In A Black State Of Mind Options

[forduffy]

Jan,
I, too, am plagued with the question of the "kill" instinct in nature. I have been since I can remember. It always bothered me even though I considered myself a naturist. I was never able to watch National Geographic shows even though I was interested in learning what they had to teach. I still can't watch them.
I love Toonie's poem because it makes so much sense. So does the quote about accepting life.

I feel so much sorrow for your loss of Zita. It seems that as a sweet little healer, it's that much more of a loss. But you are right-because of her healing skills, forces will see to it that she will be using those skills on a much larger scale. We just don't see the whole picture from where we are standing now.

Also-to your point about getting a new cat now-I too think that you are being wise. It's hard not to give in to that irresistable impulse but it would be so wrong to give in if the time is not right. It would be unfair to any animal if you are not ready. I'm at that point, myself.

My thoughts are with you and Zeus,
Stephanie

[toonie]

We just don't see the whole picture from where we are standing now.

Forduffy.
I love that phrase. The toddler who takes his first steps falls and cries in pain and frustration, the parent just smiles because he knows this pain is necessary and will have been completely forgotten in just a short while. Hugs, it's still so hard to accept but I fall back on that phrase, beautifully put.

[Zita'sMom]

I feel so much sorrow for your loss of Zita. It seems that as a sweet little healer, it's that much more of a loss. But you are right-because of her healing skills, forces will see to it that she will be using those skills on a much larger scale. We just don't see the whole picture from where we are standing now.

Also-to your point about getting a new cat now-I too think that you are being wise. It's hard not to give in to that irresistable impulse but it would be so wrong to give in if the time is not right. It would be unfair to any animal if you are not ready. I'm at that point, myself.

Stephanie - thanks for your empathy. I think the hardest thing for me of all is that I didn't even get to say goodbye. Whe knew how I loved her, but it was a busy day and I can't even remember when I last saw her - I think she was laying on the couch with Zeus.

I have already paid 2 animal communicators and if I could afford it, I'd get another just to get Zita's perspective on what happened. To have confirmation. It is strange but when I was laying in bed the other night, I felt warmth on my knee. Maybe it is just imagination, I did wonder if Zita was there. When I look at her picture I just can't believe I won't see her again in this lifetime. She was so healthy and full of life. I just keep saying to "them" whoever they are, that whatever their reasons for taking her, I just want her back! I know that's childish, but I do, I just want it to end up being some really far out story and she comes back in the end, instead of what I know is probably true.

We had fostered a dog at the end of March and she was a bit snippy with the cats, but nothing serious. We ended up adopting her. Then in August of this year she and my Aussie chased poor Zita way up a tree. There are bunnies on the property and they were starting to get a bit too much prey drive. This was at the time we found out something was wrong with my hubby's heart and we debated rehoming the foster dog, now our dog, because we were concerned for the cats' safety and my hubby's health. (We have never dreamed of rehoming a pet before.) But we went through great pains to work things out - walking the cats on leashes next to the dogs, squirt bottles, total control of the dogs and restricted access from the cats etc etc etc - this was a lot of work but we got through it. Zita always came on walks with us on our property (Zeus doesn't really) and she was walking with us again before the day she disappeared. I feel bad that her last months were dealing with this foster dog, and all the renovations that are going on here. We were never even able to get settled in here before she disappeared. There is nothing I can do to change any of this - I looked forward to settling in with all my pets - this place will never be the placed I dreamed anymore. Zita was so laid back about all of it - she was such a special kitty.

It is a bit too heartbreaking right now, but eventually I will have to find some way to say goodbye to her. I am not ready yet.

You are right about getting a new cat when you aren't ready. I saw a picture of one at our local shelter who looked exactly like Zeus and it got me wondering if she could be one of their littermates, especially since female orange tabbies are not that common. I wasn't interested in adoption - it would be a purely emotional thing, although I do feel really bad for Zeus. He is adapting I think. He seems better about it than me. I do understand why people adopt a new animal - it can be a welcome distraction. I don't want more animals, but every day I feel an emptiness without Zita's presence. No other animal could make up for that.

