I Am So Very Sad Options

[LoveThem]

Thank you Judy for keeping up with my thread. I am having a really hard day today. I have been really sad and crying all day and missing my Roman. I have my good days and my bad days and this one has been hard.


You are very welcome....I do check in on you when I can. Those "really hard days" are very natural and normal. No matter how much time has passed....we will still have one of those days from time to time....when it happens..remember it is okay and let yourself go..go ahead and cry..let your tears help wash away the sadness. I could even believe that as you cry your Roman is there ...licking away your tears with special Angel kisses. I know my dogs always looked more upset than I felt whenever they saw me cry. I think "it's a dog thing". A special thing.

Your babies being a distraction is such a blessing....I find distractions help me...it is hard for me to grieve and cry at the same time I have things to do and take care of.

Do you have a dog tag or a small picture of Roman you can carry with you when you decide to take a walk? It is a way of having him be with you...of "touching" him as you walk and talk to him.

He really is there beside you...his spirit and personality can never leave you...he is and always will be as much a part of you as your very breathing. I know it feels good and special to have something to hold that makes you feel they are so very close by.

You will be okay. It is a very hard thing to go through but we know they are worth everything...just to have had them in our lives and love us...and are there for us to love...as time permits.

Hugs to you and your family....and your special Angel...Roman

Judy

[george]

My story is long so please bare with me. I rescued my dog, Roman from the highway in May of 2004. He had ticks and fleas all over him. I found him in my home town visiting my mother. I took him to the police station and they said more than likey the animal control would put him to sleep. He became my dog that day!! I brought him to OKC where I live and took him to the vet to get him cleaned up and looked at. He had 2 tick blood diseases from being out on his own for so long. There were ticks all over him even between his toes. They gave antibiotics and we got started on heart worm prevention. They guessed he was 2 years old by looking at his teeth. They also determined he was half black lab and half ##er spaniel. He is sooooo cute. He weighed only 30 pounds when I found him and before he passed he was at least 55 pounds where he should be. I brought him home and he became the best dog, best friend anyone could ask for. I was coming out of a terrible relationship and felt broken. I feel like Roman and I were both broken and we put each other back together again. He was my shadow. I believe when you rescue a dog they know how lucky they are to have a home. He was so loyal and loving. Never once did he have an accident in the house. He only growled and barked when someone was around the house. Protecting me like only Roman could. (I named him Roman because he was roaming around when I found him....lol!) I got married in Nov 2005 to a wonderful man that Roman became to love just as much as I did. We discussed starting a family even tho Roman was our son and we treated him like he was. I became pregnant in late March of 2008. I found out I was excpecting twins. We were overjoyed and hoped Roman would love them as much as we would when they came. I ended up having some complications in my pregnancy and had to be on bed rest for 4 months before I delivered in Nov 08. Roman was at my side day and night. He slept with my husband and I anyway but, when I went on bedrest he would not leave my side except to go do his business outside. I know he knew I was pregnant! Fast forward to the babies coming home. I had a boy and a girl. My son had colic for the first 2 months and cried all the time. It drove us all crazy and I think it really made Roman nuts. He still cries but not as much as before. Roman has been fine and in good health I thought. We started our daily walks back up last week. He was fine. He did not show any sign of being sick. I woke up at 7am on 2/11 and Roman as usual was on our bed. I got up and went to the babies room and came back into the hall and saw Roman's legs buckle under neath him and he collapsed. He was dead instantly. I still have NO idea what happened. I was screaming my head off and begging God to not take him. I called my vet and they said it was more than likely a heart attack or a brain aneurysm. They asked if I wanted an autopsy and I said no. I did not want him cut open. I pulled myself together enough to find a pet cementary and that is where he is. We got a beautiful casket. I cannot understand WHY this happened. He was fine. The only thing I can think of is the night before we had some terrible weather and tornadoes. He hated storms and always hid and shook all over. I feel so much guilt that I could not comfort him like I wanted to. I have 2 babies to take care of and Roman always seemed to be third. I feel sooooo guilty right now. I now he hated the babies crying. He was my first child and he was spoiled. I know he was sad that he was not first anymore. It makes no sense to me that this has happened. Why so soon after the babies came home. I was so looking forward to them growing up with him. He was my world. I have become so depressed that my mom has taken off work to come here to help me with the babies. I do not feel like doing anything. I see and think I hear Roman all over the house. I am still in shock and I have been wearing his collar around my wrist. I cannot quit crying. I have read alot of the posts on this board and they have been so comforting. I hope I can come here and feel some sort of peace and comfort from all of you and try to put my life back together again. I just started a new normal with the babies and now I have to find another new normal without my Roman. It is too much too soon. I feel so overwhelmed. I miss my Roman dearly and just want him to come back home. Thank you for listening to my story.

