Death Of My Furry Baby Boy Chihuahua, Please help me with my loss of Goliath Options

[goliath]

My baby boy Goliath, a chihuahua, passed away 2 months ago and I am suffering an emptiness that is unbearable most of the time. Is there anybody out there who can help me through this pain? He was the light of my life and the best friend I ever had.

[LoveThem]

One way to help with the pain is to talk about it. Tell us about Goliath..right away the name tells us the owner has a sense of humor in naming his chihuahua

How old was he? How long did you have him? What are some of your favorite memories of him that make you smile? Do you have any pictures of him to post here?

You are not alone in grieving. That's why this forum is here...so others can share their grief and we can all help each other get through the dark times.

2 months is not very long and it takes time to start healing. Part of that process is when we can starting push the sad memories out of our mind and replace them with the good, healthy and happy memories. Goliath will always be a part of you for he has a special place in your heart that can never be taken away from you.

In my lifetime I have had and lost more than 1 special friend and I found that eventually each loss did open the way for me to meet my next special friend. No one ever replaces the one lost...that just can't happen. But sometimes we find we miss that unconditional love that is given especially to animals and when we do, we look to see if we can make a connection with another who needs a home and love. I can look at pictures of those who have gone and not start crying uncontrollably. I can smile and remember they were well and very happy in that picture.

Each person heals in their own way. Some fill the emptiness with a new baby who becomes a welcome distraction from grief. That's really the only way I ever went back to a semi-normal life so I can't speak for those who can go a long time alone.
That sounds so hard to do but you have to do what you are comfortable with.

My last one left in September and for the first time my home had no animals at all. I found I didn't like coming home to an empty house. Then the Holidays came and everything seemed emptier so the day after Christmas I adopted a new special friend. Although he looks similar to my last one, he definitely has his own personality and because he is healthy, young and happy, he loves attention very very much.
He was abandoned young and seems so grateful for any attention that I am glad I connected and found him. I have felt that "unbearable emptiness" you speak of and I can only tell you what I did for myself. I still miss my special one and at times do still cry that he is gone but I no longer cry 24/7. I am grateful for the time I had him and it is because of the unconditional love I got from him that makes me want it again and it feels right to me.

So post and tell us about your baby and best friend....Goliath! (Your name doesn't happen to be David, does it?)

[goliath]

Goliath was only 10 years old when he died 2 months ago. It was an unexpected and a very traumatic passing that has changed my life forever. He had not been sick but did have some indigestion........the doc said to take him home and that he was fine. He died a few hours later of a very rare event.......Vagal episode. Rarely does anyone die when a vagal episode occurs. The autopsy results showed I had a perfectly healthy chihuahua.

I have had many pets over the last 35 years and loved them all. But Goliath and I had a different kind of bond that went much deeper. We understood each other completely........he was my companion, my friend, my baby boy, my playmate, my teddybear, my teaser, my fellow camper, and more. I would have died for Goliath and protected him forever.

My other chihuahua, Gidget, doesn't look for him anymore. But my husband and myself, particularly me, cannot seem to put Goliath out of our minds. He is my first thought when I awaken in the morning and my last thought before I go to bed at night. Though it is a little bit easier now than it was the first month or so, it is still quite painful and I find myself in tears often. The emptiness is unbearable.

Goliath was an extremely loving and unselfish chihuahua that stole my heart the day we met. He loved all people and other animals. Just a little social butterfly that was extremely smart. He caught onto new tricks and seemed to understand everything we said to him or around him. It was always a joke with any outsiders though as they noticed how Goliath would react when he saw me. He didn't allow others to pick him up unless he knew them. I remember in puppy school that the instructors would kid me about how Goliath sure knew who his Mom was. And how mad the guys with the big dogs would get when Goliath always won the race when asked to come. You see it wasn't difficult at all to teach Goliath to come as he always wanted to be right with me anyway. But, he would sit and wait for me to call him before he came which was PRONTO.

He had a way of playing hard to get at bedtime. He would wait til he heard my eyeglasses close and for the light to go out before he crawled into my arms and made his happy noises just before going to sleep. I think that is what I miss the most is our cuddling at bedtime. Goliath and Gidget have always traveled with us in our RV on vacations and have never been in a kennel or boarded. They both were involved in every aspect of our lives.

