In A Black State Of Mind Options

[Zita'sMom]

On the morning of October 21st my dear cat Zita didn't come home for breakfast. We are now pretty much positive she was killed by a cougar. She was the sweetest pet, simply a joy. She was only 3 years old.

Last February we bought a farm in a rural area. By the end of that month I had to euthanize my best friend Merlin 17 year old dog. That was tough, very tough, but I was reassured by the fact that he led a full life and physically his body was just worn out. He would have a better life on the other side. Then, a month and a half later, my husband's cat Tiffany was killed by the neighbour's dog. This was a shock. Tiffany wasn't afraid of dogs and was really feisty. This ended up being the cause of her demise.

There were other personal issues - I found out I had a blood condition that could have taken my life. Then when that was resolved, my foot swelled up and no doctor could tell me what was wrong. I could barely walk for 6 months and I have 5 high energy dogs. In August of this year we found out my husband had a heart condition and had an operation in September. (We are not even an old couple!) When all looked well again and I was starting to get my spirits back, Zita disappeared. My sweet Zita, my Buddha cat who only every gave me love and joy. I feel joyless and unresolved about her passing.

We bought this place with intention to extend it and renovate. That too was delayed and we are in the middle of it now. We have poured every last cent into this place which I thought would be such a wonderful place for my dogs and cats. Now I regret moving here, the costs have been too great.

I have 5 rescue dogs, some with issues, and I can take them out without worry of problem behaviours on our property. This seemed so wonderful at the time. But now that Zita is gone, there is a huge hole in my heart, a great emptiness. Life will never be the same.

Zita and her brother Zeus were together since conception and now Zeus is alone. Yesterday he had dirt on his face and it made me want to cry - Zita would always clean his face for him.

I spoke to my mother on the phone and when I mentioned my grief over the cat she said "Well it's been a couple of weeks. You have a lot of pets so you are bound to lose a few." Could you imagine if people said those things about the death of a child? Zita was only 3.

Other friends are unsympathetic because I allowed the cats to come and go through a cat door. I would never have let them out at night if I'd known the danger of cougars here.

Well, I needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

Jan.