Weeping Alot On The Last Day Of 2006... Options

[BooBoo's Mom]

I just don't know what the matter is with me, but this changing of the year is making me so sad and weepy. I just DON'T WANT my dog to have died "last year." All day today, I haven't been able to think or speak of my dog without crying and I haven't done that since he first died in March. I feel like I am losing him all over again just because a new year will soon start. I guess it's like he doesn't exist in 2007, like he did in 2006. I feel like the world doesn't know him in 2007. I tell you, I feel crazy sometimes.

[xrayspex]

I have learned that sometimes we are driven by unknown forces within us to "repeat" parts of the grieving process that seem to be geared to things outside ourselves. Time is a constant however...we PERCIEVE it to move "fast" or "slow"...but it does not. Nor does it have a beginning or an end. Existance does not coincide with a human tradition such as New Year. Your baby HAS NOT & WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!!! His existance from that fateful day in March forward is free from the bonds we place on ourselves when it comes to time as we percieve it. To not be bound by the hands of time is to be forever. Your baby is now forever too. Many New Years will come and go but in no way can it diminish this great and wonderful creature that you shared a "timeless" bond with.

Please be kind to your self...thru all of time
God Bless

[BooBoo's Mom]

Thank you so much. God bless you.

[boatlady13]

BooBoo's Mom, you are not alone with this end of the year feeling. I am having some feelings myself about it. I just lost Miss Ellie 5 days ago it feels like yesterday.

I am feeling a double edge sword of pain, a finality to 2006, the loss of the year and my beloved little friend on one edge of the pain. On other edge, going into a new year without my loving and comforting friend. The void i will feel when I can't hug her this new year and start another wonderful year of love and friendship with my beloved friend.

I am going to stay home and try to cope with the feelings I have looking to this new year without my loving friend Miss Ellie. I am going to light a candle for her at Midnight so her flame will burn on in my heart to the new year. I am going to remember the love she gave me and be thankful for it. I am going to remember she is resting quietly without struggling to breathe. I am going to thank God for allowing me to know her. Then i am going probably going to cry because i miss her so very much already...

[ryancat]

I know how you feel.I,too,am feeling kinda blue today.It is raining here and all I want to do is crawl into bed and wake up when this whole new year's thing is over.I feel sad too because after tomorrow my cat Sox will have died last year and that seems so long ago.I know I will have to see many new years (God willing) but this one will always be remembered as the year I lost one of the best friends I ever had.I pray that I can look to the new year with a sense of peace and know that my boy is waiting for me on the other side.I am usually so upbeat this time of year but since my boy Sox died I have been having a hard time with the holidays.I hope we can all help each other ring in the new year together.God Bless you all.Sincerely,Renee

[mary1100]

I know exactly how you all feel. Losing Nicky just three days ago I feel so horrible this last day of the year. I'm actually ready for the new year, it's been a tough year for me in so many ways, but losing him just after Christmas is the hardest. On top of that I had to rush my Mom's dog Ziggy up to Michigan State just a couple of hours ago and leave him there for tests. He has an enlarged heart like Nick did, but there something else wrong. To go to the same hospital that Nicky's lifeless body is still in until they pick him up for cremation Wednesday was so hard. I have to believe this new year will have less stress. I miss him terribly but holding on to 2006 isn't going to bring him back. I have to believe he's in heaven with my Mom who cared for him so much. It's kind of ironic because I believe she's taking care of Nicky for me and I am taking care of Ziggy and Benji for her. Three beautiful black and white shih tzu. Poor Benji is really lost right now. I have to comfort him, suddenly he's so alone. Let's get through this last day and have peace and love in 2007. Mary

[boatlady13]

Mary I can certainly understand what you are feeling having to go back to that hospital. I do think it is special that you are caring for your mother's dogs and vice versa. I am sorry for all the loss you have had. Unfortunately death is the final chapter in any life on earth and so hard for the survivors to overcome at times.

Renee,
Just a few more minutes of 2006 and we will have made it through. One day at a time.

My candles for Ellie are lit next to her cedar box with ashes I brought home just today. I have her with me in our boudoir. The Ball is lit in Times Square and here we go into the new year.

[sheps mama]

Moving from 2006 to 2007 was unmarked in our house - people kept calling to wish us Happy New Year but we have nothing to be happy about after losing Shep on 30th December. So I know how you are feeling - it's like nature is telling us to move on but if we do it's like we are leaving our precious babies behind.
I just hope they can see us and know how loved and how missed they are.

