Losing My Dog In A Few Weeks, Degenerative Neuropathy - She'll be euthanized soon Options

[Gizmo]

I ran across this website after searching for some help and I am amazed by the compassion and support that everyone so freely gives to each other. Thank you for that. It is very nice to see such supportive and kind people.

My wife and I are losing our beautiful girl, Gizmo, in a few weeks. She is in no pain but she has terrible neuropathy that gets worse by the day. She can’t really move around on her own at all and we know that her time is here.

We are keeping her here for a few weeks – my wife is home all day and she can take care of Gizmo during the day. Since she isn’t in pain and still seems happy (and still has an incredible appetite) we don’t want to lose her too early. We’re also clinging to the unrealistic hope that continued acupuncture treatments might finally start to show some benefit. Unfortunately, though, my wife will have to return to work soon and we won’t be able to be there for Gizmo, so we’ll have to say goodbye.

I am terrified. I see the unbelievable strength of each one of you – you all are strong enough to do the right thing for your pets and you’re strong enough to lower your heads and fight through it, and I honestly don’t think I can do it. I am so disappointed in how I’m handling this. I think I’m making it worse for my wife, not better, because I am absolutely falling apart at the seams. I have moments where I can deal with this, but most of the time I am an absolute mess. I feel pathetic – I am not strong for Gizmo or my wife and, as such, I know I’m making this whole process more difficult on both of them. It just adds to the overwhelmingly terrible feeling of this whole ordeal.

Please let me know if you have any suggestions for helping me accept what is going on. I need to be strong for both of them. I know I’m being challenged right now and it’s terrible to know that I’m failing that challenge.

Also, please say a prayer for Gizmo if you’re so inclined.. I love her more than I could ever express.

[Jon730]

I am terrified. I see the unbelievable strength of each one of you – you all are strong enough to do the right thing for your pets and you’re strong enough to lower your heads and fight through it, and I honestly don’t think I can do it.

I cannot speak for others, but as for myself, I am faking it much of the time.

And much of the time it works-I convince myself I am getting over it.
We have to learn to focus on and treasure all the good years and memories and the wonderful joy they brought us.

We have to live longer than they do so we can pay them back by being there for them their entires lives...So we naturally get left behind
This means that our "bill" comes due at the end of the term. Usually it's a pretty big one.
All I try to do is think about what we are paying for..all those years of happy perfect friendship that we gladly took.

[sissycat]

Many hugs and prayers to your family and Gizmo.
You will through this one day at a time. It has been only 7 weeks yesterday since my loss. I am so much better now. Everyone has different ways to accept and grieve. I had those days you are feeling also. Being the mom of 4 kids and several furbabies I also wondered how my handling it all would affect them. Don't let anyone tell you it is the wrong way. I'm sure you are doing fine by your wife and dog.
I am sure Gizmo has brought you many great memoreies. Know we are all here to listen or look at pictures. When you are ready to share be glad to listen.

Again many hugs and prayers to Gizmo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gizmo, Please permit me to offer you my sincerest condolences in your upcoming loss of Gizmo. Part of what you are experiencing is the awful Anticipatory Grief - - knowing that the days are coming quickly when you will no longer have your precious fur child. Your wife is also experiencing it, but because she is Gizmo's primary care giver right now, since your wife is staying home to take care of her, your wife's focus is on doing what needs to be done on a daily basis. Please do not consider yourself "inadequate" because of your feelings. If when the time comes to send Gizmo home to the angels you do not feel you can be present during the procedure, that's okay. Many people choose not to be present. Many years ago when a kitty I had needed to be released from her dying body, my mom could not be present during the euthanasia, and I could not bear to leave my kitty alone - - so I stayed, and have stayed with each of my furkids since then to the very last. But that's my choice - - and I do understand others who choose otherwise. Also, many clinical studies have now proven that the loss of a beloved furchild is as bad as, if not worse than, losing a loved human family member or friend. Our furkids give to us what our human loved ones cannot - - they offer themselves freely and unconditionally to us, and in so doing, when they are no longer physically with us, it feels like they have taken the better part of us with them, and we grieve deeply for their physical loss in our lives. So please know that what you are feeling is absolutely normal, - - absolutely nothing for which you need to feel ashamed. There are many different ways of being "strong" for someone in need - - whatever their life form. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers that God will give you the strength and the courage that you need to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, and grant you a peace of heart in knowing that you have done the very best you can under the cir%%stances. And please let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

[Gizmo]

Thank you all so much for your beautiful responses. I’ve been reading these boards all day here at work, and trying like hell to not cry in front of all of my coworkers.