One day I do hope to see the "bigger picture". I do hope that wherever she is, she is well and happy.

Jan.

[forduffy]

Jan,
I hope you (and all of us, for that matter) do see the bigger picture one day. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be that you were not even able to say goodbye. And I commend you for knowing that you are not ready yet to say goodbye. You do know yourself very well. I believe that you are a realist in that you are not ignoring the probable cir%%stances. You are facing facts about the area that you live in and keeping an open mind for all possible scenarios. At the same time, you are true to yourself in knowing when you will be able to say goodbye. I admire you for braving the reality of the situation without having the closure. You will say goodbye when the time is right.

It is always nice to see people like you and your husband who give so many little ones loving homes. You have so patiently given them the attention that these babies need and that they so often do not get from humans. It is heartbreaking when you lose them but oh-the love from so many furbabies in one home is worth all of it. I hope that your husband is feeling better. You have both been through so much.

What are the animal communicators saying? Have they given any hints?

[Zita'sMom]

What are the animal communicators saying? Have they given any hints?

First, thanks for your words of support and understanding (and others!). It really helps!

I spoke to 2 communicators. One, who I think was right, felt strongly that Zita was in spirit. She felt she was instantly killed but didn't have a sense of how. The other communicator thought Zita was being fed somewhere a block or 2 from where we live and was upset because she thought I was going away. The last one doesn't make sense to me because I've been virtually everywhere (this neighbourhood is kind of remote and I've dropped posters off at every neighbour within the vicinity). All the neighbours have been open and honest and no-one has seen her, but everyone had a "cat missing / cougar" story. I know my Zita, and she wouldn't go away mad at me. If she could come back I know she would. The last communicator also described her as a cat with an att*itude - she just wasn't like that. Animal communicators do their best - they aren't perfect, they just get what they can. Still, I wish I could tune into exactly what happened. I'm reading about animal communication myself - I've done some psychic studies but I find I am way too close to this. The only thing I know is that the first day she was gone, I tried to "tune in" and I felt like she was totally safe, maybe in someone's kitchen. If she was in the spirit world maybe the feeling I got was accurate... it's just not what I wished for.

I can see certain cats, especially shy or timid ones, going feral or being afraid to approach people if they got lost or chased - especially if there was an injury or extreme fear. I just can't see my Zita being that way. She loved people.

I know the logical answer to what happened. I just wish I had a sign or confirmation of it so that I could finally accept what is real. I have prayed to have answers come in my dreams.

There is one amazing thing that happened to me when I was a teenager. Our family dog, a 12 year old border collie had been hit by a car and was killed. It was a total shock. I was pretty much inconsolable for several days. Then I had a very vivid dream that I remember to this day. I could see my dog, Skippy on a rocky beach, and he "said" that he was happy, and that he would be with me whenever I needed him. I was completely reassured because the dream was so powerful. I was able to accept his loss, knowing that his spirit spoke to me and I just knew deep inside he really was okay.

So I hope for this sort of message from Zita.

I have also had vivid dreams of my 17 year old dog who died last year (a most special boy who could sing and say "I wan' one!"). I could touch him and even smell his fur. In one dream I realized that I could just think about him and we would come to me, but when he wasn't with me he was still absolutely safe - I didn't need to watch out for him anymore. I had this sort of dream also about my husband's cat who was killed last year. I could see her in vivid 3d - if you asked me to describe her markings, well I couldn't, but in the dream they were vivid.

So I just hope I will get something like this for Zita. I think if I could stop being upset it would help. But I just am right now.

take care and hugs to you!

Jan

[Zita'sMom]

Here is another poem I found by Kahlil Gibran...

