When Is It Right To Get A New Pet? Options

[MissingRuby]

My Ruby has been gone now for 6 days. My 4 year old daughter wants a new dog like now. She is an only child and our Ruby was her companion and "dog sister". We were thinking about adopting a dog from a shelter instead of buying another pure bred dog. What is everyone's thoughts on this?

Also, Thanks for the support. I did have another bad night last night but this board is truly helping me. -Nicolle

[LS Support]

everybody has their own terms on this topic, because it is individualized. for your daughter, who is a bit young to understand/experience the grief of losing a pet, her timeline appears to be 6 days. (however, she may realize that "replacement" of Ruby will not be as easy as she believes.) for you, the process may take much longer.

the answer truly is, when all of you are ready.

[LouAnn6]

Hi Nicolle,

Everyone is different when it comes to time before they get another fur baby, after they have loss one. For me I find I must open my heart up to a new animal soon after I have loss the previous fur child, as I have no two legged children of my own and just not having them there to take care of is to much to bare for me. When my old dog Jacob died May of 1999, it was just a month later when I found a dog at the pound that just needed my love, as he was scared to death of people and would hide in the back of his cage when ever someone walked close. With the way he was no body was even looking at him and I just knew that he was the one that Jacob wanted me to take home , as he was going to need lots of love and patience and he would help me heal. I must say he will never be a "normal" dog, but he loves me and now he is not as scared about people and so I thank my Jacob for bring him into my life.

It was about a month after my old cat Smokey died that I got another kitty, again can't stand not having them to take care of, but the funny part with Smokey, is now instead of being a (2) dog, (1) cat house, I still have (2) dogs, but I have open my home to a total of (3) cats now and I just know that my old Smokey is just laughing at the dogs, thinking ha!ha! you are out numbered now. Again it is a very personal choice when the time is right and no two people are ever going to be the same on that.

The other thing is over the 23 years that I have had my own fur babies, 4 of them have been from the pound. My old Jacob, Smokey, Quinton and Tyler were all pound babies, but I also fell in love with a pedigree bred cat, pixie bob and so (2) of the cats I now have are from that breed and my oldest dog at home, Ziggy, was born to friends of ours and we loved both the parents and so that is were Ziggy came from.

Again it is always a good thing to give a loving animal a second chance at life and at the least support your local pound and if all possible try and find a dog there that just tugs at your heart strings. But there is nothing wrong with wanting a purebreed dog, though you would be surprised how many purebreed dogs end up at the pound, so again that is something you have to decide on and just know to trust your heart. Who knows your Ruby may do as my Jacob and just point your heart in the right direction, as I truly believe that is how I found my Quinton.

I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and just remember there is no right or wrong answer to your questions, just a matter of what your heart tells you is right.

LouAnn Needham

Mother to: Jacob - doggy angel (08/1982-05/1999), Smokey - kitty angel (12/1987-09/2004), Ziggy - doggy (12/1993), Quinton - doggy (07/1998), Phoenix - kitty (03/2003), Tyler - kitty (04/2004) & BobCat - kitty (07/2004)

[pamurchu]

I agree with the above posters. My friend lost her dog last year, waited 2 or 3 days, couldn't stand the thought of a dogless house, and adopted a new Doberman within the week. This was the right decision for her. However, my Sheltie has been gone for almost 3 months now, and I am still not ready to open my heart to a new pet. I know I will eventually, but just not yet. The only advice I have is not to make any rash decisions. Even though you may be ready for a new friend sooner rather that later, it would not hurt to think about it for a few days. And your idea of a shelter animal is wonderful. Your next new best friend may be waiting for you right now behind the bars in you local shelter. Good luck, and come back to let us know your decision. You are handling your loss very responsibly and lovingly. Take care!

[QorquisDad]

Hi Nicolle,

Like others have said, this is a very personal decision. I can't tell you what you should do, I can only tell you what I did, and what I would do if I had it to do over again.

It was about a month after Qorqui was killed that I found Kali. If I were to do it over, I'd probably wait a little longer. At the time, I was so devistated by my loss that all I wanted to do was try to fill the void. Don't get me wrong, Kali has turned out to be such a wonderful companion. The problem was that in the beginning, I kept comparing everything Qorqui used to do to what Kali would do. Even though I knew that Kali was Kali and Qorqui was Qorqui, I still found myself wishing that Kali would act more like Qorqui.

Had I waited and allowed myself more time to come to terms with my loss, I may have been able to accept Kali for herself right away rather than having to keep reminding myself not to expect Kali to be Qorqui.

It certainly can't hurt anything to give it a little time and thought. Let the idea "soak in" a while and see how you feel about it.

