My Chihuahua Marilyn, I miss her so much Options

[Deanna]

Dear Deanna

I read your posts the day I had my Marilyn put to sleep and I cried and cried for you. Thank you for taking the time out from your grieving to post a reply to me. Westies are such sweet dogs, there are several around here and I think of you when I see them. I help out a local dog rescue/shelter in my spare time and three westies came in this week, found dumped on a rubbish/garbage tip. Mum dad and daughter, they are so loving and sweet despite all they have been through. People can be so cruel but we can take some comfort that we loved our animals during their all too short lives and did our best by them. Zoe was beautiful and had the bestest mum in you x

You're more than welcome. I'm sure it's the same for you, but it sure helps me to get feedback when I comment about my precious Zoe. It's comforting to me to know that I'm not alone dealing with my devastation of losing Zoe on this site. I think we all need each other to get through our grieving process, or should I say, help in "copeing" with our loss, as I am trying to do. It's been two months today, and I still miss Zoe terribly.

Yes, westies are sweet dogs (at least mine was -ha) I really can't imagine a human disposing these precious souls on a garbage tip. That's wonderful that you're helping out at a local dog rescue shelter, that shows you've got a big heart. I think if I was to do that, I'd have to bring everyone of them home with me.

Thanks for your kind words on stating Zoe was beautiful and that she had the best mum. I tried really hard and was told I did a great job spoiling her. (ha)

Hang in there ~ we're in this together.
Big hug to you and Marilyn!
Deanna

[meens]

Hi, meens, thank you so much for sharing how your day has been for you. Getting your furbaby's ashes back is comforting, although it's not anything like having Marilyn's sweet precious living body to hold and be by your side. It seems the first week or so we're in a state of shock, and when that starts to wear off reality begins to sink in, and then when we get the ashes back - - our hearts know for sure that the sweet life we had before has changed forever. How very special about the rainbows - - Marilyn letting you know she is safe at the Bridge, and the double rainbow - - wow - - Marilyn letting you know that she is still with you. Have you thought about doing a memorial for Marilyn - - like a scrapbook or making a donation to your local rescue shelter in Marilyn's honor and memory? I know this may be too soon to think about, but as you begin to feel stronger through the coming days and weeks, it's just a thought. When my Eli, and previous furkids, passed, I did a Memorial Booklet for each of them and made copies for our vets and vet techs. It took me a long time to do them, but I found them to be very healing and the vets and vet techs really appreciated them. Just take it one day at a time, meens, and please know we are here for you.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

Thanks moon beam for being there... I did sleep a bit better though there's that few seconds when you wake up and everything seems fine - then you remember and your heart hurts all over again. I lay there for a while just cuddling Betty and Chi and remembering happier times when Marilyn was still around - 15, nearly 16 years is a lot of memories.

You saying about a scrapbook, when my friend's ##er spaniel passed they did a beautiful one for him, I said to her just before she went on holiday I must do one too for Marilyn. Before we had this conversation she left me a card and present to open, I waited until she'd gone and opened it... bless her it was a scrapbook. I was so touched that she thought of it before I even mentioned it. I am not quite strong enough yet to do it, but I will. I may get those friends to write their memories of Marilyn too, they loved her loads too.

I help out a local dog rescue, which is where we got Betty from. I wish I could do more but every little helps. I like to think if I can pass a little bit of the love I had for Marilyn onto those poor babies it will help them a tiny bit.

Thank you again for your kind words, you don't know how much you help me

meens xx

[meens]

I hope I'm not boring anyone but for those who asked me to try and send the pics through again, here you go



Marilyn is to our left in the "gang" pics, her sister Chi Chi (or Grumpy Chu as I often call her, she's such a diva!) is on our right. Betty, our rescue dog (terrier x sheep I think!) who we got on 15 December last is at the back. I am so lucky to have Betty and Grumpy Chu but I miss my little angel so much, I thought three was an odd number but having only the two, everything is off balance.