On Pain

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

[toonie]

That poem is amazing and soothing, much appreciated, thanks for this Zita's mom. I really enjoyed and could appreciate it, though it wouldn't have meant as much to me before I lost my cats.

I really feel for you not knowing for Zita. You know I lost an orange cat a long time ago, he was a wild cat that found us and we continued letting him free, one time he was gone for 3 or 4 months, I was sure he was dead and he came back. Out here we have mostly bush, fisher cats and coyotes are the most common predators. I also have a friend whose cat came back too, she had moved in the country, her cat was a city cat and her new boyfriend had this too energetic cat hating german sheperd loose on his property.Her cat was gone for 4 or 5 months too, here (canada) nights are really cold etc...The cat came back one winter night when the dog was kept in and she is still there today, at almost 10 years old. Apparently she was quite verbal and gave them hell! My wild cat eventually disappeared for good in 1986 about a month after he disappeared I found myself pregnant after 4 years infertility, treatments and finally just giving up on treatment, I did it on my own, or did I ?

I have often heard of dreams in which the pets seem to really want us to know that they are healthy and happy. My husband had such a dream about Felix. I may have had one early on about Yukon, he had just jumped on my bed as he always did, and ws looking so much younger and healthy then my son woke me up with a phone call

I do thnk that your Zita, whether in someone else's home or already where we will all gather,is at peace, I feel it too. I hug you because I know how hard it is for you. The first time you posted I was amazed to find out that one of your orange tabbies was female, I always thought that if it was an orange tabby it was a male, if it was a female she was calico. Learn something new each day. What a rare precious cat your Zita. Hugs, the magic you have known will stay with you forever. Take care.

[Zita'sMom]

That poem is amazing and soothing, much appreciated, thanks for this Zita's mom. I really enjoyed and could appreciate it, though it wouldn't have meant as much to me before I lost my cats. 

Hi Toonie

What I like about the poem is that makes it feel okay to grieve, and that our grief is what helps us to heal.

What region of Canada are you in? I am on Vancouver Island, BC.

I have heard some pretty amazing stories of cats returning after long periods. I wish I could be so lucky, but I don't think I will be. I think Zita is gone for good and it's just the lack of a body that makes it harder to grieve.

What you said about getting pregnant, hmm wonder if you had help from your spirit cat? Funny you mention that because I was trying over the last couple of years and it's not happening for me. I think I am just too old now. Losing my "baby" Zita is doubly hard because she was the one who always gave me comfort. I guess I have to learn to be stronger on my own.

That is neat you had the dream of Felix younger - I do believe animals that go to the spirit world are lifted of all physical discomfort.

What a rare precious cat your Zita.  Hugs, the magic you have known will stay with you forever. 

Zita was a rare and precious cat as you said. My husband who is from England called orange tabbies "ginger toms" because so few are female. She was definitely a special little soul. I hope wherever she is, she is loved and nurtured and given more than she could ever want or need. She is a shining star and such a wonderful example about unconditional giving and nurturing. We had such a special connection, and I hope that connection cannot be severed through death.

[toonie]

Hi Zita's mom. my first was born when I was 35 and my second when I was 38, it took me 4 years for me to get pregnant the first time then I expected to take a long time for the second but it was easier! Looking at the big picture that was the right time for me so in my case, nature knew best and did it 'her' way. We're in central Canada, colder weather than yours you luckier you! I visited Vancouver Island some time ago, beautiful place not to mention much milder than here
a better place for cats and humans to be at this time of year. I love the term "ginger Toms" had never heard that before.
You say:

We had such a special connection, and I hope that connection cannot be severed through death.

This is what makes me believe there is more to just this shell of a body we all have...why would we connect in such special ways if our life was only earthly, there would be no sense to this spirituality we could easily function all on the basic needs plane and not go through emotional pain ever if we were made just for the time we are on earth so I think that our love and all that is sets off is for ever. Hugs to you Zita's mom and may Zita keep illuminating your path, which I am sure she is doing even at this very moment. Take care.