The Loss Of My Farley Bear Options

[Farleybear]

I am new here and I hope this MB can help me get over my loss. I lost my beautiful english bulldog of 10 years two weeks ago. I am still suffering from this loss and still find it very difficult to talk about him.

Farley was diagnosed with heart disease a number of months ago and went in to congestive heart failure on February 1st. My fiance and I had to make the hardest decision of our life but realized that it was the kindest thing to do in the end. It was the hardest thing that we have ever had to do and continues to be. He passed away at around 630pm.. We love him very much and he is still so missed. Farley lived and long and wonderful life and he knew how loved he was. I know that he felt that love until the very end.

I need help moving on. We have decided to get a new puppy as our wedding gift to each other after our honeymoon, which will be at the end of June, but until then I need help getting over this loss.

I got Farley at 8 weeks old and he hasn't spent a night away from me in over 10 years. He came everywhere with me and that his presence is missing just killing me.

I need to know what to do in order to stop missing him so much and to make the heartache hurt less.

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[LoveThem]

Two weeks is a very short time. Having your boy for 10 years makes him such a part of your life that it is hard to lessen the grief in 2 weeks.

I am glad to hear you will be getting a puppy....I always found another distraction really helps. June does seem a ways away so all I can think of that might help is come here and write in your topic here, your thoughts and feelings as the days go by.

You posted a sweet picture of your boy...maybe you have others you can post. We always smile at pictures because they are when our best friends were happy and healthy...and it is a good memory to think about.

Telling stories of your boy....when you first spotted him as a puppy...the things he did that made you laugh. These are the precious moments we are always grateful for. When you visit here, you can't feel alone because we all have been through what you are going through.

It takes time to make the grief bearable but we never stop missing them because they are a part of our heart and we love them that much.

For me, what helps is knowing I made the right decision to give my boy peace at the time he needed it most. You did that for your boy also. We never want them to suffer. And when it is their time to leave us...a disease can come anytime..one that can't be cured. Knowing I was there and helped him the best I could...gives me a sense of peace. I couldn't save him but I could let him go and not suffer. I try to remember that.

I am so sorry for your loss. We are never prepared for it and we never truly get over it because we love and miss them so much...we will never forget them. There just comes a time when we get control back over our grief...cause when it is fresh....it controls us and exhausts us.

Write what makes you feel better to talk about. Sometimes that is the best therapy at the moment.

I wish you peace and healing....but it really does take time..and we have to work on remembering the good memories and replace the sad ones with those. But it still takes time.

Judy

[von72]

Hello

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. What a gorgeous photo.

I wish I could tell you what to do to make it easier but the only thing that eases the pain is time. And when people said that to me I wanted to hit them as it didn't help! But theres nothing much that can help so early on. You had him for 10 years and thats a long time. It will take time also to get over the loss.

At 2 weeks, I was still in shock and only just thinking about going back to work. I was a total mess. But later on something I did that helped a bit was volunteer at a dogs home to walk the dogs. This just helped me to see that there were other beautiful dogs out there who needed love and care. I didn't take one home until 5 months later though as we were moving house. it did help to adopt another dog but it didn't stop me missing Jack.

If you can, try and talk to someone who understands and have a cry. Its better to let it out and feel how you feel.

Something I have said to others here is this...........if you had lost a person, would you expect to be feeling better after 2 weeks? Unfortunately people in general do not expect us to grieve in the same way over a pet but its just the same, sometimes worse. It all comes down to the same thing which is LOSS. You have lost someone you loved tremendously. Allow yourself time to grieve and know that it is normal.

take care
Von

[moon_beam]

Hi, Farleybear, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Farley. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. Your grief journey is still very fresh, Farleybear, and there are different stages of it to progress through. It is a one day at a time journey. Some days are going to be better than others, and to get to that point there is this initial horrible gut-wrenching grief of loss to get through. Unfortunately there is no easy way to work through this grief - - there is no way to fast forward through it. The good news is that you do not have to go through this grief journey alone. Each of us here understands the many twists and turns, highs and lows of this very unpredictable healing journey, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Farleybear, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[sissycat]

WHO COULD NOT JUST LOVE THAT FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sorry your time with Farely Bear was cut short.

