Jack Options

[von72]

I have been responding to posts here, hoping to help people and a few members have suggested I share my story so here goes..........
Its been 3 years since I lost Jack so I hope those of you who have only just suffered a loss don't mind me telling you my story. I hope that it may give you some hope and also that it will help you understand that how you feel is very normal.

We adopted Jack, an cross-german shephard in Darwin, Australia. The girl there told us he'd be put to sleep in a week as they only kept dogs for a month! I was mortified and took him home with me! I thought he was the most beautiful dog in the world and could not understand why no one had chosen him before. He was just 12 months old and a total joy to be around. I had moved there from the UK to be with my boyfriend and had many tough times but Jack always made me smile. Many times I wanted to move back to the UK but did'nt because I couldn't take Jack with me. When my boyfriend got postings in the army, it was always Jack who kept me going and if it hadn't been for him I would have felt very alone at times. He was my best friend.

His only problem in life was his noise phobia. He hated storms and fireworks and nothing helped really with this fear. We did manage to help him a bit when we saw a behaviourist but we couldn't walk him if there were loud bangs.

One day I found out that the pet passport system had come into effect so after we got married, we moved back to the UK to be with my family. Jack came too of course! Everyone loved Jack and laughed at the way he loved his furry toys and would shove as many in his mouth at one time as possible!

We worked full time so left him with mum every day so he wouldn't be alone. One week I was particularly stressed at work. I got up one morning earlier than usual and we dropped Jack at mums. I had so much on my mind I didn't even speak to him or say goodbye, something I will regret for the rest of my life. An hour later there was a knock on the door at work. It was my husband to tell me Jack was dead. He had been in the garden and we can only imagine heard a noise and got spooked. He ran up to the house and thought the door was open and ran straight into it. He died with my mum with him within a few minutes.

My world collapsed. I was in such a state my doctor signed me off work. Just about no one understood except my husband and best friend. My husband was almost as bad as me. I cried non stop for weeks. I thought I would die of a broken heart. I went through all the what ifs and felt enormous guilt about everything.
I couldn't imagine feeling worse but people actually made me feel worse by saying things like 'it was just a dog' and 'come on, its time to get on with things now' 'I've never seen anyone in such a state of bereavement!' I was made to feel like some kind of freak. Even now it makes me a bit angry! I'm not sure I have got past that even 3 years down the track. My cousin who I was really close to and used to talk to every day still hasn't been to see me 3 years later to see if Im okay because apparently she couldn't cope with my grief!

I want you to know that all these feelings are normal and eventually you will find peace. Now when I think of Jack, I remember the good times and I feel his presence around me. I still miss him as much but the pain has eased. My friend said to me when he died "would you have changed anything though, would you still have adopted him that day if someone had told you he would only be with you for 7 years and then you would have this pain?" And of course the answer was yes I would still have adopted him! I would never have changed my time with him, except maybe that last day of course. I am thankful to have had in my life.
Something happened also that made me know he is around me. After a few years of going through infertility treatment, I had a really vivid dream a few months after he died. I dreamt that I walked into a house and he was there and I just hugged him and said I can't believe its you! I woke up and said to my husband, "We are going to buy the house we are viewing today and this month I will be pregnant" Both things happened. I was sure Jack had sent me this message and he was watching over me. My son was just a week old when he started smiling and he often looked up at Jacks picture and smiled.

For those of you going through this now, just feel the way you feel and don't try and rush yourself through this to feel better. You can only take one day at a time.

[sissycat]

Thanks for sharing.!!!

I hope that in 3 years I will still be able to come here and talk of my Sissycat and give others hope. It has been a little over 7 months since she has been gone.
Sounds like Jack was a wonderful dog/friend. You took him in when everyone else had given up.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[von72]

thank you!

von

[ann]

I'm glad you have reached that tears to smile phase. Great ending to the story. Jack certainly was special. I'm glad you have wonderful happy memories of him. Your right grief takes time and no one can get us thru it but ourselves. Some quicker than others. Yesterday I listened to 2 cds. The first time I have listened to music in over 7mo since I lost my cat. I thought, good I must be getting close. Tonight on the way home from work, I cried like a baby thinking of him. .. Thanks for the hope. .Ann

[von72]

Thanks Ann

Its strange how grief affects us. I stopped listening to music too. And I stopped singing. I used to love singing at karaokes and haven't done this since Jack died. Still can't face it.
For about 3 or 4 months I stopped wearing jewellery too, just couldn't be bothered to make any effort.

