How Do You Cope Without Your Soulmate?, Do you recover? or just get use to it? Options

[LuckyNono]

You know what, whatever gets you through, just do it! I am worse that you are! I am wearing my baby's collar as my bracelet. I use her bed and blankie as my pillow. I have her ashes in my purse! I am doing eveyrthing that I can think of just to "feel" my baby again! I do not care if others would see this odd but the most important thing is whatever makes you at least peaceful. I know that clinging to these material things cannot bring our babies together, but somehow, we are comforted with them.

I am still hurting and I feel like I miss her more each day. I went to work today and all I did was just cry! So awful, but hopefully, we'll get through the pain. I guess the greater our love for them, the graver the pain is.

Take care,
LuckyNono's mom

[Kurbysma]

Crystal's Mom,

First, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I read your posts and I cry for you. I lost my Kurby 1/31/06. He was tragically taken from me at a mere 4 1/2 years old. My husband had let him out to pee and went back inside for about five minutes and when I pulled in the drive from work, I found his lifeless little body by our mailbox. He was hit by a car that NEVER stopped. I had a COMPLETE meltdown. I still have COMPLETE meltdowns. I yell at my husband. I blame him. My life has been turned upside down and I dont think it will ever be the same again. Kurby wasn't only my companion, my buddy, my baby. He was PART of me. When I lost him, I lost a part of myself I will NEVER get back. I cant explain it. People that don't have pets, don't understand me. They think I should be over this. So I don't talk to those people anymore. I have asked God to help me forgive my husband and to help me stop yelling at him. I am a little better in that sense, but I still have my moments. I can't help feeling if I had gotten home 5 mins earlier, this would have never happened. I would have been outside watching him.

I have kept myself busy with memorials to him and making a water garden in memory of him. I had him cremated and his little ashes sit on a wall surrounded by 8x10 photos of him. I kiss his little urn every night and tell him "mama loves you". I feel at peace when I look at his pictures on my wall.....but then the flashbacks of me holding him in my arms, lifeless, return. I would give anything to be able to feel his fur again.....to feel his little nose on my cheek as he sneaks me kisses. I am an ER nurse and have always been very strong and able to handle anything. This has crippled me.

I will say a prayer for your furbaby tonight when I pray for Kurby. I know in my heart of hearts, all of our furbabies are in heaven, running and playing together. They are waiting for us to join them....but only when our time is up.

You are in my prayers tonight (as well as everyone else here).

"Kurbysma"

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[Forever Jake]

I am so sorry about your loss, and can understand the pain you are going through. Like Kurby's Ma, I blamed my other half--I yelled at him, told him that he abandoned Jake and I when we needed him the most (Todd couldn't stay in the room at the end), and we split up briefly. I began going to grief counseling, which has helped, but, we are all going through the various stages of grief. I tell Jake every day that I love him, I visit his resting place all the time. I have his pictures everywhere, and I have his toys, his fur, his favorite blanket, his dishes, etc.. I miss Jake curling up beside me when I am doing homework or studying for a test, and, when I call home when I am on break, I still haven't gotten used to not hearing him meow his head off in the background letting me know he was there.

I will be thinking of you. Take care,
Sandi

[Crystal's Mom]

2 WEEKS TODAY OF LIFE WITHOUT MY SOUL MATE!!

Crystal passed to the rainbow bridge April 6, 2006 at 8:45am. That date and time are forever etched in my heart. A part of my heart and soul passed with her. I continue to see the drama of the last day replay in my head over and over again. It continues to hurt just as badly every time. I am still in disbelief that she is actually gone. I guess even denial since I am holding her "toy" and talking to it as if it were her. I still clutch the toy all night and wake up if it falls from my arms.

I saw another Maltese today and had a complete meltdown in public. (Again) I have some great friends that act concerned, but I have noticed that they are avoiding me lately. I am not sure if they are just giving me space to grieve or they think I am crazy. Most think I should be over it by now, but I will continue to mourn until I feel I am ready to move beyound that stage. I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT, just hopefully learn to accept that I lost something very dear and precious.

Everyone here at LS understands. We are the compassionate people of the world that were lucky enough to have had that special companion share our lives with us.

Thank you to all who have shared my grief and consoled me. It truly is the only comfort I have found.

Crystal's Mom

[Tillie]

Well its been 13 weeks since Tillie died and I still have my meltdowns almost daily. This has been the worst experiance of my life for some reason. I have learned to take my grief private now but at first I did not give a hoot about others and what they thought. They cannot comprehend what we feel they can't. So at some point I decided this is between me and Tillie it is now a private thing just for me and her and I want it that way. I have gone in my car to a park and had my cries and we need to do that it is a way to find release from the gut retching pain. I go to my bathroom fill the tub lock the door and cry wherever I can be alone with my pain and thoughts of Tillie. I no longer even want to share it with anyone else.

I too have gone through blaming my husband he gave too many treats over fed her I blamed the vet hospital (still do sometimes) I blame myself we look for someone to blame because someone or something HAS to be responsible for such a loss. But the end result is the same. I am sorry all of us have had to come here to meet soooo sorry. At the same time I thank all of you too for being here 3 months and my brain is fried, confused and my heart hurts like all get out.

