My Sweet Baby Died 2 Days Ago, Schtoobing was my best friend! Options

[booboosmom]

I have the ashes of one of my babies in an urn. When I adopted him from the shelter, and later learned he was dying of FIP, I promised him we would never be apart. Having his ashes with me has become important, but initially it was painful. It was the right choice for me. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

[Schtoobing'sMom]

It's been two weeks since Schtoobing died, and I still don't have his ashes back yet. I called the vet on Friday and they said the crematorium place has a backlog. (That is sad in itself.) I'm not really looking forward to picking up my baby's ashes, but at the same time, I really want him home.

I managed to put up the Christmas tree yesterday, only because I have family coming to stay with me this week. Otherwise, I wouldn't have bothered. I was putting fresh sheets on my bed, and was reminded of how Schtoobing would get underneath the sheets before I had even finished tucking them in. He loved fresh sheets and a fluffed up down comforter. Usually after I finished making the bed, I would find him as a warm, purring lump snuggled underneath the covers. I really miss my baby.

On Thanksgiving, my mom told me she wants to buy me a kitten for Christmas. She said it wouldn't be as a replacement for Schtoobing, but that because I enjoy having a cat in my life. That is true, but I don't think this is the right time. Schtoob was such a huge part of my life, I don't feel right getting a new baby so soon. My mom says a new baby might help me feel better, but I'm not sure I want to feel better yet. Does that make sense?

[Taco's Mummy]

Diane,

Yes, of course that makes sense. Grieving is so personal. Some people do get pets soon afterwards, some will never. I know that I wouldn't want one now. Yes, it would cheer me up to play with a little kitty but I'd be afraid of not properly bonding with a new kitty right now. Also, I feel strongly that when I am ready for a cat, that I would like to find him/her or vice versa. Everyone's different, it's very personal.

I know you're mom is trying to help and she is the one who gave you Schtoobing. Whatever you decide to tell your mom, know that it's ok (well, provided it's not mean ).

There's a really nice story on New Beginnings from Simba's Daddy that gives me hope:

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=3020

Sandy

[Simba's Daddy]

I was going to wait for at least a couple of weeks before I was going to get a new baby. But for some reason I just felt compelled to go to PetFinder.com and it was amazing how I found "Simba II" (or how he found me!).

I still keep in touch with the person that fostered him and send her pictures. I have also been thinking of the idea of getting yet another buddy, a little brother for Simba II. I am just not sure if that is something he would want or wants to be the only cat of the house. If only animals could talk

Sandy, I am very happy to hear that my story is helping you and possibly others.

Only you will know when the time is right. But if anyone has any questions for me about getting a new baby please feel free ask me.

[Schtoobing'sMom]

I know my mom wants to help. She sees how sad I am, and that a light has gone out in my world.

Like you said, Sandy, I am afraid that I won't bond properly with a new baby- either I will have unrealistic expectations, or will be too afraid of losing the new baby, to fully open my heart to him or her. Schtoobing was so special, I'm afraid another cat won't be as special, or won't love me as much.

I think about getting a new baby- I've even looked on some websites for local animal shelters. I think it takes a lot to be able to open your heart to a new baby after losing one, and I don't have the courage to do it yet.

My boss's sister keeps asking me if I want to have her cat- he's 12 yrs old and has diabetes. She's trying to get rid of him because he's 'high-maintenance' and she has small children now. I'm flattered because she knows I would give her cat a good home, but annoyed because she doesn't understand that I'm grieving, and she seems to think that cats are interchangeable. "Sorry to hear about your cat. Would you like to have mine?"

[Precious' mom]

You, and only you, will know when the time to open your heart is right. I fell in love with Patches at first sight. I wasn't looking for a Precious look-alike; I was looking for a cat who would accept my love and return it as well. Patch and I have been together almost three months; Precious has been gone almost four and I miss him too much, but Patch helps buffer the sadness that comes sometimes. Precious' presence is still with me, still as solid as when he was alive, and that is a daily blessing!! (Patch endures it!)
Lisa

[Schtoobing'sMom]

It still seems so unbelievable that Schtoobing died. Sometimes I can barely stand it. A month ago, I thought we were making progress with his CRF, and now his ashes are in a little plastic box in the bedroom.

I have pretty much taken my grief 'underground'. Except for my mom, no one asks me how I'm doing, so I don't bring it up. I'm sure that people think I am 'over it', but I certainly am not!

[Schtoobing'sMom]

It was 4 weeks yesterday since Schtoobing died. Nobody gives a rip. I feel invisible.

[Furry's mum]

It doesn't get any easier does it? It's 20 weeks since Furry died but I still feel like it was last week. I think of her constantly, even though we have adopted another cat. The fact that the "new" cat is older than Furry was when she died contantly reminds of how she should still be here. No-one asks anymore - it's ancient history to everyone I suppose.
All we can do is grieve in the way that we need & forget about getting or expecting any sympathy from anyone else. This site is the best.
Judith

[Moose Mom]

Oh Diane

It was 4 weeks yesterday since Schtoobing died. Nobody gives a rip. I feel invisible.

I'm so sorry for you! I care, about you and Schtoobing. I know it's not much, I've felt the same. Invisible to everyone who should care that my baby died. Like the world should have stopped, at least for a minute. Where are the phone calls? The cards? He wasn't 'Just a cat", he wasn't.

When we lose someone so close to us our reality changes, and keeps changing. Things never get back to 'normal' we just learn to live in the new reality. It seems the big anniversaries are very hard and reality changes again. At a week, at a month, and so on. At a week we kind of accept they are gone, it's a different level of acceptence at a month. I'm at about 7 weeks and I still cry some every day, and many days a lot.

I'm sending you a >>>>>BIG HUG<<<<< and I'm thinking of you and Schtoobing. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

Love
Lori

[Forever Jake]

(((((((((((((((((((Diane))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so very sorry that you feel that way.. I also care, and have been thinking of you. I visited here a couple times lately, but, with some things going on with myself and missing Jake so badly (even though it has been a year...the holiday is rough...), I didn't respond.

Sending you a HUGE hug, and letting you know that I will keep in touch better than I have been. You have friends here.

Love,
Sandi

[Taco's Mummy]

Diane,

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down. I just sent an e-mail to you via this message board. I hope it finds you.

I do think of you and your little Schtoobing. People just don't realize that these creatures are our best friends and how much affection we are missing.

Taco's Mummy (Sandy)

[Schtoobing'sMom]

Thank you guys for the kind words and reassurance. It helps so much to know that someone understands and cares. I don't get that very much in person, unless I ask for it, and I don't like to ask for it, know what I mean?

So many people on this board have such a gift for comforting others. It's made such a difference to me, and to so many others, I'm sure.

I got a Christmas card yesterday from one of Schtoobing's cat sitters, from when we lived in Alaska. She always asks about the Schtoob. Now I have to tell her that he died. Not what I wanted to say in this year's card.


Sandi, I did not get your email...

[Taco's Mummy]

Diane,

Regarding the e-mail that I sent to you that you never got... I just wanted to say that our lives seem so similar that I feel like I know you and it's too bad that we don't live near one another (I live in Massachusetts). I met my kitty 16 years ago when I was 22, I moved out west with her to Portland, OR. Then we moved back home 6 years ago to be closer to family.... I'm also experiencing that people in my life don't bring Taco up anymore and assume that I'm done greiving. It is definitely hard when you have to put on a facade in front of people. It's ok to feel the way you're feeling and I do believe that one day, you will feel better.

I also mentioned that, on the bright side, you have your mother. It must be comforting to know that you didn't have to go through this in Alaska...

Sandy