Thank you for looking, like I said I hope I am not boring you or being a burden

meens x

[Deanna]

Love the pictures ~ what beautiful babies.
Thanks for sharing....
Have a blessed day
Deanna

[goliath]

I hope I'm not boring anyone but for those who asked me to try and send the pics through again, here you go



Marilyn is to our left in the "gang" pics, her sister Chi Chi (or Grumpy Chu as I often call her, she's such a diva!) is on our right. Betty, our rescue dog (terrier x sheep I think!) who we got on 15 December last is at the back. I am so lucky to have Betty and Grumpy Chu but I miss my little angel so much, I thought three was an odd number but having only the two, everything is off balance.

Thank you for looking, like I said I hope I am not boring you or being a burden

meens x

Your "gang" picture is sweet as can be. Please bore me somemore with more pictures and stories when you can. I am glad you have Betty and Chi to cuddle with though. There is something so peaceful that comes with cuddling with those we love.

Keep coming Meens and sharing about the special love you have with Marilyn. Though her adorable little self may not be here in the physical sense, the love relationship the two of you share is forever. Her sweet loving spirit is with you and in you even now.

Much love to you and your girls,
Beth

[moon_beam]

Hi, meens, I'm taking a break here at work and thought I would check in to see how you're doing. Thanks so much for sending the pictures through again. They are truly sweethearts. I'm wondering how you're managing getting through the day at work, and how your co-workers are helping / not helping you. I am so thrilled that your friend gave you a scrapbook for Marilyn, and that's a lovely idea about having friends write their memories of her to put into the scrapbook as well. Sharing the love you have for other fur kids will help keep Marilyn's love alive, too. She would want you to help another furbaby, and eventually perhaps welcome another furry one into your household. This will not diminish the love you have for Marilyn, nor will it be "replacing" her, because your relationship with this furbaby will be on an individual basis. Meens, just know we are here to support you in any way we can.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

[meens]

Dear goliath and moon beam

Thank you for your nice comments about my girlies, and for seeing how I am. You are all so lovely, I wish I could climb into the laptop and give you a hug!

Today I got through, I still feel so dead inside though, every now and again I have a cry, I just wish my baby was here so I could feel like "me" again.

How are you two doing? Thank you so much again for caring about me, I actually feel worthwhile when I see you've taken the time to send me a message, your words help me so much.

meens xx

[meens]

You're more than welcome. I'm sure it's the same for you, but it sure helps me to get feedback when I comment about my precious Zoe. It's comforting to me to know that I'm not alone dealing with my devastation of losing Zoe on this site. I think we all need each other to get through our grieving process, or should I say, help in "copeing" with our loss, as I am trying to do. It's been two months today, and I still miss Zoe terribly.

Yes, westies are sweet dogs (at least mine was -ha) I really can't imagine a human disposing these precious souls on a garbage tip. That's wonderful that you're helping out at a local dog rescue shelter, that shows you've got a big heart. I think if I was to do that, I'd have to bring everyone of them home with me.

Thanks for your kind words on stating Zoe was beautiful and that she had the best mum. I tried really hard and was told I did a great job spoiling her. (ha)

Hang in there ~ we're in this together.
Big hug to you and Marilyn!
Deanna

Hi Deanna

I just read your little letters to Zoe and they made me cry - I agree with Beth the 'firsts' are hard, but the seconds aren't much better. I feel sick inside I miss my little Marilyn so much. I find myself asking the empty kitchen, why? why did you have to go? why couldn't I have one more of your birthdays, and my birthday, and one more Christmas with you?

The dog rescue is hard sometimes, seeing how horrible and uncaring people are to these lovely dogs. I always want to bring the old and broken and wonky ones home!

I dunno about a big heart, my partner would probably say that I'm the biggest misery guts but I can't change that at the moment.