Debbiexx

[Furkidlets' Mom]

In the days leading up to this, I could not even utter the well-wishing phrase.It just stuck in my throat as I cringed away from hearing that phrase and the best I could do was say in reply, "Same to you...", and in fact, still can't even type those words. There's nothing remotely "happy" about it, to me. We'd just gotten back from our little holiday trip (a whole other story) and after trying my best to hold back all the welling sorrow inside myself for 5 days, I was exhausted and feeling terrible. I declined watching the fireworks our town puts on each New Year and feel asleep on the couch instead while watching some TV. My H kindly left me there, knowing how much pain I was in and thankfully, I didn't wake up until well after midnight, after having had a brief appearance in one of my troubled dreams, with both Nissa and Sabin suddenly showing up as young kidlets under a year old, having some fun with each other. It didn't feel like a visitation, but it was still good to 'see' them so young and perky and happy. But my soul felt sick and empty when I headed up to bed, as our pattern had been for me and Nissa to fall asleep together on the couch and then get woken up by her daddy at midnight so we could all kiss-in the New Year, then head off to bed. All I had this year was my cat stuffie toy to clutch, and Nissa's pictures to kiss. I went to bed crying my eyes out again, with Life feeling tasteless, joyless and devoid of any interest or investment. In plain English, I just don't care about anything, really. Our time away only made that all the more obvious, no matter how hard I tried to 'come back to life'. This is the shortest 'preparation' time I've ever had after a major loss to 'recover' before a new year has begun, and it still seems like an impossible dream to come to terms with a different date w/o my girl being a part of it here.

Thanks, John, for your 'timely' reminder about the state of timelessness, existing right alongside OUR (false) perception of time moving in a linear direction, rather than not really existing at all in another 'reality'. I'll be needing that concept as a reminder for probably at least the next year or two, if not 'forever'.

[Furry's mum]

I feel so much as you guys do. My husband has been out partying over Xmas, so I thought I ought to "make an effort" & join him out on New Year's Eve. I managed for a couple of hours - then sitting there, everyone else around me having fun, I just broke down. I manged to leave without anyone noticing & spent from 10.30 to midnight crying & talking to Furry's photo's. How can the pain of losing one so dear to our hearts ever get less? I had so wanted to light a candle for Furry at her grave for the change of year, but due to gales & torrential rain I couldn't even do that. Like Debbie I couldn't even manage the words.
To all of you,
Love Judith

[Moose Mom]

Well we lost our Moose kitty on October 23. My husband lost his father on December 28th and my dad, who is 87, went into the hospital on December 29. My dad is okay and home now, but frankly I couldn't wait for 2006 to be over, just over. 2007 HAS to be better.

I got this in my e-mail, it kind of helped me a bit. Maybe it can help someone else.

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.  Hal Borland

We are all wiser for what we have been through. Happy New Year to everyone.

Lori

[vizsla-angel]

I didn't even realize it was New Year. I had to let go of my wonderful boy Copper at 9:00 am New Year's Eve morning - or should I say "mourning". Then I went home and slept. Woke up and cried. Took a nap. Woke up and cried. Sent my husband off to work. Cried. It wasn't until my husband called from work at 12:10 that I even realized that it was the new year.

Well, at least my cat got a break from being used as a big furry kleenex when he called so someone around here had a happy new year.

[Precious' mom]

I used to love New Year's Eve. This past one, I couldn't wait for the year to end fast enough and move on to 2007. Sounds really pessimistic, I know, but after such an emotionally-charged last half of the year a new one is very welcome.
I miss Precious and Tigger to bits but know they are together and happy, keeping my mum company...and I know that's making her happy! (Makes me smile just thinking of them together!)
Onwards and upwards and hoping everyone here has a better year too! We all certainly deserve it. Have faith, things WILL get better!
Lisa

[Amarna]

BooBoo's Mom, I know how you feel, 100%, about leaving your baby behind in 2006. I feel exactly the same way. We said goobye to our darling Caesar four weeks ago, December 8, and after 16 years with our little boy, it just doesn't seem real. I remember before the first 24 hours, "having our baby with us yesterday at this time"....Before the first week was up, "I had my baby last week at this time".... The first month will be up this Monday.... Last year was over before it had a chance to fully register what the implications in this way of thinking means.... Time never stands still...only the love in our hearts is unchanging...

I truelyl understand how you feel at this time...