Hurting Options

[Omarmommy]

Omarmommy, the anniversaries are so hard to get through. The first hour, the first day, the first week, the first month, the first birthday, the first of everything is a reminder that the physical presence of your precious Omar is no longer with you. There are no adequate words of comfort that can fill the void in your heart right now. But please know you are not alone in your grief journey, and hopefully someday, the void you feel in your heart will be filled and overflowing with the warmth of friendship extended to you in this time of great sorrow along with the many sweet memories of Omar's living Spirit. One day at a time, Omarmommy. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

Thank you moon beam. I can't believe it's been a week already. A week seems like forever to me...but I feel like he was just here with me. I still very much miss petting him. I don't know why so much I miss that. I must be a touch person. I loved his coat...and I loved how he just enjoyed it so. Man I miss him.

Attached image(s)

 

[moon_beam]

Hi, Omarmommy, one of the reasons why the grief journey is so difficult and intense, particularly in the beginning, is because of the physical separation. This is also true in the loss of a loved human family member or friend. Clinical studies have shown that, in the case of married couples, when one spouse dies, there is an increase of death for the surviving spouse within the first year of being widowed - - due specifically to the physical separation. The physical and emotional stimulation that was given and received between you and Omar is now lost for you, and it physically hurts not to be able to hold him and run your fingers through his hair and do all the physical things that bonded you together emotionally. This is one of the many reasons why so many folks, including myself, find it comforting to hold something of our beloved furkid in our arms from time to time - - a favorite toy or blanket, etc. - - because it helps to ease this loss of physical touch. The toys, blankets, etc., are definitely NOT the same, but the fact that they belonged to our beloved furkid is what helps to ease the loss of the physical connection. In time, this physical pain will ease as your memories of Omar become more dominant emotionally, but for now - - the physical loss hurts. This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences that we can ever have. You are not alone, Omarmommy. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

[Omarmommy]

Hi, Omarmommy, one of the reasons why the grief journey is so difficult and intense, particularly in the beginning, is because of the physical separation. This is also true in the loss of a loved human family member or friend. Clinical studies have shown that, in the case of married couples, when one spouse dies, there is an increase of death for the surviving spouse within the first year of being widowed - - due specifically to the physical separation. The physical and emotional stimulation that was given and received between you and Omar is now lost for you, and it physically hurts not to be able to hold him and run your fingers through his hair and do all the physical things that bonded you together emotionally. This is one of the many reasons why so many folks, including myself, find it comforting to hold something of our beloved furkid in our arms from time to time - - a favorite toy or blanket, etc. - - because it helps to ease this loss of physical touch. The toys, blankets, etc., are definitely NOT the same, but the fact that they belonged to our beloved furkid is what helps to ease the loss of the physical connection. In time, this physical pain will ease as your memories of Omar become more dominant emotionally, but for now - - the physical loss hurts. This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences that we can ever have. You are not alone, Omarmommy. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

That makes a lot of sense. Are you a therapist? I wish I still had his bed. I was so distraught, I got rid of it right away. Now I know I should have just 'moved' it, but it's too late. Makes me very sad. I look around my house for SOMETHING to see of him...but I can't except for his food and leash. I'm so happy when I find fur, but that is hard to come by. I always wondered how people could have their pets stuffed...but now I can see why some would.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Omarmommy, I am so glad I was able to help you better understand why it hurts so much physically when we lose our beloved furkids. No, I'm not a therapist, but I do have two certificates in Veterinary Assistance and have taken courses in grief and loss. My Oslo (Black Lab) and I used to do Animal Assisted Therapy volunteer work, and we did a lot of visits in many different forums. I found the courses in grief and loss very helpful because it helped me to better understand the different situations that we were asked to work in. I have found that the same principles of grief and loss apply to us fur parents when we lose a beloved furkid. And many clinical studies are now confirming this, which is helpful. So, if what I share with you and the others here from what I have learned - - and still keep learning - - is helpful and comforting for you, then I am content to know that I can offer each of you some form of comfort during a very painful and sorrowful time in your lives. Omarmommy, you can certainly hold his pictures close to you, right? I slept with my Eli's leash and collar - - kept it under my pillow - - for several weeks after he went home to the angels. When you find some of Omar's fur, you can put it in a zip lock baggie to keep. When my Eli was having chemo, he lost most of his whiskers - - not his fur, just most of his whiskers- - so I started a "Whisker Box." When I found one of his whiskers somewhere, I would pick it up and put it in my "whisker box" for him. I still have his whiskers. Whatever brings you comfort right now, Omarmommy, it's okay. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let me know how you're doing, Omarmommy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Candy's Dad]