While I do thank God everyday for the time we had with Goliath I can't help but feel that a part of me died the night he passed away. One thing I know for sure is that it is way too soon for me to think about a baby brother for Goliath and Gidget. I am feeling so raw and look forward to the day that maybe I can remember him with smiles, fondness, and love and not the cutting deep hurt that I feel now.

[forduffy]

I am so sorry for the loss of your boy. It must have been such a shock because he was in good health. I have never heard of Vagal episode. I lost my puppy boy in September-4 months today- and since then, I know that it's been a roller coaster. He was older and I guess it was his time and I thought that I'd be prepared but I don't think anyone can prepare for such a loss. I have found that this forum has been a tremendous help in the healing process, though. I can't say that I like this new reality but I guess I have no choice. I try to remember the good memories and posting pictures does help. This is a great place to feel free to express your love for your boy and the pain of losing him because we all do understand and you will not be judged. Sometimes society as a whole does not readily accept the love we have for animals or the tremendous imprint that they make in our lives. That is why this forum is so special. Please take care.

[goliath]

Thank you for your kind words. I also am very sorry for your loss. Though I knew I would not be able to keep him forever, I was totally shocked when he left so suddenly and I am praying that this site will help me as much as it has helped others.

I will be posting his picture soon along with the first letter I wrote to him 2 weeks after he passed away in my arms. He truly was what I loved more than anything on this earth and I have never felt this depth of pain and emtiness with any other loss in my lifetime. Goliath taught me all about love and commitment.........Goliath was my blessing who will live in my heart forever.

[Bonny'sMom]

Goliath sounds like a little love. Your description of him makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I love that. We all know how you feel. When you say he's the first thing you think about in the morning and the last at night is exactly what I wrote in one of my posts. Don't feel alone or weird or anything. You had the gift of love from a wonderful animal and we are blessed to have that. The only time it is problematic for us is when we have to let go. You also said that you feel a part of you died with Goliath. I also wrote that same thing. We must be similar in our emotions. I've been devastated since I lost my 15 year old baby on Christmas Eve. No matter what the age it is pure hell.

I broke my own rule and went and adopted right away. I had to. I was somehow led to the Animal Shelter. Had not intended to go there but ended up their by going down the wrong street. There are no accidents! I knew that was the sign. I adopted two cats. One is one and the other is 5 or 6 months. One came home last night and one comes home on Monday.

Do know we are hear for you and that healing happens here. It has been a Godsend for me to come and write about my pain. The wonderful thing is that we all understand. Keep writing back.

Bonny'sMom

[goliath]

The sun didn't shine today and I found myself looking for Goliath in the clouds and talking to him often during my day at work. The tears came though in a much quieter way. Never in my life have I suffered the pain and agony of losing a living creature like I am suffering through the death of my very special baby boy chihuahua, Goliath. I have lost many loved relatives over time including my parents, grandparents, friends, and other pets. And while I loved ALL of them to the depths of my soul, my loss of Goliath has afftected me much deeper than any of the other losses in my life.

I looked at his picture book today and read all the stories I wrote about him and his sister Gidget. On the 25th of this month my Goliath would have turned 11 yrs. old. While I was looking at their pictures and reading their stories I was ok til I looked at the pictures of Goliath's first birthday party and then I fell apart. My heart so aches for him and my arms long to hold him and cuddle. He truly is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life.

He is the first thing I always think about in the morning and my last thought at night before bed. I have had many dreams of him and I hold his baby quilt that I made for him when I brought him home as a little puppy just like I am a baby hanging onto my security blanket. I have his first toy, his first paw prints, his baby teeth, his first collar and leash, and many other things.

O dear God please ease my pain!

[goliath]

Another day passes by and I find myself falling apart once again. While I go thru my day at work it's a little easier to distract myself. But when I get home that sick feeling hits my stomach once again.

These wintery cloudy days don't help a bit nor does his upcoming 11th birthday in less than 2 weeks. I am trying so hard to come to terms with his unexpected death and I feel like a yoyo. When the anxiety hits me I feel like crawling out of my skin and so panicked when I remember those last moments with him.

