2 Months Too Long, I feel I'm in an emotional cyclone Options

[ann]

Hi Everyone, Today 8.8.08 is the 2mo mark that I said good-bye to my precious Arthur. I've have cried everyday since. I spend most of my time at Dave's where he use to live. It's so hard not seeing his "stuff"all over the place. There's been a rabbit hanging around and I think Dave has secretly adopted him in his heart. Every time he sees him he always says "Hi buddy!"..That's what he did with Arthur. My heart breaks. I was the one that wanted him to be an outdoor cat. He did not. A couple of times he came home hurt, Dave would always say"you wanted him to be an outdoor cat." This last time I said please please don't say it. And he agreed that Arthur was happiest when he was out, but I can't help but feel I took away his little buddy. He proudly shows off his grave to family and friends, I don't understand this. I guess he's excepted this, where as I haven't yet. Whenever he talks about him, I clam up, cuz I know I'll just break down. He's in my head all the time and sometimes I forget he gone, other times I'll remember something he did and get upset that I almost forgot. It rained again tonight and I knew if he was around he'd be lying on the couch between us using my hand as his pillow. - I still haven't been able to think of how happy he was and how he made a game of everything he did without busting up. I'm having trouble with pictures too. Some days I'm ok looking at them and other days I get sick to my stomach. I've passed up vacations and invitations this summer. This fall will be hard. He loved the cool breeze and chasing leaves. We had a lot of winter indoor games. I think I'm in for a rough ride. I know in time it will get better, it's just that, a matter of time. Anniversarys are tough like everyone has said. It seems for me every day is one. Tomorrow will be 2mo and 1 day.. etc..Life can be so unfair. Is there a reason for this? Am I being punished for something? Why did my baby have to suffer. He was just a happy fluff ball who enjoyed life. I'm glad I can come here and vent, I can't do this with anyone around me, they don't understand like we here do..Anyone wanting to share their feeling and how your coping, please do. We all hurt, and we all try to comfort eachother, and we'll all get through this together. For that I am grateful..Hugs to all. Ann

[moon_beam]

Hi, Ann, first of all, NO, you are NOT being punished for anything in the loss of Arthur. Unfortunately our beloved furkids have mortal bodies just like ours, and therefore, at some point in time, their physical bodies must cease to exist on this side of eternity. I know how heartbreaking the seasons seem. My Eli enjoyed the cool of the early morning during the warm months and would always watch the sunrise. He taught me how not to be afraid of snakes - - he would hunt the black snakes and bring them inside the house - - still alive mind you - - along with the field mice and a baby squirrel and let's not forget the little lizards in our woods. And he did all this on a long tether that kept him in his yard. Ann, two months is still very early in your grief journey, and it sounds like you're also having to work through some "guilt" - - which attacks us all at some point in time in adjusting to the loss of a beloved furchild. Guilt can rob us of the many happy memories we have to hold and to cherish when our furkids are no longer physically with us. While this is a normal part of the grieving process, we can get "stuck" in it and find ourselves entrenched to the point of not finding any joy in our memories. And that is why we have each other to help us through this horrible grief journey so that we can, one day, once again embrace the happy memories we have of our furkids and feel the warmth of their sweet living Spirit still with us. Arthur is still with you, Ann - - right now because of your grief you can't feel him yet. Men and women grieve differently in their losses - - clinical studies have proven this. One of the ways that comforts Dave is talking about his little buddy, Arthur. Go ahead and talk about Arthur with Dave, even if you do break down. This is all part of the healing process, and will be a comfort to both you and Dave in being able to share your memories of Arthur since you shared him together. One day you'll be able to share a memory with Dave about Arthur and you'll find the both of you laughing and smiling - - and then you'll know that Arthur has never left you. It's a one day a time journey, ann, and we are here for you for as long as you need us. You can share with us whatever you want - - whatever is in your heart.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

[ann]

