Please Help Me With My Grief Options

[scottie]

on tuesday evening i had to put my precious little crystal to sleep.she was a 16 and a half year old cat. im 39 years old but my mother brought her to the vet for me because i couldnt do it..i said my long goodbye to her all day tuesday.holding hugging and kissing her and telling her how much i loved her. it started in january when she lost her appititite and was sleeping a lot. the vet took blood and she had a thyroid problem.thats why she was drinking a lot too. put her on meds and worked for a few months. then her back legs started giving out from time to time and it looked like she had arthritis. she never fell over but walked off sideways.her heart rate was up too so she was put on meds for that. for the past two weeks she really failed. wasnt eating much,drinking a lot,starring off in the distance.then sunday she would eat and throw up.and had a hard time getting up.so we talked to our vet and decided it was time.well unknown to us he said her skin was turning yellow so she probably was in the final stages of liver cancer. so we put her down to spare her any more pain.i cannot get over this.ive been crying since tuesday and cant stop. i didnt eat for two days and cant sleep.ive never been in this much pain. she was my world.there when i woke up,there when i came home. in bad times would sit on my lap and purr. and when i was sad she would lick my face. she came running when you called her name.i always said she was like a little puppy dog.when she laid beside me in bed she would put her paw over my arm.she was the sweetest thing ive ever known.she was my very best friend and i dont know how to cope.im in pain.i look at her picture and plead for her to come back...but i know i did the right thing. i couldnt watch her be torn down to skin and bones. she already was loosing so much weight.this was the hardest thing ive ever had to do...im so lonely now..i love you crystal....R.I.P.

[JanEeee]

How we love our dear friends and how painful it is when their time comes.

I have had two kitties pass away in 9 months, first Molly Malone in September and then Mr X just a few days ago. Molly had thyroid problems and was able to stay with me for 2.5 years after her diagnosis. Mr X had 2 types of cancer and was gone in a matter of months. I got them both in 1997 when they were kittens. What a lot of history we shared. So impossible to think that they are truly gone.

Some days I just cry and cry and others I am more able to go about my routine. There is no cure for this deep loss. We must participate in it and allow ourselves to honor these feelings which are an expression of love for our pets. Not an easy time. You will find many others here who know that all too well.

Come back and chat some more, tell us all about your friend, we share the same sense of shock and deep loss. We are here to listen and give you support.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day for you.

J

[scottie]

jan Eeee,
thanks so much for posting and sharing your story. im very sorry for your loss as well...i ate tonight some after 2 days but not ready to sleep in the bed yet.that was her place...its just so hard looking around and expecting her to come from around the corner. i hope the pain will go away some with time but ill never have her leave my heart.im thankful for the time we did have together but it doesnt make it any easier,,,im just hoping i can sleep at some point. again i thank you so very much!

[petmum]

Dear Scottie,
I'm so sorry for your loss, the next thing I say is, breathe out, then in.......u need to remind yourself to do this otherwise you will most likely not realise you are holding your breathe a lot....happened to me....still happens.....23days ago...i was where you are now....the pain is so intense...your loss fills your whole world....you wont eat, you wont sleep @ first...but then you will, remember BREATHE OUT, THEN IN.......get thru the nxt 1hour, then the nxt......it's how I coped.....it's just such an intense time & it takes quite some time for us to process that when we are looking where they have always been (it seems like it doesn't) that they aren't there, you think well where are they then?....then it all comes back & the pain comes back with such ferocity that you simply cant breathe!!!! You just want to curl up in a ball & just scream for the pain to go away......PLEASE STOP!!!!!! BREATHE OUT....you know how to do that......
{{{HUGS}}} all the way from australia to help you during this awful time......
keep sharing with us if you can....
May Peace come to you
elaine

