Lost My Dog...house Feels So Empty Options

[Nicole4OU]

I had to put my beautiful, black and tan, 12 yr old dachshund (Reesey) to sleep on Monday. She had urinary tract problems for the last yr of her life..I took her for every test possible and they all came back normal throughout the past yr....but I always felt something else was going on. All of the sudden she began urinating blood, crying all the time, and became incontinent. I took her to the vet again 2 wks ago and they told me she had advanced bladder cancer and that there is no treatment. I have never had to put something I loved so much to sleep. I had my previous dog for 13 yrs and she died suddenly and instantly of a heart attack. That was hard enough..but nothing compared to this experience. So I spent some time pampering her with her fav human foods, taking her to her fav places outside, and just loving her. On Monday my mom and I took her to the vet for the last time to end her suffering. I haven't stopped crying much since. That was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She is/was my dog and I loved her so much...I felt I needed to be the one holding her in her last moments...now I can't get her lifeless image out of my mind. It was so horrible and heartbreaking watching her slip away with her head resting in my hands. My wonderful friend has been in my life since I was 15 yrs old. She has lived with me in every house I have ever lived in. I just stood there crying uncontrollably and stroking her neck until it was over. I feel soooooo sad and lonely right now. I can't sleep at night..she always slept cuddled against my stomach. I keep listening for her cute lil noises and walking toward her fav pillow like she is gonna be there. I hope I can get over this! I am also off work b/c I fractured my wrist and had to have surgery 3 weeks ago...so I can't do a whole lot to keep my mind off of this. I feel like I can't shake all of these awful emotions right now. I miss her cute doggy face so much. Reesey would be under the covers curled up as close as she could possibly be if she were here right now. I guess I am lucky that I got to spend all of those amazing yrs with my beloved friend...but all I feel right now is sadness. I don't know what to do....or when things will start to look up..just thought it might be good to talk to someone. Thanks for reading.

[patricia]

im so sorry. i and everyone here can understand exactly what you are feeling and going thru. its so heartwrenching to have to make that decision. please know that the decision you made was a gift out of complete love for your reesey. i too lost my best friend fred almost 6 months ago. he was my cat of 14 years and was diagnosed with diabetes a few months before he passed. his final weekend was spent in the hospital. when i received the call that he wasnt getting any better i wanted to die. he made it to the next morning where he was put to sleep in his own hospital (at night he was taken to the er center two doors down). i held him and sang to him and told him how much i loved him for hours. when they gave him a seditive right before the final injection, i hugged him so close to me and he took his last breath. (its stil so very hard remembering that day). i keep going back and forth. i know i would be so angry with myself if i wasnt with him but i hate remembering the final moment. it haunts me. but in the end, i am very glad he was with his momma whe he went to heaven. it hurts like hell, i know. and sadness will be with you. its natural, reesey's only been gone less than a week. i wish i could tell you the pain will go away but six months later im crying as i write to you. but we have to remember the wonderful times, the happy times and hold on knowing they are in heaven now and one day will be reunited with us. its not easy. you must be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve for as long as you need to. time does heal. i know i dont cry as much as i used to. and i can talk about him with losing it now. there will come a day when that giant wound in your heart wont feel so giant and if i can remember the funny things fred used to do, so will you too. its just time. keep posting. it has been very healing for me, just knowing that i am not alone and that there are people that care. we all know what you are going thru and are here to hold your hand. your in my thoughts and prayers.
big hug
patricia

[TaffysSister]

I am so sorry about Reesey, I know exactly how you feel, I lost my dog Taffy in June and I miss her so much but I can promise you that it does get a little easier everyday. even though I still miss her terribly I know that she's watching over me and I truly believe that I will see her again one day. If you like reading I brought a book from Barnes and noble called Rainbows and Bridges: An Animal Companion Memorial Kit, it has helped me so much. I really hope you are doing ok, I know it's so hard just know that there are people out there who feel the same way as you and can help you go through this.

[petmum]

Dear Nicole4OU I am so sorry your Reesey has gone.
It's just awful, let all the emotions wash over you, let them come & let them go. It's easier said than done but try not to resist the pain your are feeling. It won't kill you, though I know it feels like it. How do I know....I was in your situation in June, I made such a racket in the vet's rooms, those last images will fade though sadly not until you've replayed them a billion trillion times over in your head (I really hated that bit too). Come & share, come & rant & rave all you need. We all understand & care....{{{HUGS}}} to let you know you are not alone & will make it through this emotional roller coaster of loss.
elaine xx

[honey's dad]

nicole4ou i am very sorry to hear of the loss of your dearest Reesey, we all here know your pain and emptyness, its been 5 wks. for me and i still just want my ''Honey'' to come back . please come her often to grive or vent or just talk , the people on this board are more than understanding. Just know that Reesey could not have had a better family to spend her life with. Please take care of yourself , your friend in grief god bless Scott

[chele]

I'm so so sorry you lost your Reesy. I have found it really helps to "talk" about my Callie, to keep her a part of my day as I deal with my grief of losing her. It's nice to have this forum to post about Callie and to be able to sort out my grief. It's nice to have so many people understand just what we are going through.
I hope your pain eases and your heart heals quickly so you can start enjoying your memories; at least, that is how it worked for me. I looked at my pictures of Callie and cried over and over again. I've finally gotten to where I can talk about her with joy instead of crying (well, most the time, there's still that odd moment). It's been 8 days since I had to have Callie put to sleep because of cancer.