Tillies mom

[BooBoo's Mom]

Everyone,
I feel the same way, but sometimes I think that our pets would feel really sad to see us so upset like this. They are so happy in Heaven and waiting for us. and soon we will be with them--the way life is going so fast. So I think our pets would want us to enjoy life and be happy until we see them again, don't you?? When we get upset about missing them, we should just think of it as a temporary seperation and not like we will never ever see or hold them again.

[Kurbysma]

BooBoo's Mom,

You are so right.....

That is the only thing that keeps me going from day to day....Trust me!

[sammi1]

I think our pets would hate to see us so upset. I think back to a week ago when my life was perfect and Sammi was here. She wouldn't even recognize me this week things have completely changed here. We had her cremated, and when we got her back, my fiance felt a little peace, but I didn't. I feel like she was just deleted from earth and there is nothing left of her. I can't stand to look at her urn because just a week ago, she was my happy little girl and now she is sitting on my mantle. I do okay during the day b/c I keep very busy, but nighttimes are the worst. When no one is around, I like to call her name out, it's a habit from years with her, but it feels better to be able to say her name and not act like she never existed.
Friends and family have been great, but I feel like they are scared of us. Our grief is so apparent. They either avoid us or pretend llike nothing happened. I can't stand either though because I don't want anyone to pretend like Sammi wasn't important.

[SJ J & S]

[/QUOTE]I am holding her "toy" and talking to it as if it were her[QUOTE]

My husband slept with Judes blanket for a couple of months, then he realised that her smell had gone, the blanket is still on a stool in the living room - THREE YEARS LATER - i can assure you i am not mad

I still have their collars on the kitchen chairs and their smaller callers in my cardigan pocket.

We let go a little at a time, to do it all at once would then certainly turn us mad.

If your friends have never felt that unconditional love then they wouldnt understand, they are having to cope with your grief the best way they know how sometimes that meens putting some space between us rather than saying something that you could take the wrong way or that may hurt you.

We cope the only way we know how with every situation we find ourselves in.

Love Sue

[LuckyNono]

I grieve because I am not ready to give up my baby. And I still cling to her things ensuring the bond that bounded me and my baby is not lost. Everything is still in its same spot, her meds, except for her bed that I move with me from room to room like she used to. The pain has not subsided a bit but the good news is, I am coping a little bit easier knowing that my baby is waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge.

[Crystal's Mom]

Do You Think it was A Sign?

My 4 year old woke up this morning saying, "Mom, I dreamed about Crystal last night!" Since I have yet to sleep well enough to have a dream, I was very interested. (The little sleep I get is very broken.) I told her to tell me about it.

She said, "Crystal came from Dog Heaven to visit me in my bedroom. She told me about the blue birds in Heaven. She asked me to help her draw one of the blue birds. So I did. This is what it looked like. After we drew it, she went downstairs to see you. Then she went back to Heaven."

Then my 4 year old gave me a picture she had drawn (with Crystal's guidance) of a blue bird. (attached)

Do you think Crystal is trying to let me know she is okay. Since I still cry at night and can't sleep, do you think she chose my child that loved her most?

I despirately want to have a dream or vision myself to let me know she is safe and happy. I still MISS HER TERRIBLYand will continue to do so. I just long to have some sort of confirmation that she is running and playing, happy and healthy, safe once again.

I LOVE YOU SWEET CRYSTAL!!!

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[Tillie]

Crystals mom

This is for sure a sign I think children are much more open than us adults. Crystal came to you through your little girl the picture of the blue bird is a keepsake if it were me I would frame it as a reminder that crystsal came to send a message maybe even date it. Now look for bluebirds around you my guess is you might just start to see many this may be Crystals way of healing your heart and telling you shes ok now and waiting for you. I have to admit I am a little jealous but I am thrilled for you. I left you a message in your mail box here.

Tillies mom

[Forever Jake]

I am sure that is a sign from your baby... like Tillies mom said, a lot of times children have the openness that we adults do not have...a close friend of mine has a son that had a dream about my house after Jake died. He woke his mom up and said that he "had to talk to Aunt Sandi"...that there was a rainbow over my house with a white kitty next to a deer in the yard.

Before Jake passed, Todd and I were on our way home, coming down our road, there was Jake in the side yard, right in front of a deer. It had recently rained, and the image was awesome--I cannot describe it. I put the window down, we stopped the car, and I called "JAKER!" His head came up, and he did his classic "MEOW!" and ran as fast as he could up to mommy and daddy (Todd was still in the car, I got out to meet Jake). Todd and I thought it was neat, and never said anything to anyoe else about it...until that day. When my friend told me, I started bawling. I called Todd, and he said that maybe that was Jake's way of letting us know he was okay.


I am so happy for you. Look for the blue birds.