You need time. It takes people different lengths of healing time. Go at your own speed. You will have ups and downs along the way. Then one day you will smile when you think of him-then it will be two days and so on. It will soon turn to weeks and months. Some days will be difficult, but the good will outweigh them. All the wonderful memories will come back. I took and notebook and wrote them down everytime I remembered a new one. Now it is saved in my computer.

Sending you and your new angel Farely Bear hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[havana]

Hi, was reading your post and looking at your babys beautiful photo went back in time and saw my self crying again and even though my pain has lessing still hurts and his presence is still need, I wish I could say or do something so you and your boyfriend don't feel the terrible pain I and you both feel but I can't, just please remember all the good times am sure you have had and watch some videos or and pics of him and smile and he will see you are thinking of him 'cause he is all around you and all over you, am so sorry for your loss, God Bless Him and my Buster up in Heaven, always here to listen too, Jorge

[ann]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I know how hard it must have been for you to say goodbye, but I'm glad you are at peace in knowing you made the right decision. I wish I could tell you what to do to help releive the emptiness. But only you can find that. As for me the first few months I dedicated myself to memoralizing my baby any way I could. Photos, videos, poems, anything to hold on and cry ALOT!..I still struggle to find a "routine" to occupie myself with. Since I am in a situation right now that won't allow me to get any cats, I signed up for a voulenteer program at my local shelter. Maybe you could get invovled in dog walking. It takes time, but I'm sure something will come to you. Farely Bear is so cute. Please post often and let us know how your doing and don't forge to send photos of the new future cutie....Take care ..Hugs.. Ann

[Farleybear]

Thank you all for your kind words. It is nice that there are people who understand what I am going through. My fiance only knew Farley for 3.5 years and has had an easier time than I have moving on. He still misses him of course, but he can talk about him without crying and can laugh at all the silly things Farley used to do. I miss walking in the door to his happy wags and kisses. His whole body would wag it seemed. He also snored like a truck and I find it hard to sleep without the background noise now. I keep thinking that I see him sometimes and when I turn around and he isn't there it is a jab in the heart.

I would love to get another puppy right now to help ease my pain, but it just wouldn't be fair because we are so busy with our wedding that we wouldn't have enough time to spend with a new life. It does give me something to look forward to though. I am really lucky that I know a very reputable breeder in my city and we have decided to get one of his pups when we are ready. It still feels like I am cheating on Farley though. It makes me feel guilty when I smile at the thought of a pup. I know I am not ready to have another one in my house yet, so thankfully I have the wedding to distract me. Even though the idea of a new pup is exciting, I would give anything to have Farley back.

I have attached a couple more pictures since some of you asked. He was a gorgeous boy and he had the best temperment I have ever seen. He made every person who crossed his path smile or laugh because he was such a goof and just enjoyed life to the fullest.

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[Jules02]

I just love your pictures of Farley. What a beautiful dog. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dog on 2/11. I am in so much pain. It is so hard to not see him around the house. I am at home with new babies and do not leave ever. I think I see him everywhere. It is so hard to not sleep with him in my bed anymore. The grief is hard and I like you think about getting another dog. I feel like you that I would be cheating. I think our dogs would want us to move on and give love to a new dog that needs it. I will get there someday. I just wanted to say I know how you feel. We lost our dogs around the same time. The pain is hard. I love the people here. They have made me feel so much better. It helps to know we are not alone in our time of grief. I am here for you if you need anything. My thoughts and prayer are with you and Farley!

[Farleybear]

Thank you Jules for your lovely words. They mean so much to me!

I am sorry for your loss. You have the gift of new life in your home and yet you have the loss of a beloved as well. I am sorry for what you are going through. Try to be strong for your new family. I don't have the luxury of a child yet but I want my future babies to grow up with dogs in their lives and so I welcome a new puppy in to our life, but I am just not ready yet. I am sure that by the time June comes around I will be very excited about the prospect of the puppy. I hope the same for you.

I am here for you as well. If you ever need to talk, just send me a PM. Thank you so much again for your thoughts and your kind words.

