Ginger, How my surviving "sister" and I miss her Options

[mxmelba]

Hi. This past Friday night at 7:10 pm I received a call from a woman who had just hit my cat, Ginger. This was the worst phone call I have ever received. I didn't want to hear her when she asked crying "Are you Ginger's mother?" I screamed no and then she said she was so sorry. I threw the phone at my husband. I couldn't believe it. My heart literally broke that instant. Then my poor husband had to go get our beloved pet from the street. It was awful. I am still a wreck. I can't stop crying.

One of the saddest things is watching our other cat grieve. I have always called them sisters, even though they aren't litter mates. We got them at the same time. They are both young, not even 2 years old. I can't stand watching Mary Ann the surviving cat (her "sister") be so sad. I am torn at getting her another friend. The thought breaks my heart, but I want to do what ever it takes to make it easier on Mary Ann. Mary Ann was so close to Ginger that if I tried to take Ginger to the vet and not bring Mary Ann, Mary Ann would vommit she would get so upset, so I would just haul them both (in the same carrier!). I am at such a loss. I know there is no right answer to this. I am not really ready, but I also can't stand seeing my cat so sad. She just lays there and follows me with her eyes and is constantly grooming herself. My family (and husband) all say I should get another friend for her. Mary Ann has always been the mellow cat, where Ginger was the more active (and vocal) cat. I think a kitten would be too much, and I am unsure of getting a male. I am sorry I am rambling, but my heart is broken and I am unsure if or when I should get another companion.

Also, they were inside-outside cats with a cat door. I have been scared to let Mary Ann out because I do not want her to go looking for Ginger. She really wants to go out. Does anyone have any suggestions on when I can let her out again? Also, I am scared that she will get hit. I know there are no certaintys in life. I am just so extremely sad. She was so young. Any insights or suggestions on any of this would be greatly appreciated. (I know this is a touchy subject for cat owners with some people firmly believeing in indoor only and others not. I am not looking to discuss this subject, I am just looking for some advice for my situation.)

One last note, to all the people who have lost a pet, especially recently, my heart goes out to you. I know what you are going through and it is just plain awful. Thanks for listening.

[lewcynt]

I am so sorry for Ginger's loss. I went through something similar when I lost my cat Odin four months ago. I had two cats who were litermates and were very close. After Odin died, his brother Loki went into his own state of grieving. He would pace the house, going from room to room, meowing and investigating every nook and cranny looking for Odin. This went on for several weeks. I know when Loki went outside, I was concerned about him roaming as well. I supervised his outside time and fortunately, he stayed within the yard. I think he figured that Odin may come and wanted to stay close by. I had debated long and hard about getting him another companion. It was painful to watch Loki go on without his brother but for the most part, he seems to have adjusted to a solitary life. A loss like this is a life changing experience not only for you and your family but for MaryAnn as well. Giving MaryAnn some time to get used to the new situation wouldnt be a bad idea. She, like you needs her time to grieve. Just be prepared to give her the attention that she will want. She may be clingy and become distrought or even destructive. You just need to be patient. Loki was extremely needy after Odin died. I just made sure that I gave him the affection and companionship that he wanted while maintaining our normal routine. It was actually beneficial for both of us as we now have a stronger bond together. Just give yourselves time to grieve and adjust before doing anything else. Ginger was an important individual in your life and that loss will be difficult to accept and get used to. Just be gentle on yourself and those around you. You will find that you will have your good days and bad ones. The best we can do is take each day one at a time. Cry when you need to and be sure to take care of yourself. In time the pain will lessen. This is a wonderful forum to come to for help, advice or a shoulder to cry on. I know it has helped me. Please com back when you need to.

Take Care,
Cynthia

[SRCT]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty. The same thing recently
happened to one of my two cats, at the same age.

I think one of the most important things is to not get a new cat until
you're ready. "Siblings" can't be replaced, and while your cat might
want company I'd say she probably needs time to grieve first, as do you.
The introduction of a new cat is usually a stressful situation, one your
Mary Ann might not be able to cope with yet. A new cat, especially a kitten,
needs a lot of attention, and if you're still grieving for Ginger and Mary Ann
doesn't like the kitten, it could suffer and stress you out even more.

Cir%%stances dropped a kitten in my lap three weeks after my Winston died,
and his sister is not grateful. I can't have the two of them in the same room
without having them squabble, and that hurts even more on top of the grief.
Give it some time, at least a few weeks, until you are ready. Your Mary Ann
will need extra attention and love.

Also, I think young females (kittens) are supposed to be the easiest to work into
a household with an older cat. Of course, all situations vary.

Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty.

-Sarah

[mxmelba]

Thank you for your replies. I spoke with my vet and a technician I know that works there and they agreed. They said not to try to find another friend for Mary Ann and not to let her outside until she (and I) stop greiving. I really wish there was something I can do for her. I was never as close to Mary Ann as I was to Ginger, because Mary Ann was my "husband's" cat and Ginger was mine. I picked Ginger and my husband choose Mary Ann. I can say that after going through all of this, I have gotten a lot closer to Mary Ann. She is much more of a loner than Ginger was and used to either sleep under the covers with us (drove me crazy, I thought it was too hot for her) or in her cat dome. Now that Ginger is gone, she has started sleeping on the covers of our bed, near where Ginger used to sleep, but not in the same place.

I am still devastated, but I know it will lessen in time. It just makes me sad to think Mary Ann home alone when we go to work. When I leave she just gives me a pitiful look and it breaks my heart. This is the first time in her life she has been alone and it saddens me so much.
Melissa

[lewcynt]

Melissa,

I know the guilt and pain that you feel for leaving Mary Ann home alone. I had actually resorted to leaving on the radio, or sometimes the tv just so that it would seem like someone was there. And while I never actually purchased anything becasuse he adjusted fairly quickly, there are videos and dvd's that you can purchase for your cat. essentially they are nature videos designed to stimulate and occupy your cat. The one that I was looking at was offered by CatDVD. I believe they offer a money back guarantee on all their videos and DVD's.
http://www.catdvd.com/

CatDVD is just one company that I found, there are many others that are out there. Or if you have a video recorder on hand you can attempt to make your own. its just a suggestion.

Cynthia