Moon Beam – you brought up a great point. The worst part of this whole thing (although I guess EVERYTHING feels like the worst part) is the anticipation. It’s tough to accept this as being final when it isn’t final yet, you know? I think that I’ll be able to deal with it when she’s gone. It’ll be awful but I’ll be able to get through it, but I am so terrified of the thought of her actually passing. I also pretty much breakdown whenever I think of the specifics of ‘the event’ – making an appointment, dreading that day coming, seeing her get injected and then slowly watch her as she passes away. It causes an anxiety that I’ve never felt. I’m truly, and in every sense of the word, terrified and I feel like I’m always just a step away from completely crumbling. Is that strange? I’m terrified of losing her, but I’m much more scared of the whole process of losing her. I can’t stomach the thought of making that appointment.

I’ve had a fair amount of adversity in my life (just like the rest of us), but this has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to experience. I love Gizmo more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life. She is my world. It’s really scary to face the fact that my life is going to fundamentally change over the next few weeks, and that it’ll never, ever be like it was again.

[LoveThem]

I am sorry to hear about Gizmo. I did google "degenerative neuropathy" and came up with a couple of sites that might
give you more information and maybe help.

one is: http://forum.greytalk.com/lofiversion/index.php/t202883.html

one is: http://dogswithdisabilities.com

The first one has owners talking about how they were able to take care of their babies.
The second one has articles on how to know what to do, etc. and how to know when to make the final decision. It is dedicated to a malmute named Hoover.

My last dog was a German Shepherd and she had trouble with her back end..at that time the vet said it was just some type of a spinal cord injury. She was about 12, not in any pain, feeling good physically except at times she could not bend her legs...like to get out of a doghouse. We treated her with steroids for a while and that seemed to help her walk better. I guess it was buying some time.

By the way, I read what you said about the anticipation, the appointment. For one of my other animals, I had a vet come to my home and she first gave the animal a tranquilizer so she would just sleep...while we were forcing ourselves to okay the final decision. We had to say okay before she woke up. But while she was sleeping we could hug her and cry and she didn't know we were falling apart. But the lady vet took her into another room and closed the door so she was with her at that time. I have never been able to be in the same room because I never heard of a transquilizer first and just making the decision made me start crying hysterically and I never wanted my babies to see me panic...they needed peace around them. My others I just stayed in the vet's office until it was over..again I cannot fall apart in front of these sweet ones...they might sense that and panic themselves.

Don't keep thinking about what is upsetting you. Tell yourself it is a waste of time and energy to be upset right now about making an appointment. Tell yourself your emotions can wait until you actually decide. You haven't decided yet. I always made the appointment with the knowledge that at any time I could stop everything even once arriving there. Even driving there or walking in the door...as long as I had my special one with me...I COULD change the decision...up until I let someone take them out of the room and even then I know I could yell ..come back...but I know I won't because I always have to remember WHY the decision was made. It was made for them...not for me. It was made because I owed them that release and to keep their dignity. After all, I got their unconditional love for many years and know I have it forever even if I don't have them forever.

What you are suffering is being torn between having to make the decision and not wanting to make it. To let her go vs wanting to keep her at the same time. You know she will love you forever...you can see it in her eyes. She would never voluntarily want to leave...she would put up with whatever her body dictated...just to be with you.

Think about her life, her condition. Know in your heart she cannot be with you forever. Each day is a gift to you. Just hug her and love her and make a resolve inside yourself not to fall apart before its time. That doesn't mean you can't hug her and cry because you know it is only a matter of time. If there is no decision needed for a few weeks...don't allow anticipation to grab you...it only will if you let it. Instead focus on making her as comfortable as possible, talk to the vet and see if there is any new help out there at this time, research her condition on the Internet (Google), read what others have done and felt. Maybe you will find an idea to help her.
One parent here had a wagon device made for her dog to use as his back legs.