I am very sorry for your lost. Roman had a loving family and he loved every moment he had with you. There was a reason you where there that day to pick him up from the street, there was a reason he was called home. We don't understand why, but there is a reason why it happens.
I could tell you the sadness it will go away , but it might not. He is as much a part of "your" life then anything that will cross your path threw life. He was there for a reason, so where you. I also lost part of my life and it is a struggle to make it threw a day without think of her, but it will always be part of who I am, and he will be a part of you that make you,, you. He was loved my a stranger and he went somewhere to return the favor to someone else. He's happy, no more pain, no more suffering. He plays all day and is always thinking about that kind soul who helped him and love him the short time he had there. Don't be afraid to love him again and again in your memories. He feels the love where he is now.
I hope peace finds you soon..
George

[Hslesgirl]

I have been following your story (and the beautiful photos of Roman) and I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I have been having one of those days today myself. I lost my sweet Doberman Austin on May 18th. I will be honest, the entire first week I survived on coffee and xanax! Now I save the Xanax for only the really bad days or sleepless nights. Most days I get through work okay, it's when i come home and he is not here that my heart breaks all over again. As with Roman, Austin seemed fine and was playing ball with my husband when he suddenly sighed, layed down and was gone. i was not home and I while keep hearing his awful phone call in my head over and over, he lives with the horror of seeing it again and again in his memory. I am normally a bubbly, outgoing and chatty person and right now even when i am not crying I do not feel like talking to friends or even doing any of the things I used to love to do. I am aware that these can be signs of depression. Right now I feel it is normal grief but I do plan to keep an eye on these issues. We just came back from a vacation with friends, which if it had not already been paid for I would have cancelled. Needless to say. I wasn't the best traveling companion but fortunately the friends we were with are also a childless couple who dote on their golden retriever - so they get it. Hopefully the good days will soon outnumber the bad ones, but until then remember that there are many of us out here who understand and care what you are going through. This website has been a blessing since I lost my baby boy.

[scmite]

Iam so sorry for your loss.... Roman was so lucky to have you as his Mom...Iam sure he loved you dearly ....You saved his life...You fed, him loved him, gave him shelter...You my dear are a doggie angel....I have a dog that I have been fighting to save for the past two years, but my snow Angel is losing the battle..She has been with me 12 years.. My vet says I must put her down....Iam consumed with grief, she is my best friend... Now I must choose when to end her life to ease her suffering.... I don't think Roman suffered and he new you loved him and did not abandon him..... You will grieve because of your love for him... but in time when you think of him,instead of tears, you will smile, remembering what a good dog he was and the good times you had.....I...am about to lose my fur baby and I have lost others...I know how you feel and I feel your pain....Don't feel guilty. Roman had good years because of you.... GOD BLESS

[Jules02]

Thank you to all of you for your kind replies. I have not been on in a while. I have been reading posts and I am so sorry for everyones losses. It has been 6 months to the day I lost Roman. I still miss him everyday. Life goes on of course no matter how you feel. I wish I could say it has been easier but, it hasn't. I constantly wish the babies could have met Roman. He was my first son. Roman taught me how to be a mom. My heart still aches for him so much. I love and miss you Roman and think of you everyday!!

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[petmum]

jules02 that is exactly my story too, your words describe just how you feel, firts baby thing.
you are in my prayers
elaine

[ceaserthings]

Your story has some common things that I can understand, I also found my dog Ceaser abandoned and took him home instantly....long story short....I also went through some relationship issues and he was there for me...when things got better and I had my first Son...Ceaser was there and I also looked forward to see them grow....together. I also felt very guilty because I couldn't spend as much quality time with Ceaser the last 6 months because Cale was such a handful...I tried but it wasn't as much as before. Our stories are not the same and th circumstances are very different but I can relate to the feelings of wanting the dog to be there with a new baby and wanting them to grow together and the guilt of not spending as much time with the dog due to taking care of the babies...