[scottie]

petmum, thanks so much for taking the time to write to me.i know what you are talking about.when i cry sometimes i cant catch my breath.its awful...its after midnight here and looks like another sleepless night..but im trying. im trying to tell myself that my little friend would not want me to be upset all the time.im just in so much denial. im expecting her to come out of hiding and start playing with me.putting some pictures of her around is helping a bit as im talking to her.i just dont know how to deal with my emotions. but im going to do what you say about breathing in and out. because i do catch myself holding my breath. im so glad i can at least talk to people who know what im going through...god bless you....scott

[AngelCareOne]

PLEASE PARDON ALL CAP LETTERS. I'M TYPING WITH ONE HAND AND IT'S EASIER FOR ME. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING ...

DEAREST SCOTTIE, I'M SO TERRIBLY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. PLEASE ACCEPT MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCES. I CAN ACTUALLY HEAR YOUR HEART BREAKING. TRULY I CAN. WHAT A PRECIOUS ANGEL FUR KID YOUR CRYSTAL IS, TOO. IT'S SO CLEAR TO SEE HOW VERY LOVED SHE IS. I ALSO WENT DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING OR EATING WHEN MY LOSS OCCURRED AS WELL AS SCREAMING AND CRYING INCONSOLABLY SO I DO GREATLY EMPATHIZE WITH YOUR GAWD AWFUL PAIN. GRIEF, LONELINESS, VOID AND DEVASTATION. OH, HOW I WISH I COULD WAVE A MAGIC WAND TO TAKE AWAY YOUR PAIN, DEAR ONE.

TIME. IT TAKES TIME. PERHAPS A FEW WEEKS, MONTHS OR EVEN YEARS. BUT, EVENTUALLY OUR PAIN BECOMES MORE BEARABLE AND HOPEFULLY THERE WILL COME THAT ONE DAY WHEN YOU FIND THAT PRECIOUS, LOVING AND HAPPY MEMORIES WILL REPLACE THE VOID YOU'RE NOW EXPERIENCING INSTEAD OF ONLY SERVING AS HURTFUL REMINDERS.

PLEASE TRY TO REMEMBER THAT YOUR SWEET BABY CRYSTAL WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF YOU AND YOU A PART OF HER. AS YOU CARRY HER HEART IN YOUR HEART, SHE CARRIES YOUR HEART IN HERS, TOO ...

PLEASE COME BACK AND TALK AS OFTEN AS YOU'RE ABLE BE IT ANY TIME DAY OR NIGHT. IT'S BY CARING AND SHARING THAT WE GET THROUGH THIS MOST DIFFICULT TIME. PLEASE ALSO KNOW THAT YOU AND YOUR PRECIOUS FUR BABY ANGEL CRYSTAL ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS AS I WING MANY LOVING ANGELS TO SOOTHE AND GENTLY GUIDE AND HELP YOU EVENTUALLY FIND THAT HEALING PATH.

MANY COMFORTING HUGS AND I WISH YOU PEACE!!!

Always,
Dottie, xoxoxox

[ceaserthings]

Dear Scottie
It is hard...I am very sorry for your loss.
I had 7 cats and I know how they can develop such unique personalities.
Very sorry is all I can say.....
Hope it gets better, starting a scrapbook or writing about your life together helps, not only about the animal but it also helps you do an inventory on your life and what you were going through during those years ...it is very therapeutic. Everytime you do that..your cat will be visiting you in soul form.

[ceaserthings]

Dear Scottie
It is hard...I am very sorry for your loss.
I had 7 cats and I know how they can develop such unique personalities.
Very sorry is all I can say.....
Hope it gets better, starting a scrapbook or writing about your life together helps, not only about the animal but it also helps you do an inventory on your life and what you were going through during those years ...it is very therapeutic. Everytime you do that..your cat will be visiting you in soul form.

