Today Was The Day, My Dixie Dog is gone Options

[PuppyMom]

I laid my beloved Dixie to rest today. The pain is unbearable, although her's was probably worse during the night last night. I didn't sleep at all. I laid on the kitchen floor with her. I knew by the morning that the time had come. The time I was dreading. I know she is out of pain now and that makes me feel better. The pain of not having her here with me is horrible.

She was a beautiful golden retriever with a smile that could melt your heart. I can't even believe she's gone. She has such a sweet soul. There is no replacing her. My three others will never take away the pain I feel from losing her. I will never be able to replace my others when they are gone either. (Please read more about her under the topic "tomorrow's the day.")

I wish you could all know Dixie. One of my big fears is that I won't remember every tiny little thing that Dixie did. Her sweet smile, the way she walked down the hall scratching her back on the wall all the way down, the way she always had to have something in her mouth when she greeted you, the way she tried to get well just for me, etc. She was an individual and I don't want to forget a single thing. Right now I want to mourn. I want to feel the pain. I miss her so much. Tomorrow morning when I get up I'm going to be horrified.

I sang a song while I was burying her in a very special place. Although I'm feeling horrible pain right now, I wouldn't trade those beautiful 10 years I had with her. It's all worth it. I would do it all again even if it hurt twice as bad. She was wonderful and I want to tell the whole world.

The song I sang as I laid her to rest went like this:

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world,
Wouldn't have missed loving you girl,
You made my whole life worth while,
With your smile.

I wouldn't trade one memory,
Cause you mean too much to me,
Even though I lost you girl,
I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

The joy I had with Dixie far outweighs the pain of her loss. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love you Dixie and may God bless you.

Attached image(s)

 

[5catsmom]

What a beautiful picture and what a beautiful way to lay her to rest. Although the pain now is unbearable, unbelievable, and other words which aren't expressive enough to describe the pain, I can understand the fear of losing memories of her. I thnk we all feel that at some times, and other times, when we start to come out of the cloudy fog which seems to envelope us in agony, and we begin to believe in hope and love again, we get scared all over again, and feel that the mourning has to start again. And as Kim said so well in another post in another thread, we humans love to torture ourselves, so the process has to start from the beginning, or we feel we've betrayed our loved ones. There seems to be no end, and sometimes I think we need there not to be an end.

You may have been expecting this day for awhile, but the shock really does set in as though you never did expect it. It is horrific, and if I could shoulder some of the hurt for you, I would in a heartbeat. I'm encouraged, though, that you wouldn't want to miss any of those ten years with her. I've had days when I've felt that this deep a pain couldn't be worth picking up that kitty and bringing her out of the rain. I know it's not true, of course, but grief is it's own kind of temporary insanity, I think.

In the end, it's all just words, but words, and expressing feelings, are an outlet which do help. You'll make it through, and you said it yourself, you wouldn't have missed it for the world. And you'll never forget - those little memories which will be so missed - you won't forget because they're as much a part of your life as your arms or legs or heart.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I extend my deepest sympathy. You'll be with her again one day, and that day will make up for all the time without her. Please let us know how you're doing. Take care - Barbara

[Shortrish]

I am so, so sorry for your loss of Dixie. The song you sang for her is beautiful. I know you are feeling such pain now, and I understand it. Your love for her is so evident in what you wrote about her. It was wonderful that you were able to give her that one last wonderful weekend with you.

You wrote that you are afraid that you will forget all the wonderful things about her that made you smile. As you think of them, just write them down. That's what I've done about my Scooter. As I remember all the silly, and loving things he did, I miss him just awful, but, those memories are starting to make me smile some, even if today was a rough day

It is a wonderful gift that Dixie gave to your boyfriend, that he believes that dogs have souls. All you have to do is look into her eyes, and you can see that.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as you are going through this heartbreaking time.

Trish

[nyna22000]

My heart goes out to you over the loss of Dixie. Do you journal? Get a special little notebook or memory book. Put pictures and write down all the special little things you are afraid you'll forget. I doubt you will, but it may help.
I wasn't dealing well with the death of my Dad and it really helped me. At first I couldn't write without falling apart or getting the paper wet with tears, but as I wrote it got better. Instead of putting my focus on my loss, I started writing happy memories that made me feel better.
As you know I am facing the same ordeal next week with Oscar. This weekend I went to the storage room and dug out some of my photo albums, and will get more tomorrow. I am getting picks of him together for a memory book of sorts. Our song is the Oscar Mayer ditti.
I am happy you have such a loving support group. My own and this site help me through.
My thoughts, prayers and huge hugs go out to you. Nina

[RIT & Cleo]

I too am sorry about the loss of your beloved Dixie. Oh, what a good life she had with you - your love and joy pour out of the words you wrote about your life together.

I sighed and smiled at the image of you laying next to her on the kitchen floor....I understand - I did this for my Cleo. Laying next to him on the floor in his last hours. We both took such good care of them, and they are now at peace.

Take care. Feel the pain and grief, then remember the good memories...