I Stood At My Baby's Grave Today... Options

[xrayspex]

...and cried a million tears. What was I just thinking. Yesterday I had a good day. I came here talked a little, tried to spread a little cheer. Then today I thought to myself..I am ready, I can do this. I slowly moved into the backyard and to the terminal point. I talked to my baby briefly...for a moment it was all right...Then the Spectre of Darkness moved in and while I was vunerable snatched the moment away from me. I was reduced to tears. I really want to do this. I don't understand why I can't. I have returned to anger & sorrow today...

[Schtoobing'sMom]

John, I'm so sorry...

*hugs*

[jazmin]

John I know how you feel, and am so sorry, she was very beautiful and now is a little star twinkling down on you. I won't say it will get easier, but we are all here to give you love and support.

xxJazmin

[janine4]

John,
I am so sorry for your loss. I am also so thankful for your kind words regarding my Tiger last week.

Tiger passed early thursday morning Nov 16th, 2006. Over the weekend I had to push and prod myself to get his burial casket made. Then I forced myself to move him comfortably into it early yesterday. Now it is 11:15am on tuesday Nov 21st and I am willing myself to seal it closed and tight.

I buried Tigers brother Groucho in August. I had no idea that I would be digging a resting place so soon again. I have to start digging in about an hour or so.

John, I must tell that my experience of having my dearly departed Groucho so nearby, just about 25 yards away in a very specific area of my yard and home, it has been a blessing in disguise.

At first I shunned the area, but I did burn tea candles on the site often. I cried and wailed often, inside the house and outside. Then I was able to pull up a simple garden chair and sit with him for short and then eventually long periods of time. My other cats would sit around him as well, including Tiger.

Now, only three months later I smile everytime I look there or visit him, but the most comfort is knowing that he is here as part of my Family. His soul, his Spirit have gone on, yet they are here as well. I feel blessed for that.

John, of course it is so hard to deal with, life IS cruel. But soon you can sit there next to your beloved pet and all the memories of good will keep your spirit alive.

Maybe that was God's plan for pets for us humans. He knew we would usually outlive them and go through so much grief and hurt, but once we realize that they are in a wonderful place, and yet still can be close by to us, then maybe we will somehow understand. I am still trying to understand myself. But I feel good about Groucho.

Now, his brother Tiger will be right next to him. I truly have no idea what to expect emotionally from myself. I am just going hour to hour, day to day. But all throughout this I prayed for Groucho's help and of course for God's help and I have received many prayers and good will from all of you here as well.

That is a blessing.

I wish you well John.

Take care,
janine

[xrayspex]

That's where I want to get to. I want to go out and "tend to it". I want to go out and "visit" it without the intense pain associated with being near it. Chase deserves that...she certainly didn't deserve to die so she at least deserves that.

[Forever Jake]

John,

I know all too well what you are going through. When we first laid Jake to rest under his favorite tree in our side yard, I couldn't even look over at the place without falling apart. This spring, something amazing happened. I wanted to plant white rose bushes at the top of the spot where he is. One day, I received a call at work from Todd...he noticed that there was a bunch of white roses in bloom around the top of Jake's resting place. They were wild roses, but they had not bloomed since we bought the land to build on...I took that as a sign from Jake that he was okay, and that he knew that I loved him. It was then that it became easier for me to visit Jake and talk to him. His son, Bailey, sometimes goes over and lays right on top of where he is. I still, every time i leave for work, tell him that I love him. I look over at his spot as I walk out to my car. Tomorrow I will once again walk over and light his candle.

Take care, John. You are in my prayers,
Sandi

[booboosmom]

John,
You have your baby there, near you. That's where your baby wants to be. In time it will be easier to be there. The loss is still real, the pain is still part of it, but you have your baby nearby, in peace. You will be able to sit there, lay there, and talk to Chase. She will bring you comfort, when the pain subsides. She can wait until you are able to spend time with her. She loves you still.