Almost Two Weeks Options

[Linsey, Kitty...]

Thanks so much to all of you, especially Furkidlet's Mom, for all of your support and kind words. You have all been so wonderful and reading your posts helps me get through the day. I can't remember who wrote it in here but someone said that friends are supportive for a few days but drift away when they can't deal with the magnitude of your grief. That is very much the case with me and I am so blessed to have found this site and all you wonderful people. There are tear drops on the desk below my keyboard that fall and dry there as I read everyone's stories and type responses. All of you truly do understand and I love you all for it. I feel bad that I don't have time to type more.

During the work week I get into my normal routine (as much as I can), get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, watch a little TV and go to bed. I don't look at the posts here much during my work week (Wed-Sun), but on my days off, I think my brain has designated those days for me to be a fairly useless, blubbering, grieving mess.

It has been almost 2 weeks since Kitty left me, and it still hurts so very much. She used to insist on sitting on my lap while I sat on the back porch. She'd sit on the deck next to my chair, put her little paw up on my leg and meow her little broken meow. Since she was a kitten, her meow was always more of a squeak than a meow. I think the meow was just a warning because she would just jump into my lap whether I was ready or not. She'd sit on my lap with her paws on my chest and cuddle with me every day. I miss cuddling with her. Last night, I was outside sitting on the back porch and I looked over at Kitty's resting place in the corner of the yard. I felt her presence so strongly that I just knew she was sitting on my lap wanting to be cuddled. Anyone looking might have laughed or thought me crazy, but there I was, stroking and talking to a non-existent cat on my lap. I even laughed a little myself.

Buddha is missing her a lot I think. He is much more needy than usual and doesn't go outside very often anymore. He LOVED being outside with Kitty. He used to sit by the sliding glass door and meow every morning to be let out. He would sleep with us for a couple hours at night but always needed to be let out. Now, he sleeps with us the whole night through, follows us through the house and meows, sits with to us on the couch and cuddles. Sometimes he'll just sit there and look up at us and meow when we open the door for him to go outside. We give him lots and lots of love, but he doesn't seem to be getting better. Does anyone know how long an animal's grieving process takes?

As for my grieving process, most of the hysterical crying, screaming, sobbing fits are over. I still shed a tear or two now and then, but most of the sharp pain has given way to a dull, throbbing sadness. It takes it's place as a rock that sits on my chest where she used to sit. I can see her face and her blue eyes as clearly as if she were sitting with me now. There I go petting the air again. And there goes another tear. I miss her so much.

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