That makes a lot of sense. Are you a therapist? I wish I still had his bed. I was so distraught, I got rid of it right away. Now I know I should have just 'moved' it, but it's too late. Makes me very sad. I look around my house for SOMETHING to see of him...but I can't except for his food and leash. I'm so happy when I find fur, but that is hard to come by. I always wondered how people could have their pets stuffed...but now I can see why some would.

I know what you mean. I kept all her toys and her food and water bowl are right where we left it. It's a constant reminder whenever I"m in the kitchen.

The first week was so bad, when I got home from work each day, I actually cried in front of my house everytime I saw Candy's droppings (yes, I know, I didn't have the heart to pick them up for over a week). Even now, I still wonder the yard to see if there's any remenants of her. Just the little dried oval spots where she peed is all that's left.

Though I still see Candy's hair all over my friend new car (sorry Mark.).

[Omarmommy]

Hi, Omarmommy, I am so glad I was able to help you better understand why it hurts so much physically when we lose our beloved furkids. No, I'm not a therapist, but I do have two certificates in Veterinary Assistance and have taken courses in grief and loss. My Oslo (Black Lab) and I used to do Animal Assisted Therapy volunteer work, and we did a lot of visits in many different forums. I found the courses in grief and loss very helpful because it helped me to better understand the different situations that we were asked to work in. I have found that the same principles of grief and loss apply to us fur parents when we lose a beloved furkid. And many clinical studies are now confirming this, which is helpful. So, if what I share with you and the others here from what I have learned - - and still keep learning - - is helpful and comforting for you, then I am content to know that I can offer each of you some form of comfort during a very painful and sorrowful time in your lives. Omarmommy, you can certainly hold his pictures close to you, right? I slept with my Eli's leash and collar - - kept it under my pillow - - for several weeks after he went home to the angels. When you find some of Omar's fur, you can put it in a zip lock baggie to keep. When my Eli was having chemo, he lost most of his whiskers - - not his fur, just most of his whiskers- - so I started a "Whisker Box." When I found one of his whiskers somewhere, I would pick it up and put it in my "whisker box" for him. I still have his whiskers. Whatever brings you comfort right now, Omarmommy, it's okay. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let me know how you're doing, Omarmommy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks moon beam. That is really nice what you did. I feel like volunteering at a shelter now. Get my furbaby fix. Yes, I have lots of pictures of him. His leash and collar. That is sweet about his whiskers.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

-Marcie

[Omarmommy]

Well Omar, today is 2 weeks since you have been gone. I miss you so very much baby. We went to the beach for 4 days, and it was great therapy, but I kept seeing so many beautiful butterflies...and I would just smile and think you were with us. I like to think you were wanting to be near. I came home and got a call your ashes were ready for me to pick up from the vet. I hope bringing you home gives me some peace. I hope you're having a great time where you are and know that you will be in my heart and thoughts forever, and ever. I miss you to the moon and back.

Love you.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Marcie, I can just picture Omar playing with the butterflies, and having them land on his nose. What a wonderful memory. Butteflies are a symbol of new life. Will someone be able to go with you when you get his ashes? It will be healing to have him home again, only differently. Marcie, you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how it goes for you when you bring Omar's ashes home.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Omarmommy]

Hi, Marcie, I can just picture Omar playing with the butterflies, and having them land on his nose. What a wonderful memory. Butteflies are a symbol of new life. Will someone be able to go with you when you get his ashes? It will be healing to have him home again, only differently. Marcie, you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how it goes for you when you bring Omar's ashes home.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

The butterflies were so pretty too. They were monarchs and some were a yellow. They were even following us out on the sound in a fishing boat. I found that odd they were out that far, so I like to think Omar was with us, since he never could go out with us fishing. He wasn't a water dog.