At four years old, "now" is about as long as any of my kids could stand to wait for anything too. This is an important decision, taking responsibility for the care of a life, it deserves to be a well thought out one.

Maybe, when you think you might be able to emotionally handle a new furry in the house, stop by the No Kill shelters in your area. That way there's not as much pressure to rescue one of the babies right away. When you are ready, be sure to go to the other shelters before you make a final decision.

I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do,
Tim

[LS Support]

fwiw, i havent had my own pet since tribble died. going on 10 years this NYE. i have had other animals in the house (currently a nice doggie, my wife's), but i dont consider them mine. i dont know if i will ever be "ready" for another pet, tribble was that special to me.

[Muffins]

Dear (((((Nicolle))))):

First, I am sorry about the loss of your precious, darling lil' Ruby . Though your time together was very short.....I just know that there was tons of love, hugs, kisses, playtime, etc.....during that time.....

Hmmm, when to get another furkid??
You have received lots of great information on this subject...

After our sweet girl, Ernestine , was put to sleep on February 7, 2004, I was miserably sad, and I swore up & down that I would NEVER, EVER, EVER want to love another furcat.........
I couldn't imagine loving another baby sooooooooo much, only to have them leave......

But..............only after two weeks, our house was sooooooo eerily quiet, the silence was truly deafening....
And, it's true that our hearts were broken into a million pieces, but we missed having a little one to love & to take care of.....

Did I feel guilty at my thoughts of getting another furkitty????
Yes, I sure did....
But....my husband, and this wonderful board helped me soooooooo much!!!!

I started looking at the shelters on the computer, and my heart was ACHING SOOOOOOOO MUCH.
I couldn't believe that there were soooooo many little ones out there who needed a family...
My heart broke again at that thought....

So.........just four weeks after Ernie-Bird went to Rainbow's Bridge, Ben and I drove about an hour away to a lovely shelter, where there were about 20 kittens, and 80 adult furcats..........

We took 2 carry-alls with us, just in case ...

I know that a lot of people want kittens, but, the people who owned the shelter immediately took us to the "adult kitty rooms" ----
We fell in love ON-SIGHT, in the first room.

Well.........the two empty carry-alls that we had on our ride to the shelter were all filled up for the drive home!!!!

We rescued Ms. Lucy (age 8 yrs) & Mr. Yoster (age 9 yrs), and we COULD NOT IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT THESE TWO PRECIOUS BABIES!!!

I was soooooooooooooo very, very lucky to have had my girl Ernestine for 19yrs & 10 months --- she was my very best girlfriend...
We grew up together!
Then, Ben "adopted" her on 3/16/01 .

And, I do know that she has been looking down at all of us, and I know that from the very beginning Ernestine gave us her blessing, when we adopted Lucy and Yoster.
( I do know that she had her paw in this!! )

So, for every person, for every family, knowing when to adopt a new furkid is sooooooo personal....

I trust that you will really know, when the time is right....

God Bless You & Yours,

Love, Denise

[howzerdo]

Nicolle,
I agree with the above posters, the decision to get another pet is personal and individual. In my case, I don't wait very long - the shortest was one week, the longest, about six weeks after the death. For the past 20 years, I have had more than one pet at a time - currently two dogs and a cat. My beloved dog died 3 months ago, and although I am still quite sad over the loss, I have adopted a puppy from the shelter. He hasn't erased the grief I feel - just as his dear departed predecessor didn't eliminate the grief I felt at that time, 10 years ago, but this puppy was there, unwanted, in a cage, waiting for a home - and I am glad that home is with me. I haven't had any trouble finding a place for him in my heart, and the smiles (and even the occasional frustrations over his mischievous baby antics) he brings me every day are priceless. I do think shelter pets are wonderful, all of my pets have come from the shelter except one (who I found as a stray in the street), although again, that is a personal choice. But don't feel guilty. I read this quote somewhere that seems true "the greatest tribute it to get another dog."
Take Care - Gina

[samhaincat]

Hi Nicolle,
How awful losing your dog just such a short time ago and over the holidays no less.

I think everyone has a different time frame required, some people can within a short while bring another animal to love into their lives, and for them it works really well. Personally I envy them because I know from experience I am unable to do that.

I find that I need more time. My two old girl, Spicey died Aug. 17th and Nymph died Sept. 23rd are still missed so much in my household. I went to the local SPCA just before Christmas and there were lots of sweet kitties but I realized that I wasn't ready yet...something inside of me still feels so loyal to their memories that I'm just not ready yet to let someone new to love in. I felt horrible walking out again but I knew it was too soon for me. But that being said there were a few that I really liked so I will go back in a few weeks again and keep doing that until I feel ready and then whatever kitties are still around or will come in new, might just be the ones I'm fated to love.

two and half years ago when I lost my beloved Zody I got a kitten four months after his death, it was WAY too soon and he was so opposite my beloved Zody it took me a long while to feel like I hadn't make a mistake in getting him. I've had him for two years and I adore him and couldn't imagine my home without him anymore - but if I had to do it over again I wouldn't have gotten him when I did-because it wasn't fair to him to not be loved fully and enthusiastically right from the beginning.

