2 Weeks And Still Very Sad., Baby Boy gone Options

[parker]

It has been 2 weeks since we had to euthanize my sweet baby boy Parker. He was 13 years old and truly my best friend ever. He meant so much to me and continues to. I genuinely feel like a part of my heart is gone and I will never get it back. I cry everyday and think about him everyday. Praying helps a little, and I look for signs that might be from him. I think if I just knew for sure that he was up there swimming and chasing balls and eating everything in sight, I would feel a little better. But I am so scared that he is just gone now. I can't get the picture of his cold body out of my mind and that is so not how I want to remember him. He was a Lab/Shep mix that I rescued when he was 8 weeks old. He raised me from the time I was 20 until now. We went through everything together, moving out to California to act, moving to Florida and finally settling back in Indiana where we belonged. He was my ring bearer in my wedding. The list can go on and on. I just wish I could smell him and touch him. I miss him so so much. I feel almost like I don't know who I am without him. Everyone knew Parker and knew my love for him. I know I should be only remembering the good things and I do, everyday, but even those hurt. At the risk of sounding like a 10 year old, it just isn't fair. Dog's are better than most people, but yet, we only get them for such a short time. To add to it, I am pregnant and Parker got more sick right after I found out. Part of me is resentful feeling like if I didn't get pregnant he wouldn't have had to go yet. Everyone says something has to die for something else to live and maybe that was Parkers sign he needed to go. I so hope not!!! I want my baby boy back so bad!!

Parker "Lou Lou" Forever.

[barbkw]

((((hugs)))) I really know how you feel. It has not even been 48 hours since my beloved Dobergirl, Dixie, had to be euthanized at age 14. I can't stand how the house is now. We have 2 other dogs and I love and adore them, but they are not Dixie. Of course, they are confused and sad, and being very quiet, so now I am worried about them as well. I want to hug my baby too, so I understand. I"m sorry you are having such a tough time. You are not alone.

Barb

[luv_my_catz]

You dear soul and loving child of God ~ Please know that your sweet Parker is there with you closer than ever before ~ I am so sorry for your loss ~ it takes us by suprise and despair even when we think we are ready ~ nobody can ever replace the bond we have with a pet - they live on a totally different plane of conciousness that is pure and true and provides us a beacon in the dark and lighthouse in the storm ~ a way to be closer to heaven ~ God smiles on those who are pure of heart ~ we learn this in such a unique way from our animal guides ~ When they pass ~ we continue on with them in a dimension that is intensified ~ so much so that it takes time for the earthly to catch up or finally open to this new spiritual growth we need to have in order to make the soul mend and fly free to be with the one we lost in the physical ~ to know them now and forever more in the spiritual realm ~ outside of emotion and the mind ~ this is where we all fly free in a rainbow wind and pink and gold cloud of love ~ I have been so lost without my Amber ~ at first it was as though I was a stranger in my own home ~ yet now as I have found ways to detach and release from the earthly ~ through prayer - meditiation and special times I carve out ~ I am learning to hear my Ambie ~ my Jader ~ and the others that have gone on before me ~ and with the love of the infinite God I become more capable of loving in the here and now ~ I am learning to feel the love that is constantly around me from what I have come to refer to as behind the crystalline veil ~ which I have come to envision and the place where we are watched over with loving and protection by those who have and always will guide our spirits and enrich our souls now and forever ~ May your days be blessed ~ my you find peace ~ may He give you rest and comfort ~ Amen ~

[parker]

Thank you both for replying. It really is helpful to hear from other people who loved their babies just as much as I did. Barb, I think the first 3-4 days were the absolute hardest!! I have another dog as well, but it will never be the same. The house just seemed and seems so empty and you look for them everywhere and try to hear them in everything. My other dog would shake her ears and I would swear I heard Parker for a moment. I know I will constantly be looking for signs from him and begging him to visit me in my dreams. I did see him once in my dreams, he was lying on a bed soaking wet ......it was really quick, but for some reason I knew he just had finished swimming and was worn out. That was a good feeling. But then, I doubt them as well, wondering if my subconscious is doing it to me. I have no doubt that Parker was sent from God, he taught me so much and did his job so well. I can only hope that he felt the same about me and my job. Praying does bring me some peace and I light a candle every night in his memory and talk to him before falling asleep. He truly was my protector and knew me better than anyone will ever probably. My husband and I are having a charity event in his name and donating all the proceeds to the Hurricane Katrina animals. That believe it or not has helped keep me busy and add a purpose to Parker's passing. It has also redirected my occupational thoughts back to animals which I was once in. I strayed into marketing and sales but I think caring for animals in some capacity is definitely where I belong. I pray you both continue to heal and I pray the same for myself. If there ever is any healing.

