I Also Euthanised My Cat And Now Feel So Terrible. Options

[lori]

I registered on this site to talk about my feelings.
Last Wednesday I made the decision to have my cat put down. She had a behavioural problem which had gotton worse this week.She had been peeing on the rug. She had also been throwing up a lot. I had just been laid off work and find it difficult to be cleaning up everytime I turned around. It was either pee on the rug, missing her litter box or throwing up.....
I was not in the financial position to have a lot of vet bills.
She was 11 years old, I thought I had made the right decision but the next morning I was beside myself with grief. I wished I hadn't done it.I wished I could take it back.
She rode on my lap to the vet, being so good in the car. She trusted me and little did she know where we were going.
I miss her a lot, she used to follow me around and lay on the couch beside me while I looked for jobs on the computer....
Her name was Roxy and she was a beautiful affectionate little cat. She looked like she was wearing a little suit with a white shirt and white mittens, I loved to pet her little paws and soft white shirt area.
She loved to be petted and she loved to be brushed.She would throw herself down in front of you so you would have no choice to bend over and rub her belly....

[Schtoobing'sMom]

Lori, I'm so sorry about your loss. What was your baby's name?

[BooBoo's Mom]

I am so sorry for your loss and situation. I can imagine what you are going through. Please don't feel guilty. I know it is hard, but it will drive you crazy if you let it. Maybe you could talk to a pet loss counselor. They have ones on the Internet you can talk to for free. My prayers are with you.

[Forever Jake]

I am sorry for your loss. Please, though, don't feel guilty. you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sandi

[Blackie's Dad]

Dealing with the Guilt.

Guilt. It's a word that can invoke in us the deepest, most terrible feelings of loss, horror, anger, and helplessness. Why did I do what I did? Why couldn't I have done more? Did I kill my beloved pet? Did I not do enough? Did I do too much? Did I put him/her down too soon? Did I wait too long? If only I had closed the gate. If only I had noticed sooner. If only I had waited longer. If only I had more money. If only I had rushed to the vet sooner. If only I had known more at the time. If only I had listened to my gut feelings. If only I had gone to a better vet.

And we beat ourselves up for all these questions and "if-onlys". Why do we do this? Because we loved our pets. Because we wish we could have done more, or wish we had not done what we did.

But we cannot bring them back. We cannot change what we did or did not do.

What we can do is stop hurting ourselves over the guilt. Each of us, in our own way, did what we thought was right at the time, using what we knew and felt. Each of us tried to do the best we could, and did it with the intention of love.

We are human beings, with frailties and faults. We don't know everything. We make mistakes. But we make them with the best of intentions.

To hurt ourselves with the terrible additional pain of guilt is to do disservice to the love we felt for our pets. With very, very few exceptions, we did the best we knew to do at the time. Even if we feel that we didn't do what we should have, or did what we should not have, we have learned, and everyone will benefit from that knowledge now.

Our beloved pets are gone, and out of pain. We still torture ourselves with the pain of guilt and doubt. It's human to do that, too, but are we being fair to ourselves?

We loved, deeply, and that says that we have a deep capacity for love that many do not. We are basically good people. Should we not recognize that goodness, instead of inflicting pain on ourselves for what we could, or should, or should not have done?

We took in a beloved creature, and gave him or her everything we could. We petted, we walked, we fed, we changed litterboxes, we played, we stroked, we sat sleepless on difficult nights. We cared, and did everything we knew to do at the time. And we looked in their eyes, and knew they understood that we loved them, and knew that they loved us.

If we didn't know enough, or made an innocent mistake, do we believe that they did not understand, and love and forgive us in spite of it? I believe they did, and that they do.

We need to forgive ourselves. If we can, we can increase our knowledge, reach out to help others, and use our pain to make things better for our pets, for others' pets, and for those animals out there who are alone and lost. We can make a difference. But only if we quit hating ourselves, blaming ourselves, for being human.

Let the guilt go. Know that your furbabies don't blame you; they understand, because they know your heart. Let yourself forgive yourself, and allow all the love you have to be there for another. There are so many who need it.

Learn, and then teach. Keep learning, and don't stop. Every pebble of knowledge and caring you send out will ripple throughout the world, and keep growing. And perhaps in time, every animal will be loved, and well-cared for, and there will be a great golden age for the animals, and for those of us who love them.


Ginger-lyn Summer
September 10, 1999