I'm A Psychotherapist, That's why.... Options

[ladywolf]

I have such strong opinions about guilt, and how it wastes our life energy.

Just wanted you to know where I'm coming from (still desperately missing my Poppers dog)

Margi and Ladywolf

[Rhapsedy]

Margi and Ladywolf: I have such strong opinions about guilt, and how it wastes our life energy.

Just wanted you to know where I'm coming from (still desperately missing my Poppers dog)

Rhapsedy: I totally agree with you but how do I stop the feelings from talking over my thoughts? Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated.

[Brutus]

Dear Rhapsedy..you should feel proud that you you were such a loving Mom to Calloway. You had the strength to give him one last gift so that he would not suffer anymore. You were totally unselfish and gave up your soulmate so that he could still have dignity and no more pain...a wise angel once told me (Dottie)..that animals do not fear death but they do fear pain and what a great Mom you were to rid Calloway of that pain..that fear. To let him go to the bridge with dignity..you have done something wonderful and I know you don't feel that way..you should..Calloway is free of all pain now and running and playing. He will patiently wait for you and he is always with you in your heart. He is watching you now and wishes you would free yourself of this terrible guilt and remember him in a happy way..he doesn't want to see you sad..he doesn't want to see you torture yourself.

There is no magic way to rid yourself of this feeling...I wish there was or I would give it to you...

Peace my friend,
Brutus' Mom

[LS Support]

hello Ladywolf,

a member suggested i review this message thread in regards to your opinions and advice about guilt following the loss of a pet (the same applies to a person dying). while the advice is appreciated, and your opinions may be valid, please realize that each individual has his or her own way of expressing grief over their loss.

often, guilt becomes part of the 5 stages of grief. i feel guilt is a natural part of the grieving process, and in the many years i've been part of the pet loss community i have seen most people release their guilt...but it takes time to get there. how long depends upon the individual and their circumstances.

since you are a psychotherapist, you know that opinions of the therapist matter to a much smaller degree than those of the person being treated. it is okay to gently direct people in the direction they need to go in order to heal, but to invalidate the client's emotions and feelings is not...particularly during the early stages of grief when the loss is still fresh. though guilt may 'waste our life energy', in my opinion it should still be considered a valid response to loss.

hopefully this makes sense. thanks and condolences over the loss of Poppers.

[ladywolf]

I'm so sorry, administrator and others. You are totally correct and I was in error. I completely agree with you that we all have to move through the stages of grieving, including guilt, at our own pace and in our own way. I stand corrected and won't post such forceful statements again...

But it just tears me apart to see others tearing themselves apart over things that they were not to blame for. It's just so darned sad--it makes me want to do something, anything, to make their guilt go away. But there's nothing I can do except try to be of comfort. Forgive me for crossing over that line...I'm also almost 60, which means that I've been around the block for awhile, and I'm kind of like an old crone. Too overbearing sometimes, but I surely do mean well.

I do apologize.

Margi