Need Some Support, Please, No one around me understands Options

[anln]

Hi everyone.
Today I've really been having a hard time...missing my boy, Jordan, crying, and really feeling the loss. I came home and was just really sad. When I spoke to my husband and told him about how sad I was feeling today he hugged me for a minute and asked what we were having for dinner. Don't get me wrong, my husband is wonderful and extremely loving, but I needed more than that. When I told him about that, he said, "What do you want me to say?" I told him that I needed to know that he still misses him a lot, too. He said, "Sure I miss him but its been a long time." I nearly jumped out of my skin... Then I looked at the calendar and realized that it has been four months to the day that he died. Today it was so raw again...I felt like I was actually realizing that I wouldn't be able to run my hands over his beautiful head or kiss in between his brown eyes, or rub his silky ears. That is all I want to do. So, my friends, I am feeling a bit alone tonight. Its a sad anniversary of sorts...four months. It feels like forever. I miss you, Jordan.
Love,
Jordan's mom

[Gort]

I'm new to this type of grieving Anin and my dog has only been gone for 2 weeks but it still feels like forever. I know that the 'anniversary thing' is tough seeing as it's actually 2 weeks today that I found Ava at the bottom of my stairs. It's alright to miss our dogs so much that we cry. Understandably we miss their precious company and the little rituals we used to do with them. About all that remains is the fond memories but they are still with us in spirit. Take it one day at a time. Time is the healer but the little anniversaries will always be their to dampen our own spirits. It will get better.

[LittleGirl's...]

Jordon's Mom,

I've experienced those times too---where I just have to have my Little Girl in my arms or I am going to die! I had one of those days about a week ago. I was in despair.

Just know that we all understand, and we're with you through your journey!!

Hugs and prayers,

Kathy

[gingerspal]

Dear anin,
suggestion!....You could say--"I want to talk about Jordan and my feelings for 10 minutes without interruption. When I am done you could talk for 10 minutes about what you want to talk about" (and then you do not interrupt him)--this little exercise can have quite amazing results! ask him! what would it cost? a whole total of 20 minutes. (actually I have done this and it can be really hard to come up with 10 full minutes of information--so you might want to cut it back to 5! LOL)
And if he doesn't go for this idea you can always come back and get your hugs here.
{{{{{{{{{anin}}}}}}}}}}}}

[zoeysdad]

Hi Jordan's mom,

I fully understand and share the pain you're currently feeling. It's been a little over four weeks for me and today has been a really bad day. The little grave in the backyard is a constant reminder that my Little Man is 'out there' and not here by my side where I want and need him to be. Sometimes the memories are enough to sustain me, but there are days, like today, when the memories are just not enough.

I know it's frustrating when others don't seem to be as deeply affected by a loss, but we have to remember that everyone grieves in their own way. When you can't find the comfort and understanding you need at home then this is definately the place to come. Everyone here always understands.

You're in my thoughts,
__JIM

[LS Support]

hi,

this is a very common issue with pet loss. you either experience great loss over an animal or you dont, there
are people on both sides. remember people grieve in different ways and for different lengths of time. as
with any loss, animal or human, if the grief gets to be unbearable or lasts for a time YOU feel is too long,
it is best to seek professional counsel (not saying that you are that point). hang in there, turn to those
who understand how you feel (here, for example) and get the support you need where you can find it.

[Muffins]

Hi {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Anln}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} :

First, a great big HUGE HUG FOR YOU!!!!!!!

I am sincerely sorry that today has been a very difficult & sad day for you, Anln......

Don't get me wrong, my husband is wonderful and extremely loving, but I needed more than that.  When I told
him about that, he said, "What do you want me to say?"

I TRULY understand your need. Also, I am quite sure that your husband is a very wonderful and loving man...
No question there, Anln.

I must say that I definitely agree with Patti's advice 100%.

Her quote:

"I want to talk about Jordan and my feelings for 10 minutes without interruption.  When I am done, you could talk for 10 minutes about what you want to talk about."      (and then you do not interrupt him).

I think that is a wonderful idea and would be very, very effective. Please give that a try with your husband. It will give you an opportunity to sit down, and really express all of the feelings in your heart about Jordan, to your husband.
And, your husband WILL HEAR YOU.....

What is important is that YOUR NEEDS WILL BE MET.... THAT YOU ARE LISTENED TO & HEARD. And, understood.

You might be surprised that for your husband's time, he just may talk about Jordan as well. Once you both get a conversation going.....it could last a lot longer -----
BUT, the important thing is that IT IS UNDERSTOOD RIGHT IN THE BEGINNING THAT YOU RECEIVE 10 FULL MINUTES.

I can HEAR in what you wrote how very painful the 17th was for you.......
First of all, it was the "fourth month" TO THE DAY that your sweet Jordan left this earth!!

As time does go on, that our furbabies are not with us.............there surely ARE days that, in my opinion, feel JUST LIKE the FIRST FEW WEEKS................
The realization that our furkids ARE GONE FROM THIS EARTH!!!!

They're not "physically HERE" anymore, for us to touch them, love them, caress them, kiss them..... But, I know that you know--->> Jordan lives WITHIN YOU......... Jordan is with you every single day!
He will forever live on in your heart and in your soul!

You and Jordan had a special, special bond that can never, ever be broken!!!
Please, don't forget that.

People on this site have said that "Not even death can break the bond of true love"....

It sounds to me that you weren't aware that the 17th was actually the anniversary of Jordan's passing....
And, that's perfectly fine..........
It sounds to me as if you are "growing", and in this journey - you are really "moving on" and you are "healing"....