I really hope you are going OK Deanna, you and cutey pie Zoe are in my thoughts and prayers.

hugs

meens xx

[moon_beam]

Hi, meens, just want you to know that I'm thinking about you. How are Chi and Betty doing? You mentioned that everything feels off balance without Marilyn. Well, of course it does. When my Eli was alive, I had a household of 4 furkids and me. Eli knew how to "liven the place up" - - he was my "challenge child" - - the Bowery Boys and Little Rascals all rolled into this one feline person. It has almost been 2 years now since he went home to the angels, and we are just beginning to feel "comfortable" with our new "norm." It is a lot quieter in the house without Eli to stir things up, - - how I do miss his antics and mischief. But my little kitty boy, Noah, is now taking on his own version of Eli's role - - almost as if Eli is coaching him from the Bridge, and it makes me smile to see Noah try to "fill his big kitty brother's paws." It just takes time for you, your furkids, and household to adjust to this new "norm", but rest assured that Marilyn's sweet living Presence is still with you - - always - - whatever you're doing and wherever you go. Please keep in touch, meens, to let us know how you're doing. My regards to Chi and Betty.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

[LoveThem]

OMG, Meens...what beautiful pictures!

I don't know what you did...but it worked! We love to look at pictures because they can make us smile..they are a reminder of the good memories our special ones provided us with.

I can see why Marilyn is so precious. I am glad you have the other two...it does help.

you said: I thought three was an odd number but having only the two, everything is off balance.

I know what you mean. I started out with 3 siblings...then went to 2....then went to 1...and now there are none of them.

It does seem different whenever we lose one....we always think....it should still be 3...they should all be here.
(At least..I have thought that many times).

I hope you are doing better...I think your babies are helping as best they can.

And...I am really glad you brought these pictures here.

Hugs to you and your family....and your very special Angel.....Marilyn. That one picture of her alone...you must have that framed?

Judy

[Candy's Dad]

Wow a great "gang". It brought a smile to my face. I hope to have a small gang of pups soon.


Their soooo adorable.

[meens]

Wow a great "gang". It brought a smile to my face. I hope to have a small gang of pups soon.


Their soooo adorable.

Dear Candy's Dad

I am so touched you took time to reply to me - I read all your posts on Candy and they made me cry so much, you write so beautifully and the love you felt for Candy came through in every post. I am pleased you feel ready to take on some new babies - I did read about the three chihuahuas and wonder if its them you're going for? I had my two from 13 weeks old and whoa, were they were a handful! But so worth it. When I am stronger I will get the photos down from when they were pups, I am not ready right now as I am still hurting so much I miss my beautiful sweet Marilyn.

Please post some pics when you get them and thank you once again for your lovely comments. Keep us posted on the pups!

meens x

[meens]

[quote name='LoveThem' post='41882' date='Aug 14 2008, 11:17 AM']OMG, Meens...what beautiful pictures!

I don't know what you did...but it worked! We love to look at pictures because they can make us smile..they are a reminder of the good memories our special ones provided us with.

I just re-saved them in Photoshop, simple - was just me being stupid. I find it really hard to concentrate on things after losing my angel, in work I'll get through the day but if somone asked me at the end of the day, what did you do, I couldn't tell you. Some days its all I can do to get showered and dressed. I force myself to go on but my insides feel like they've turned to stone.

I can see why Marilyn is so precious. I am glad you have the other two...it does help.

Thank you - I keep saying it but I am so touched people are saying such lovely things about her. She was so sweet, I will miss her forever. I am lucky to have the other two but things are just so diffferent. When Betty went for her long off lead walk in the evening, I would always leave the chis behind, being nearly 16, long countryside walks were a bit much for their lil old legs. But now I hate leaving Chi behind alone so I bring her along sometimes. For most of it she's carried (and loves it!) but of course our dog walking buddies ask us, whose this, so I have to explain and tell them about her sister and I have to try not to cry in public and it makes it hurt all over again. Even hearing myself tell people what happened, it sounds all wrong, like did it really happen, she can't really have gone?

[b]you said: [b] I thought three was an odd number but having only the two, everything is off balance.