At least he died quickly and he didn't suffer too much...My dog went through a day and a half of suffering and I feel so guilty over it...but I will talk about that later...I feel very sorry for your loss and can totally understand the pain you are going through......losing a dog is very very hard! They are not just a dog they are a family member and a soul friend!!

It is awful and it will take a while since I am not over it at all!! But do no feel guilty, Roman knows your heart!!

[tokolos]

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my Magnus last Friday, August 7, and the last few days have been the worst of my life. He was with me for over 14 years, through my marriage and the birth of both of my kids. I got him when I graduated from college, and I feel like we grew up, in the adult sense, together.

Reading replies on this board, though, has been comforting because I've been able to see that there are so many of us who've felt that pain. I've found this to be really important because not everyone around us is lucky enough to have a pet and form that special bond, so they can't sympathize or empathize with what it's like to lose this type of love.

I suppose we can cry together in between laughing at the good times and just feeling generally sad. Please take care.

[LoveThem]

It has been 6 months to the day I lost Roman. I still miss him everyday. Life goes on of course no matter how you feel. I wish I could say it has been easier but, it hasn't. I constantly wish the babies could have met Roman. He was my first son. Roman taught me how to be a mom. My heart still aches for him so much. I love and miss you Roman and think of you everyday!!

We have been together since you first came here and you know I am thinking of you often.
All you said above is so very normal and yes, it doesn't seem easier until more time has passed. Six months is not very long. All those feelings will never go away...aching..loving..missing..because Roman is that much a part of you.

When you feel down and miss him so terribly.....try to think of some happy times together and feel in your heart how much it means to you to have had him as part of your life.
I find doing that helps the ache. I am so sorry it was his time. I wish, too, your babies could have known him. I can never understand why they have to go when they do.

It is still early in your grieving so all your feelings are very normal...it is normal to still feel that hurt almost as much as when it happened. Time will help so you don't feel overwhelmed but there will always be times when he comes into your mind and you remember something and it is okay to allow yourself to cry and grieve again...no matter how much time has passed. He is your boy and always will be. What you and he shared, nothing can ever take away.

The only comfort I can offer you is just a BIG HUG! I can easily share hugs and tears with you, cause I think of my boy often also.

Take Care, Julie

Judy

[ceaserthings]

I replied to this letter but cannot see it here at all...what happened to it??

I stated in my respond that I am very sorry for your loss...I know the feeling!
First I can relate to the having a child part and not have spent enough time with your dog and feeling guilty...I have that too....all the ifs and what if...
I also understand the feelings of having a soul friend who you rescued and felt that you rescued each other emotionally....and that the dog came into your life at the right time....I also know how it feels like to have gone through relationship issues at the same time and having the dog with you during those challenging moments in your life.

I have a different but yet similar emotional story that you can read about at http://ceaserthings.blogspot.com
Let me know what you think....I really also feel guilty of not being there for Ceaser the last 6 months before he passed, I was so busy with my son who was a a year and a half at the time and it was difficult...I wasn't able to have the type of quality time spent with him like we used to before.
But do not beat yourself up everyday I mean...I realized that I gave him the best years and we spent a great time together and we have to give ourselves credit, for if it wasn't for us they would not even had made it out of the shelter or street...if you had a real connection you will know that the dog knows that as well; and is very thankful for your time you had with him.
It takes a long time to realize this, and I still have a hard time thinking about Ceaser sometimes...and what I am telling you now..goes out the window...
So...it is ok to mourn and feel sad....scrapbooking and writing helps...you have received very good support here...I didn't get nearly as much support when telling my story so you are blessed and lucky...maybe it is because my dog only had 3 legs?? I have met...a wonderful friend here and I am very lucky to have met her and it makes coming to this support group all worth it for me because of her and I also like to read other stories of people with similar experiences.
It helps to know that you are NOT the only one!!!
hang in there..............
things

[Jules02]

jules02 that is exactly my story too, your words describe just how you feel, firts baby thing.
you are in my prayers
elaine

Thank you Elaine!!