My health has been affected greatly since I cannot seem to stop mourning his absence. I keep praying that the sick feeling in my stomach will go away soon.

[goliath]

Late last night I went through many pictures of Goliath as well as my Gidget. I am putting together a tribute page and I hope all of you will look to see my babyboy. After a good cry I was able to sleep well and actually made it through the night without waking up and thinking about him.

So many memories.......so little time.

[Cheesy]

I can't wait to see your tribute. It is so easy to see your love for your little guy, and I can't wait to know more about him.
Congrats on sleeping, I know how tough that can be. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and your loved ones.

[LuvLabs]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your boy Goliath. He sounds like he was very dear to you, and has left pawprints on your heart. How wonderful that you are putting together a tribute page to honor him. I look forward to seeing it and sharing in your beautiful memories.

[goliath]

Thank you cheesy and luvlabs...........I appreciate your replies. Please look at my heartfelt letter to Goliath to see more pictures of him.........nothing makes me happier than sharing my baby with others.

The tribute page should be finished this Friday for all to see. Love them was right when she told me that sharing pics feels good and I hope to see yours soon cheesy and I luv the one you posted luvlabs.

God bless you both with peace and tranquility

[goliath]

The healing sure does take time. That's a fact. Though it isn't such a rollercoaster of emotion like it was the first few months, I find myself full of anxiety this afternoon.

However, I know this too shall pass. As long as I take more steps forward than backward I know I am headed in the right direction.

I am just hoping not to fall apart this coming Friday when it is Goliath's birthday.

Love to all

[freddie]

Dear Goliath,This web sit is great but as far as i am concerned you are angel sent to us from above we can't thank you enough for all of your support.We strongly belive that Freddie guided us to you ! He's up there right now playing with and watching over your lovely little Goliath ! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts you have guided and helped us thru one of the worst times of our lives!

Warren and Chris loving and missing Freddie forever ***

[goliath]

I am always here throughout my days and evenings at some time or another. It helps being able both to comfort others as well as myself. As a result of ALL the sharing and caring that takes place here with each other, my life and goals have taken a very unexpected turn. Life is good. I assimilate every moment of each day like a true gift. We can't change the past but we sure can make the most of each day God gives us.

I find more peace and comfort here than anywhere. My time is well spent as I feel myself growing each day. And if that means I hit some bumps now and again on my road to recovery, that's okay. I'll get there eventually by God's grace alone.

I feel so blessed to have found this place and people such as yourself to befriend, particulary during a time that started out in crisis. People grow and mend here.

How wonderful to know that we are not alone and that God leads us to others

[goliath]

I found myself feeling angry today at the vet hospital for failing to get back in touch with me, as they had promised, to inform me of changes they had made in regards to the care and customer service issues I had brought to their attention after Goliath's death.

I had met with them a week after Goliath died on November 6th, 2007 to talk about how they could provide a better service to people and pets in their facility. They were to have taken my concerns and the calamity of events I endured and how I was treated to several meetings during November so that they could spare others from EVER having to experience what I had to endure.

I was told by the person that assured me that these concerns would be addressed that "Oh, I am sorry I thought Dr. *** got back with you on that" I was so enraged by that response. Once again they dropped the ball. The issues I had was not with the doctor at all, but in customer care issues. This was managements responsibilty and not that of the doctor involved.

While I do believe the doctor did miss something VERY important, I do not blame her for Goliath's death.

I have now found another emergency vet hospital (which I hope to never have to use) and hope I will find a more compassionate group of animal lovers there.
I think for some hospitals they are strictly in it for the money and lack the understanding that some of us have such a special connection to our loved furry kids that we would die for them

[goliath]

In just a couple of days it will be 6 months since I heard the pitter patter of Goliath's feet around the house. Yesterday I found two of his baby teeth I had put away for safe keeping. These I will put in a glass urn charm and add it to my chain that now holds Goliath's gold heart urn.

Though I miss and think of him many times a day, I feel very fulfilled in my life. Even if I had a houseful of chihuahuas I would still miss his physical presence. But, I do feel comfort in having all his little belongings around me. His loving and unselfish heart and mine is forever bound. My desire is to pass our hearts and comfort to all those around me here in this forum, as well as the people I come in contact with outside this forum.