I know what you mean. I started out with 3 siblings...then went to 2....then went to 1...and now there are none of them.[/b][/b]

Oh I am sorry - I don't know how you found the strength to cope. That's so sad.

It does seem different whenever we lose one....we always think....it should still be 3...they should all be here.
(At least..I have thought that many times).

I agree totally - I know I won't hear it but I still listen for the tip tap of her dainty little paws on the kitchen floor. Or look out for her going up and down, up and down the garden looking for a spot to 'go'! Even though I know I won't hear or see her, I still look, and listen, stupid me.

I hope you are doing better...I think your babies are helping as best they can.

Thank you. I wouldn't say I'm doing better - but I am still here. I feel I'm just existing. I have times when things seem 'normal', going to work and having to concentrate, doing the chores, cooking etc. Then it stops and the memories and realisation that she's not here engulf me again. The pain, and it is a physical pain, in my heart just won't go away.

I think it is, strangely, affecting Betty more than Chi. She is being quite naughty for her, chewed a hole in the duvet cover and was running round the garden with one of my shoes in her mouth, and barking alot more. Maybe she just senses I am not right. Then (and I know its wrong) I think, if Marilyn was here, she wouldn't be playing me up, she'd be kissing my tears away and doing that sweet thing where she jumped up and put her front paws on my leg, and looked at me with her worried face as if to say, I know I'm only tiny, but I'm here for you mum....

And...I am really glad you brought these pictures here.

Hugs to you and your family....and your very special Angel.....Marilyn. That one picture of her alone...you must have that framed?

Thank you again Judy - that's a good idea. My printer is out of ink but when I sort it out I will do that. It still hurts looking at the pics sometimes.
[b]

Sorry for going on so long, I deliberately stayed away yesterday as I was scared I was boring everyone going on and on. Guess I just needed to talk to someone who I know understands. Thanks again ***

[meens]

Hi, meens, just want you to know that I'm thinking about you. How are Chi and Betty doing? You mentioned that everything feels off balance without Marilyn. Well, of course it does. When my Eli was alive, I had a household of 4 furkids and me. Eli knew how to "liven the place up" - - he was my "challenge child" - - the Bowery Boys and Little Rascals all rolled into this one feline person. It has almost been 2 years now since he went home to the angels, and we are just beginning to feel "comfortable" with our new "norm." It is a lot quieter in the house without Eli to stir things up, - - how I do miss his antics and mischief. But my little kitty boy, Noah, is now taking on his own version of Eli's role - - almost as if Eli is coaching him from the Bridge, and it makes me smile to see Noah try to "fill his big kitty brother's paws." It just takes time for you, your furkids, and household to adjust to this new "norm", but rest assured that Marilyn's sweet living Presence is still with you - - always - - whatever you're doing and wherever you go. Please keep in touch, meens, to let us know how you're doing. My regards to Chi and Betty.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

Hi moon beam

Thanks for thinking about me - I said in my post to Love Them I stayed away yesterday because I was worried I was boring everyone with me going on and on, so I was so touched to find you, and everyone else, was thinking about me and asking how I was.

That's so sweet that your Noah is keeping Eli's wonderful personality alive. They all sound such lovely characters. I think, like you, it will take a while before things feel like the "norm" again. I said in my post to Love Them that Betty has been different, she is normally (for a rescue who had obviously been badly treated and as such has a few issues) a good dog. But the last couple of days she's been a bit naughty. I think she is picking up on my moods, she is quite a perceptive dog. I feel guilty, but I can't just switch off my hurt and grieving.

Its sunny here today for the first time since I lost my Marilyn on 4 August, it seems to have been grey and rainy non stop since that day. But even the sunshine makes me sad, as Marilyn loved sunbathing, she would lay out in it for hours. I remember when she was a pup finding her curled up nose to tail in a flowerpot outside, the soil in it was obviously lovely and warm and I went outside to find her fast asleep, she looked like a furry donut! Wish I'd taken a photo...