Nobody could go with me yesterday to pick up Omar's ashes. I went on my way home from work. I pretty much lost it out in the parking lot before even going inside. The poor little girl behind the counter asked me if she could help me...and I had to say in my sobbing...I'm here to pick up my dog Omar's ashes. The waiting room quieted. My hand was shaking as I signed my name to my last vet bill...from that day. She handed me a pretty dark plum velvet bag, I opened it up to take a peek inside, and it was a very nicely made cherry wood box, and a card from the pet cremation place stating I can guarantee it was a private cremation and they handled Omar with care. So I closed the bag up...carried it out to my car..put him on the passenger seat where he rode with me that day (I still have his slobber marks on my window from his nose. I can't wash them off). When I got inside and started to drive away, I put him on my lap and drove home with him there. He was too big to ever be on my lap while driving...and I felt comforted. He's at home right now on my kitchen bar...trying to think of a good place for him. We are going to attach a frame to the top with his picture and get a brass plate made to glue to the front.

I still have moments of confusion that he's really 'gone'. There are moments I still think I need to get home to him...and there are times I catch something out of the corner of my eye and I think it's him...then I look and it's just a blanket on the floor...or a shadow outside and I remember he can't be there.

I miss him terribly.
-Marcie

[havana]

Hi, Marcie, I can just picture Omar playing with the butterflies, and having them land on his nose. What a wonderful memory. Butteflies are a symbol of new life. Will someone be able to go with you when you get his ashes? It will be healing to have him home again, only differently. Marcie, you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how it goes for you when you bring Omar's ashes home.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh! Omarmommy I was reading all your posts one by one and you took me back to the last May the 20th and saw my self again loving and missing my Beloved Buster. I too felt and feel the same way you did and do, sometimes I feel bad {and it hurts me} when I see other people going thru what I am going thru and going thru also the physical separation that one has been the worst for me, I am so so sorry you have to go thru all this too, if you need me always here to listen too, Jorge

[Omarmommy]

Oh! Omarmommy I was reading all your posts one by one and you took me back to the last May the 20th and saw my self again loving and missing my Beloved Buster. I too felt and feel the same way you did and do, sometimes I feel bad {and it hurts me} when I see other people going thru what I am going thru and going thru also the physical separation that one has been the worst for me, I am so so sorry you have to go thru all this too, if you need me always here to listen too, Jorge

Thank you so much Jorge. Others just can't seem to understand why I am still so choked up about him. It's only been 2 weeks!!! I miss his presense. The house has people in it, but it feels so 'different' to me. Hard to explain, but I'm sure others here know exactly what I mean. Thanks for listening.

-Marcie

[LoveThem]

Others just can't seem to understand why I am still so choked up about him. It's only been 2 weeks!!! I miss his presense. The house has people in it, but it feels so 'different' to me. Hard to explain, but I'm sure others here know exactly what I mean. Thanks for listening.

-Marcie


We understand perfectly. You don't have to try and find the words to explain. We know how you feel. Two weeks is a very very short time. You can always come here to write your thoughts and feelings because when you are here, you are not alone. We are with you in your pain and we know exactly what you are going through and it is very normal.

If others can't seem to understand....we've been there too and find the best protection from feeling more hurt is not to talk about things with those who have a hard time understanding the intense pain, the devastation, the emptiness we feel inside. It is a tremendous pain that cannot just disappear overnight....it takes time for us to learn how to control the pain and sadness so it doesn't overwhelm us 24/7.

There is always understanding here and we are always listening. We all feel the same pain and if we can share what has helped us bear it...and that helps another...that's what this family here is all about.

Hugs, Marcie......write here anytime. We write through tears often.

Judy

[Omarmommy]

Others just can't seem to understand why I am still so choked up about him. It's only been 2 weeks!!! I miss his presense. The house has people in it, but it feels so 'different' to me. Hard to explain, but I'm sure others here know exactly what I mean. Thanks for listening.

-Marcie


We understand perfectly. You don't have to try and find the words to explain. We know how you feel. Two weeks is a very very short time. You can always come here to write your thoughts and feelings because when you are here, you are not alone. We are with you in your pain and we know exactly what you are going through and it is very normal.

If others can't seem to understand....we've been there too and find the best protection from feeling more hurt is not to talk about things with those who have a hard time understanding the intense pain, the devastation, the emptiness we feel inside. It is a tremendous pain that cannot just disappear overnight....it takes time for us to learn how to control the pain and sadness so it doesn't overwhelm us 24/7.