Do whatever feels right for you. It won't hurt to go and have a look and see if there are any dogs that you feel an immediate connection to - you might be one of the lucky ones who can love again - I totally agree with one of the other people who responded, it is a wonderful tribute to your lost love one to be able to share that love with another animal.
best of luck to you and I hope your New Year is filled with happiness.

[Puppy_girl_snowb...]

I know how you feel....I went to the pet shop today and all I could think about was the fact that this new puppy would be replacing my old one...and no animal could ever do that...my friend who just lost her cat said it was normal, but it feels weird to me...

[Kim R.]

Please forgive me, but I just had to put out my plea. When you get ready to buy a new puppy or kitty, PLEASE don't buy one from the pet store....your only supporting cruelty. Even if they say they don't buy from puppy mills, they still come from people that are only breeding dogs to put money in their pockets. Of course, I would prefer everyone adopt from shelters, or even breed rescues if you are looking for a specific breed, but if you just MUST have a 'papered dog', at least buy one from a small scale breeder who truly loves their babies. Thank You for letting me get that out.....
Your friend in grief,
Kim

[Puppy_girl_snowb...]

How do find these small scale breeders? I'd like another 'papered' poodle, but I don't want to spend the kind of money that pet shops are asking.

[QorquisDad]

Puppy_girl_snowballini,

Start with this link and go from there.

I promise, there are tons of places to get purebred papered dogs without supporting puppy mills or breeders that are just in it for the money.

Tim

[Gahagan]

Try petfinder.com
You can search for specific breeds and they list "sheltered" or "homeless" dogs too. As for when is the right time to get a new pet.... like others have said, only YOU and your family know when it is right.

My two boys died in November. They were only a year old and were murdered. I cannot even imagine opening my heart yet. Even though I don't really know how to act without a dog. But when I got Casper and Kimba it had only been a couple months since my previous, elderly dog, Pete, had died of health problems. When I got Casper and Kimba I wondered if we had rushed things. It didn't take long to realize we did the RIGHT thing. The pups helped us heal.

Right now, I am too depressed and exhauted with grief and anger to even think about starting over with new puppies. It wouldn't be fair to them.


Pete, White German Sheperd

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[artchick]

Hello and happy 2006~

I posted on this site a couple of times when I was in the greiving process and also to update about my fur babies....we lost our boys Max and Moses this past year...both were older small breed dogs we got from the shelter....they were like gurus to us...teaching us so much and loving so deeply!

After Max passed in March we felt the we were led to Moses within a couple of weeks....an older dog with limited vision and hearing and no one else wanted him...he was complete love! I feel so blessed to have been his mommy for the 6 months he was with us.

And it was extremely painful when he passed in October but I knew that we had given him a beautiful loving restful ending to his old life so that thought eased my pain.

Again we were led to another dog fromt he same animal control shelter in Baltimore MD...this time we found Marley....a wonderful fully housebroken 8 year old Heinz 57 mix....he is so smart and loving and a wonderful compainion....he will begin a job this year working with Hospice patients...I can not imagine the world without this sweet boy....he was litteraly going to be put to sleep the next day if no one wanted him...they can only keep animals 3 business days and because so many animals are found, turned in or just unwanted, most get put to sleep.

So many wonderful animals in the world need our love and care. I believe that our animals are not selfish, they look out for all their animal brothers and sisters....I am SURE that our animals would want us to share the love we have....and although it is sad to not have your old companion, the new love feels wonderful too!

I wish you so much love and luck in finding your new family member! I know there is a perfect new companion waiting when you are all ready.
peace~
angela

[parker]

Another opinion.....I waited about 2 months. I can't say I was "ready", I can just say there was a void and I needed it filled. I made the mistake of visiting the shelters 2 months after, thinking "I will just look". Now I have a wonderful little guy named Norman. He will never be Parker and really he serves a totally different purpose. Parker came into my life before a husband or kids, so he was mine and I was his forever. Norman is about a year old and my husband and son kind of picked him out, so he is the families dog.....also a great friend to my Great Dane Roxy who was left behind after Parker's passing. So, each baby comes into your life for a different reason and leaves different feelings when passing I think. I do however think you absolutely should adopt from a shelter or humane society. I have done so three times and have had the best dogs each time. My Roxy is rescued also, just not from a shelter and she is wonderful. You'll know when you see him or her and just use your instincts. Get ready to have some patience as you don't know their history usually....but the feeling you get from knowing you saved a life makes any destroyed material things well worth it!!! Good Luck!

