Finally, Some Peace Maybe, About Her Grave., very long rambling post Options

[izzy]

well guess what... i think i might finally get some peace about cleo's grave, vets, etc. i supose this could be a long story. i hope you have the patience to read it.

i can't remember who posted it, but ever since someone started a thread about changing vets (because they didn't feel that they had a very good experience around their pet's dying... sorry, i can't remember who you were...) i've been thinking and thinking about my own vet practice and feeling more and more upset about some of the things i felt were handled insensitively around cleo's death. (does anyone remember when i posted some of those terrible things one of the vets said to me when cleo was dying?)

so my friend is with a different vet practice to us near where we live and his cat has been terribly terribly ill, and has just had surgery. (btw, she's going to be ok , but he didn't know that until after the surgery was over, very upsetting for him and his wife.) they don't have a car so my husband and i offered to take him to the vet's to pick their cat up after the surgery today. i said i'd go along and ask the vet nurse some questions about the practice, and there were all these leaflets on the reception desk about everything from pet insurance to neutering to berevement and pet cremation. i just thought, 'our vet never talked to us about berevement or cremation or anything. we weren't even given the berevement hotline number. like that would have been so difficult.' and my friend said when it looked like his cat would die, their vet actually talked to him about that. ours didn't really. (getting closer to the end of the story, honest.)

and do you remember that i've been upset about cleo's grave since the day she died and we burried her, because i didn't feel like we did it right. we have a very small city garden and it was much more difficult to dig than we had thought and we couldn't get it as deep as we wanted and i wasn't sure that we would always be in this house and what if we moved, and it was upsetting thinking of her everytime we were in our garden etc etc? so i read the leaflet at our friend's vet about pet cremation and a local pet crematorium actually has a service where they will come and exhume your pet and cremate them, with an urn for the ashes and everything, especially in cases where someone is moving house (which we're not, but may someday)! i had thought it was too late to do something like that.

so i called them and talked to the guy at the crematorium and got a price (not cheap, but i'm willing to pay) and we're going ahead with it next wednesday. the thought of exhuming her is too terrible to think about, but at least it's happening now by a professional, and not after we move someday by someone digging up the garden to relandscape (which would be worse). they seemed very sympathetic and sensitive and easy to talk to.

the urn we chose was a wooden carved cat figurine. i feel like with this and with moving vet i may have some closure now. i just wanted to share that with you. hope you made it to the end of the post.

[Saki & Freyj...]

Izzy,

Well, it sounds like maybe you found the right vet.

And I am glad about your decision to get Cleo cremated. You have worried so about her grave, and I do think you will feel better having her there in the house with you. Do not think about the exhumation -- just let the professionals handle that. Your urn sounds beautiful and I think you will feel better once it is all taken care of.

Love,
Jennifer

[gingerspal]

not too long a post at all--and really heartening!! I am new enough here not to know what you previous vet said to you but whatever it was I am sure it was insensitive as hell. Have you ever told him how you felt about it? He needs an education so that he thinks before weilding cruel words during heartwrenching times. My Ginger's end was at the emergency vet not his regular vet and my regular vet is pretty "direct" but at least he peppers his speech liberally with "the little feller" and stuff to make a person know that he is indeed warm-hearted.
One story to make you feel better about your decision--in my old house I was gardening and I did INDEED come across a cat skull--and I had not even dug very deep at all--It was really horrifying for me --but naturally because I am a animal lover I carefully replaced it but someone else might have done else-wise---so definately!! you have made a wonderful decision!!
The choice for receptacle sounds perfect. My Ginger was in the "wrong" receptacle for a few days (a standard issue metal tin) and now that I found something more appropriate (a ceramic piece) I feel more relaxed about it. The creamation service had put a label on the bottom of the tin with his name and date on it I just pealed it off and replaced it on the new ceramic container. I really "enjoy" (if a person can say that!) having him in "his" spot where he always was downstairs.
You have done a wonderful job of righting some wrongs-----and I am really glad for you!!