There is always understanding here and we are always listening. We all feel the same pain and if we can share what has helped us bear it...and that helps another...that's what this family here is all about.

Hugs, Marcie......write here anytime. We write through tears often.

Judy

Thanks Judy. I don't know what I would have done without this place. I tried joining another site, but not one person responded to me. I was desperate for someone to understand the pain.

[Omarmommy]

I wanted to share something that was actually, not funny...but funny to me more now, because I know it did not do any real harm to Omar. It goes like this:

I'm at work, and my 14 yr old son calls me after school and asks me what is on Omar's head? I couldn't quite understand why he was asking me this. He asked me again...he said it looks like Omar has a metal bowl around his neck. I was quite puzzled. I told him I had no idea what he was talking about, but to get his dad to look...he had just gotten home. So, my husband gets on the phone, and he too asks me what is on Omar's head. It looks like a metal bowl got stuck. I sat there at my desk thinking...hmmm...what in the world is he talking about??? Then it dawned on me...but before I tell you what happened, here are a couple pictures that they took before helping him. This was in December.

Attached image(s)

 

[LoveThem]

OMG! I saw the pictures but.......................you forgot to finish the story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't leave us hanging..................

Judy

[Omarmommy]

Sorry...I was trying to see if anyone could guess! I sent the pictures to my friends...because they were always sending me pictures of their little kids doing something but my kids are too old for that. Omar was my baby. But nobody could guess. Well....Omar was ALWAYS getting into the trash. Every door in my house had to be closed when we left the house. The kitchen trash can I bought from Costco...a BIG metal one...that you step on and the top opens up...well he would knock it over...even though it was so heavy. So we had to either move the trash to the bathroom or put it on top of my counter, still in the can of course. My kids bathroom trash I put on top of the counter...but he would find a way to knock it down...so I put it in their cabinet. He would find a way to open it...so the door had to be closed. Well apparently that day the door was not closed, and he stuck his head INTO the whole in the lid to their little metal trash can...and it got stuck!!! The whole was no larger then an orange. I have no idea how long he was like this...and I'm lucky he did not strangle himself. My husband had to cut it off with wire cutters.

I miss him terribly.

[havana]

Sorry...I was trying to see if anyone could guess! I sent the pictures to my friends...because they were always sending me pictures of their little kids doing something but my kids are too old for that. Omar was my baby. But nobody could guess. Well....Omar was ALWAYS getting into the trash. Every door in my house had to be closed when we left the house. The kitchen trash can I bought from Costco...a BIG metal one...that you step on and the top opens up...well he would knock it over...even though it was so heavy. So we had to either move the trash to the bathroom or put it on top of my counter, still in the can of course. My kids bathroom trash I put on top of the counter...but he would find a way to knock it down...so I put it in their cabinet. He would find a way to open it...so the door had to be closed. Well apparently that day the door was not closed, and he stuck his head INTO the whole in the lid to their little metal trash can...and it got stuck!!! The whole was no larger then an orange. I have no idea how long he was like this...and I'm lucky he did not strangle himself. My husband had to cut it off with wire cutters.

I miss him terribly.

WOW! what a story but I still think he look so beautiful with that metal bowl on his neck, God Bless him and am sure he met my Buster up in Heven too, always here, Jorge

[Omarmommy]

Thank you Jorge. I loved him with that metal bowl around his neck too. He was always getting into something. Even at his old age. I always worried about him. He even got up on the kitchen counter one time and ate a pan of double chocolate brownies. His stomach bloated up so big. I was so scared. He got through that...with a little Pepto. Then two days later ate some pork chops from the trash too. You would have thought he learned...but he never did.

Remembering things like this helps me smile, but then I shed tears because I miss it so much.

[LoveThem]

I never would have guessed it either. Wow...it must have been nervous time until hubby used the wire cutters.

Sounds like your baby kept you busy.......it is a special kind of loneliness when one's sweetheart always managed to
find something to get attention...bless their hearts!

I smiled that you did get those pictures of him. He looks very unconcerned there about the metal bowl around his neck.

We do miss them forever as we can never forget them and wish so very much they had been given more time with us.

Hugs and thanks for the story!

Judy

[Omarmommy]

Today is a rough day for some reason. I thought the tears were behind me...but I guess not. I see his pictures and I want so bad to touch him.