[Nemo's Mommy]

How precious!!!! Farley is SO cute!!! What a handsome dog!!!

I lost my cat Ren to heart disease also. I know how heart-wrenching and terrible the disease is. My heart goes out to you.

Remember all the joy and happiness Farley brought into your lives, and remember how lucky Farley felt to be loved so deeply. What is so hard about losing our dear babies is their lives are shorter than ours. It's something that is terribly hard to deal with, why do they have to go? But we love them and take them in anyways, so great is our love for them. We will see out sweet babies again, and we are better off for having known them.

I'm so sorry for your loss, thinking of you and your dear Farley on this day...

Hugs
Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

[Farleybear]

Their lives being so much shorter than ours is one of the things that scares me about getting another dog. I am going to have to go through this pain again in another 10+ years. Is it worth it? But then I think about all the joy that Farley brought to my life and I can't imagine not having another one.

I have a 13 year old cat as well and I know that in the next few years, I am going to feel this heartache all over again. Thankfully she is healthy and active and so I am sure she will live to a ripe old age.

[ann]

In time your heart will let you know when your ready to adopt again. You said "is it worth it?" For me, anyways, yes it is worth it. We are only here on this earth once. If loving a pet and being loved by pet makes us happy, then go for it!..Yes, it's heartbreaking when they go, no doubt about that. But many here who have had more than one, knows time will help us heal and move on. A new one will never replace the ones we lost, but will give us a whole new experience, even if the bond isn't as close, we will love them and be loved by them no matter what; so well worth it..Take care..Hugs..Ann

[moon_beam]

Hi, Farleybear, I am just being able to get caught up on the posts. It is normal in the early stages of grief to question one's desire to have another companion animal. The pain of losing a beloved companion is the same as, if not more than, losing a human family member or friend, and the grief stages are identical. Our companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love - - which we do not have with any human relationship even in the utmost best of cir%%stances - - and we surrender ourselves to our companions completely and unconditionally. This is why losing them is very painful - - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Some people find it helpful to adopt another companion animal quickly after a loss. This is not always the best decision because some of these folks have difficulty bonding with their new companion so soon after a loss, and this in turn is emotionally devastating to the new companion and compounds the grief journey. Some people wait until they have emotionally recovered from their loss. This is preferred because it gives the individual an opportunity to work through their loss and the "fog" of grief until they feel they can trust their decisions and are better prepared to make a new commitment to another companion. And some people never adopt again - - for several reasons. Some because they are older and do not feel physically and / or financially capable of properly taking care of another companion, and some because they just can't emotionally endure another deep loss experience. Whatever the reason for wondering if adoption is a "right" decision after a loss, there are options: pet sitting for a family member or friend who have companion animals, volunteering at a local rescue shelter, and / or fostering abandoned animals until they can be properly and lovingly adopted. Another option is puppy raising for a local companion assistance or guide dog training organization. My mom always used to say, "when in doubt, don't do it." I have found this wisdom to be helpful many times throughout my life because if I have doubts then this is a sign that I am not ready for the situation - - whatever it may be. So, give yourself time. Don't feel pressured to adopt in June or by June or any other time frame. Give yourself an opportunity to heal from the physical and emotional loss of your precious Farley. You will know when the time is right to adopt again - - and then there will be no doubt at all in your heart or mind. I hope this helps you, Farleybear, and all others who may read this on your post. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Farleybear.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Farleybear]

This weekend was extremely difficult for me. I had a dream about Farley, that he came to visit me. He looked so good. He was young again and so happy to see me. We played and I petted him and we laid down together as well. It was so nice but when I woke up, it broke my heart because my dream was so real. It made me happy that he is doing well and looking like his old self, but it made me miss him like I lost him yesterday. Then on Sunday at my grandfather's bday party, my cousin-in-law put together a slide show and there was a picture of my Farley with Grandpa. It is an awesome picture but I wasn't expecting it and I just started to bawl. This loss is taking its toll on me and I just want to hurry up and stop hurting. I want to be able to miss him without crying. Why does this have to be so hard?

[myhrtisbrkn]

Looking at the pictures of your splendid boy brings tears to my eyes.... small wonder then, that your tears still flow freely. It hurts in proportion to the love you had for each other.