[petmum]

Scottie,
eventually you will sleep, as long as u aren't driving or doing something that needs your full attention, u gotta do wot ever you gotta do to get thru the nxt hour.
I couldn't look @ Buddy's picture, tho I was glad the kids insisted I didn't touch his things or move them or throw them away, somehow it helped. Only 2 days ago I was out side holding his old smelly collar to my nose & inhaling his unique doggie smell & just sobbing my heart out. I so hated that waiting to catch a glimpse of him, like I always did, gosh how I hated that, i just kept saying to myself, breathe!!!!!!. Our fur companions are ok with our grief, they care because we cared for them. All I could say when I was in my raw grief just like you was "this sux", I'm a mum to 3 kids and over 40 & yet that's all I cld say for days.... "well this sux!!!!" You just gotta do & feel what you feel till it changes, there is no time limit on this awful rollercoaster ride of loss.....just know that u r oh so normal to feel what you are feeling, u gotta let it out, holding your grief in will not help....I'm still suffering physical symptoms due to Buddy's loss, I hate it but I'm letting it happen & I'm trying to embrace it (secretly in the hope the whole pain thing will go away quicker that way)
{{{HUG}}}
{{{HUG}}}
Be gentle to & kind to yourself
elaine

[scottie]

thank you all so much for your help...it is really helping me...i did sleep some last night buts its waking u that is very hard..im looking for her to be by my side.i am talking to her which seems to help and i can still hear the little noises she made...this is so much pain. i miss her so much. its the first sunny day here since she passed and there is a sunny spot on the floor and im looking for her to be laying in it...she followed the sun around the house all day.it was so cute.i just miss my friend....

[ragdollfloozie]

My sympathies too...know how this feels.
When you lose someone so precious and so much a part of your life it's like a big chunk gets ripped out of your heart. Always remember that you gave her the best life possible and that she was so happy. The pain does start to recede eventually and that you have to keep going. I'm still weepy over Hobbes...it's been only three months...but the physical pain has started to go away.


But it's fricking hard on a body.

((Hugs))Cathy

[scottie]

thank you cathy....yes it is hard on the body..i never knew the pain id be in..headaches,pit in my stomach...just very weak in general...ive always been a very upbeat guy with a smile on my face...the only time i smile now is when i think of crystal. she was so loved. i know she had a wonderful life and was very lucky health wise until about 5 months ago.i so looked forward to coming home everyday because i knew she would be there waiting for me..it was one of lifes joys. now there is nothing to look forward to. its going to be a long time till i smile again.........

[Sammie girl'...]

Scottie,

I am so sorry for your pain and loss of your baby. It's been 28 days since my sheltie dog, Sammie passed away and she was 3 1/2 years old. Six months ago I had to put my cat of 8 years, Lewis to sleep. I still have his brother Clark. There are no words to describe the pain. My Sammie was my world, my best friend, companion, cuddler, everything. I have a husband and three kids but it was different. I've never been one to open up completely to anyone but the moment I laid eyes on Sammie as a puppy I fell into a love I've never know before. And she loved me back the same way. It isn't like the love we have for our people it's better. And that's why it hurts so freakin much when they leave us. Everything you are feeling is normal and will be hard on you. It's the grieving process. I thought I was losing my mind, literally. I cried the first week so hard, I hyperventilated, threw up, passed out and didn't eat or sleep much at all. I crawled around the floor just trying to smell her scent where she laid. My husband truly thought I was having a nervous breakdown. That week was a complete blur. The second week was slightly better. I could eat and with the help of Ambien could sleep again (with Sammie's collar under my pillow). This site is the only thing that truly helped me cope. My friend and family love me but they couldn't understand the depth of my pain because although they loved Sammie girl they didn't have the same bond with her as I did. Co-workers and clients did NOT understand at all and made some snide comments. And in my mood I wanted to knock their block off. The third week was a mission for me to honor her and get my mind on something. I was having a major time thinking clearly and accomplishing anything. Just showering seemed a trying task. Here's what I did. I started a journal. I actually write letters to Sammie. Sometimes I tell her what I'm feeling or just what I'm doing. Then I printed out every picture I've ever taken of her and I am making a scrapbook of her life. I also made a shadow box for my office with her pictures, a piece of her fur, paw print and a copy of the rainbow bridge. My husband made her a casket and we buried her in the backyard at our house. I orderd her a headstone that has her picture and name engraved in it. Very, very cool and I made her a pretty little resting spot. I guess that was my way of letting her know somehow how much I love and miss her. It truly helped me and still does help me everyday. I still cry almost everyday but not the sobs that take my breath away. I also read a book entitled "All Pets Go to Heaven". Besides the first 40 pages it was awesome and gave me a really cool feeling and sense of peace knowing she can visit me in this Earth plane and that she is so happy now. She know I am sad and she understands that my tears are just my way of healing and I have to do that. She knows this because God explained it. That's my belief and it gives me a lot of comfort. Keep writing, venting, yelling, crying, whatever you need to do because it's necessary and normal. We are here for you and we feel the pain you do. We will be praying for you and will keep checking on you. God bless you.
Melanie