Its okay to cry however far down the track we are. It doesn't mean we are not coping. Infact its worse to hold it in. After writing about Jack yesterday I cried and had trouble sleeping cos I kept thinking about him.

It does get easier though, I promise you.

Von

[toonie]

Hi Von, thanks for your coming here on LS and giving us this beautiful account of your little Jack. You loved him so so much, that's for sure. And I agree that we can feel them even though we can't explain this. I too am an old mourner, my best buddy Yukon left this world over two years ago, three weeks after his little brother Felix, even today I can not bring myself to hear certain songs, it is all too much still, there are wounds that I can not disturb for now.
You know, when I first came here a few months after losing my soulmate, I used to think those who were passed 6 or 9 months into their grief could not be having as much pain as what one feels at the beginning; now I know that though we manage to assimilate and control the grief better it still comes like waves, the pain, the missing them it stays, past the weeks, past the months, and past the years. But like you said, we would indeed do it all over again just for what was, it is that precious and worth all the pain after. We crave their presence and sometimes, it almost feels like they are right by our side,just like they always were for us. All of you who are new here, it's true that it does get better even if we never quite get over them. Please know that we understand your hard deep pain and hold you in our thoughts and prayers, even if we don,t always post in each and every thread we are all in the same boat here and each of us can help where we can. Courage, you will get through this.

[phoebekitty]

Thank you for your story: it gives me hope as well. That you were so devoted to Jack is obvious. Even though I know intellectually that time heals, it does not stop the tears of grief at losing my friend so unexpectedly. There are so many caring people who come here, and have put their pets' needs before their own. The real comfort is that someone will listen and understand, including yourself.
I too am a choral singer and can handle the assigned repetoire, but now I must avoid listening to certain favorite recordings that wipe me out completely. I hope you will continue to heal, and sing again joyfully.

[LoveThem]

Thank you for sharing and posting your story about Jack. I read it...reliving every moment with you. I remember the 2 German Shepherds I had in my lifetime...they were my best friends every day. I am so sorry about what happened...it is totally devastating. We sometimes wonder who manipulates fate for us and our special ones and thinks of the many ways they are taken from us.
I know about the fireworks fear. My first girl, Gypsy, was okay as I took her to yards where people had small firewords display and when she was with me and felt I was not afraid...neither was she. But my other girl, Lady..was afraid and we would bring her inside July 4th. And my 3 cats would go hide in the closets.

Your feelings and story is proof that these sweethearts do remain in our hearts and memories forever and that although we will always miss them....over time....the pain becomes bearable.
I think fate was cruel to Jack and you but that is something we have no control over and there doesn't seem to be a "power" that stops something like this from happening.

No matter how much time has passed, we all see in each other the same pain we feel in ourselves and we know we are not alone in feeling it. We see over time we can talk about it but it is truly always with a heavy heart that we do so.

Thanks again for sharing and giving hope to the ones here with new losses by showing them that with time we can control the pain and grieving instead of it controlling us.

Hugs to you and your Angel boy, Jack. If you have a picture of him, I'd love to see it. My girls' pictures are in Tributes under "A Dog's Prayer". I visit there from time to time just to look into those eyes and remember that I am glad they were a part of my life for the time allowed.

Judy

[von72]

thanks so much for your lovely replies. Its good to know that there are others out there who understand completely. At the same time I hate to think of anyone else going through that pain! But I guess its inevitable because we love them so much.

Heres a picture of my beautiful boy in heaven. Hope it worked anyway, not sure how to do attach picture!

Attached image(s)

 

[ann]

Worked just fine. What a happy soul. .Heaven got another beauty!...Thanks for sharing..Ann

[LoveThem]

Loved the picture. Thanks for finding it and sharing it. Pictures mean so very much as they are good memories and we use them to remember those good memories and even smile ........................remembering the fun that was a part of our lives when they were a part of everything.

Judy

[myhrtisbrkn]

Gotta love that smile. pure joy and satisfaction. It's not hard to see why you miss him so much.


Hugs from me and mine,
Dayna

[sissycat]

Great picture of Jack. Looks like he was ready to play.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!