thank you for the beautiful pictures of my angel Sammy. They warm my heart. That second picture is exactly what Sammy looked like as a pup -- all ears until she grew into them. Bless you always
Sharon

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Oh Sammy - I miss you so terribly much today. Daddy and I are going on vacation next week and I'm not really even looking forward to it because you're supposed to be here to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house. They always looked after you when we were gone. It's been 52 days now that you're gone and I feel as bad today as I did that awful day you had to leave us. I know everyone tells me this will get better - but right now it doesn't feel like it at all! I miss you and I love you and I will miss your forever. I'm trying to keep busy, but it is so depressing knowing that I'll never get to play with your or pet you ever again -- at least not on this earth. I wish you could come back to me.
I love you.
Momma

[kitroll]

Hi everyone
I'm really struggling again tonight. I miss Sammy so much. I almost suffocate when I think that I'll never get to pet her again and hold her and tell her I love her and go for walks with her. How does one get over this?
Sharon

Sharon,

I lost my 11-year-old dog, Ernie just about three weeks ago and cry constantly. I'm surprised I haven't lost my job or collapsed from exhaustion from crying and lack of food and sleep. The HARDEST thing for me through all this is exactly what you said. I'll never get to see him again, I'll never get to kiss him again, I'll never get to look into his cute face and tell him how much I love him again. The memories are EVERYWHERE, in the house, in the car, in the neighborhood where we walked every day. If anyone call tell us how to get through this I would be so appreciative. Hearing that it gets better in time doesn't help for right now. Some days I can't even take care of myself. The only way I can stop crying is to NOT think about him. I never in a million years thought it would ever be this hard.

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Kitroll
I have to agree with you on everything you said -- it's almost like it's getting harder now that it's over 7 weeks instead of easier. I can't drive anywhere in our town without thinking of all the walks we took. We walked everywhere! The guilt I feel about leaving for vacation next week in unbelievable. I feel like I shouldn't allow myself the chance of being happy or something. I too never thought it would be this hard and right now I don't know if I can ever dare to love another dog again. I know the happiness they bring far outweighs this grief -- but right now all I can think about is the overwhelming grief and sadness.

I am so sorry for the loss you're feeling for your dog, Ernie - Sammy was just over 11 years old too and I feel like we took such good care of her -- why didn't she live longer? Why didn't Ernie live longer? I don't know what to say to make you feel better -- I wish there were something I could do for you because I know how awful this feels. About all I can say is that I pray for everyone on this site daily - that we can all find peace and happiness again.

Sharon

[smokey/lady/max]

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Hi Mommy,
You will always be my favorite girl I love you

Your Angel Sammy
xoxoxoxo

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Oh Anna
thank you so much for that last picture of Sammy -- you'll never believe this - but one thing my husband and Sammy used to do was wink at each other. He'd wink at her and then she'd wink right back -- she never winked for me -- but it was their thing.....thank you so much.
Sharon

[smokey/lady/max]

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Sharon you dont have to thank me. Just hopeing to bring a smile to you, I know how hard it is
trying to make it through each day with out our angels.

Hugs
Anna & Angel Max

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hey Little Sammy baby
2 months ago today you left us. It's hard to believe that this much time has passed. Some days I feel better, but most days my heart still feels as if it's been ripped out of my chest and I can't breathe too well. I miss you so much.

Daddy and I were in Arizona on vacation this past week. It was happy and sad -- first time we've been gone and didn't have to take you to Grandma and Grandpa's to have them take care of you for us. I know it was a sad week for them too.

A couple of things happened while we were away -- on Wedsnesday - Feb 3rd - we drove to Sedona and visited the Chapel of the Holy Cross -- I lit a candle for you and asked God to help us find peace and to be able to comes to terms with your passing -- I asked God to send me a sign that you were okay. Well - I went to kneel by daddy and say more prayers and I looked over to my left -- a lady was half kneeling- half sitting in the first pew and all of a sudden a little white dog popped up in her lap. It wasn't a westie, but baby -- I've never ever seen a dog in any church much less a white one -- just right after praying - so I'm taking that as a sign that you're doing okay. I miss you and love you and wish you could ocme back to me. In a heartbeat I'd take you back my love. Then yesterday we were walking through the street fair downtown Lake Havasu City and some people walked by with a westie. Daddy asked them if we could pet their dog. Their let us pet her -- of all things -- her name was Shammy -- about as close to Sammy as you can get. She gave us both kisses and let me pet her for a long time -- or what that your spirit that gave us those kisses? It made me miss you even more -- to feel that fur and those kisses and hold the dog in my arms -- in was heart breaking, but felt good too. Have a great night -- I love you forever -----

Momma

[ladywolf]

Hey Little Sammy baby
2 months ago today you left us. It's hard to believe that this much time has passed. Some days I feel better, but most days my heart still feels as if it's been ripped out of my chest and I can't breathe too well. I miss you so much.

Daddy and I were in Arizona on vacation this past week. It was happy and sad -- first time we've been gone and didn't have to take you to Grandma and Grandpa's to have them take care of you for us. I know it was a sad week for them too.