It is extra hard when you know they are eating well, feel good physically, except for the muscle problem and even that is not painful.
That's what I had with my one girl. I asked the vet how to know when to decide and he said when the quality of life is not there.
One day I saw her legs locked inside her doghouse and she could not get out the opening and she had had a BM in there cause she could not get out. When she could get out she still went to the side of the house where I had trained her to go. She would never allow herself to lie inside her doghouse like that...and there was nothing to help her get better....no cure... no other medications..nothing. That was so hard I cry thinking about it. But it showed me her quality was not what she wanted.

We simply have to do for them what they cannot do for themselves and even if they could...they probably wouldn't choose to leave because they really do want to stay with us forever. Until the decision day actually arrives.....just enjoy each day with her as much as you can because you will remember these days forever and you will be glad you didn't waste them falling apart too soon when you could have been hugging her again...and again.

I wish you peace and hope you find strength in all the replies you have been given to help you. For what helps you to be calm will also help Gizmo to not be anxious but to relax in the love she is surrounded with.

Hugs to you and your wife and especially Gizmo

[valgib]

I am so sorry for Gizmo's illness. I just put my little girl to sleep on Tuesday, and I had a week from diagnosis to the end. I worried that I wouldn't know when it was right, and the agony of knowing it was coming was brutal. I lost l3 pounds in two weeks. Coming home from work the last day was so hard, knowing the vet would be coming in one hour. She greeted me with barks and kisses and my heart just snapped in two. How will I know, how will I do it, should we do anything more for her, was she really that sick? Maybe another two weeks, maybe another month, please please, just a little more time. Roxy answered all my questions for me, her sad eyes told me the truth. When the vet said, "Call me when she's not having fun anymore", I watched closely and knew she was still loving and kissing her mom, but she wasn't having fun. A big comfort is knowing that I took care of her before she had to really suffer, to think of her and not myself.

She had a wonderful life, as I know Gizmo did, and I would never ever trade this suffering for not having had her at all. It's worth it all to think of all the love she gave to me. And to read from others who are a bit ahead of us in this process, I know the pain will east, and I know I will smile again thinking of all her little antics and unique ways.

Focus on Gizmo and Gizmo will lead you. You will feel it when she isn't having fun anymore.

[Steph]

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I had to put my beautiful golden retriever to sleep today. The pain is just unbearable at this point, but, having gone through the death of dog before, I know it does get more bearable in time, note, I don't say it stops, but it does become manageable.

what is your Gizmo? Sorry if I missed in your post, my eyes are all blurred up from crying.

I'll be checking in again.

[Gizmo]

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I had to put my beautiful golden retriever to sleep today. The pain is just unbearable at this point, but, having gone through the death of dog before, I know it does get more bearable in time, note, I don't say it stops, but it does become manageable.

what is your Gizmo? Sorry if I missed in your post, my eyes are all blurred up from crying.

I'll be checking in again.

Oh my. I am so sorry for your horrible loss. Please know that I will be thinking of you and your dog, and I will pray for both of you. That is so sad. I hope very much that you find peace as soon as possible.

Gizmo is a Shih Tzu. She's about a month-and-a-half shy of her 15th birthday, though it looks like she won't get the chance to celebrate that one with us.

I spoke with the vet today. She came to our house and I did all of the talking (my wife was having a very difficult time with it). She agreed with us and said that it was probably time to let her go. It was awful but I was proud that I was able to somewhat step up to the plate and do the right thing for once throughout this terrible ordeal.

Again, please accept my most heartfelt sympathies. I feel awful for your loss.

[Lynsey]

I am so very sorry about your dog. I lost my kitten four months ago, and was feeling particularly sad this evening so I logged in to read some stories. Sometimes it helps to know that others are going through the same thing. Poor Purdy was in intensive care for three weeks before she passed away, so I know how distressing it is to see your beloved pet suffer.

Many of my family and friends were frustrated with the fact that I could not cope with her passing. I was off work for five weeks. However, we simply cannot help the way we feel. Some people are simply just better than others at putting on a brave face.