Hi, Ann, first of all, NO, you are NOT being punished for anything in the loss of Arthur. Unfortunately our beloved furkids have mortal bodies just like ours, and therefore, at some point in time, their physical bodies must cease to exist on this side of eternity. I know how heartbreaking the seasons seem. My Eli enjoyed the cool of the early morning during the warm months and would always watch the sunrise. He taught me how not to be afraid of snakes - - he would hunt the black snakes and bring them inside the house - - still alive mind you - - along with the field mice and a baby squirrel and let's not forget the little lizards in our woods. And he did all this on a long tether that kept him in his yard. Ann, two months is still very early in your grief journey, and it sounds like you're also having to work through some "guilt" - - which attacks us all at some point in time in adjusting to the loss of a beloved furchild. Guilt can rob us of the many happy memories we have to hold and to cherish when our furkids are no longer physically with us. While this is a normal part of the grieving process, we can get "stuck" in it and find ourselves entrenched to the point of not finding any joy in our memories. And that is why we have each other to help us through this horrible grief journey so that we can, one day, once again embrace the happy memories we have of our furkids and feel the warmth of their sweet living Spirit still with us. Arthur is still with you, Ann - - right now because of your grief you can't feel him yet. Men and women grieve differently in their losses - - clinical studies have proven this. One of the ways that comforts Dave is talking about his little buddy, Arthur. Go ahead and talk about Arthur with Dave, even if you do break down. This is all part of the healing process, and will be a comfort to both you and Dave in being able to share your memories of Arthur since you shared him together. One day you'll be able to share a memory with Dave about Arthur and you'll find the both of you laughing and smiling - - and then you'll know that Arthur has never left you. It's a one day a time journey, ann, and we are here for you for as long as you need us. You can share with us whatever you want - - whatever is in your heart.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

Thanks moon beam..I know about all the stuff you wrote. Like you said sometimes the greif over-whelms us that we forget about the happy and times, the smiles. I went thru this once b4 a very long time ago. I never really did "get over" my Daisy's death. I never will. I think what makes this different is the fact that I shared Arthur with someone. And Dave pretty much let me do what I wanted with him even if he didn't agree with me. I guess I'm feeling his broken heart as well as my own. Thanks for the support.. Ann

[ann]

Hi everyone, Been battling a whole bunch of emotions past couple of days. I've been working by myself and just have way too much to "think". About that last night I let him out and begged him to stay in. If only I had left a few min earlier or later maybe things would have been different. The indoor/outdoor thing. That's the guilt for Dave's sake. He has beautiful yard and I know in my heart I would do it all over again. He was sooooo happy outside. I tried to think about the 1 thing I loved most. Couldn't pick just 1. I thought about the 1 thing he did that pissed me off, just to make me smile. There were a few, but now, I give anything to have it back. Even the opening of 3 cans of food cuz he acted like he was hungry and throw is nose up to all of it. If I had just one favorite it would be our cuddle time. I only have a few picts of that. It was taken with my cell phone so the quality is real bad, but hey, it's better than nothing!...Dave's brother lost his cat this year, his other brother has a dog that is being checked for cancer, and his Dad just passed away suddenly tonight. It's been a tough year. I think for now I'll leave my feelings here and won't burden him with any of it.. Be back in a couple of days or so. Anyone wanting to share a "I'm so pissed off at my pet" story please do. We could all use a smile....Ann

[openhearted87]

