It's Been A Year...but I Miss Her Like Yesterday Options

[Hailey-Comet]

Hi All! It's been a while since I posted but it's comforting to see familiar posters.
I helped my best friend cross the bridge 2 days after Christmas last year. I was afraid my kids would corralate her death with the holiday and ruin it for them forever. Well, they were fine this year but I was a mess. If it wasn't for them, I would have slept my way until New years.

It's weird...her Bday was in November, & I was sad but I bought gifts for my other fur pets and had a little "party" celebrating her life. But Xmas brought back all the memories of her agonizing health decline, her undefeatable spirit and the excruchiating pain of saying good-bye.

Do anniversaries ever get easier?

[AngelCareOne]

Hi All! It's been a while since I posted but it's comforting to see familiar posters.
I helped my best friend cross the bridge 2 days after Christmas last year. I was afraid my kids would correlate her death with the holiday and ruin it for them forever. Well, they were fine this year but I was a mess. If it wasn't for them, I would have slept my way until New years.

It's weird...her Bday was in November, & I was sad but I bought gifts for my other fur pets and had a little "party" celebrating her life. But Xmas brought back all the memories of her agonizing health decline, her undefeatable spirit and the excruciating pain of saying good-bye.

Do anniversaries ever get easier?

Hi, Hailey-Comet. I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time. Do anniversaries ever get any easier? That's a very good question. I sure hope they do get easier. The first Christmas after my loss was pretty smooth sailing because I was still in so much shock and denial. This second Christmas was much worse. I suppose that's because reality had set in.

My loss took place on 10/16/2007 so that first anniversary of losing Alex on 10/16/2008 was very tough. I sure do hear you about sleeping your way through the holidays ... And the anniversaries of our babies passing, too. Since I have no children and live alone, I could afford myself the luxury of collapsing and sleeping through those gosh awful times. Perhaps that's a blessing in disguise for me.

I'm so sorry you couldn't do that and instead relived all the memories of her agonizing health decline, her undefeatable spirit and the excruciating pain of saying good-bye. I simply cannot conceive of anything worse. Nothing happening in our lives can top the grief, sorrow and devastation of our fur kid and feather kid losses. Oh, other losses and terrible events may equal the devastation we feel about our fur kid losses ... Just not top them. My very deepest condolences to you, Dear One!

I pray it does get easier for you. Truly I do and am winging many loving Angels to soothe you and guide you through this most difficult gosh awful time you're having. Please know that you and your fur baby will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Big Comforting Hugs and Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

[Furkidlets' Mom]

I'm so sorry you're one of those whose anniversary falls right around a major holiday. Holiday times are bad enough by themselves, much less having those as your 'markers'! I can't even imagine, even though I know there are many people for whom this is applicable......SO sad!

For me, my 2nd Christmas was just as hard as the 1st but in different ways (including the lack of shock, as Dottie mentioned), and this last one, my third, was really only saved, I feel, by a big, lovely sign my fur-girl sent me right on Christmas morning...otherwise, I KNOW it would have still been very difficult, considering how I'd been feeling beforehand. But she buoyed my spirit right up, helping me feel and know she was still right around me. So this third wasn't quite as wholly terrible as the 1st and 2nd, maybe, but was still giving me an aching heart no matter what else was going on, at least until that sign. I still missed my kids, though, and still cried, still had some challenges, still don't like Christmas anymore.

My own angelversary dates aren't right around Christmas, however, so I have additional times of the year where I'm hit by the memories....aside from all the other triggers that may also spawn emotional upheavals out of nowhere. My next one comes on Feb.2 and even though it will be the 9 year mark for my fur-boy's passing (the idea still takes my breath right away and it still only feels like maybe half that time), I'm pretty sure it'll still be a tough day. They all are, as far as I'm concerned. Having said that, it does seem to get a little....well, if not a whole lot easier, at least maybe shorter for the most intense parts. In a way, sometimes I can look at these days as sort of an 'excuse' to sit in the memories, with justifiable reason....as long as I'm not dwelling completely on only the 'bad' memories. But it's always a mix and I still can't even imagine having ONLY the better remembrances come to mind. I think that's wholly unrealistic.

Birthdays, so far, haven't hit me quite as hard as the other important dates, either, although I'm now into counting what ages my kidlets would have been were they still here with me....sigh.... In fact, their (shared) birthday date is right around the corner now....so this whole period between Christmas and Feb. is overall a pretty sad span for me.

[goliath]

Do anniversaries ever get easier?