[ann]

Hi Scottie, I'm so sorry for your loss of Crystal. Great name for a beautiful cat. How I understand what you are going thru...She lived a good long happy life because of your love for her. Someday your tears WILL turn into smiles when you think of her. She sounds like she was your shadow, and it makes it all the more difficult. However, let me tell you from experience, as hard as it was for you to say good-bye, you did not let her suffer..For that, you should never be guilty of letting her go and guilt has been a difficult hurdle for a lot of us.. But now comes the hardest part, the emptiness.
It's been 1yr and almost 1 mo since I lost my Arthur. My head spun all year.. I can count all the days I didn't cry on 1 hand..Grief is such a rough road..You WILL move on from this. When?, Well, everyone is different, but it will happen. In the meantime, here is the best place to be. We're all here to pick eachother up..You are so blessed to have had her in your life for such a very long time..Keeping fingers crossed that we all get to be with our furbabies again one day....Tears to Smiles..Hugs to you and Crystal...Ann

[AngelCareOne]

PLEASE PARDON ALL CAP LETTERS AGAIN. I'M STILL TYPING WITH ONE HAND CUZ I WAS AN IDIOT, BROKE MY LEFT ARM AND IT'S EASIER FOR ME. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING ...

DEAREST SCOTTIE, EVERYONE HERE WHO KNOWS ME IS AWARE THAT I EXPRESS MYSELF WITH IMAGES, PHOTOS, GRAPHICS AND THE LIKE FAR BETTER THAN I DO WITH THE SPOKEN WORD. I ALSO COMPOSE LOTS OF POEMS, A FEW STORIES AND I USE SONGS TO SAY WHAT I CANNOT PUT INTO WORDS MYSELF. WELL, THERE'S ONE SONG THAT BRINGS MOST PEOPLE COMFORT AT THESE GAWD AWFUL TIMES AND MAKES THEM FEEL SO MUCH CLOSER TO THEIR MOST PRECIOUS FUR KIDS WHO HAVE CROSSED OVER TO THE RAINBOW BRIDGE. YOU SEE, YOUR FUR BABY IS ONLY A BREATH AWAY AND A BREATH AWAY IS NOT FAR AT ALL TO WHERE CRYSTAL IS TO YOU AT THIS VERY MOMENT. HONEST AND FOR TRUE. I'LL POST THAT VIDEO AND LYRICS AT ANOTHER TIME THOUGH ...

YOU, LIKE SO MANY OF US, ARE IN A VERY FRAGILE EMOTIONAL WAY DUE TO YOUR OVERWHELMING GRIEF, PAIN AND LONELINESS. SO, I WISH TO SHARE WITH YOU WHAT IS TO ME JUST ABOUT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONG I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE AND I'M A PRETTY OLD LADY, TOO. "SLEEP SONG" BY SECRET GARDEN SPEAKS OF ALL THE MOST SIGNIFICANT AND MEANINGFUL BLESSINGS ONE CAN EVER GIFT TO ANOTHER PERSON, FUR CHILD, FEATHER CHILD OR ANY CREATURE BE THEY HERE WITH US ON THIS EARTHLY PLANE OR IN THE NEXT REALM WHERE THEY PATIENTLY WAIT FOR US.