I don't know if you are religious, but I read this book and it helped me a little.
http://www.amazon.com/There-Eternal-Animal...3203&sr=8-1

Some poor animals never have somebody to love and care for them, remember that your dog was lucky to have you. Grief never leaves you, but it becomes more bearable with time.

Best wishes, Lynsey.

[Gizmo]

I am so very sorry about your dog. I lost my kitten four months ago, and was feeling particularly sad this evening so I logged in to read some stories. Sometimes it helps to know that others are going through the same thing. Poor Purdy was in intensive care for three weeks before she passed away, so I know how distressing it is to see your beloved pet suffer.

Many of my family and friends were frustrated with the fact that I could not cope with her passing. I was off work for five weeks. However, we simply cannot help the way we feel. Some people are simply just better than others at putting on a brave face.

I don't know if you are religious, but I read this book and it helped me a little.
http://www.amazon.com/There-Eternal-Animal...3203&sr=8-1

Some poor animals never have somebody to love and care for them, remember that your dog was lucky to have you. Grief never leaves you, but it becomes more bearable with time.

Best wishes, Lynsey.

Oh Lynsey, I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel bad about the time you took off of work or the fact that tonight is a rough night. What you went through was an awful, terrible experience. I feel very sad for your pain. Please accept my condolences and prayers.

I was raised very strict Catholic but I've fallen away from my faith over the last decade or so. The crazy thing is that this whole experience has drawn me closer to God (I would have guessed that the opposite would have happened). I have known that the end was coming for quite some time, so I've returned to prayer lately. Every day before I leave work, I say a rosary with Gizmo. It's really nice - it's special time that we can spend together and I really find that I look forward to it every day. The best consequence of that, though, is I find myself talking to God a lot more throughout the rest of the day. I find myself feeling an empathy and compassion for everyone else that I haven't felt in a very long time. I pray for other people much more that I have for a long time, too. It's just another gift that Gizmo has given to me.

I will definitely buy the book and I look forward to reading it. One of my biggest fears in this whole nightmare is that Gizmo will be gone once she passes, and I'll never be able to see her again. I could deal with this if I knew for sure that this was a temporary separation but I often have my doubts that when she goes, she's gone forever. If that were the case, I say in all seriousness that I'm not sure I could go on.

Thanks again for the book suggestion. Please feel peace. I am so sorry for your loss.

[LoveThem]

You said: Every day before I leave work, I say a rosary with Gizmo. It's really nice - it's special time that we can spend together and I really find that I look forward to it every day.


What a beautiful, warm, loving thing to do. This is something you will always remember and always be glad you did.

My prayers are with you and Gizmo.

[Gizmo]

We have about 39 hours left. I honestly think that I'm going to crack and I really don't care.

[Mink&WillowsMom]

Having been through the anticipatory grief
- the anticipation is FAR worse than the actual doing
- at the vet, on the day, buffering numbness tends to set in
- you will get through it. Really, what other choice is there?
- it may not be pretty, but so what? Your passion of grief is just a reflection of the depth of joy and love Gizmo brought you. We Americans, and especially you men get sold a bill of goods about 'not crying' and 'soldiering up.' Bah. It's not falling apart, it's falling open.
- we will listen and offer solace
- forever schmever. If you and Gizmo have been travelling together through lifetimes, you will again.

I am sooooo sorry for this pain you're going through. It sucks. If you can move the appointment to tomorrow, I would. That last night's a honker.
Instead of struggling so hard to hold it together, let it wash through you, like waves. The waves will come anyway, and struggling just makes it harder.
My thoughts and hugs to your family,
Kim

[sissycat]

Gizmo,
I am so very sorry. May you have the strength to get you through this. I just can't imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes. My loss was sudden so I had no knowledge.
We are all here for you.

Many Hugs!!!!!

Sissycat
"kim"

[ann]

Gizmo,
I am so very sorry. May you have the strength to get you through this. I just can't imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes. My loss was sudden so I had no knowledge.
We are all here for you.

Many Hugs!!!!!

