2 Weeks Ago Tonight Options

[blackjacksmom]

Am feeling completely lost in the world and came across your site. Not sure why I'm posting, but here it is. I lost my beloved pup Blackjack, who was with me 15 years, two weeks ago tonight. It all happened so fast. He got sick one day, had emergency surgery, made it through, stayed at the hospital for a few days, came home for a few days and was going to get better. But he took a turn for the worse and we had to take him back to the hospital and said goodnight that night.

I haven't been able to eat. I can't really sleep and when I do it's in his bed. I can barely function and have just these past couple of days forced myself to take short walks. When I have had to go out I feel like I'm seeing the world with foggy glasses. Everything seems surreal. I keep going through every emotion and thought that seems possible from 'he's not really gone' to 'i'm so mad' to 'he's in a better place' to 'i killed him' to 'i was a terrible mother' to 'he had a great life' in no particular order.

Again, I'm not sure why I'm posting other than I thought it might make me feel better. It doesn't. I guess the only thing that would make me feel better is the impossible. I'm so sorry for ALL of your losses. SO sorry. I had no idea it would hurt this much and I feel for anyone who is feeling the way I do right now. Thank you all for sharing your stories so I know that these feelings are 'normal'.

[lucifer3]

I am very sorry for your loss of Blackjack.
All I can say is this: in time, it does get better. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next month, but it does.
Everyone on this forum has suffered the way you are suffering and we all share your pain. But hopefully by reading through some of the replies and gradually coming to terms with what has happened makes you realise that your love for Blackjack will live on forever.
It is doubly hard to lose a furbaby when they are young: you feel that it was a waste, that they did not have the chance to live a whole life. Remember though that he was probably more loved in his short life that many other pets have been.
Don't feel bad about greiving for him: it is a natural process that helps you heal and get over the pain and sorrow.
I do hope you feel better soon.

[blackjacksmom]

lucifer,
thanks for your reply. yes, reading other people's posts has helped. just wanted to clarify that Blackjack was 15 years old and I rescued him when he was 4 months. He was always my steady companion and now he's gone. So I know he had very full life, I guess I just never wanted it to end, especialy with the pain and agony he endured during his last days. That is the hardest to deal with.
thanks again,
debbie

[ccheyssial]

Dear BlackJack's Mom:

You are not alone. I've been devastated by the loss of my cat Chestnut. I can't stop thinking about it. I've cried so much that I think my tears should be all dried up by now. I too share all those same emotions and it really hurts. Yesterday I got angry and was screaming. What I know is that it is good to feel the emotions, because feeling and recognizing the pain is the path to healing. I hate this. In my humble opinion, grief is the hardest part of the human experience. The more I write and cry and talk to others about my grief, the better I feel. I too feel guilt about not being a good mother and feeling like I killed him. Those are just distorted thoughts coming at a very emotional time. We know those things aren't true. Please keep writing and visiting this website. I visit every day. I think that talking to each other is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. We need to nurture ourselves back to health right now because we are suffering emotionally. Part of nurturing is giving yourself a pat on the back for being a great mom for all of those years and for making a really difficult decision so your baby would not suffer.

Take good care and keep coming back.

Chestnut's mommy (Catherine)

[BooBoo's Mom]

I understand exactly how you feel. I can't stand going through grieving. It's the most awful feeling in the whole world, but the only way to get through it is to go through it. I don't like the way it makes a person so tired and weary so they can't cope with normal day to day life. That's hard when you have to go work and upkeep a house and family, etc. My dog was constantly with me for 14 years. We couldn't have children, so my dogs have been my babies. It has really been like losing a child for me.

[blackjacksmom]

thank you for your responses. yesterday and last night was the hardest yet. it felt like i was reliving the night we said goodbye at the hospital. the tears and extreme bawling just came flowing out of me like a gushing river. i didn't know i had anything left. i woke up this morning and things seemed okay, as if i was at peace (or just denying again), but then all of a sudden the pain is back and i don't know if i can handle another day. i'm physically and emotionally exhausted. hope if passes soon and i can go into numb mode for at least a few hours.

[Daisy's Mommy]

When my Daisy died on April 1, the pain was unbearable - she was my best friend, my child, my soulmate. Posting and reading postings really did help. Here are people who understand how you feel, because we have all suffered the same terrible loss.

The grief does come in waves or as this site indicates in lightening strikes of agony. I have found it helpful to think that my grief is the price I must now pay for having shared almost 12 years with Daisy. And since I would not have missed a minute of it, I know that the price is not too great.

Daisy and Blackjack, and all the animals here, are worth this and so much more.


Best wishes,

Daisy's Mommy

[Debbi]

I am feeling the same way that you are feeling. It has only been 5 days for me.
At times, it seems unbearable. I took a couple of days off work and each day woke up and asked how I was going to get through each hour of the day. I found this site today and it has helped. I also found a chat room that has been helpful.
Talking for me has always helped me work through pain, so the chat room helps a lot. Sometimes I am typing and crying, but I know I have to get through that to feel better. I bought the book, "The Loss of a Pet" and am reading it little by little.
It describes all of the feelings that you are describing and helps with getting through them. I go back to work tomorrow and am not sure how that will go, but I know I have to try. I still have Nugget's things out, his tennis ball, his bed in the living room. He used to sleep on the futon in the spare room and the blanket he used smells like him and that comforts me. Funny, he used to be the one to always comfort me when I was down, now what do I do?