I Am So Sad And Lonely Without My Raja, I lost my girl on Tuesday May 5 Options

[raja's mom]

Hi Everyone
I am new here and searching desperately for some comfort. I put my dalmatian of almost 13 years to sleep
on Tuesday unexpected after finding out she was dying of cancer. This was the first animal I have ever
put to sleep. It was so hard to see the life drain from her body. I know I did the kindest act but it sure
doesn't feel like it. I have the guilt today. She was so clingy the last couple weeks to the point I was
irritated. If I had only known. I have a husband who shows no emotion and tells me to just get over it.
It's just a dog. But I know she wasn't just a dog. She was my best friend. Everyday!
I miss her so terribly. She has to be in heaven. I just hope she is okay.
Thanks for listening.

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[patricia]

im so sorry for your loss. i too am relatively new to this site. i lost my little best friend about two months ago. i, like everyone here, understand the pain you are going thru, especially since its only been days. we all understand the guilt as weve gone thru it. i replayed freds last day over and over again. please know that you did the right thing, the humane thing and now she is cancer free and in a wonderful new home; probably chasing my little fred and riley all over the place. it a place where the sky is always blue, the sun always shines and there is no more pain. its a loving place where they can run freely and no one is there to stop them from chasing squirrels up the tree. its going to hurt but know that time heals all wounds. your heart is shattered right now but try and remember the happy moments. this site helped me tremendously so keep on writing. i poured my heart out and wonderful people were here to help put me back together again. we will be here for you too. im so so sorry. you will be in my prayers.

best
patricia

[Trulie]

Hi RajasMom,

I am so sorry for your loss. she was a beautiful dog. Three weeks ago I lost my dog of 6 1/2 years to cancer as well. It is a hard thing to let them go. Unfortunately we never know when they will have to leave. My dog was diagnosed by the vet and sadly died at the vet the same day. I didn't even get a chance to absorb that she was sick before I had to say goodbye, it all happened so quick. I felt a lot of guilt over the whole thing, it is a long story (you can look up my posts you want to read it). It has been almost 3 weeks and I still feel lonely and sad, but the guilt is not as bad as it was. I never thought I would stop feeling the guilt or crying from the pain of the loss, but I replaced it with happy thoughts and good times with her. Your dog knew you loved her no matter what, she was with you for thirteen years I am sure there were thousands of lovely times and hugs and kisses, these are the times your dog would remember. My boyfriend has a similar attitude as your husband when I kept on and on about it he said the same thing, that it is just a dog. She was much more to me and unfortunately they will probably never understand the bond, I haven't mentioned her to much to him anymore and I have just talk to friends or what I did was write alot of my thoughts down in a journal. You take all the time you need to heal and talk to friends who understand or post to people in the forum here as we have all been through the tough times and everyone is very kind and I found it very helpful. I like to believe that they are in heaven and that we will see them again.

[AngelBear'sLuv]

Hi Everyone
I am new here and searching desperately for some comfort. I put my dalmatian of almost 13 years to sleep
on Tuesday unexpected after finding out she was dying of cancer. This was the first animal I have ever
put to sleep. It was so hard to see the life drain from her body. I know I did the kindest act but it sure
doesn't feel like it. I have the guilt today. She was so clingy the last couple weeks to the point I was
irritated. If I had only known. I have a husband who shows no emotion and tells me to just get over it.
It's just a dog. But I know she wasn't just a dog. She was my best friend. Everyday!
I miss her so terribly. She has to be in heaven. I just hope she is okay.
Thanks for listening.