Sissycat
"kim"

My deepest sympathy to you and your family. I won't lie. It will be a rough road ahead. You will get thru this and thats what LS is all about. We are here for you. This is the only place right now I can completely fall apart and I know there are people here who care and understand whole heartedly. My prayer for your beloved pet is that Gizmo will not be alone on the journey to the Rainbow Bridge. All our Angels here will guide her peacefully, happily, and safely. Hugs to all..Ann

[Deanna]

I am praying for Gizmo. Although, I didn't lose my Zoe by her being euthanized, (it was due to a tragic accident), but when they're taken from us, there was complete devastation to me. It's been two months and tears still come very easily. However, this site is wonderful and very helpful when coping with the loss. I really don't know what I would have done without the help and support of all these individuals on this site.
Please feel free to tell stories, express your feelings, and post pictures of Gizmo.
Much love and support during this difficult time.
Deanna

[Steph]

I have been wondering how you and your Gizmo are doing. Yours was the first post that I read when I came here right after I had my golden retriever euthanized. In fact, you posted on the exact day that it happened.
I hope that you and Gizmo were/are still able to enjoy some good times before the heartwrenching decision must be made.

[LoveThem]

39 hours.....you know you ARE allowed to cry. You are already grieving. It might help to read all the different replies here from the beginning....maybe you will find words you can hold onto temporarily..to help you.

I have been where you are...many times by myself and then after marriage..with my husband. Our tears just flow together.

What adds to the pain now is the anticipation, and knowing that there is a choice but that you know for your baby's sake, there
really is no choice. That is a real battle inside (always was for me).

I am so glad you have had her for over 14 years...just reinforces that you and your wife did everything right and took the best care of her you could think of and she knows that. She knows that. She would love you no matter what....but she feels the special love you both have for her...and that is the best feeling these babies can have.

It is a very hard decision. With the one where the vet came to our home...I was very thankful she suggested a tranquilizer first so the baby could lightly sleep and not see the tears we could not hold back. My husband held him until the vet said it was wearing off and so we had to say we did not change our minds because our boy was barely able to breathe (That was in 2002 and ironically, his twin brother, LIttle Guy, had a breathing problem in 2007 when we lost him). That's what cancer can do and it tears at our hearts what disease does to these pure souls.

I have never been able to be actually with them at the very end but knowing they were not conscious always made me feel it was as close to going in their sleep that I could do for them. I could not ..not do it, as I can't believe there is no pain when the end comes and I do not want them to feel any of it. I gave them the only thing left I could give them...and that was peace.

The reason WHY the decision is made has always helped me bear it. I had to keep remembering WHY. Doesn't make it easier...it just allowed me to actually do it. Remembering my boy came first.......before any feelings I had of wanting to keep him, knowing I would always want to keep him forever but only if he had his quality of life.

So many here know exactly what you are going through....but as one Mom said here: The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her. We only hope we have many years together and we know it will never be enough time..no matter how long it is but when it is truly their time to go....since that will be we can't cure them or help them with their quality of life, the best we can give them in return for that wonderful unconditional love they never failed to give us...is to make it as easy for them as possible to be at peace.

Hugs to you and your wife...and a special one for Gizmo...she is a very special girl and I know you would never trade almost 15 years of being with her....to avoid this time.

Just remember...you are doing it for her and why you are doing it for her.

Oh, hug her as much as you can and it is okay to cry now even hugging her and telling her you love her...she is still home.

Judy

[Gizmo]

You people are all so amazing. Thank you so much.

I'm leaving work right now to spend my last 25 hours with her (until we see each other again on the other side). I spent all last night crying, vomiting and dry-heaving from anxiety, and I'm sure there's more of that to come. I'd be stunned if she isn't in either mine or my wife's arms for the entirety of that time.

Then the doctor will come. Then she'll be gone. Then we'll have to drive her to the crematorium. Dear God, how is anyone strong enough to do that?

Once again, thanks so much to all of you. I know you've been through what I'm going through and you are such wonderful people to take the time to help. Please accept my prayers and condolences for your losses.

I probably won't check in for a while. Please know that I will always be grateful to each one of you, and I truly feel terrible for the pains of your lost loved ones.