My sweet Ernestine was put to sleep 7 & 1/2 months ago.... And, those months have gone by extremely quickly.
The date that she went to Rainbow's Bridge was 2/6/2004.
I really don't give a "conscious thought" when the 6th of the month is here........
If I happen to write out the date, and I see "the 6th", then I'll remember......

I will ALWAYS & FOREVER LOVE MY SWEET GIRL!!! And, I do miss her -- But, I KNOW that she is in a much, much better
place where there is no pain....
And, I know FOR SURE THAT SHE IS AMONG THE BEST COMPANY THAT SHE CAN BE!!!
That makes me VERY HAPPY!!!!

You are "moving on", BUT, that does not mean FOR ONE MINUTE that you are forgetting. And, let me assure you of
one thing that I know is for certain:

YOU WILL NEVER, EVER FORGET your darling, Jordan!!!!! That will NEVER HAPPEN.... That's why we have our memories ; THANK YOU GOD!!!!!
All the memories that you have stored up -- they cannot be taken away -- THEY'RE YOURS TO KEEP!!

It's almost like, something inside you FELT LIKE it had been a certain amount of time since your precious Jordan
has been gone.....
And, you thought of some things that you initially felt when Jordan died......

How you wouldn't be able to run your hands over his beautiful head, or
Kiss in between his brown eyes, or
Rub his silky ears........
(I am quite sure that the list goes on & on & on...... )

This is the way "the journey" goes....
At least, I feel that it is.

I'm with you ---- It really does feel like "it has been forever".....

I am happy that you came on and shared what you were feeling....
I'm certain that "we humans" are not meant to do this alone....

I believe that we all need one another.
People need people!!

I don't remember your "older posts", but I wonder, "Have you ever written a letter to Jordan"?????
What I HAVE ALWAYS FOUND TO BE BENEFICIAL, in many, many phases of my life -- was to get a notebook, and
just write.

It could be just plain old "journal writing", or it could be something as specific as "writing to someone", (who has perhaps made me angry), and not sending the letter.......
Just to get it off my chest....

Or, in your case, writing to a very special furdog who you miss so desperately.

I think you will find that it really, really does help......

I wish you and your family much peace and love!

God Bless you!

Love, Denise

[JackieMc]

Hi Jordan's Mom,

While I am new at this, I think it would be perfectly natural for you to feel intense sadness on anniversaries. All of the suggestions that have been posted here for you are excellent. The only question I would add is - do you have somebody else in your life that you could talk to when you're feeling really sad about Jordan? It certainly doesn't sound as if your husband is being intentionally mean, it's just that everybody's grief is unique in every way. It's very similar with my husband but I'm fortunate enough to have two very good friends who are willing to listen to me talk about Banjo when I need to.

I'm so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers.

Jackie

[littlebitsmom]

Dear Jordan's Mom,
I myself just lost my baby littlebit, well, tomorrow it will be 2 weeks exactly, and i am trying to come to grips with my loss, all of us will heal differently in our own time, but i think i've come to the conclusion like one of our furmommies just told me earlier, instead of looking at my beautiful littlebits departing date as an anniversary, it will be mine and littlebits "Angel Day", since she left this world on my birthday, so to me instead of hurting every year on that dreary day, i will know now to look up at the sky and say "Happy Angel Day" to my darling littlebit, so if you can do something like that to help you heal, just a day for you and jordan, it will warm your heart i think more than bring back pain, you will be flooded with all the wonderful and silly little things that jordan used to do, and before you know it, you will be smiling, believe me, i'm doing this now and it is helping me with littlebit, and i think just hearing from all our other furmommies and furdaddies out there, knowing that they truly care, that is what helps the most, jordan is smiling at you now, believe me, you will feel it, hang in there.
sherry (littlebitsmom)

[jan]

Hi, everyone! I haven't been around in quite awhile, but I wanted to tell Jordan's mom (and everyone else) that I know exactly how you feel. I'm so sorry for your loss and it feels like the pain will go on forever. We lost our girl, Phoenix, on April 30th and, while the pain has lessened, and I can now think of great memories of her without crying - the scar will always be on my heart.

I needed to talk about Phoenix a lot more than my DH too. That's what lead me to finding this wonderful website. Maybe it's just the way some men deal with grief. I think they want to "fix it" for us and if they can't do that, they don't see any point in talking about it again. Whereas, women (or at least in my case) have the emotional need to talk about our "furbabies" a lot after we lose them.

Hugs to everyone!

[deedee]

Four months isn't that long when you consider how much time you had together. I still get weepy about Oswald, and he has been gone since June 20. He has been gone for an entire season, but it seems like just yesterday.

Grief follows its own timetable. Be good to yourself!

[Steph]

Grief certainly is odd. Sometimes I'm better, sometimes I crash again.

I know the feeling of being alone. In my case, Luba really was MY dog. My boyfriend and my mother both knew her and saw her a lot, but she wasn't their dog. They felt sad when she died, whereas I was utterly devastated.

Sometimes I actually find myself getting angry at the world for moving on. Then I see myself moving on along with it.

Maybe we are in the mid-stage of grieving. We are living life again, but life has somehow forever changed.

[anln]

Thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart. It is such a comfort to read your responses. I appreciate the time and words of caring that you each posted. It helps so much.
With love,
Jordan's mom

[deedee]

Grief follows its own course. Steph is right - sometimes I am fine, other times I see something that reminds me of my fellow and the pain comes back. The hurt is only something other pet owners can understand. Some people at work looked at me like I was cracked when I said how upset I was. Don't let the reactions of others get you down! Plenty of us feel the same as you do.

Big ((((hug))))).

deedee