I'd give anything to go back in time, so I could spend a bit longer with her. Instead of worrying about the housework or other trivial stuff, I wish I'd sat and cuddled her instead. I guess we all go through these feelings.

Thank you for caring, and to everyone here for sharing their sadness and most of all, for being there and understanding.


meens ***

[meens]

Dear All

This photo is my laptop wallpaper. It was taken last August on a lovely sunny day - anyone who has Chis knows how much they love the sunshine.

Chi is on our left and my dear sweet angel Marilyn on the right. I have said it before but I wish I could climb inside this photo. A year later, the garden is the same, the sun is out today - but Marilyn isn't here and nothing will ever be the same.

I miss you sweetheart, I hope you are happy and enjoying the sunshine, wherever you are. Please don't forget me ***

[LoveThem]

The pain is there because we miss them so very much. That's what causes the pain we try to deal with.

Never feel as though you post too much or say too much..that's what being here is all about....the FREEDOM to do those things
that somehow help us deal with it all.

you said:

I think it is, strangely, affecting Betty more than Chi. She is being quite naughty for her, chewed a hole in the duvet cover and was running round the garden with one of my shoes in her mouth, and barking alot more. Maybe she just senses I am not right. Then (and I know its wrong) I think, if Marilyn was here, she wouldn't be playing me up, she'd be kissing my tears away and doing that sweet thing where she jumped up and put her front paws on my leg, and looked at me with her worried face as if to say, I know I'm only tiny, but I'm here for you mum....

Reading this...I had 2 thoughts: One about Betty being naughty...reminds me of what I used to hear about children being that way and it was said...for them...it could be wanting more attention...even if the attention was reprimands. I wonder if pets are the same way?
Maybe since they don't understand what is going on....they want to be reassured more that for them it is okay. Probably not but then who knows?

The other thought was when you said "and I know its wrong". It is never wrong to think about the ones taken from us...NEVER. They were a part of our lives and will always be in our lives...even though it may only be memories..and it is never wrong to think about memories. It would be natural to think what Marilyn would be doing in a similar situation...natural but not wrong. Reading what you were thinking there would make me cry remembering so much sweetness and also be glad to have known such a beautiful baby.

So keep posting your thoughts and feelings.....anytime....you cannot bore anyone here. We have and go through exactly the same pain so we understand what you are saying and feeling and if we say something that helps you feel better...that helps us feel better too...the thought that maybe we lessen your pain, even for just a moment.

Hugs and we are with you every day and ready to listen if you feel ready to talk.

[goliath]

anyone who has Chis knows how much they love the sunshine.

That's a fact Meens..........I haven't met a chihuahua who doesn't LOVE the sun yet. Sometimes when I come in the house and Gidget doesn't hear me come in, I know I can always find her in a ray of sunshine coming through a window somewhere. I've always called her my sunshine girl.

When you say Betty is acting out a bit I can relate. Gidget also began to act out after Goliath passed away. She was as devastated as I was. Her moods went from anxious to sedate and she quit eating. Then she started peeing in the house. Well my moods ranged in the same way. I felt soooooo bad for Gidget. Each time she went on a search for Goliath throughout the house, my heart broke all over again. Together she and I recovered by spending alot of quality time with each other. Her moods improved a little bit each day just as mine did. It took longer for her to stop peeing in the house, but I was very patient and understanding with her.

Marilyn is no more likely to forget you than you are her Meens. When two hearts become one they never separate again. Have faith that one day you and she wil reunite in a place of eternal love and be together forever.

I love the pics you have brought to your thread here. Please bring more when you can...........I never get bored while looking at such sweet little faces.