Parker's Mom,
Kerry

[crazycatwoman]

hello

i am sorry for your loss. I have the same problem as you, remembering the bad instead of the good, and my dog died Sept 29, 2004, he was hit by a car, and had a horrible death. The only good thing about him going was i started to rescue little dogs, and he was no longer in pain. I think its great your doing something in your babies name , it is probably the best thing u could have done in memory of him , it will make such a difference to the animals that recieve it ,as for your thinking everything has to die for something to live, your dogs passing has nothing to do with you having a baby, thats just you being TOO human, and letting bad thoughts get the best of you . Just remember your Parker wouldnt want you to be wallowing around in grief, esp with your little one on the way, its not good for you , so please take good care of yourself.

your in my thoughts

amber

[Eliza]

I just wanted to say that I'm absolutely positive that Parker came to you in a dream to let you know that he was not only fine but really enjoying himself! I have been as skeptical as they come about the afterlife, but when I lost my Dad six and a half years ago, I started to think differently. Partly because I wanted to have certainty about something so important, of course, but I also believe that he came to me in dreams to let me know that he lives on in another place. I always woke up feeling so peaceful after these dreams.

Since then, I have lost three beloved furbabies, most recently my darling soulmate, Winnie, who passed three weeks ago. She was my best friend and "raised me" from the ages of 24 to 37! No one else will ever know me like she did. But, she and her sister and brother have all given me the gift of peace and understanding. All three of them have sent me signs that they are still out there. As I've lost each of them, my mind has opened more and more to the knowledge that such wonderful souls simply cannot just cease to exist. They are so much more advanced than our own when it comes to knowing what's really important in life! They definitely have a lot to teach us about enjoying life and giving unconditional love! And I just feel an undeniable connection with them that remains unbroken even after they have passed to the other side. I KNOW that they're out there, and that we'll be together again in time.

I've recommend this book before in other posts, but I'll just recommend it again: "Animals and the Afterlife" by Kim Sheridan. It has given me so much comfort in this terribly difficult time. Maybe it will help you to accept that Parker is out there watching over you and your little one.

I agree wholeheartedly that the idea of one soul having to pass for another soul to be born is absolute nonsense. Parker did not leave so that your baby could come. I know that that doesn't make his loss much, if any, easier to bear. But, he definitely wants you to be happy and taking care of yourself and enjoying the prospect of another little soul to love! What best friend would want any less for you?!?

I'm so glad you were blessed with Parker and he with you! Soon your memories of happy times won't be as painful. In fact, they will bring you more and more peace and comfort and joy. Unfortunately, we just can't rush through the grieving process. He was your best friend and his loss is profound, so it may take time to feel better. But you will.

Hugs,
Eliza

[parker]

Wow Eliza!! Thank you so much for that reply. I feel like you know me and knew just what to say. I am a huge reader and just finished two books on grieving, so I will definitely pick up the one you suggested. I am so sorry about your Winnie. Your story sounds very similiar to my own. It is hard to imagine that I will ever feel as close to anyone again as I did Parker. I know that a part of my heart is gone forever, and I will continue to look for him in my dreams, as you have encouraged me on that!! I find myself always being skeptical but constantly hoping. I truly want to be one of those people who just have faith. But I constantly feel like that is just something I am painting to make myself feel better. But what you say all makes sense. They truly are too special to just cease to exist. For the first few days after Parker died, I swore he wasn't with me. I do feel like he is with me now, but oh my God, what I wouldn't do to just smell him and kiss him and love on him again. I feel so bad, because I actually go through in my head the "trades" I would make with God if he would just let me have Parker here and healthy forever. I guess I just don't handle loss very well. I know I was unnaturally attached to Parker but he truly was the first being to ever need me, and I him. My husband and I are planning on naming our new baby after Parker, that will be his/her middle name and I genuinely pray that Parker's spirit will be in this child (minus a few growls and snarls). I am going to attempt to add a pic of Parker so hopefully it works!!

Thanks,
Parker's Mom
Kerry