IT'S MY STRONG DESIRE TO BESTOW EACH OF THESE BLESSINGS AND MORE TO YOUR CHERISHED FUR CHILD AND TO YOU ALSO, DEAR ONE. I HOPE AND PRAY THAT THE LYRICS, MELODY AND IMAGES IN THIS VIDEO WILL HELP SOOTHE YOUR BROKEN HEART IF EVEN FOR JUST A FEW MINUTES. MAY YOU AND YOUR BELOVED CRYSTAL BE BLESSED MOST ABUNDANTLY.

PLEASE TURN UP YOUR VOLUME AND CLICK ON HER IMAGE THAT I ENHANCED. {{{{{SCOTTIE}}}}}

"Sleep Song"
By: Secret Garden

Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby. Back to the years of Loo-Li,Lai-Ley. And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow. Bless you with love for the road that you go.

May you sail fair to the far fields of fortune with diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet and may you need never to banish misfortune. May you find kindness in all that you meet.

May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way. To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

May you bring love and may you bring happiness. Be loved in return to the end your days. Now fall off to sleep. I'm not meaning to keep you. I'll just sit for a while and sing Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way. To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

MANY COMFORTING HUGS, BLESSINGS AND PRAYERS TO YOU AND YOUR ANGEL FUR BABY CRYSTAL!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

[scottie]

a very happy 4th to everyone and the special people who have taken the time to send their wishes my way..this site has been a god send to me...im still not doing very well but i got through today better than the last few. in my heart i know crystal had to be spared the pain and suffering. and im sure she would have decided the same if she were able to.its just so hard looking around and seeing empty spaces. when im sitting in my recliner i still hang my arm off to the side and close to the floor expecting her to rub up against it.im going to try to sleep in my own bed in the next few nights.i just want to say thank you very much for comforting me...bless u all...

[petmum]

I just knew you wld get a bit of sleep, I'm so glad you did.
My heart aches for you Scottie.
It's the physicallnes of our losses I wasn't ready for, I still feel "delicate".
{{{HUGS}}} to help you thru the nxt day.
elaine

[khristmaskathy]

Sending good thoughts to all of you who have lost a pet. People who love animals are the "salt of the earth." And as we save these precious animals, they save us right back, time and time again.

Sending love to you all and wishing for you peace and many blessings.


XOXO,

Kathy (had to put two elderly cats to sleep last summer a month apart, went through a tornado this past April, missing kitty cat since June 5 and heartbroken over it)

[scottie]

hi to all out there who have taken the time to write to me....today was the first day i didnt cry all day...choked up a few times but am remembering how much i loved her and the neat things she used to do..like give me head buts..tap me on my leg like to say "hey, look at me"...the way she talked to me and answered every question.i miss my sweets like crazy but i know it was for the best as she no longer has to live in pain.she was so active i could tell the past few months she looked very depressed.its almost like she was hanging in there for me...i miss the hugs,kisses,purrs...i miss her being by my side..her sleeping on the table on my newspaper as i tried to read it.she was a wonderful and special kitty..i miss my pooh bear...i so miss her.......love you crystal!!!!! kiss,kiss......

Attached image(s)

 

[scottie]

it has been 8 days since i said goodbye to my best friend....although the pain of loosing her is still there it has become easier too look at her picture and smile instead if crying..i miss her so much though..coming home will never be the same ...she was always there...i talk to her ev ery day which is a comfort to me...i so wish she could still be with me...even though she was 16 and a half i felt she was still too young to go.