Much love to you with hugs,
Beth

[moon_beam]

Hi, meens, thank you so much for sharing with us how you, Chi, and Betty are doing.  Our furkids are like human children, and when they need our attention or are grieving a loss, the only way they have to get our attention is through their behavior.  Betty is doing that through her naughty behavior.  Of course you don't want her getting into bad habits, but you also don't want to overly discipline her, either.  You may need to spend some extra time with her to comfort her and let her know that YOU are not going to leave her and Chi.  Betty may need a lot of reassurance.  My Noah - - bless his heart, grieved deeply for Eli.  For several weeks he would look for Eli everywhere in the house - - each and every day, and when he was outside on his tether he would go up the slope toward the garage and lay down on the ground looking toward the road expecting Eli to come back home - - because the last time he saw Eli was when I took him to the vet for our last journey together, and Eli did not come back, except with his ashes.  In Noah's mind Eli had always come back from the vet and he was very angry with me because I didn't bring his big kitty brother back home.  Of course he knew that something was terribly wrong because I was crying - - gut wrenching sobbing - - and talking to my furbabies to let them know that Eli is with the angels now, but Noah was not convinced.  I kept Eli's comforters and towels accessible to Noah because that was what comforted him the most - - snuggling into Eli's blankets and towels because they still had his scent on them.  It has only been in recent months that Noah has stopped sleeping on Eli's blankets and towels and has begun snuggling with me at night.  And he no longer searches for Eli.  He lets me pick him up and cuddle with him a little bit - - and as I mentioned to you in my last post - - is now exhibiting some of Eli's antics, which just makes me smile that Noah is finally adjusting to the new "norm" in our home and is trying to emulate some of his big kitty brother's behaviors - - almost as if Eli is coaching him.   There are times when he gets too rough with his sibling sister, Abbygayle, and I do have to intervene a little bit.  Noah misses the rough and tumble play that he and Eli enjoyed playing tag throughout the house up and down the stairs, etc., so he tries to engage his sister in it and Abbygayle is not the least bit interested in wrestling and rough housing.  I do want to give Noah a little kitty brother, but I have some financial obligations to take care of first.  I was hoping for this spring, but it looks like it's going to be next spring before I can begin to manage that commitment.  And about the picture of Marilyn curled up in the flower pot - - you DID take a picture -- with your heart, meens, and those pictures are more precious as the ones you can hold in your hand for awhile but fade with time. The pictures that are in your heart can never fade or wear out with time.
I hope what I have shared with you helps in some way. Please give an extra hug to Chi and Betty for me, and please know I look forward to hearing from you when possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Jon730]

I got home and cried like I had never cried before, from the bottom of my lungs and beyond. The hurt and loss were a physical pain, well you feel it when your heart breaks. I remember Betty coming up to me wagging her stumpy tail slowly with her sad rescue dog expression. And Chi opening one grumpy eye to look at who woke her from her sleep. They were there, but I was alone.

I read these and think, "No one should have to go through this", but that was me when I came home the day I had to say goodbye to Miles.

I threw away her bed and her special food (I SHOULD have donated it to a shelter-What was I thinking??) I did something I had not done for decades...I picked up a bottle of Scotch and drank from it, without getting a glass, then finally having done these ceremonies, totally folded up. These feelings and outbursts would come in waves for the next two weeks, slowly diminishing in frequency but never really going away. The other cats tried to amuse me, but they were not HER.
My wife was supportive..she never got over her loss of Matilda the Aussie Terrier a decade ago. But it was all really between me and Miles.

Your relationship was so personal, we can understand the feelings from our own losses, but only you really KNOW the feelings because each relationship to the special friend is so unique and private and deep.

Perfect Love and Perfect Trust..Something we wish we might have had from other humans, dreamed of, but only found in someone with fur and a tail.