[magdalene]

Nicole, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you what to do to make it easier, but I don't really think there is anything. You just have to go through it, hard as it is. Yes, it does get better slowly, with time... but I don't think that's much consulation in the beginning. And, to be honest, even though it's been three years for me, it still hurts a lot. Just try to be gentle to yourself and remember your baby. I'm sure it was very hard being there at the end, but I think that was a great gift to give her. She had to know how much you loved her. And I'm sure she loved you very much, too.

Magdalene

[Nicole4OU]

Thank you all so very much for your kind words and advice. It is very comforting to read your replies and to know that I am not alone. It will be one week tomorrow since I lost my Reesey. I am doing a little better. I still miss her so much every day though. I think the hardest time for me is coming home and realizing she is not here anymore. I want to walk to her room and see her wagging tail and excited face greeting me. I feel crazy! I had a dream that she was here last night and woke up very sad. I also keep listening for her bark and the sounds she made running across my wood floors...even though I know she is gone. I thought I heard her yesterday...so weird I know. This is just such an adjustment after spending most of my teenage and adult life with her...it is so hard to accept that she is gone and I will never see her again. I went through a bunch of pictures earlier...it does help to remember all of the great times we shared. I found pictures from high school, when I first got her, pics from many family Christmases (she used to wear these cute little reindeer antlers...it made me smile), and pictures from college and after where she looks happy and healthy. I treasure all of the great times we spent together. I just miss her so very much. I am so glad I was blessed with such a wonderful dog for so long. I am feeling somewhat guilty for putting her to sleep. I know she loved and trusted me and I can't stop thinking about holding her while she slowly quit breathing. That is an image I wish I could forget. I know in my heart that it was the right decision to end her suffering and give her a peaceful death..it just sucks for me! I hate this grief..I am usually such a happy person. I don't feel like myself right now. My sister brought over her lab today. I am definitly not ready to get another dog myself but I am enjoying the company. Greenlee(my sis's dog) is cuddled up next to me right now. She is a very sweet and loving dog. I think it is helping a bit as I am so used to sleeping next to my dog. At least I am getting some sleep now. I just miss my Reesey...I know time will heal my wounds...I just wish they would hurry up and heal! Thanks again for the support and prayers. I am so sorry for all of your losses...this is a very hard thing to go through. You are all in my thoughts and prayers as well.

[chele]

I also feel guilty for having Callie put to sleep. I know it was the right thing for us to do for our girls. If only I knew for sure that she understands I had to do it for her sake. But then I think, dogs live for the "now" and her very last "now" was in my arms before she peacefully slipped off. That comforts me. Being without Callie has been a huge adjustment. There were so many "firsts" and each one was so painful. I finally got numb and then I finally started to get feeling back.

I did a really stupid thing this weekend, but it's working out OK. Hubby and I went "just to look" at the animal shelters. We found a great dog and brought her home. It's too soon, way too soon, my heart keeps screaming "What have you done?" while Sandy just keeps trying to be my friend. She isn't taking away the pain of losing Callie, and she isn't taking Callie's place, but she is sure making the grief less lonely, and she is already worming her way into my heart. She's a really nice dog that really deserves the kind of life hubby and I will give her. I'm glad you have your sisters dog to help you through and in time you'll be ready for another dog of your own. They are too special to live without them.

[petmum]

Chele wot sort of doggie did you get?
Remember that 'guilt' robs us, it does nothing positive for us, let it go.
You certainly realise that your new new companion isn't Callie & never will be from what you've written. That's a positive sign.
The love you & your hubby hve in your hearts is well spent on your new fur companion, I truly believe Callie would MOST definately approve.
Congratulations...any pics?
elaine

[chele]

Thanks Elaine! You're right, I need to let go of the guilt.

Sandy is part heeler and (they are guessing) part Brittany. She has gained 20 pounds in the two years she has been at the rescue. She was a pregnant stray that nobody claimed. She and I had already started our excercise regime! Introducing Sandy:

[petmum]

awww so cute!!! I'm sure you both of you will enjoy ya exercise. I'm not sure what a Brittany is but judging by the bottom pic I would say she has some cattle dog or kelpie mixed in there too.
Thx for the pics.
elaine