A couple of things happened while we were away -- on Wedsnesday - Feb 3rd - we drove to Sedona and visited the Chapel of the Holy Cross -- I lit a candle for you and asked God to help us find peace and to be able to comes to terms with your passing -- I asked God to send me a sign that you were okay. Well - I went to kneel by daddy and say more prayers and I looked over to my left -- a lady was half kneeling- half sitting in the first pew and all of a sudden a little white dog popped up in her lap. It wasn't a westie, but baby -- I've never ever seen a dog in any church much less a white one -- just right after praying - so I'm taking that as a sign that you're doing okay. I miss you and love you and wish you could ocme back to me. In a heartbeat I'd take you back my love. Then yesterday we were walking through the street fair downtown Lake Havasu City and some people walked by with a westie. Daddy asked them if we could pet their dog. Their let us pet her -- of all things -- her name was Shammy -- about as close to Sammy as you can get. She gave us both kisses and let me pet her for a long time -- or what that your spirit that gave us those kisses? It made me miss you even more -- to feel that fur and those kisses and hold the dog in my arms -- in was heart breaking, but felt good too. Have a great night -- I love you forever -----

Momma

Hi Sharon--

What a deeply moving, touching story! How amazing, a small white dog in a church (!), and a Westie named Shammy. Those were signs, for sure! I hope you had a good time in Arizona. I live way down south, in a part that I don't like very much. My little community is really very lovely--it's up in the oak trees at the backside of Mt. Lemmon, north of Tucson--but there's no WATER here and I'm a swimmer, so I suffer every day that I can't swim. We don't even have a community pool! But northern Arizona is beautiful--just a little too cold for my tastes in the winter. There's a lot to see and do up there, isn't there?

I really don't have a lot of sage words in me today--just wanted to acknowledge the clear signs you got from your beloved Sammy...

Hugs--Margi and Ladywolf

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Margi and Ladywolf
I certainly think they were signs too -- plus every day we were down there I saw one sun dog -- only one. We hardly ever see sun dogs up here in North Dakota unless it's super cold -- I saw them the week we lost Sam. I enjoyed the warm weather and there is a ton of things to do in Arizona. I don't know if I could ever get used to not having green grass all summer long though. The rock lawns would take some adjusting to.

How is Ladywolf doing? -- I lit a candle for all the people on this site that are hurting too. If you ever get to Sedona, stop by that chapel -- it's a breathtaking view...

Thanks for listening to me.

Sharon

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hey Sammy
Missing you like crazy today.
Love you always
Momma

Sharon

[Ponchosmommie]

Hi
My husband and I had to put our beloved Westie - Sammy to sleep on Dec 7th. It's been 26 days now and I don't know if I will be able to survive this loss. She was a part of our lives for almost 11 years -- just 5 days shy of having her for that time. She was my first dog and I miss her so.
Almost a year ago she quit eating some of her favorite foods and I didn't put two and two together. I feel like I should have noticed something was wrong sooner. In May she got really sick and two local vets told me she had severe gastritis. I then took her to two other vets - one out of town and they told me it was probably IBD. I put my poor dog through so many blood tests, xrays, barium xray, ultrasound, and endosopy to find out what was wrong with her. I feared it was cancer, but none of the 4 vets we took her too were able to confirm (or deny) that. She weighed 22.7 lbs at the beginning of May and the day we put her to sleep she weighed only 15.2 lbs. We also did two different allergy tests and they contradicted each other -- she was allergic to so many foods it was hard to find foods to feed her. When she kept losing weight, I hand fed her a can of dog food a day -- she didn't like me putting the food in her mouth - but she let me do it day after day -- I felt I needed to do this to keep her weight up and to hopefully turn around whatever was wrong. She allowed me to feed her this way for almost 6 months -- I know it wasn't normal to hand feed a dog, but I just wanted to save her. I even took her for acupressure treatments to hopefully help her. She just kept getting thinner and thinner - some days she would eat some of her dog treats in addtion to the canned food I gave her, but she still didn't get better or gain any weight back.
The day before we let her go, she vomited blood and just got so very sick. I knew in my heart that she probably had cancer -- and in tghe end, the vet felt that's what it probably really was too. My husband and I held her in our arms that Monday morning - we told her we loved her and they gave her the injection. She went very peacefully within a matter of seconds -- but my heart turly broke at that moment.
Coming home to an empty house was the worst thing. That day, for the first time in 11 years I actually went to the bathroom by myself -- Sammy followed me everywhere! My husband works out of town several nights a week - and she was my constant companion. I miss her so much and don't know how to get over this.
We got her ashes back about two weeks ago, and that helped me to somewhat -- but tonight now I'm all alone again and I so sad. People are telling me to get another dog, but I can't do that now -- I don't know if I ever want to put myself through this kind of grief again. I know people think I'm crazy for mourning a dog this much - but I can't help it -- I loved her so much and she's gone forever.
Thanks for listening to my story.
Sharon

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Sharon,

I so relate to what you wrote...especially about going to the bathroom..alone. This past Friday night, February 12, 2010, my little chihuahua Poncho, died in my arms. He was my baby and shadow for 10 years. It's too painful to go into detail now, but right now I hurt so bad I don't know if I will make it. My eyes are just slits from crying. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest and I haven't eaten since the night before he died.

I go tomorrow and pick up his ashes...his urn will be in Thursday maybe Wednesday. This is killing me. Just wanted to let you know that I know your pain very well.

Ponchosmommie

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[Westiesam/Sharon]

Ponchosmommie
I am so very sorry for the loss of your furbaby Poncho. What a beautiful little dog he was. You have come to the right place to be able to get help from all the wonderful people here. Just know that you are not alone in your pain. Today it has been 10 weeks since Sammy has been gone. I didn't think I'd live through it, but I am still living and it's slowly -- very slowly getting better. I still cry sometimes, but I don't have that terrible suffocating feeling -- the elephant on the chest feeling. Try to take care of yourself and come back and talk to us anytime you want to.

Sharon