9..8...7...6..5..we Have Ignatius! Options

[IGNATIUS THE GRE...]

P.S. It's also really fun to knock phones off the hook when your hoomans are sleeping, especially if there's one beside the bed, Sabin says.

I can reach the phone in the workshop, but that won't matter because it doesn't work any more.

Jon was really concentrating on something when a telemarketer called.
He threw the phone at the wall, and scared me. My tail was all fluffed out like a bottle brush! I was proud of it!

He said I can EAT next one who calls though, after he tears their guts out.

I believe him.

I hope they taste like CHICKEN!!

[Furkidlets' Mom]

The one I ate tasted more like **BURP!** snake....

[myhrtisbrkn]

Fragments from the Code of BK the Old
late Hegemon of the Chippendale Chair, and Suzerain of the Bathrug
...never use the "bottle -brush" maneuver in front of the staff. It fills theirs heads with nonsense like " useful ", Thought to be the origin of the " Purpose " heresy.


Opposable thumbs betray low cunning, and lack of ambition... however they are useful for disassembling fan housings and putting the phone back on the cradle

[Jon730]

Heehhee. Yesterday I hid his shoes. Actually, I dragged them back into the closet WHERE THEY BELONG! He went crazy looking for them.

Iggy.

DOGS play with shoes.

You refuse to fetch, you only roll over when you FEEL like it, you only sit up and beg when we are eating, and you were annoyed when I dressed you in Pepper's harness...

and the Job Description said, "Cat, Tuxedo, Affectionate, One Each, Fish-Fueled, Pink Nose Premium Option".

Read your contract or I'll go to the Union.

You pulled the linings out of my work shoes, too. Where did you hide them?

[LoveThem]

Sometimes I wonder if Iggy thinks HE is the boss and I wonder what his Job Description would say for his "staff"?

(I think we all know who is the boss in our homes, don't we?)

Thanks for the smiles, Jon....and Iggy!

[Furkidlets' Mom]

You pulled the linings out of my work shoes, too. Where did you hide them?

Pssst!.....Jon.....they're probably wherever you hid the lutefisk...

[Jon730]

You pulled the linings out of my work shoes, too. Where did you hide them?

Pssst!.....Jon.....they're probably wherever you hid the lutefisk...

They probably smelled better.


(My friends in Scandinavia know I'm joking.)

[Jon730]

Sometimes I wonder if Iggy thinks HE is the boss and I wonder what his Job Description would say for his "staff"?

My wife accused me of spoiling Iggy. I denied it.

"Well, then, why are there Iggy pawprints on the kitchen counter next to the refrigerator, with CHICKEN CRUMBS on the counter??"

"It...Just...HAPPENED. I don't know what came over me..He looked SO HUNGRY..."

"Well, how do you explain THIS? It was running in your Swiss Memory keychain!!

TXA 00C9F0 000C00
TYA 00BB35 00C000

REM: I AM A CAT. USE OLD CBM BASIC 4 FINGERS=OCTAL

0001 REM JON JOB DESC TASKLIST
0002 D1="REFRIGERATOR":D2="IGNATIUS UNIT":D3="JON":D4="MEOW OUTPUT DEVICE":D5='"LITTERBOX"
0003 GOSUB 0010
0004 OPEN D1
0005 OPEN D2
0006 LOAD D2: REM IGNATIUS UNIT LOADED:CLOSE D1
0007 FOR I=1 TO 10: IF I >10 GOTO 0020:NEXT I:GOTO 0004

0010 OPEN D3:REM RS232 I/O
0011 DSR CTS : LOCK GAZES
0012 OPEN D4: PRINT 4, "SQUEAK"
0013 PRINT 4, "MEOW"
0014 CLOSE 4
0015 RETURN

0020 REM UNLOAD LITTERBOX
0021 OPEN D5: DUMP STACK
0022 CLOSE D1:CLOSE D2:CLOSE D3:CLOSE D4
0023 REM NEVER CLOSE D5
0024 END

[LoveThem]

You realize, Jon, if Iggy wrote that little routine.....he is employable and you can get him a JOB.