The Holidays brought me different feelings this year than last years did. Last year, I was still numb and was barely existing emotionally.......more like on auto-pilot and I really don't remember much about them. This year was like totally feeling everything about Goliath's loss in an awake and feeling state. I do understand only too well why these feelings pop up when they do. This year we put the Christmas tree up and as I hung each ornament I couldn't help but feel tears fall as I remembered my sweet Goliath. I think last year I was still in denial about Goliath's death.

I don't know if anniversaries get any easier or not. That remains to be seen. On Goliath's one year angelversary, I thought about him and only him all day long. That day when he left me with the angels and returned to Heaven will always be with me...........never to be forgotten.

May all your beautiful memories bring you nothing but sunshine in the future. Having these furloves in our lives brings us such joy and enriches our own souls so much. I can't even imagine what my life would have been like if not for the love of Goliath. One day we will reunite just as you will with your precious Hailey & Comet.

Hugs of peace, love, and comfort,
Beth

[von72]

Hello

Well I just found this site and hope I can help people and get comfort myself.

Our beautiful dog Jack died 3 years ago on 6th January. Its strange but Christmas is just as hard as this anniversary cos I keep remembering the wonderful day we had with him just before he died unexpectedly. I was down in the dumps because we were going through infertility problems and as usual it was Jack that made my day and cheered me up. I remember looking at him and saying "what would I do without you?"
about 2 weeks later I found out the answer to that, thought I would die of a broken heart.

That year I got pregnant and our baby arrived on 2nd January so the first anniversary wasn't so bad as I was so happy to have my baby and felt that Jack had sent him. That might sound a bit weird but within 2 weeks my baby would look at Jack's portrait and smile on a regular basis!
This year being the 3rd anniversary we decided to go to Jacks old park. This is something we have not done since he died. I thought I would be fine but as soon as I walked into the park I could see him running towards us, like he used to........so fast he would almost tumble over. Well I bawled again! Then we walked around the park and afterwards I felt very peaceful and was glad I did it. We had our new dog and child with us and that helped too.

I always feel sad too at Christmas as it is close to the date we lost him so I know where you are coming from. Its sometimes hard to feel the joy of it all when we remember what we went through. But I know that Jack would not want me to mope every year so I try and put it to the back of my mind and just be in the moment with the children in the family. I find this helps.

Just wanted to share so you know you are normal! I think we will miss them forever.

[LoveThem]

Hi, again. It is good to be able to come here when we need to. And we know there is always a welcome for us.

You asked about anniversaries. Anniversaries will always be a part of our lives. So far, I have not found them easier.

Here is part of what I wrote you last time:

Healing always takes time......and the pain will stop being overwhelming so often.

The pain can't disappear because our love for our special ones will never disappear and our wanting them back will never lessen in intensity.

I still feel the same way and I think that explains to me why anniversaries are always hard. As you said currently, all the sad memories came back. That is so very normal. We will never forget the last time they were with us and it is always a sad time.

That's why it is important to remember the warm, wonderful, healthy, happy memories and use them to make the sad ones leave. There are so many more good ones than sad.

We sometimes forget that the happy memories can also contain anniversaries of a happy time, a special happy occasion.

No matter what, we truly will love them and miss them forever and will always want to hold them and hug them.....again and again. We are glad they came into our lives.

Hugs and peace and healing,
Judy

[anartist]

And I thought 3 , 4, 5 months was long to grieve every single day...
I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my baby boy, half of JackyJilly, and my poor Jilly lost her Jacky. We are still drifting trying to fill up the hole in our lives so we won't sink. I put their story up on FLICKR. They have been incredibly photographed kitties. Now sometimes I stay up all night preparing images to post and struggle with whether to write Jacky's captions in past or present tense.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

<-- ^ WHOA!, anartist! Your Jacky (& maybe even your Jilly!) looks SO much like my Nissa-girl! And I also have many pics such as the one you posted (that I just viewed) showing you cuddling up with your baby on a couch or bed, or wherever. Just had to mention this, I was so blown away by these grey cat look-a-likes.

I still often write of my kidlets in both tenses, because it's not as if they're REALLY dead and gone forever. It's awkward (was/is, were/are, etc.), but more honest. Their soul essences live on, and I feel using language properly is an important part of re-wiring our (and society's) minds to reflect what we really believe.

[Hailey-Comet]

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I find that just the act of writing (& crying) about her, makes things some-what easier. But of course, not feeling alone and having people who understand me really helps!
Again, thank you!
-Kelly