Hi Everyone, Today 8.8.08 is the 2mo mark that I said good-bye to my precious Arthur. I've have cried everyday since. I spend most of my time at Dave's where he use to live. It's so hard not seeing his "stuff"all over the place. There's been a rabbit hanging around and I think Dave has secretly adopted him in his heart. Every time he sees him he always says "Hi buddy!"..That's what he did with Arthur. My heart breaks. I was the one that wanted him to be an outdoor cat. He did not. A couple of times he came home hurt, Dave would always say"you wanted him to be an outdoor cat." This last time I said please please don't say it. And he agreed that Arthur was happiest when he was out, but I can't help but feel I took away his little buddy. He proudly shows off his grave to family and friends, I don't understand this. I guess he's excepted this, where as I haven't yet. Whenever he talks about him, I clam up, cuz I know I'll just break down. He's in my head all the time and sometimes I forget he gone, other times I'll remember something he did and get upset that I almost forgot. It rained again tonight and I knew if he was around he'd be lying on the couch between us using my hand as his pillow. - I still haven't been able to think of how happy he was and how he made a game of everything he did without busting up. I'm having trouble with pictures too. Some days I'm ok looking at them and other days I get sick to my stomach. I've passed up vacations and invitations this summer. This fall will be hard. He loved the cool breeze and chasing leaves. We had a lot of winter indoor games. I think I'm in for a rough ride. I know in time it will get better, it's just that, a matter of time. Anniversarys are tough like everyone has said. It seems for me every day is one. Tomorrow will be 2mo and 1 day.. etc..Life can be so unfair. Is there a reason for this? Am I being punished for something? Why did my baby have to suffer. He was just a happy fluff ball who enjoyed life. I'm glad I can come here and vent, I can't do this with anyone around me, they don't understand like we here do..Anyone wanting to share their feeling and how your coping, please do. We all hurt, and we all try to comfort eachother, and we'll all get through this together. For that I am grateful..Hugs to all. Ann

i can relate. ive cried almost every day since my baby passed more than a month ago. these pass few days i forgot that acorn was really gone. i know it hurts alot to think that we are just ok without them and life goes on. i get upset at the thought that my angel could slip my mind along with things he did like he never existed. we have to remember they want us to keep living and enjoying life even though thats hard. sometimes i smile at acorn's pics, some days its hard to look at him and know he is a memory. the fall season will be hard for me too cause acorn enjoyed walking through the piles of yellow leaves. christmas time will nearly kill me i'm sure. i was celebrating baby's 1st christmas not knowing it was also his last. life is so unfair. the things we love the most seem to stay in our lives the least amount of time. we'll be here for you through the rough ride. i'm greatful you are here for us too. i dont think we are being punished. i think we were given such a special gift that many dont ever get, the purest love from a pet. we had something in our lives that made us the happiest and came to teach us things. its up to us to learn from our little angels short lives and turn their passing into something inspirational. we were blessed to have them at all. thats how i feel. im glad you come here. people here help me too. my heart is with you on these hard days and nights.

with love corina and her angels

[openhearted87]

Hi everyone, Been battling a whole bunch of emotions past couple of days. I've been working by myself and just have way too much to "think". About that last night I let him out and begged him to stay in. If only I had left a few min earlier or later maybe things would have been different. The indoor/outdoor thing. That's the guilt for Dave's sake. He has beautiful yard and I know in my heart I would do it all over again. He was sooooo happy outside. I tried to think about the 1 thing I loved most. Couldn't pick just 1. I thought about the 1 thing he did that pissed me off, just to make me smile. There were a few, but now, I give anything to have it back. Even the opening of 3 cans of food cuz he acted like he was hungry and throw is nose up to all of it. If I had just one favorite it would be our cuddle time. I only have a few picts of that. It was taken with my cell phone so the quality is real bad, but hey, it's better than nothing!...Dave's brother lost his cat this year, his other brother has a dog that is being checked for cancer, and his Dad just passed away suddenly tonight. It's been a tough year. I think for now I'll leave my feelings here and won't burden him with any of it.. Be back in a couple of days or so. Anyone wanting to share a "I'm so pissed off at my pet" story please do. We could all use a smile....Ann

i'm sorry for all the loss. maybe talking about it with dave will bring you both closer. i was so pissed off at acorn when he tried to eat every food i was eatting lol. he ate mc donalds fries, burger king fish sandwich & fries, potatoe chips, cupcakes, anything.we had to lock him out the room when we ate lol. now i miss that terribly. my favorite time with him is hard to pin point. i think it was seeing him when i came home to visit from college. his face would just light up and he'd be all over me. i'm sure thats what i'll have again when its my time to leave earth. thanx for bringing out a funny and happy time we shared. yours was funny and sweet. he was a picky kitty cause he knew he deserved the best lol. he looks like he enjoyed the cuddle time as much as you.

with love corina and her angels