Just don't let him catch you reading the classifieds for him.

[Jon730]

You realize, Jon, if Iggy wrote that little routine.....he is employable and you can get him a JOB.

Just don't let him catch you reading the classifieds for him.

Oh, no we outsource that stuff now.

While he will nibble shrimp curry, he has trouble with Hindi.

Besides, their trickster Hanuman was a monkey, not a cat. I checked when I was trying to name him.

It may be offtopic but I did pull an outsourcing joke on a friend of mine. I knew it was a sensitive subject with him, but could not resist.

Kitchens of India put up these delicious Heat and Eat packets of various curries, etc., and one came with a neat CD of Sitar music.

I was listening to it, fondly remembering '60's-'70's Ravi Shankar concerts, when the phone rang.

I saw it was him on the Caller ID, and could not resist.

I turned up the volume, and answered, "Thank you for calling American Express Customer Service! My name is Ravi! Using the touchtone pad, please enter your account number."

You know how sometimes when there is confused silence on the end of the phone you just KNOW the person has taken the reciever from their ear and is just STARING into it, baffled as to how they dialed that?

[LoveThem]

That story about you and your friend got a real LOL from me reading it.

Thanks, Jon. I needed that today.

[myhrtisbrkn]

MMMmmmmm!!!!!!!! Curried lutefisk.

[Jon730]

MMMmmmmm!!!!!!!! Curried lutefisk.

HORROR with morning coffee.....
Maybe if the curry were strong enough.....?

Poor Iggy has such a weakness for fish he may well eat it.

His next visit to the litterbox would probably ...

[Jon730]

BOTHERING YOUR CATS AT NAPTIME:

[IGNATIUS THE GRE...]

Hey Jon.

I think we are in a WHOLE LOT OF TROUBLE.

She's really mad.

She did not like the Tuxedo paint job.

You'd better get some lacquer thinner.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Okay, Jon....fess up....who really did this???

[myhrtisbrkn]

I bet the whole insoles caper was a frame too!!

[Jon730]

Okay, Jon....fess up....who really did this???

Actually, we really do do many things together, perhaps unwittingly.

"THERE ARE SMUDGES ON THE CORNERS OF THE WALLS ABOUT FOUR FEET FROM THE FLOOR FROM WHEN YOU COME UP FROM THE SHOP.

THERE ARE ALSO MATCHING SMUDGES FROM YOUR SON ABOUT EIGHT INCHES FROM THE FLOOR!"

I have a spare "Leaper" hood ornament I bought as a hoot..I intended to put it on my riding lawnmower, since it is British Racing Green.
(Along with a parasol and the gimballed beer can holder.)

I think I really shall give it an Official Iggy Paint Job. I can't help myself. it's the pink nose.

I know!!!! I could drill a hole and put a little tiny red LED in it for a nose!!!

[Furkidlets' Mom]

"ALL TOGETHER, NOW!...."

Here comes Iggy Claws, here comes Iggy Claws
Right down Iggy Claws' lawn
He doesn't care if he's got lutefisk
He loves you 'cause you're Jon
Iggy Claws knows we're all God's furkids
Even if you're the "runt"
So fill your hearts with mowing cheer
'Cause Iggy Claws rides up front!


Here comes Iggy Claws, here comes Iggy Claws
Right from Iggy Claws' shop
He'll come up, too, to add some smudges
He's following his 'Pop'
Purrs and squeeks will come to all
If we just follow his nose
So Jon gives thanks to the Lord above
That it really matches his toes!

[Jon730]

HAHAHAH! Oh, that's precious!

We will fan his little pink-nosed ego some more. Knowing how spoiled he is, he probably wants hymns of praise next.

He is such a friendly, happy little guy he deserves it. I never had an animal friend who makes me laugh so much.
It it so amazing that they all have such different personalities.

He invents games.
My wife was telling me.."No! You have to put the little stuffed spider on the Cat Condo like this. See? He gets inside and pushes on the roof till it slides down the front. Then his hand comes out and gropes around till he catches it. The he expects you to do it again!"