May you all be blessed in finding your way to a happier and healthier life. All of us have been left with beautiful and wondrous memories in having known such a precious love in our lives.

Goliath will always remain bound to my heart and I will miss him til the day after forever.

[goliath]

We cannot bring these special ones back physically but what we have learned from them and because of them can be used to lighten another's burden. We may not always find the right words to do that but if we are lucky, there are times we do find them, and to lighten the overwhelming grief of just one "Mom" and/or "Dad" makes taking the time all worthwhile

Thanks Judy. You caught the message I was trying to send loud and clear. The reason I pulled Goliath's original thread up again was a result of your having said to me, "Beth, have you ever looked back to see how far you have come since you first came to this support group?" I said I hadn't because I could remember so well how I felt back then. But then it occured to me that others here who are new and are looking for hope for recovery may not have known how far I have come.

Many times when I come here I find people who feel hopeless and lost. So, I thought I might be able to bring some of them some hope and encouragement to go on. Given time we can all come to terms with our deep losses and sadness. There IS hope for all who come here. I found hope and inspiration here by many people. Also, because you were the beautiful person who first responded to my cry for help, I was found. You gave me the encouragement I needed to find a happier and satisfying way of life. I will always love you and be grateful to you for what you so unselfishly gave me.

No longer do I walk around aimlessly in a state of despair and hopelessness. My days are filled with gratitude and appreciation for all I have had. As long I allow myself to continue to grow, I can pass around the love in my heart. Hopefully, someone reading my words will catch the true message of hope I am sending. Goliath IS the sunshine in my heart and will forever remain the most cherished blessing in my life.

May the peace also be with you Judy as well as everyone else here in this forum.

[goliath]

PLEASE TO ALL THAT READ THIS POST....................SAY A PRAYER IN THE LOST SECTION OF THIS FORUM!!!!! BROWSER IS MISSING!!!
I need every prayer and thought you can give to find Browser. He is Goliath's new baby brother.

Dear Goliath.................Please look over Browser. I know you sent him to bring happiness. You were sent to me by God and so was Browser. I need to feel that happiness.

Thank you my dear friends.

[goliath]

As I sit here tonight after being away from the forum for a few days, I am catching up on the postings I have missed. So much sadness.....so much grief. Each of you tug at my heart and I cannot hold back beacuse of how much I care about all of you.

Little by little I have become able to spend less time here. The first day away from here was the hardest because I feel so connected to everybody here. But, I am also very much in tune with the rest of the world that revolves around me. So, if you don't see me as often, please don't ever think that I have stopped caring or ever could. I am bound to you always.

It was 8 months ago today that my Goliath left this world. Because I was so blessed to have him in my life and cherish each and every one of the memories he and I made together, most of my days are filled with taking the beauty of the rest of the world in through all my senses. Today, I spent the entire day in comeplete bliss working in my gardens and enjoying the sun that shined on me and also the sunshine within me. There is so much for me to love in this world. On this day I chose to rejoice in Goliath's memories and practice the lessons of love and goodness he so unselfishly taught me.

Because of Goliath the grass is greener, the birds sing sweeter, and the skies are bluer. All of natures wondrous beauty has more meaning to me than it ever did before. I have learned to take time to smell the flowers, spend more quality time with my family, and to be thankful for all I have. It took me alot of time and reflection as well as tears to get me where I'm at today. Goliath is such a solid part of me and I always feel him with me no matter where I go or what I do.

Summertime is when our family is the most active. Last summer we played on our boat, took long walks, went camping, and spent lazy hot days laying in cool places. No matter what we did.........we did it together. When winter ended and spring arrived I became somewhat apprehensive about the summer months that were rapidly approaching. All the "firsts" came up fast and at first I had to force myself into that first walk, that first boat ride, that first camping trip..............

I have always known Goliath would stay with me forever from the day we met. Because of him the word appreciation means so much more to me. His music and love is very much alive all around me and within me. My soul is nourished daily through his unforgetable memories and I am not saddened as I smile and say "Thanks Goliath for all you gave to me." I will love you til the day after forever.

Much love with heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you. May you find peace and tranqulity as you struggle to find a way to let your furry kid's sunshine in.

Comforting hugs filled with love to all,
Beth