Parker's Mom,
Kerry

[Puppy_girl_snowb...]

I was thinking I wish I had another baby to come home to when I came home from the vet today and then I thought...that poor puppy wouldn't know why I'm so upset...it didn't know Snowball so it would be wondering why I was so sad...I think I need to get over Snowball and be comfortable with an empty house before I think about getting another puppy...

I can't say I was "ready", I can just say there was a void and I needed it filled

That's how I feel. No furbaby will ever replace my Snowball, but there is definitely a void in my heart and life now....I have to find something to fill it...

[dawnb93]

It breaks my heart to read all of the stories, like mine, of the loss of a beloved dog or cat child (or any other species). But it lifts my spirit to hear of all of the new babies that have been saved by all of these caring, compassionate people. Everyone who comes here obviously loved their babies tremendously or they wouldn't have had to come to a site like this for support in their grief. As for me, my beloved Nik-Nik passed away from cancer on March 14, 2005. I didn't have the difficult decision of whether or not to put her to sleep...I had to tell the Vet to stop keeping her alive. She went into cardiac arrest and slipped into a coma before I got to the hospital that morning. So, when I got there, she was really already gone. Anyhow, I know for me, I definitely had a huge void to fill. I didn't want to "replace" Nikki - she could never be replaced - but to save another life as I felt that Nikki would have wanted. I started looking at shelters, Petfinder.com, and "Pet Adoption Days" about a month after Nikki died. I wasn't rushing myself, I said that I would know him or her when I saw him/her. Sure enough, as luck would have it, I went to PetsMart on a Saturday and a local organization was having an Adoption Day. I knew the minute I saw her that the fluffy German Shepherd mix was The One. When we sat down with her to introduce ourselves, she immediately sat down in my lap and made herself at home. And so Arwen came to live with us almost exactly two months after Nikki left us. I guess I'm trying to say that you will know when you are ready. And you'll know when it's the right One. Arwen is NOTHING like Nikki, but she is a sweet, loving girl and I know Nik would approve. And we love Arwen for who she is. Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss and know that there are others out here who understand and care. Take care.

Dawn

[LisaD]

My dog was the baby of our family-for all 10 years of his life he was given the best treatment every single DAY of his life. When we lost him due to cancer last Sunday, my Dad was talking about wanting another dog right away-for him, doing this would be good therapy to get over the heartache. When our other dog died 10 years ago, we were sad but since he was an outdoor dog, we didn't create the huge bond like we did with this pooch. So 2 months later we found our dog-and he is the one we have loved over and over.

Now that he is gone, we cannot bear to replace his memory with another dog...even though it breaks our heart to always understand that he is NOT with us anymore and never will be, we just can't find it in our hearts to love another animal again right away. My Dad still pushes but he doesn't understand that he will just end up hiding his grief under the shadow of another dog-he won't be able to acknowledge his loss and officially move on.

As much as I love dogs and would LOVE to have more, my heart is just not in to it right now-I am happy with the memories of my dog, and when those start to fade, then I can bring another dog in.

[lostandlonely]

Hi Nicolle,
First, I'm sorry about your losing Ruby. I lost my beautiful Sib. Husky, Nikki, on Dec. 14 and am still having a very difficult time with it. I'm consumed with thoughts of him every day, and have been struggling with the same question as you -- when is the time right for another pet?

At first I thought I would never ever own a dog again. Nikki was my first and only pet and the loss is still too difficult to bear. But I really miss having a furry friend so I've been looking a little on line -- just in case! Well today I went to the mall for a couple of things and the minute I walked in, it was like I was possessed. I couldn't get to the pet store fast enough. And I H-A-T-E the pet stores -- I don't even like my kids looking in there. I always think about how I wished they were out of business. Well for whatever reason, I skipped everything I was there to do and went to the store. And there was the cutest blue-eyed gray and white Sib. Husky. He crawled all over me and licked my face and I cried my eyes out thinking of my Nikki. I called my husband and he (and my kids who are 5 and 7) are all for getting another dog. I'm wondering if this was some kind of sign from Nikki to go find this other dog since I had NO thoughts of stopping in at all.

But now I'm sitting here thinking about how much I'll compare him to Nikki and worse, if I'll start to forget about Nikki. And how much I H-A-T-E the idea of supporting a pet store -- but in a way, I would be saving him from sitting in that stupid cage and getting him out to run free. So everyone says it's an individual decision, but I can't even decide what I want!

I'd love to hear what you've decided and whether it's been the right decision (for both you and your daughter).

Take care.