[AngelBear'sLuv]

I know how much pain you're in after losing your beautiful girl and best friend Raja, and the extreme guilt over having to put her to sleep. I'm so sorry. It is by far one of the most difficult things in life we ever have to do, and it goes against everything that our hearts and souls desire, which is only to protect and care for and love her. I still grieve and struggle with guilt over putting my best friend, Abbeymae, down in January after a brief cancer fight. Not a day goes by still that I don't ache for her and wish I had another chance to try a different path, but I know deep down that all roads led to the same outcome. Just didn't ever want to let her go is all. It hurts so badly to have our hearts so blown apart, and to feel the emptiness in all the places that she once filled so joyfully. I guess we can only try to focus on being eternally grateful for having known these fine girls and count our blessings for being fortunate enough to have shared so many great times and precious years together. Today, it brings me peace to find ways to celebrate Abbey's life. It's such a personal loss. My husband told me similar things - that I have to move on. But our girls loved us, appreciated us, and needed us. And we them. We were major witnesses to each others' lives. Not many souls in this world have such a unique and deep bond. I told my husband that's a lot to lose and that "moving on" is going to take some major time, if ever. Just recently, he said he thinks that the blown-apart-heart thing is contagious, especially now that Spring is here and she's not outside in the yard with him. He's feeling the loss just as deeply now. I guess it's a macho thing to want to brush emotional things under the rug and not "go there". I wish you peace and strength during these trying times. Raja was extremely fortunate to have had such a wonderful life and a loving Mom. Her love will always be with you

[nicole'smom]

Raja's Mom
I'm very sorry to hear about Raja. Please be reassured that you're in the company of people here who understand how you feel about her. My beloved cat companion, Sasha, died on the same day as your Raja, May 5th, 6 years ago. The anguish I felt for her was nearly unbearable. Knowing that you're just beginning your grief for Raja touches me deeply. May you be comforted. And if there's a heaven your girl is there.

[jim]

I am so sad and sorry to hear of your precious Raja's passing. Yes, it was the deepest form of love you showed to her by letting her go peacefully. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is.

Raja was so fortunate to have a loving mommy like you. I know she will be waiting for you and you will be reunited someday.

thoughts and prayers are going out to you...

[LuvLabs]

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful girl Raja. Thank you for sharing her picture with us. Please be comforted with all of the happy memories that you both shared. I know it's very painful for you right now. But know that Raja is now an angel watching over you. Right now you are mourning the loss of your best friend. But in time your tears will dry and you will feel her strength. There will be a day where you will celebrate her life...and you will smile each time you think of her. Raja was so fortunate to have found you. And you were so forutnate to have her in your life for 13 years. I hope we can offer you some comfort and hope on this board. Please know that you have many friends here who care about you.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Raja's Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Raja. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is never an easy decision - - it is comparable to stopping life support for a human family member or friend. But as heartbreaking as this decision is, it is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions on this side of eternity so that they can join the angels and be healed to their former healthy bodies as they wait patiently for our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. The stages of grief for a beloved companion are identical to what we feel in the loss of a human family member or friend. And, unfortunately, guilt is one of those stages. Since we are not gifted with the benefit of foresight or foreknowledge, it is only after a loss when some of the things that didn't quite fit seem to fall into place, and then we understand more clearly what was happening. And then we wish we could have done something differently, something better - - all the wish I had's, why didn't I's, etc., just come crashing in on us. This is one of the many reasons why it is so important to know you are not alone in this grief healing journey. Each of us here does understand what you are feeling, Raja's Mom, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. It is important for you to hold onto the truth your Raja knows you love her with all your heart and would have moved heaven and earth to keep to her happy and healthy. The truth is that you always did your very best for your precious Raja at all times and in all circumstances, and as you start to come through the other side of this grief journey you will once again be able to embrace Raja's sweet living Spirit that is still with you and will always be with you wherever you go and whatever you do throughout your life. Raja's Mom, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[raja's mom]

Hi Everyone
Thank you for being here for me. I am crying again. Why is this so hard. The guilt is so overwhelming. Do you guys replay the last few days of their life over and over again.
I think of how I was SO busy that I never slowed down to think it was nothing more than a tummy ache from eating grass. In my heart, I knew the time was getting close.
I think I just didn't want to admit it. Why? What are your opinions on pet psychics? Are they for real? I just want to know she is okay. Is this just part of my grieving.
When it becomes evening (especially 5:20 PM), I cringe because that was the time I gave her back to God. Although I know that is beautiful, I grieve for my best friend.
Please pray for me and Raja. And to all you that have lost an animal. I understand.