Take care,
Sandi

[Kurbysma]

Crystal's Mom,

What an AWESOME, WONDERFUL thing to happen to you! Crystal came to check on you....And she did so through your 4 year old. I only wish my Kurby would come to me in a dream to let me know he is okay. My 8 year old has had the hardest time dealing with his death as well and she still cries over him. She has told me she misses Kurby's kisses. He used to sleep at the foot of her bed at night. I only hope he comes to her in a dream as she misses him soooo bad.
I'm so happy for you.... I hope this brings you some much needed peace.

xoxoxoxo,

Kurbysma

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[Crystal's Mom]

3 WEEKS TODAY

I got a sick feeling in my stomach all day today. I had been doing better, but today it happened all over again. Am I going to continue to have emotional overloads every Thursday? I held her urn and cried my heart out 3 times today. Sweet girl, I still miss her unbearably.

I saw another Maltese today and lost it. Then, I had to drive by the vet on my way somewhere else and lost it again. I guess I will be haunted forever by the visions of her last day.

My 6 year old came home from school on Tuesday with a drawing of Crystal on a blanket in her backpack that said, "Blanket Fairy, will you take my baby blanket and bring me back Crystal." <flood> Then tonight when it was bedtime, my 4 year old said her prayers and blessed the entire family, including Crystal, like she always does. Then she said, "God, I really miss Crystal, could you let her come visit me in my bedroom this night?" <instant meltdown> Crystal seems to be communicating through her, so I hope her prayer works. (I will always treasure the bluebird she and Crystal drew last time she had a dream.)

I still miss my baby girl. Sweet little furry angel. The house sure is empty without you! Mommy loves you!

~Not sure when it starts to get easier, but 3 weeks still isn't it!!!~

Thanks to all of you for the encouraging words!

Sonda

P.S. I did have a wonderful thing happen this week. If anyone is interested, my 6 year old did a Brad Paisley music video that premiered Wednesday. You can view it at YahooMusic.com. Then put in a search for Brad Piasley "The World". Scroll down to The World VIDEO and watch it. My daughter is the 6 year old in the orange shirt. It is also on CMT & GAC

[joywarrior]

hi, all, very good loving truthfull helpfull post and repllies, i thank you all, maureen, marmalade cat's mom

[Crystal's Mom]

SHE CAME TO ME IN A DREAM!!

Last night I finally had a dream about Crystal. She was running to me like a soft white cloud. She jumped in my arms and licked my enitre face. She was puppy-like and healthy again. It was such a beautiful reunion!!! I felt her. I smelled her. I was overjoyed!!! I just held her and loved her, but I was so happy to see her that I woke myself up crying. My face was completely wet and my pillow was soggy. I woke up too soon!!! I wanted the dream to go on longer. I didn't have enough time to look her over well, ask her any questions, or tell her how much I love her and miss her. I got so excited to see her that I just cried. I waited so long to have our meeting, then when I do, I am a basket case.

I thought I would get peace from my vision and I was thrilled to see her again, but it ONLY MADE ME MISS HER MORE. I want her to come to me every night. I want to hold her again!!! I want to look in her eyes and tell her how much I love her!

Sonda
(3 weeks 1 Day of life without my soulmate)

[Tillie]

Sondra

I am so glad for you don't be upset cherish this VISIT they say that there is a difference between a dream and a visit and we know and can feel when it's a visit . Last night I had a dream about Tillie I think it was a dream but after Tillie died I know I had a visit I can remember every detail of it but before that one she also came in a visit I freaked out started to cry and run towards her in this visit she looked terrified at my reaction and ran away. The next visit I had her and I sat in my chair her on my lap and I held and kissed her it felt so real and comforting. Yes when this happens it too short and you want more but they will come in time .

Tillies mom

[LuckyNono]

Hello my friend, I am sooooo delighted that baby Crystal came to you directly and through your human baby girl! Just keep asking her to come visit you and she will, as she is a good girl.

I dreamed my baby also the other night, and I saw her young and just kept on eating LOL. I still cry and call out her name everyday, the hardest times are in the morning when I wake up, when I come home from work, feeding times, and at night. Things have not been easier because the pain has not subsided a bit yet. At least I can laugh now but sometimes the depression just hits me so bad, I want to end my life. But I know that my other dog, Lucky's big brother Ferguson needs me, and oh yes, my human children and husband.

Take care and God bless!
Lucky Nono's mom

[Crystal's Mom]

I SAW A BLUEBIRD TODAY!!!

I was driving home from picking up my daughter from pre-school. It was around 12:30pm. This is my 4 year old that had the visit from Crystal when she and Crystal drew the Bluebird together. (See post above with drawing of a bluebird if you missed it) Anyway, we were almost to our house. We have to drive through a heavily wooded area and we had just passed it and in the meadow there was a beautiful, bright bluebird flying with us. I slowed way down and just watched the beauty. I called to Crystal to let her know that we saw it and we understood that she was safe in a place of peace.

Bluebirds are not very common birds around my house. I have only seen them a few times in my lifetime. I took this as a sign from Crystal. Do you agree?

Crystal's Mom
(3 weeks, 4 days of missing Crystal)