The Day I Have Always Feared......, My baby Buster Options

[karen424]

I had posted this in another thread, but it was suggested to me by a very caring, loving person that I should post my own topic about this awful day....the day that I had to say goodbye to my beloved Buster. I always feared the day when I would have to say goodbye to Buster. His daddy and I had to make the most heart breaking decision last night at the vet's office to end the pain he has been enduring the past few months. I knew this little guy so well that I could read the expressions on on his cute little face. He was always my fiesty boy and when he started behaving out of the norm I knew something was terribly wrong. I couldn't bear to see him waste away. I know that it's going to take a long time to heal, a lot of tears and a lot of pain. But I'd rather me be feeling the pain than Buster. I'm trying to find confort in knowing that he is with my mother now who I just lost last year.

I want to thank all of you for sharing your pain and grief - I know it's such a difficult time for us all, but we are here for each other and we are not alone. That means so much to me, it really does. God Bless each and every one of you. All of the little babies that have passed on were so lucky to have all of you as their parents.....

Love to you all....
Karen

[Steph]

Karen, I am so sorry about your loss. What was wrong with your Buster? Was he a dog or a cat?

No doubt he is with you mother. It is so hard for the ones that are left behind.

You are not alone in your grief. Come here often and post.

[BabyHannahsMom]

Oh Karen, I'm so sorry to hear about your Buster boy, and that your other baby is sick. You've been through so much with also having lost your mom just a year ago. I know it brings back those memories too. I'm sure too your mom was there to meet Buster and now holds your baby in her arms. You are in my thoughts and prayers, as are all the rest of my friends here at LS.
Marcia

[karen424]

Thank you Marcia and Steph....

Steph, Buster was my big furry longhaired kitty with a very strong personality and he ruled our home! That's what makes it so hard to be in this house, he had such an un-cat like personality, almost human at times, but then we all feel that way about our furbabies don't we He was 15 years old. He had been diagnosed with elevated kidney values in February and in May he started acting very unlike himself. His fur got very dull, he wasn't interested too much in his food and he would just walk up to a wall or corner and sit and stare - very spacy like. So I took him in to the vet and had more blood tests done. The kidney values had actually improved so the vet said he probably had dementia (I thought that was really weird but the blood tests indicated he was better kidney-wise anyway). Well, over the next month he looked worse, eating less and less, I could just see the pain in his eyes. Sometimes it's so hard to tell in animals, espcially cats when they are in pain. But the more he acted unlike his regular self, the more my intuition told me something was wrong. His vet was out of town until Monday (I had just spoken to him earlier in the week about him wasting away and not eating and he made some recomendations to help him eat) so I called my other cats vet (Buster loves riding in the car, Max does not) who is very close to our house and explained what was happening. I actually thought that maybe he had a furball lodged in his throat or intestines, so they worked him that evening (Friday). Well, the vet could feel a huge lump on his right side, did some x-rays and found his one kidney severely enlarged. It had crystalizations in it and he said that since the last blood test had improved, this was a good possibility of being cancer. I know this is long - I'm sorry He presented my options - exploritory surgery, kidney would have to be removed regardless of cancer or not, if it was cancer that would be a whole different story. Now Buster has always freaked out at the vets office - has to be "tanked" just to have blood taken and hisses and growls the entire time (very high spirited little boy). I couldn't put him through all that. I couldn't bear to bring him home knowing he had this huge kidney about to burst, maybe cancer, in pain just to have him with me longer. So I decided I would rather be the one in pain than have my little baby boy look at me everyday with that pain in his eyes, pleading for me to do something. I know I need to cry, that's it's healing, but it's so bad that I can't even talk about it to anyone. Being on here with all of you and my husband that's it. How am I going to go to work tomorrow? I'll walk in and everyone will be chipper and ask "hey Karen, how was your weekend?"...I'll loose it, I know I will.

I've been rambling on so long, so let me give your eyes a break! Thanks again for being here!! You all have helped me so very much...