[jim]

Hi Raja's mom,

If you will indulge me, I would like to tell you a story of my little baby ##er spaniel ~ Bogie...

She was adopted by me from the pound when I was 15 and she was 8. I loved her so much and knew she would be with me only for a little while because of her age. She was such a loving, sweet dog.

When I was 20 I enlisted in the Air Force, fully expecting that when I got settled I would get her and have her with me always. When I graduated from basic training, my mom told me that she died in her sleep 2 days after I left. I was devistated. I felt so guilty for leaving her. Deep down, I know she died from a broken heart, feeling like I was abandoning her. That was in 1990. I still feel that guilt today. Even though I have had 2 dogs since then.

I guess I just wanted you to know that the guilt you are feeling is totally normal. Sometimes it never goes away, I guess. Just know that your Raja was blessed with a mommy who loved her so much and that you gave her a wonderful life. I fully believe that all our furry angels are waiting for us to join them someday. Keep in mind that in the mean time she is healthy again, happy, and waiting for you.

take care,

Jim

[raja's mom]

Oh Jim that had to feel horrible. I'm sorry. I keep thinking I killed her because I didn't get her better care.
I thought yesterday I was doing better but I got home and just fell apart.
I couldn't sleep all night. Maybe I got 3 hours. I am so tired today but most go to work.
Today is one week. Today is hard for me. This board is a godsend just talking to everyone.
When you guys talk it helps me not feel so alone.

[patricia]

dear rajas mom, yes what you are going thru is the normal grieving process. it is so very hard. losing our family members, because thats what they are, is beyond difficult. its been two months since i lost my fred and over a year since i lost my riley and i can tell you that (although i try not to) i replay their last days over and over. i remember everything about their last minutes, their eyes, their touch my final goodbye, everything and although it becomes easier with time, there are days where im just not able to function. going home was the worst. i preferred to work as late as i possibly could to avoid going home. and when i finally made it thru the front door, i would lose it. i wanted to see thier little faces, i wanted our old routines back and then the guilt would start setting in…again. what if i had done this, what if i had done that. i did the same thing you are doing. in the mornings, i would hide under the covers because i didnt want to remember the sunday morning that i had to make that horrible decision. i believe that everything happens for a reason and it was their time to go. ive been reading cesar millan's first book and last nite i finished reading it. the last page was so poignant. it talked about what these wonderful creatures teach us in life. they teach us about life and death. they live in the moment and are not afraid to die. they know that this is a part of their life cycle. i was so moved. because i realized that although i was left behind with the pain and hurt, my fred and riley, and jenny and chiquita, all my hamsters, my birds, and my gerbil werent afraid when they left my world. they have all taught me that we have to live our life to the fullest. you did not kill her. you gave her the most precious gift which was a wonderful life and when her life was coming to an end you let her go in peace. we are here for you.
you are in my thoughts and prayers.

patricia

[AngelCareOne]

~ To Raja's Mom from Raja ~

[raja's mom]

thanks AngelCareOne.

I got the call today that Raja's ashes are ready for pickup. I immediately cried.
I am so scared to pick them up because I know it is going to be so hard.
Anybody else struggle with this and how did you handle it? Did you spread them
or put them in an urn. If you placed them in an urn, any ideas where to get a nice
wood box that i could put a photo on?
I would be lost without you guys.

[AngelCareOne]

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{{{{{RAJA'S MOM}}}}} YOU'RE VERY WELCOME. OH MY. I CAN SEE AND HEAR YOUR TEARS. TRULY, I CAN. HUGS!!!

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MANY COMFORTING HUGS!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox

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