[meens]

Hi, meens, thank you so much for sharing with us how you, Chi, and Betty are doing.  Our furkids are like human children, and when they need our attention or are grieving a loss, the only way they have to get our attention is through their behavior.  Betty is doing that through her naughty behavior.  Of course you don't want her getting into bad habits, but you also don't want to overly discipline her, either.  You may need to spend some extra time with her to comfort her and let her know that YOU are not going to leave her and Chi.  Betty may need a lot of reassurance.  My Noah - - bless his heart, grieved deeply for Eli.  For several weeks he would look for Eli everywhere in the house - - each and every day, and when he was outside on his tether he would go up the slope toward the garage and lay down on the ground looking toward the road expecting Eli to come back home - - because the last time he saw Eli was when I took him to the vet for our last journey together, and Eli did not come back, except with his ashes.  In Noah's mind Eli had always come back from the vet and he was very angry with me because I didn't bring his big kitty brother back home.  Of course he knew that something was terribly wrong because I was crying - - gut wrenching sobbing - - and talking to my furbabies to let them know that Eli is with the angels now, but Noah was not convinced.  I kept Eli's comforters and towels accessible to Noah because that was what comforted him the most - - snuggling into Eli's blankets and towels because they still had his scent on them.  It has only been in recent months that Noah has stopped sleeping on Eli's blankets and towels and has begun snuggling with me at night.  And he no longer searches for Eli.  He lets me pick him up and cuddle with him a little bit - - and as I mentioned to you in my last post - - is now exhibiting some of Eli's antics, which just makes me smile that Noah is finally adjusting to the new "norm" in our home and is trying to emulate some of his big kitty brother's behaviors - - almost as if Eli is coaching him.   There are times when he gets too rough with his sibling sister, Abbygayle, and I do have to intervene a little bit.  Noah misses the rough and tumble play that he and Eli enjoyed playing tag throughout the house up and down the stairs, etc., so he tries to engage his sister in it and Abbygayle is not the least bit interested in wrestling and rough housing.  I do want to give Noah a little kitty brother, but I have some financial obligations to take care of first.  I was hoping for this spring, but it looks like it's going to be next spring before I can begin to manage that commitment.  And about the picture of Marilyn curled up in the flower pot - - you DID take a picture -- with your heart, meens, and those pictures are more precious as the ones you can hold in your hand for awhile but fade with time. The pictures that are in your heart can never fade or wear out with time.
I hope what I have shared with you helps in some way. Please give an extra hug to Chi and Betty for me, and please know I look forward to hearing from you when possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear moon beam

Thank you for your post - what you said about Betty's behaviour made so much sense. Being a rescue dog as well, I guess she is worried perhaps that now Marilyn has gone, we will too. She did suffer from separation anxiety when we first got her (when I left her she used to howl, it sounded like Elvis singing which was sort of funny!) but we worked through it. So yes, all what you wrote made sense. Thank you.

That was sad, how Noah grieved for Eli. It must have torn your heart in even more pieces. Animals are so perceptive, far more than we sometimes give them credit for. Chi is not as interested in her food this second week, and seems a bit quiet. Of course I'm worrying - is it her turn now, will she be joining her sister at the Bridge?... I shouldn't think like that I know, and I don't know how I will cope.

Its weird, I thought I was doing OK-ish physically, well eating and sleeping as best I can. but its like my whole immune system has collapsed. I have mouth ulcers, my lip has split, I'm constantly tired and a serious, though by no means life threatening condition I had years ago has come back, with a vengeance too, so I am in a lot of pain. I'm not crying as much, although we did the food shopping yesterday and were looking at the dog treats (they eat better than we do, I just spent over an hour cooking up a batch of their home cooked dinners, yet have prepared nothing for us humans as yet!) and I saw these ones that Marilyn used to love, instinctively I reached out for them and then realised she had gone. I thought I was going to break down in the supermarket, the pain and grief came flooding back.

I still can't talk easily about her without crying, it will take a long time I know. I haven't been coming on here as much as I've been trying to cope without it, if that makes sense. But then I come on, see you kind people have sent me messages and I start rambling on again. So I still need the support I realise that now.

I am working more hours the next two weeks in work which will be tough but the extra money will come in handy. I am so lucky I can come home at lunch and walk them so they are never alone for too long. But it will be hard, being at work when I'd much rather be at home with my girlies.

Thank you again for your kindness and the wonderful advice. If I win the Lottery I'll send you some money for a baby puddy tat brother for Naah - that's a promise.

Love and best wishes

meens ***