Love,
Karen

[LittleGirl's...]

Karen,
My heart goes out to you! You are obviously such a special Mom, and Buster knows this. You had to do a very difficult thing, to make that decision, but it was the right one. Now Buster is in peace and bliss .

I, too, had feared the day when I would lose my Little Girl---it had been my biggest fear. That day came on March 24, 2004. I thank God daily for this wonderful site. The people here are compassionate and just amazing. I'm glad you are here too (though I'm sorry you had the need to ). As you said, we are here for each other and we are not alone.

I definitely believe that Buster is right with your mother, and when it's your time, you will be joining them.

Please let us know how your day at work went. I know this can be VERY tough---to even do your job, to have to talk to people, to answer "how was your weekend" when it was one of the worst weekends of your entire life, to deal with those who are insensitive to this type of pain, etc. If it was very hard to get through the workday, could you take a little time off? Stay home for a bit and hang out at this site/watch movies/sleep/whatever else might help YOU? I look forward to hearing from you about how you're doing!

You're in my prayers. Love,

Kathy

[Steph]

Karen, thanks for telling us more about Buster.

I know what you mean about going on with regular life. Everyone is all cheerful and happy, and you feel like crawling into a hole and never resurfacing.

You sound like you were a wonderful mom to Buster.

[karen424]

You guys just touch my heart so much. I had to have the father's day family dinner today. Trying to keep busy helped some - too much wine helped a little too until everyone left......I'm not going to work tomorrow. Kathy, I'm taking your advice and taking the day for me. Plus I'm very concerned about my other kitty Max. He's missing his big brother so much. He's under my feet, meowing over and over. He's pleading with me to bring his brother back. I've been giving him lots of love, playing with him, I just don't know what else to do. We will all be alright, won't we? God this is just the deepest pain I've ever felt....

I'll be on here tomorrow -

Love & hugs,
Karen

[LittleGirl's...]

Karen,

I'm glad you will be taking the day off. I'll be thinking about you. I won't be home till late in the evening tomorrow, but I will check in then.

Hugs and support and love,

Kathy

p.s. Max will be glad to have you home tomorrow. ...I'm so sorry for his pain too!! I think he will come around, thanks to your comfort.

[karen424]

Well, I took Monday and Tuesday off from work. But I think it's better that I'm back to work. The house is just so empty without my little boy sitting or laying in his usual places. And Max seems so sad without his big brother.

I hope everyone else is hanging in there and doing alright....

Hugs to you all...

Karen

[deedee]

Karen, I am so sorry for your loss. You had a tough decision to make and you made it with love. Please remember how much love it took to do this for Buster. I went through exactly the same thing that you did a day later, and it still hurts, but I tell myself that it is just proof how much I loved my furbuddy. We could do no more for them.

Dee Dee

[karen424]

Thank you Deedee.....I'm just taking one day at a time.....

[karen424]

I wanted to share a picture of Buster with all of you....my big, fluffy boy....this was about a year ago.

Attached image(s)

 

[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

WOW - Buster was a big boy - like my Jesse!! Beautiful colours

[karen424]

Why thank you He was 18lbs. at his heaviest. At the end he was only 11.7lbs.

[Muffins]

Buster was absolutely gorgeous!!!!!!

Sooooooooooooo furry & looked sooo soft!

God Bless you, Karen...

I think of you often!!! How is Max doing??

Love, Denise

[karen424]

Hi Denise,

Awwww, thank you, he really was soft. Everyone that saw him would want to hold him but
he was basically a one person cat so unless they wanted their face bit off I was really the
only one that could hold him! My high spirited little boy!

Max is doing better I think - thank you so much for asking! He seems perkier and is eating
better. Gary (my husband) and I have been playing a lot with him and giving him lots of
attention. Gary is convinced that Buster's spirit has taken over Max. Max is doing a lot
of the things that Buster used to do, like when either one of us in the kitchen he's
there begging for something and being very persistant about it. He used to just sit
back and let Buster do the begging!

Love,
Karen