Be patient with yourself; your heart has suffered a terrible wound. It will take time to heal. We are here for you...we have all been there, and we know...


Dayna

[Farleybear]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. They have helped immensley. I am getting better by the day, but random things still bring me to tears. Sunday is going to be 1 month of Farley's passing and I think that is going to be very difficult.

The only happiness that I have right now is that my wedding is getting closer and that means I will have a puppy soon. I am starting to accept that Farley isn't coming back and even though I still miss him with all my heart, I know I am going to be able to love this new puppy completely as well. It has been healing to be able to look forward to a baby in my life again with all their energy and playfulness. I am waiting to hear back from our breeder about the ultrasound results to make sure the breeding worked and to get a final take home date for the new puppy. That is what is keeping me sane. My Farley will always mean the world to me but I am glad that the heart is ever expansive because I do have room to love again.

Thank you all again. This place has been a wonderful outlet for my feelings of loss and sorrow.

[LoveThem]

This loss is taking its toll on me and I just want to hurry up and stop hurting. I want to be able to miss him without crying. Why does this have to be so hard?

It is so hard because there is so much love and bonding involved...that never goes away. In time, we learn not to hurt all the time but we will love them forever and miss them forever and that missing is the pain that we feel.

You mentioned about getting another puppy in time and that you do have room to love again. I think we all feel that way because our special one taught us about loving and being loved in their very own special way.

I kept a saying a member said that I felt encouraging:

One can ask with the depth of pain we go through why do we allow ourselves to become so attached to pets? All one has to do is think of the tremendous amount of unconditional love we get from them and then we can ask why wouldn't we?

Some also say when a door closes another opens. I know there are puppies and kitties waiting for a home and to be loved and to give that special love back. We would never part with our best friends if we had a choice and sometimes I wonder if that choice is taken away so that another can find a home.

If the world were truly filled with all pet lovers, there would be no homeless ones looking to be loved and to love back, but the real world is not always kind to these helpless ones and we know they are all worth having as part of our lives for as long as we are allowed to have them and we would never trade the years of happiness because someday they do have to leave us but they never leave our hearts and our memories. We are really their "forever" home.

Hugs, peace and healing,
Judy

[Farleybear]

I went through a box of photographs on Sunday that contained pictures of my boy as a puppy. For the first time, looking at his pictures made me smile. I did tear up, but the bawling has stopped. I got to experience warmth as I went through those photo's.

I got to remember his silly puppy antics and how small and sweet he was. I got to remember how he always followed me in to the bathroom as a puppy and continued to do so right until the end. He followed me everywhere, but he always had to be in the bathroom with me for some reason. If I shut the door on him, he woudl sit outside of it and pout. I have a baby sweater that he used to wear as a puppy to keep him warm. I look at it now and can't believe how small he once was.

Those pictures have been a turning point for me. I still miss him desperately and would give anything to have him back, but now I can think about him and smile. I know that he is somewhere smiling down on me, watching me and that I will see him again. As someone who has always questioned, that is a big thing for me. I still cry sometimes and my heart hurts when I think about him, but the fact that those pictures made me smile is a very positive thing.

I love you Farley and I know that wherever you are, you are happy and healthy and waiting for the day that we will meet again.

[LoveThem]

You are sharing words of healing and that is a good thing to hear. All you are saying is what we know our sweethearts would love to know we are feeling because they always wanted us to be happy and smile. That to them was a good thing, I am sure.

You might think about posting one of your favorite puppy pictures here. We would love to see your boy when you first got him.

It is good to look at their pictures and smile at the memory of when they were taken. And are we oh so glad we did take them.

When my 3 cats were born in my back yard to a feral mom and I adopted them...I never thought to take a lot of kitten pictures...I guess I always thought there would be time. But then of course, kittens and puppies change faster than we think in their first year and so those moments in time have to be captured right then...we learn later. But any we were able to get..become even more precious at this time.

Keep talking about your boy and to your boy.....that seems to help the healing...and allows us to dwell more on the happy, healthy times than any sadness.

Hugs to you and Farley...he definitely is watching and listening.
Judy